Okay, the disclaimers: Sailor Moon is not my invention. That honor goes to
the one and only, the amazing, incredible Naoko Takeuchi, but using her
characters, this is MY story.
Diary of a Monday Dieter
by Tellu
8:00 A.M.
This is it. Operation fifteen pounds. Demando has gone to a meeting about an
hour away and will be back about 5. Well, I'll ask Cooan to play outside with
Rubeus. Called Beruche and told her of my plan. She recommended an article in
Nemesian Digest, 'How Mrs. M, Pluto, ate 25 cabbage rolls a day and belched
her way to a Size 7.'
12:30 P.M.
Forced myself to drink a cup of tasteless bouillon. Called Beruche and told
her that I'm noticing a difference already. I have more energy and my clothes
are fitting better. Promised her my gray business skirt. After this week
it'll probably hang on me like a sack.
4:00 P.M.
An article in Calorie offers a series of wonderful dinner menus for weight
watchers. As I was telling Beruche a few minutes ago, we women have an
obligation to our families to feed them nutritious, slimming meals. Tonight
we are having lean chicken casserole, fresh garden peas, Melba toast in a
basket, and fresh apples.
4:30 P.M.
Demando called to say he'd be a little late for dinner. Fresh garden peas
looked a little nude, so I added a few sauteed mushrooms and a dab of cream
sauce. After all, as I was telling Beruche, why should the others suffer
because I'm strong-willed?
4:45 P.M.
I ate the Melba toast-every dry, tasteless crumb of it (come to think of it,
the basket is missing...) Luckily I had a biscuit mix in the fridge and
jazzed it up with a little shredded cheese and some butter. It smells
wonderful.
5:00 P.M.
Well, maybe that lousy fruit in the bowl would have looked pretty good to
Robinson Crusoe, but I put it under a pie crust where it belongs. In fifty
minutes I'll have a warm apple cobbler, swimming in rich, thick sauce. As I
was telling Beruche, who does Demando think he is, Paul Newman?
5:30 P.M.
Cooan, Rubeus, Petz and Calaveras just came in and asked what I was doing.
I'm putting on some potatos to go with the gravy, that's what I was doing!
That's the trouble with kids today. Half the world goes to bed hungry and
they expect me to pour good meat drippings down the drain. Kids are rotten.
They really are.
6:00 P.M.
Blood pressure has dropped. Stomach is beginning to bloat. Vision is
impaired. I've added two more vegetables (tater tots and french fries) and a
large pizza with the works to the dinner menu. That fink Beruche had the gall
to call and ask if she could also have the aqua blouse that went with the
business skirt. Beruche's a sweet girl, but she's a pushy individual that
drive's you crazy, calling all the time. I told Cooan to tell her I couldn't
talk right now. I was hitting the bottle. Why does all that ketchup just
stick up in there so long?
6:15 P.M.
Demando arrived home. I met him at the door and let him have it. If it wasn't
for his rotten business hours, I could still be the slip of the girl he
recruited. Then, on top of everything, he had the gall to act like he didn't
know what I was talking about.
6:30 P.M.
Ate everything and went to bed.
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