A couple of months ago- an anon send this prompt in on Tumblr:
' Can you write an Amelia relapse fic? Or have you already? I want a fic where she relapses and Derek helps her.'
This anon also pointed out that we never saw Derek supporting Amelia through her relapse on the show.
To dear anon- I know it was never shown on the show, and Derek was miles away from Amelia when she was fighting addiction in LA. I do wish he would've called her though or visited her to express his concern every now and then.
However, Derek did mention on the show about having to resuscitatte Amelia after she died for 3 minutes, and how she crashed his car.
This is for you dear anon- it explores Amelia's backstory ( which is fitting given the conversations that occured in the latest episode), and also explores Derek and Amelia's relationship over the years. For the sake of this fic- they are about 7 years apart.
I know it might not exactly what you're asking for- but I really hope you like it!
To the rest of the readers- enjoy!
p.s Derek and Amelia's conversation on the porch ( which we saw on the show) has been modified in this fic. Only a few sentences have been derived from the conversation here.
Amelia Shepherd's head was spinning, she was shivering and shaking. Her vision was getting blurred, she was getting lightheaded and nauseous. Her energy was sipping out slowly from her. She knew that whenever she experienced these symptoms- she needed to get some oxycodone into her system - stat.
She was doing so well for the past few months. In order to distract herself from the oxy, she buried herself in her studies and her books, and distanced herself from her gang, much to their dismay.
Until now. Now she craved oxy more than ever. At least it would get rid of her symptoms, as well as he feeling of anger and resemtment she had bottled up inside.
She just had an argument with her mother- her mother was chiding her for staying in her room all day and not finding a summer job.
' Amelia- what have you been doing in your room all day?' Carolyn asked asher youngest daughter finally appeared in the kitchen to grab something to eat.
' Studying. I have to catch up on some summer reading so that I can be ahead of my class next semester.' Amelia lied.
The truth was, she had been lying in bed all day- feeling ill from the withdrawal symptoms.
' I didn't see you studying just now.' Carolyn said, narrowing her eyes at her youngest daughter. ' You were sleeping when I opened your bedroom door.'
' I needed to take a nap after studying ma!' Amelia answered angrily. ' I needed a break!'
' Why can't you be like your siblings?' Carolyn asked her youngest. ' There are all so disciplined and successful and never cause me any trouble.'
' Well- I'm sorry ma- I'm sorry for being such a disapppointment to you.' Amelia retorted, bitterness evident in her voice.
Amelia stormed off into her room in a rage and banged the door shut.
' Screw you, mom' she cursed to herself. 'I'll never be able to please you. I'm forever the screw up, the blacksheep of the family. I'll never be able to match up to my siblings.'
She took another glance at the unread history book in front of her. She had been staring at the same page for the past one hour and nothing made sense to her.
Frustrated, she slammed the book shut and started pacing up and down her room, her mind blank. She couldn't contentrate on her studying, she didn't feel well enough to go out, she could practically do nothing at the moment. She had never felt so hopeless before- not since she witnessed her father being shot in front of her when she was 5. She was a mere shell of herself.
She was already sober for the past few months- it took her so much guts and effort to get to where she was at the moment- she couldn't possibly throw away all her hardwork and effort just because of the symptoms she was feeling at the moment.
She knew that she should've told her family about the issue she was facing - but that would only make matters worse. Her mother would scream at her and throw the usual sarcastic remark about how she was such a disappointment and to the family and how she turned out to be such a failure compared to her siblings. Her sisters would just scoff at her and call her the 'junkie sister.'
Derek- well Derek would be too occupied with his studies in the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons , and his girlfriend Addison Montgomery.
As she paced across the room for the 10th time, she finally came to a decision. She couldn't tolerate it any longer. She couldn't survive without Oxy- and she had to find a way to get some Oxy into her system.
Her hands shaking, she reached into her schoolbag- hoping against hope that a packet of oxycodone would magically appear in front of her. Unfortunately, that didn't happen as she rummaged through her entire schoolbag just to find a whole stack of schoolbooks and nothing else.
Her frustration grew as she threw the schoolbag onto the floor, letting the books fall out from the bag.
She stared at her handphone for a long moment- before she finally picked it up and held it unsteadily, as she scrolled down until she reached a familiar number- a number she hasn't called for the past few months.
' Hello?' a gruff voice answered.
' Hello- it's me, Amelia.' she said, her voice shaking.
' Ah Amelia' I haven't heard from you for so long!' the voice sounded excited. ' Where have you disappeared to?'
Amelia didn't have the mood for small talk. She wanted to get straight to the point.
' Do you still have Oxy with you?' she asked curtly.
' Why yes- I do. Why don't you come over to my place to get it?'
' You know that your place is not a walking distance from mine…. Can we meet somewhere near my place?'
' Amelia - the voice chuckled ' My car is under repair at the moment. I know you well- I know that you'll do whatever it takes to get it.'
' Fine' Amelia hung up angrily.
She thought of taking a bus- but then she had used up all her pocket money to buy some panadol yesterday. And she certainly didn't feel like asking her mother for more.
She slowly crept down the stairs- noticing that her mother was busy sorting out the laundry.
She walked to the sitting room and took a peak outside and saw Derek's car parked in the garage. Derek had been back for a few weeks for his university semester break. She guessed that he was probably out with some friends who had come to pick him.
As she admired Derek's car, wondering when she would be able to have a car of her own, an epiphany struck her.
She scanned through the key box and found Derek's car key. Although at age 16, she was still not old enough to drive, she had been observing her parents and her siblings everytime they drove her and picking up slowly on the basic skills.
' It'll just be for a while.' She thought to herself. 'It's just a short driving distance, and I'll be back before he realizes it.'
In pure Amelia style- she grabbed Derek's car keys and rushed over to the garage.
Soon- she was driving down the neighbourhood streets and down the mainroad on the way to obtain her lifeline. She could already taste it in her system- she could feel it rushing in her veins. Desperate times call for desperate meausres.
' Amelia Shepherd- so good to see you here.' Peter Stark greeted her. He had been her classmate since secondary school and one of her gang members since they started taking oxy 2 years ago. He was the one who offered her the first taste of oxy at the age of 14 which caused her to be on a high and crave for more. He never ran out of stock and always knew how to get more oxy. Amelia suspected he had connections with a major drug dealer- but she never bothered to ask him. She loved to go to his house as his parents were never around.
' Where have you been?' he asked.
' Don't ask. Just give me the oxy.' Amelia replied curtly, holding out the palm of her hands.
Peter snickered. Did she really think that he could get away with it that easily?
' How many packets do you need?' he asked. ' 10? 20?'
Amelia thought for a minute. 10 packets should be enough to tide her until after the holidays when she could meet him at their usual meeting place and she could obtain the oxy much easier.
' 10 should be enough.' she answered.
He pretended to drop the packets on her outstretched hand before suddenly withdrawing his hand.
' 100 bucks' he said suddenly. ' 10 bucks for each.'
'What?!' Amelia asked incrredulously. ' You know I don't have that much money! Are you out of your mind?!'
' Well- maybe you can give me something else as a substitute.' he said with an evil grin in his face as he roughly pulled her closer to him, shocking her.
' Let go of me!' Amelia cried out, hitting her tiny fists on his chest with all her might, but he was stronger than her. His grip on her tightened as his hands now roamed to her breasts.
Amelia's heart was now pounding fast. This was certainly not how she wanted to lose her virginity.
Her mind raced as it always did , thinking of ways to save herself.
She suddenly gave him a swift kick on the groin which made him howl in pain. She grabbed the oxy and dashed out of his house into Derek's car- starting the engine and the accelerator. She just wanted to get as far away from there as possible.
She accelerated her way down the busy streets, her mind racing both in anticipation of finally having oxy in her system again and wanting to get far away from Peter Stark as possible.
Cars and people passed by in a whirl . Everything outside the car was a total blur to her.
Which was why she didn't notice the car swiveling to the side until it was too late.
The impact of Derek's car crashing onto a lamp post caused her entire body to jerk forward as she hit the steering wheel and the airbag opened.
A few moments later- she opened her eyes to a throbbing headache as she surveyed her surroundings.
The car was a wreck, totally dented at the front. She was damn lucky that the airbag saved her.
Amelia tried moving her hands and legs and discovered to her pleasant surprise that she could still move them. She could feel warm blood seeping down her forehead.
She climbed out of the broken front window and started running.
' Hey miss! Stop! You're injured- we need to assess your injuries!' she heard a paramedic who had just arrived calling her from behind. Apparently, a passer by had called the ambulance.
Ignoring the paramedic- she kept on running the 2 km back home, as fast as her legs would take her.
Her surroundings passed by in a total blur.
Feeling breathless and faint upon finally reaching home, she sneaked into the house. Relieved at finding that there was no one in the kitchen or living room, she crept up to her bedroom and locked the door.
Finally in the privacy of her room- she took out the oxy, which had miraculously survived the crash together with her bag, and heaved a huge sigh of relief. There it was- her lifeline right in front of
her, her savior.
As she inhaled the first oxy, the feeling of euphoria started settling in. As she continued inhaling- slowly her shaking, nausea, headache and tremors disappeared. It was like magic. She was transported into a world where she was estatic, carefree, feeling on top of the world. It was a wonderful feeling indeed- like heaven on earth.
The first packet lead to the second, and the third and the fourth…
By the fourth packet- her head was spinning and her entire body felt like it was floating on air.
Before she knew it- her entire world went black…
To say that Derek Shepherd was furious was an understatement. In fact, he was downright livid. He had a very good reason to feel so- having just discovered on the way back home from his friend's that his brand new car was totally wrecked. The way he found out about his car made him even more upset. Bill was sending him home after they had spent the day hanging out and chatting at Bill's . As they were about to reach his home, Derek suddenly noticed his car by the roadside- totally wrecked, and a group of curious passersby peering inside the car. There was no ambulance and the car tow had yet to arrive. Most importantly, there was no sign of anyone in the car. After stopping to ask passersby, he learnt that the driver, a young female, seemed unhurt and had run away immediately.
' Amy' he thought to himself. He knew in his heart that she was the only one in his family capable of doing such a thing. His mother had a car of her own and his sisters have moved out long ago. Which left only Amelia still staying in the house and capable of stealing his car for a joy ride. Deep down he was glad that she wasn't hurt- but he was going to teach her a lesson and make her pay dearly for this.
He stormed into the house, and upon seeing no trace of anyone downstairs, he stormed up the stairs where he guessed Amelia was hiding. She seemed to be spending a lot of time in her room lately.
' Amy' he knocked on her bedroom door. There was no response.
' Amy!' he called out louder, knocking harder on the door. Still no response.
After a few more knocks and still getting no response, Derek decided to get the spare keys to her room. He didn't know why- but he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that there was something amiss. Usualy Amelia would open the door for him if he knocked, even if she was asleep.
He opened the room door and gasped in shock. There his youngest sister was- lying motionless and sprawled out on her bedroom floor.
All feelings of anger he felt immediately disappeared and were replaced by feelings of uttermost horror and fear.
' Amy!' he rushed to her side, and applying what he had learnt in medical school- he checked her carotid pulse and placed his ear near her mouth to assess for breathing. There was none, and she looked pale and lifeless.
' Oh my God Amy, no….' he cried out..
Immediately, as if on reflex, he started CPR on her, breathing into her mouth and pressing onto her chest- praying to any higher power above to bring his little sister back to him. As he continued the compressions- he started recalling the good times they had shared together during their childhood, from ganging up on their mother and sisters , getting up to mischief together, running around and playing soccer together and going fishing together with Mark. Amelia was the only sister of his who was willing to do all these boy things together with him. She was the only sibling who also witnessed their father's tragic death and understood how horrifying the experience was. And now, he was about to lose her too, just like he lost his dad.
There were tears rolling down his eyes now. He wanted to call 911- but there was no one else at home at the moment and he couldn't leave Amelia.
' Amy , please don't give up on me, please' he pleaded as he continued his CPR.
He was checking on her pulse again after several rounds of CPR when he thought he felt a faint pulse. It was weak but it was there.
His heart leapt for joy when he felt her breathing. His beloved sister was back!
He placed her in recovery position as he called 911 and his mom.
Amelia opened her eyes and looked around. Her head was throbbing , and the white walls and fluroscent lights on the ceiling seem unfamiliar.
' Where am I?' she croaked, as she finally spotted a familiar face sitting by her bedside- her brother.
'' In the hospital.' Derek answered. ' Mom is downstairs grabbing something to eat- she'll be up in a while. Apparently you overdosed on oxycodone.'
Amelia groaned internally. She was so busted.
' Amy.' Derek said sternly, but the look in his eyes betraying what he actually felt. ' Do you know that your heart stopped beating for 3 minutes? I found you lying pale and motionless on your bedroom floor. You know how that felt? Do you know the feeling of having to lose another family member? '
' I'm sorry.' Amelia whispered, pretending to be interested in the white hospital bedsheet.
' Do you know that I had to do CPR on you for 3 whole minutes, as you had no pulse?' Derek added.
' But I came back right?' Amelia asked in a small voice, looking up at her brother with puppy eyes, hoping he'd forgive her. ' I almost died, but I'm alive now.'
' Please don't ever do that to me again!' Derek chided gently as he embraced her in his arms. No matter how many times she relapsed, how much she annoyed him at times, even if she stole and crashed his car- she would always be his beloved little sister and he couldn't bear to lose her.
' Derek- I'm sorry about the car.' Amelia admitted in a hoarse voice, feeling ashamed. ' You can scold me if you want.'
' I was actually livid at you, Amy.' … Derek admitted. ' But now I'm just glad that you came back to me, to us.'
Amelia remained silent, not wanting to say out the fact that she was glad she came back to him, but not to the rest of the family. He was the only one who really understood and forgave her each time.
' Amy- listen to me.' Derek said, taking her hand in his and using his free hand to tilt her face upwards so their blue eyes met.
' You have a bright future ahead , Amy. You are smart, you are passionate, strong, loyal and brave. I know mom and our sisters don't see it- but I do. I can see how broken you are inside- but when I see through the brokenness, I can see all these traits in you which are buried deep inside.
Please don't all your potential go to waste Amy. It's not worth it. You can do so much more for your future- you can go to a top college and top university, graduate, and maybe become a doctor and even a surgeon in the future. Who knows you might actually settle down someday and start a family. So please Amy- please don't throw all this away- just for a drug named oxy. Don't let it ruin your life any further.'
Amelia paused, reflecting on Derek's words. How true his words were. She should not waste her entire life and future away- she still had a whole life full of possibilites and opportunities ahead of her.
' But how, Derek?' she asked him. ' How can I help myself? I just can't survive without Oxy in my system- what am I supposed to do?'
' I'll ask mom to refer you to a rehab centre.' said Derek seriously. ' It'll be good for you. Maybe you'll have to repeat a semester due to school time missed- but it'll be worth it in the end, Amy. I know you'll struggle in the beginning, but I also know that you'll pull through in the end- being the tough, strong person that you are.'
A smile slowly formed on Amelia's face, and her dimples showed, as Derek smiled back, his eyes twinkling. He was just so glad to have his little sister back.
15 years later
Both Derek and Amelia were sitting in the porch of Derek's dream house, enjoying the cool breeze outside and having a sibling chat.
' So how's doing?' Derek asked Amelia regarding the patient who they fought over earlier on during the day and Amelia ended up operating on. It was a huge brain tumour located at the frontal lobe.
' Well, the surgery went without a hitch. And last I checked on her- her vitals are stable.' Amelia replied smiling, inwardly proud of herself for operating on a supposedly irremovable tumour and saving the patient's life.
' Well done, Amy. Listen, I know I never tell you this- but I'm so proud of you. Look how far you've come- becoming such a capable neurosurgeon with such a good reputation and taking my place as the head of neurosurgery. I've to admit- I never would've predicted you to be where you are now during our earlier years.' Derek chuckled.
Amelia blushed in reply. It was so rare of Derek to compliment her like this- but she knew him well enough to know that he meant every word he said.
' Well not as good as you.' she admittted. In her heart, she still felt like she would always be his shadow, the other Dr. Shepherd.
' Why not?' Derek asked, shocked. ' You have the Shepherd genes- you're definitely as good as me. We are both Shepherds after all- and Shepherds always have to be the best.'
' But patients always ask for you.' Amelia said. 'It's true.'
' That's because I've been in this hospital longer than you. ' answered Derek. ' Just wait for a few more years and they'll all be looking for you.'
' Amy- you have to believe in yourself.' Derek continued when his sister remained silent. ' You've strong, determined, passionate and stubborn sometimes like me. You can do this! Look at how you overcame your addiction- it takes total strength, gut and determination to do that. You're much stronger than you think.'
' Thanks Derek, really.' Amelia smiled up at her brother. She was so glad that she still had him to talk to and lean on for support and encouragement- even though he might be a pain in the butt at times. But aren't all siblings?
' I've a confession to make.' she said suddenly, causing Derek to mock gasp in horror.
Since they were children, everytime Amelia said that sentence, it never meant anything good.
' What is it Amy?' Derek asked almost afraid to hear the answer. ' Please don't let it be a relapse. She's come too far.' he thought to himself.
' I think I'm falling in love with Owen Hunt- and I'm afraid it would destroy me.' Amelia admitted, releasing the breath she didn't realize she had been holdilng.
She waited for the reply, her heart palpitating. She didn't know how her brother would react to her confession. Owen was Derek's good friend after all.
' It wouldn't be love if it didn't' came the simple reply.
Amelia slowly looked up at Derek as their identical blue eyes met.
' You ok with this?' she asked nervously.
' Why not? I think Owen is a decent guy- I know him pretty well since we've been working together for several years.' Derek answered. ' He's a very passionate and caring guy, he really protects anything or anyone that he loves with all his heart.'
' Thank you Derek.' Amelia whispered, a great sense of relief overcoming her at her brother's approval of her latest relationship. It really meant a lot to her to hear him say that.
' You deserve it, Amy, really.' Derek answered. ' You deserve true love- you deserve someone who can make you truly happy, someone who would care for you, respect you and treat you right. You deserve a soulmate- someone you can share your life with. I myself never thought I would find such a person until I met Meredith. And now I have two beautiful children. So don't ever lose your faith and hope for the future.'
Amelia got up from her seat and gave Derek a hug. His words really meant a lot to her, and she was glad they got to share this rare sibling bonding moment.
He reciprocated the hug awkwardly, but glad to see her so happy. If his little sister was happy, so was he. Although he would never admit it- he was so proud of her.
10 years later
' Dad are we there yet?' 7 year old Charlotte Addison asked for the hundreth time that day.
' Almost Char, just a few more minutes.' Owen Hunt replied.
' You've said that a million times already today.' Charlotte huffed, crossing her arms in front of her.
Owen and Amelia exchanged glances and smiled at each other. Their eldest daughter had inherited not only Amelia's appearance, but her characteristics as well. Owen always teased that Amelia had managed to clone herself.
' Mommy I'm hungry- can we get some chips?' 5 year old Noah Christopher asked.
' After we visit uncle Derek.' Amelia replied, as Noah leaned back in his seat, also crossing his arms.
She glanced at the back seat from the mirror and noticed almost 2 year old Olivia Michelle still peacefully sleeping in her baby seat.
' Alright we're here.' Owen announced as he parked the car.
The Hunt family got down from the car and croseed the graveyard, making their way towards one particular gravestone.
They stopped when they reached a gravestone which had those words engraved on them.
' Derek Christopher Shepherd
1976 - 2016
Loving father, beloved husband, devoted son and brother. Dedicated neurosurgeon.'
The edges of the gravestone were neatly trimmed, obviously Meredith had been there not too long ago.
' Derek.' Amelia said, kneeling down in front of the grave and placing a bunch of flowers in front of it.. ' I know it has been a long time since I visited, and I'm sorry. Between juggling work and family- it has proved to be a challenge.' she chuckled. ' I'm sure you would understand.'
She took a glance back at her husband and children who were standing quietly, observing her. Owen was looking proudly at her with Olivia still asleep in his arms, while Charlotte and Noah were looking on quietly. They knew that this was something important to their mother. They had heard plenty of stories about their uncle Derek- who was also their cousins Zola, Bailey and Ellis's father.
She returned her concentration back to her conversation with Derek.
' I've brought my familly here to see you.' she added.
' Owen is amazing. She's the best husband and dad one can ask for.' she said softly.
Owen blushed as he overhead what she was saying.
' And here is Charlotte Addison, she's 7 now, and every bit like me.' she chuckled, gesturing towards her eldest daughter who frowned.
' And this is Noah Christopher, he's 5, every bit the bubbly and lively litte boy you would love.' she added.
' And this is Olivia Michelle, she would be 2 next month- and she's the sweetest little girl ever.' she gestured towards her youngest.
' I know you're looking down on us and staring affectionately at my children Derek. I know you love them as much as you love your other nieces and nephews.' she added.
' You deserve true love- you deserve someone who can make you truly happy, someone who would care for you, respect you and treat you right. You deserve a soulmate- someone you can share your life with.' the words from her last heart to heart conversation with Derek resonated vividly in her mind. All these years- she could never forget his words.
' I'm proud of you Amy.' she thought she heard a soft voice whisper into her ear.
She smiled, knowing that her brother was there looking down on them. He would always be there in her heart.
With a newfound sense of peace, she slowly walked back towards her family.
She grabbed one of Charlotte's hands and one of Noah's, and smiled up at her husband. Who would've thought- the drug addict whose heart stopped beating for 3 minutes at the age of 16 would now have a beautiful family and successful career of her own more than 20 years later?
Derek would be proud of her indeed.
So there you go folks- I really hope you like it! :) Please do let me know what you think- leave reviews, messages, comments- I really love to hear from you guys!