-1Past in Present
Paige barely contained a squeal as the doorbell rang, an embarrassing truth that did not do unnoticed by Dylan. He had watched her sitting on the arm of sofa, ready to pounce at the door for the past half hour.
The smug grin he shot at her would have at least caused her to roll her eyes normally but she just couldn't bring herself to do anything but smile. In fact, her cheeks were sore with all the smiling.
Yanking the door open she said an abnormally loud "Hi!" then made an awkward lurch forward, still debating whether a kiss or a hug was more appropriate. It ended up being some kind of hybrid that caused her to internally kick herself.
Luckily, Alex, her girlfriend of two weeks now was just looking at her bemused, eyebrow raised. "Hey. How much coffee you drank today?"
Paige swatted her arm. "None, you're my natural caffeine." Paige instantly scrunched up her nose and felt her cheeks burning.
Alex saved her though, she couldn't help but laugh, Paige who had seemed like the anti-Christ to her for so long was actually an adorable goof. She put her hands on the blonde's shoulder's, turned her around and walked her inside.
"Hey Alex!" Dylan greeted from the living room.
"Alex! Would you and Paige like to watch the game with us?" Mr. Michalchuk asked with great enthusiasm.
It still amazed Alex. Paige's family were fine with their dating. Hell, it even felt like they liked her. Sure Dylan liked to try and tease her and Paige but only in the annoying sibling way.
Before she could answer Paige had butted in. "No dad, we don't want to watch violent ice-sports. We'll be watching movies downstairs." And with that she was dragging Alex by the arm towards the basement, barely giving Alex the chance to say, "thanks though." And Dylan didn't even get a chance to snipe at them.
Alex threw herself on the sofa, thankful to still be alive. "Damn Paige, you almost dragged me head first down the stairs! Is their something kinky going on I'm not aware of?"
Paige suppressed a grin. "I'm just happy. Can't a girl be happy to be spending the evening watching movie's with her girlfriend?"
"Well, yes she can but your acting like you just found out Kevin Smith is casting you in the lead of 'Jay and Silent Bob join Spirit Squad.'"
Paige laughed. "You should copyright that one, hun."
Alex pretended to think about it, "maybe your right."
"Uh huh." Paige whispered as she leaned forward and gave Alex a proper kiss. When she broke away Alex took a deep breath.
"Contain yourself, I haven't even taken off my coat yet." Alex said unable to hide her smile. At this rate, she'd be grinning like Paige soon enough.
Paige sat back. "Sorry. You make me giddy, it's annoying and completely unexpected." She paused for a second. "But I love it. You realise my face is stuck like this now. For two weeks I've looked like the Joker."
"Oh, Batman sounds good." When Paige pouted Alex laughed. "Your adorable. It's completely unexpected but… it's awesome. And if it helps any, I've been grinning like an idiot too. I spaced out in Maths, this grin plastered on my face and Marco had to tell me class had ended." She admitted.
"Aww, that's so sweet." She said as she gave Alex a peck.
The other girl shrugged. She then decided to take off her zipper while she had a moment. She found Paige grinning at her. "What?"
"Nothing. Everything. You, Alex Nunez, melt me." Paige said happily.
Alex smiled. "I guess I'll take that as a compliment."
"Yes, do." Paige said as she jumped up and grabbed a pile of DVD's.
"So, what should be our first movie night by ourselves DVD?" Paige asked.
Alex considered it. Every movie night they'd had, had been with 'the gang'. The past two weeks had gone by quickly and when she thought about, they hadn't had that much alone time.
"Hun?"
"Umm…. Whatever one you want. Just nothing too mushy."
Paige smiled. "I didn't bring 'Mushy' one's down. I do know you."
There was that phrase she hated. Knowing someone and really knowing them were two cataclysmically different things.
"How about… 'Empire Records?" She asked knowing Alex loved it.
She nodded, "Good choice. Here." She took the DVD and began to set it up. Paige quickly ran up stairs for drinks and goodies.
The two were settled in on the couch by the time opening credits popped up. They were sitting as close humanly possible, both loving the feel of their arms and legs pressed against the others.
As they'd finished their drinks and munched through most of the goodies Alex had smoothly put her arm around Paige's shoulder, she'd never tell the blonde but she had been gearing herself up for it. They might have been officially dating but it was still new and it was still a little unbelievable at times.
As Paige moulded herself into Alex, she kissed her head. Both sighed contently while watching the movie, sharing laughs and teasing each other.
Paige was absently stroking Alex hand with her thumb when she felt her jump slightly. She was about to pass it off to a twitch when she felt Alex's body tense and her heart thudding near her ear.
She sat up straight and turned to look at Alex. "Hun, what's wrong?"
Alex was staring way too intensely at the TV. "Nothing. Just watching Rex Manning make an ass of himself."
Paige frowned. If there was nothing wrong then why was she acting so suspiciously?
"No, your acting like you just got the biggest fright since Manny Santos dressed as Christina Aguilera for Halloween."
Alex scowled at her. "Paige. I'm fine."
The blonde decided to back down, for now. She scooted back down and lifted Alex's arm around her again, her head resting on Alex's warm shoulder.
Within a few minutes she felt Alex shift again. She tried to hide it but Paige had purposely laid her ear close to Alex's heart. She didn't like having to fight to get Alex to tell her what was bothering her.
Alex watched Paige sit crossed legged, facing her, looking at her expectantly. She wanted to run. She always wanted to run but now, for the first time she was torn because she knew running wasn't always good.
"The movies that way." She said pointing at the screen while refusing to look away from it.
"I'm aware. Are you going to spill or this going to go on all night?"
Alex finally broke her gaze away from the screen. "There's nothing 'going on'." Her voice softened, she knew Paige just cared. "Please, can we just go back to grinning and movies?"
Paige considered why they couldn't. "No. We can't just plaster a grin on when there's something bothering you. You're my girlfriend, that means you can share with me. It's ok to tell me if something's scaring you." Her finger's were tracing up and down Alex's arm as she pleaded.
Alex struggled to keep convincing herself Paige didn't need to know. But really, this had been all she'd wanted for a long time. She'd never been a talker. She'd never been used to people really knowing details about her life. She realised how long she had been silent when Paige tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Talk to me, sweetie."
She didn't know where to start. She opened her mouth to close it with a sigh a second later. She was starting to piss herself off. Taking a deep breath she tried to begin.
"You know when there's shouting but from another room so it's all distorted and you don't really know what their saying but it always sounds angry?" Paige nodded, obviously being sure to give her plenty of space to talk. "Um… It just kinda freaks me out."
Paige lifted Alex's hand to her mouth and laid a kiss on it. "Your heart was racing. You completely tensed. That's not just being freaked out." Paige suddenly frowned. "Who was shouting?" She couldn't remember hearing anything but the film.
Alex, feeling stupid beyond belief, avoided eye contact. "Dylan and your Dad."
"They're watching Hockey, they always get a little over excited." She explained.
Alex retracted her hand. "I get that. Didn't say it was rational."
"I'm sorry. Tell me why?" She asked softly.
Alex shook her head, "let's just enjoy the end of the movie."
"Is it to do with Chad?" she asked, deciding to jump right in. She partly regretted it when Alex gave her a look. One that said 'how fucking dare you'.
"Not everything comes down to that."
"Well, what does it come down to?"
"Chad wasn't the first guy in my life to be a complete asshole loser."
Paige had pushed a button, but maybe that's what Alex needed to let her in.
"My… my so called 'father'." Paige winced at the distain in Alex's voice, she used air quotes and all. "He liked to drink too. He was a loser, depressed cause his bitch of a mother never liked him. By the time I was 11 things were turning to shit, he stopped working, he'd argue with my mom all the time and scream at her. He didn't like me much either."
Paige almost couldn't take it in. More pain. Alex didn't deserve any of it. Her girlfriend had gone silent but she had to know or it'd haunt her.
"Did he…" She trailed off not knowing how to say it but luckily for her Alex was capable of filling in the blank.
"Never. He came so close, he'd have his fist drawn back but he'd be to drunk half the time. Or I'd run. I think he hit my mom. But she wouldn't get rid of him or leave."
Alex was in full storytelling mode now, the details were just spewing out, it was new and it was weird but there was no stopping it.
"One day, it all exploded. I came home from school and they'd been arguing and she was crying. We were in my room just trying to stay out his way when he comes in holding this, like 8 inch kitchen knife."
She felt Paige grip her hand tight enough to cut off the blood flow and she didn't have to look up to know their was at least a tear streaming down the blonde's face. She knew Paige would expect her to be more emotional but even her voice remained strong.
"I'd had enough so I just stood up right in front of him. Told him he was a dick and a loser. Then he pointed the knife at me and said some overly dramatic things about my blood and the walls, I just smirked, then he pointed it to his own chest and I started shouting at him to do it, to finish it. I wanted to do it myself, it would have been so easy to just push the knife in."
Her body twitched as she tried to repress it. Maybe she was human after all. "I didn't though and he stormed out the room. I told my mom she had to call the police or someone but she didn't. I begged her, I shouted at her, and she wouldn't. That's the only time I never ran in my life. And it's probably the one time I should have. I wanted to call the police myself but…" She shook her head then felt Paige's clammy hand on her cheek.
"You shouldn't have had to. You were a kid, they were your parents."
Alex laughed bitterly. "Yeah, that's not how the world works."
Paige, sensing the story wasn't quite over asked. "What happened? With your dad?"
"Don't call him that. He's nothing more than a sperm donor to me." Paige nodded with apologetic eyes. "My mom finally called 911. They arrested him because of the knife thing. After that he didn't officially live with us but my mom would have him over, when she did I'd either leave through the window or just barricade myself in my room. Then like 6 months later, he stole her keys and had them copied so I came home one day and he was there. I just shouted abuse at him and ran again. Nothing in him had changed, except he hated me."
Alex looked up at Paige with tears in her eyes, but neither expected them to fall. "I wanted to punch him, hit him, anything but… I don't know why I couldn't. I have dreams where he kicks the door in again and I'm standing in front of him and I raise my fist but it moves forward in slow motion and it gets harder to move till it stops."
"He's not worth hitting. Your better than that, than him."
"Am I?" Alex's voice was barely a broken whisper.
Paige wasted no time in pulling Alex into a death grip hug. She wasn't sure how Alex would react but after being met with a tensed body, she felt Alex bury her face into the crook of her neck and wrap her arms equally as tightly around Paige. Then the inevitable happened, she felt the her girlfriend begin to shake as she sobbed silently and an amazing amount of tears saturate her neck. It didn't shock her that Alex would have such big tears and be completely silent.
For a few minutes, Alex let herself be held while she cried. She wasn't sure who she was crying for but she knew it hurt. She was vaguely aware of Paige's fingers in her hair and the soft words of comfort whispered to her. And at that moment, that was all that mattered. She was surrounded by comfort and safety for the first time she could ever remember.
But all too soon her pride kicked in and she pulled out of the embrace. Roughly wiping at her tears she pressed herself into the furthest corner of the sofa.
"Sorry." She apologised feeling pathetic.
"Don't." Paige told her. "It's ok that you cried a little. What you told me… No one should have to live with that."
"The world isn't a nice place. People suck and it doesn't matter if they're a complete stranger or your flesh and blood. They'll fuck you over either way."
She watch Paige flinch. She'd hurt her saying that. But she believed it.
"Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people care. I care about you."
Alex said nothing.
"I came out to the entire school even though I knew I was pretty much giving up the entire reputation I'd worked for. I thought I was giving up a lot of my friends too. And my family… they were amazing about it but it could have all gone wrong. I done all that because I wanted to be with you, because when I'm with you I feel so happy and safe and… connected. I feel like I could say anything to you and it'd be ok. It's all I can do to keep myself from kissing you halfway through class."
She had moved throughout her speech so that she was sitting as close as possible to Alex without actually touching her.
"I wouldn't ever hurt you on purpose. I can't stand the thought of you in pain. Your parents, Chad, Jay, anyone else who ever hurt you, they're idiots. But your not the reason. They all have some serious problems. You're a beautiful person, you deserve to be happy."
Alex was now looking Paige straight in the eyes.
"I'm not sure what happy is. When I'm around you, or when I'm thinking about you, I forget everything. It's just you and me and it feels normal for a while… I like it. I like you, Michalchuk."
Paige's eyes had welled. "Can I kiss you now?" she asked the raven haired girl.
Alex nodded. "Anytime." Paige instantly grazed Alex's lips with her own, savouring the feeling. Then she reacquainted herself with AlexTongue. It was different - good different. It felt like Alex was far less tense, for once she was leading the way.
Alex had let her in. Trusted her to keep her safe. It was a start.