DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this story, they are creations of the wonderful Joanne Rowling and the Harry Potter Universe. The plot is mine however (:
Hope you like it this is my first attempt at fan fiction so I really hope you like it, please let me know what you think; reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
As he watched his son playing, he was overwhelmed by the innocence and naivety, he wished he was that young again; replay his mistakes, edit and erase them. He wanted to live his life over, ignore his father and his traditional values; if only that first day he had been brave, or understood the future consequences of his allegiance. It would be a lie to say his life was full of regret, he wouldn't have what he had now or be the same person; his decisions had shaped him. His fingers traced the silver scars of his past along his arm as he gazed upon his son with more love than he ever thought he could possess; he wouldn't let his son take the same paths he had once believed in…
ΔΔΔ
Once again she sat alone, waiting… waiting for her husband to come home… waiting for him to tell her he loved her… waiting to feel wanted again…
ΔΔΔ
His blonde hair glistened in the fire light as he sat, still contemplating the contrasts of his life. The friendship that was once condemned was now his strongest, his most valued; and the girl who once made his blood crawl, now held his darkest secrets. She knew everything; she was the only person who, despite his past, never judged him for it; he told her all his fears… his regrets… the apologies he wished he could make… the fears he had for his marriage…
His fingers tore through his hair and he grappled with his conflicting emotions, could they make it work? How would it affect their son? Did he love her? From the very beginning they had lived a lie; they were together for the convenience and comfort, not love… not anymore. He peered through the bars of his fingers at his wife, sitting stiffly at the fire, she was sort of beautiful; her hair falling in coffee ringlets around her face, her pursed red lips and her pale skin, almost luminescent in the fire light, the excitement he once felt at the idea of touching that skin, was now a mere memory of their youth… no longer a longing.
Her head lifted and she watched her husband fight his internal battle, the tears glistening in her eyes. She smiled, I wonder if our fights are the same?
ΔΔΔ
Waiting… waiting… As she sat patiently she glanced at the clock on the wall, both their names at "Lost", she sure felt that way. Lost in a sea of confusion and hurt, did he love her anymore?
Her eyes began to fog as she heard him trudge in the door, she could hear him slowly making his way through the house, heavy footsteps dragging their way across the floor. Burying her head in a book his head appeared around the door, tired, worn out.
"How come you're so late home?"
"Went to see… Harry… and er... check that… er… Ginny is okay, with child and all that…" A feeble smile appeared across his tired face, as he approached her, "I'm off to bed, g'night" He tenderly kissed her cheek, and made his way up the narrow staircase.
"Night" She watched him climb the stairs, he was lying, she knew it, "Uhh Ron!" He froze, mid-step and turned to look at her, panic in his eyes. "Love you."
Relief washed over his face, "Me too" He smiled, and disappeared upstairs.
Harry was with Draco tonight, and her husband wouldn't go near Malfoy if he could help it. And Ginny, well she had been here… She buried her face in her hands, thinking the worst, imagining who she was, this other woman, puddles appearing in her palms.
ΔΔΔ
Months had passed and his new single lifestyle was still that, new; he had no idea what he was supposed to do with his time now, his missed his son, he hadn't seen his friends, his longed for the smooth caress of skin on skin… he was lonely. He stared at the dregs of his fire whiskey, remembering the touch of a woman's hand…
"You look a mess." A soft whisper sliced through his thoughts.
"Gee, thanks." Fury rose from the bottom of his stomach, swelling, just reaching the tip of his tongue and dying as he looked up at those chocolate eyes; how could he be angry with her?
"I'm sorry… you do." Her eyes fell to her lap, "… and you have no excuse anymore Malfoy. Astoria has moved on, why can't you? You even said yourself you'd fallen out of love… its not like you ended on bad terms…"He stared at her trying to figure himself out… Why wasn't he getting angry with her? Normally his anger overcame him, how dare she talk to him like this? But he couldn't care-less what she was saying about him, for once accepting it as truth. He was suddenly aware that he had stopped listening, catching only the last sentence, "…you're going down the same path as your father…"
"W-what?" His face burnt, "How am I like that filth? He chose the wrong path…" Like me "…he ran away from his feelings…" Familiar "…he was a…a…c…coward…" She's right… Accepting defeat he stifled sobs, head falling into his hands; "I'm a failure." She draped her arm around his shoulders, silent, comforting him with a gentle coo, like a child.
They stayed like this for what seemed like hours to him; he poured his soul into her ready hands, and listened as she whispered words of comfort, words of relief… this was what he craved, this relationship that not even Harry could provide, this was the job for a woman, the secret holders of the universe.
ΔΔΔ
Walking through the living room of her house, she glanced at the clock, still claiming "Lost"; it was strange, she felt less lost tonight than ever. He helped her relax… no, they helped each other, listening to their worries, and not even needing to reply. She was safe in the knowledge that he'd always been there and always would be... and couldn't believe that there had been a time when he wasn't… Looking back at those days, she didn't feel angry or bitter, he was doing what he was taught to do, his upbringing… he couldn't help the family he was born into. She had always wondered that if she hadn't been that dreaded "M" word or if he hadn't been taught to hate anyone not Slytherin, then maybe… just maybe…
These maybes and might-have-been's continued to plague her mind, her and Ron weren't like they used to be, he was distant lately, lying about where he's been going, returning tired and pale. She needed intimacy again, she'd waited for so long for him, she didn't want to lose it carelessly. But his wanderings scared her, just as the ever closer relationship she had with Malfoy did; she never saw herself as an unfaithful wife but maybe… if the opportunity presented itself… This thought was instantly shattered, when she gazed at her sleeping children, looking at what her love for Ron, and his love for her, had brought them; no she wouldn't be able to go through with it… she hoped…
ΔΔΔ
His mind was consumed with thoughts of her, he lay awake in bed thinking of the might-have-been moments in his life, and she was definitely one of them. She had always intrigued him; if he hadn't been filled with self-superiority and pure-blood mania then she would have been the type of girl he'd choose, intelligent, witty, confident, courageous… beautiful… if only… he'd never stand a chance against Ron, not now.
Staring silently at the ceiling, he replayed every single detail of that evening; the way her dress sat just on her knee, the way she tucked her hair behind one ear, the way her cheeks flushed… drifting him into a peaceful sleep, surrounded by her… he couldn't wait to see her again.
ΔΔΔ
Every time she thought of him she smiled, he made her laugh, in a way no one had managed too in a long time… not even Harry. She sat quietly filling her mind with pictures of him, his silver eyes that pierced her with every stolen glance, the smile he did when he thought she wasn't looking, the touch of his fingertips on her palm… Ron's face painted with sadness… She shook herself, Don't feel guilty, Draco makes you happy Hermione… he's just a friend… But was he? Instantly darkness fell over her, there was nothing she could tell herself, to persuade her that her growing relationship with Draco wasn't becoming more intimate… a lingering touch… fluttering of eyelashes… the ever closing gap between them… a stray foot against his leg… She smiled, remembering that night, how she wanted him, closer… wanted to feel needed… loved...
Once again her head fell into her hands, her curls straying into the developing puddles in her hands… she was a terrible human being…
ΔΔΔ
Waiting was like torture, his hands developed a mind of their own, pulling and squeezing each other; his digits looked like they were writhing with pain. This was the same routine he went through every time he waited… convincing himself that she wasn't coming, that it was over… Even as she sat down, he still didn't believe… it wasn't until she touched her hand, or pressed her lips, to his that he finally believed.
This was their routine, lunch in a quiet muggle town; somewhere he wouldn't think to look, she knew he'd take it the wrong way… well that was how it had began. He hated knowing she was married, he had thought he had put his old self behind him… evidently not… he was still someone trying to lurk in the shadows, away from prying eyes… away from any eyes except hers.
To unknowing eyes, it appeared to be a normal lunch date, old friends discussing the mundane details of their average lives; but to him it was an explosion of tension every shape her mouth made he wanted to press his own lips against them, every inch of her he wanted to explore… As the sound of cutlery crashing onto plates rattled in their ear drums, shivers swam down his spine… he knew what was next … a more… recent development. Her toes grazed up his calf, gently caressing him, travelling slowly further, further up… teasing him… He knew how this would play out… Losing himself in her chocolate eyes, he would lean into her and plant a soft kiss on her lips; her hand would intertwine itself in his own, fingers tracing the lines on his palm, leading him home…
ΔΔΔ
Bodies touching, skin on skin; this is where she felt safe. Ron was increasingly distant, ensuring that she never saw him for longer than a few minutes, they're paths hardly crossed and when they did he never looked up at her, he hadn't held her in this way for a long time… it felt like he no longer wanted her… Suddenly a pang of guilt hit her square in the chest, she felt content with Draco, almost at home… something she had long since felt with her own husband…
With her body cradled in his arms, she stifled sobs; sobs of guilt and regret, she hated herself for who she had become, wishing that things hadn't fallen so far, so quickly; wishing that she could pluck up the courage to confront Ron, demand to know the truth… what if… he may have done nothing at all… what if you imagined it… Shuddering at the thought, she carefully grazed Draco's sleeping form with a kiss, and got up to leave… she needed to know…
ΔΔΔ
He dreamt of her… of a life together… he was at home…
ΔΔΔ
He was waiting for her, sat head in his hands… shoulders heaving with every breath he took. Crouching in front of his knees she placed her hands around his face, pulling stray hairs from his face so that she could look into his crystal eyes… God I'd forgotten how beautiful he is… How much I love him… Overwhelming love sapped from every pore, guilt and worry contaminated every corner of her brain… Why is he crying? The question written across every line of her face…
"I've been hiding something from you…" he whispered
Oh God, this is it… she would have to tell him too… She noticed how pale and thin he had become, the ridges of his arms mere memories…
"It might explain why I've been so distant over the last few months…"
Come on, get it over with… Tears lining the edges of her eyes, staring deep into his.
"I thought there was something I could do about it, I didn't want to worry you… didn't have the nerve to put you through that pain… after everything we've been through… I'm sorry."
"Yes, what is it?" She coughed, struggling for breath…
He sunk down from the chair, kneeling beside her, taking her in his arms. She couldn't look at him… she stared behind him, their clock… that's when she noticed…
"Well... a couple of months ago I went to…"
… the clock, he was no longer lost…
"… and they told me that they'd try everything they can…"
… he was now pointing to… her breathing quickened, body tensed, tears falling rapidly down her face…
"… but there's no guarantee, but even if it's the worst; I'll make sure you're okay…"
Mortal Peril…
"… I'm so sorry baby, I've got cancer…"
As those words crashed against her ears, her whole world crumbled… it had all been one terrible mistake…