Disclaimer - I don't own anyone or anything NCIS related.
What was running through Tony's head in the days after Kate died?
Reputations are funny things.
Many people struggle their whole lives to shrug off an unwanted reputation.
Some people will strive for their whole lives to retain one.
I was one of those; the kind that will never let their reputation drop. The only problem with that is that you find yourself doing the stupidest things, just so that you don't betray other people's perceptions of you. You find yourself passing up golden opportunities, and denying yourself what you so desperately want, so desperately need. I know. I did it. I let it go.
No, not 'it'.
Her.
Kate.
Yep, reputations are funny things. They all seem to inevitably lead to…
Regrets.
I was Tony DiNozzo. I was a player. I was shallow. I was a good agent, and I was brave and I had initiative, but Jeez, was I an idiot.
What would it have cost me to tell her that I loved her? If you'd have asked me that question when she was still alive, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. I could have told you exactly what it would have cost me. She would have laughed in my face and taunted me for the rest of my life. It would have cost me my pride and self-respect. But, as I ask it to myself now, I know the truth. She wouldn't have laughed. She would have been touched. I could have gained so much. However, I couldn't bring myself to lose the only thing that it would have cost me; my reputation.
I hate hindsight. I wish there was a way that I could go back in time, and give her the best kiss of her life.
Or give myself a damn good kick up the ass.
Review pleeeeeease. x