Chapter 1: Her

A/N- ok, well this is my first attempt at a fic. I am extremely excited I stepped out of my box and thankful to my wonderful friend and beta Ash for helping me get my words in order! ;) This is going to get heavy. This story is very personal to me. I wont say as to what character I relate to more but I will do my best to out a disclaimer where I see fit. I take constructive criticism very well so please leave a comment and let me know what you think. As of now this will be a multi-chapter fiction. Just not sure as to how long it will be.

I do not own these characters. Just the craziness in their minds! ;)

CHAPTER ONE: HER

"Alright guys, keep moving! Keep your heart rate up! Let's burn those calories." Emma Swan huffed as she paced back and forth between the sweaty, jumbled mess of the New Year fitness junkies. She couldn't complain. Teaching fitness classes kept her busy. Her mind has been a complete clusterfuck for the last 12 months. "Knees up! Knees up! Come on Layla! I know you can do it," Emma continued, belting out encouragement, not only to her class but to herself as well. She was willing and ready to do anything it took to make the thoughts stop...to make thought of "her" just stop.

"Sis! You're killing us in here! Could you at least turn down the heat?! I thought this was an Aerobics class, not some 'I'm going to melt your ass till there's nothing left' class." Leroy griped as he bent over and leaned against the laughed. "Dude, that's the point. Keep going!" she yelled. "Fifty reps with the jump ropes and then we'll cool down." Almost there she thought as she glanced to her right. The sight made her stop dead in her tracks. Her breath caught in her throat. No! It couldn't be. She wouldn't just show up like that after all this time. Did she know Emma worked here? Emma dropped the rope and ran to the door forgetting the now puzzled yet exhausted class that followed her with their gaze. "Shit, Shit, Shit. No, No, No. Not her. Not now" Emma mumbled to herself as she pushed open the glass door. Her heart sank. It wasn't her. Noticing the odd yet terrified look on the woman's face, she stopped and gave the brunette a shy little wave and smiled. "Hi, sorry, thought you were someone else." She said as she backed up to the door. She smacked herself in the forehead as she turned around, "God Emma, get your shit together." Realizing that she'd left her class alone, she rushed back into the room exclaiming, "Guys I'm sorry! I just...well...God...I don't know...Did you all cool down...Do we need to stretch...I'm rambling...I have so much going on right now." She huffed, leaned up against the wall and closed her eyes. Honesty is the best policy right? She honestly hoped the others in the room didn't think she was some crazed woman who lost her mind after the love of her...friend, her friend went away. She opened her eyes to find the faces of her class smiling at her. Not mocking her, but smiling with genuine, loving smiles.

"Emma, it's ok. It was a great class. You did great. Just hang in there." Ruby said while picking up her gym bag. She rubbed Emma's arm as she walked out of the room. Emma still couldn't understand why Ruby was always at the gym. That girl didn't have an ounce of fat on her but insisted that Emma pumped up the program every day.

Emma stood by the door to thank each person who'd attended the class. There were some new faces and some regulars. God, I can only imagine how crazy the newbies must think I am. Emma thought to herself, continuing. Maybe I am crazy.

She took the long way back to her apartment from the gym. She needed a change of scenery from her usual route. There was just something in the air today; something was off. Emma could feel it in her bones, and the last thing she needed was to walk by 'that' house and 'that' front porch, reliving the moment where everything changed. Because 12 months and 2 weeks ago I was happy, Emma remembered, shocked, but happy. Now she was confused, angry and scared.

"It's going to be ok Emma. This is just like last time. I have a job to do, just like you have a job to do. You have Henry to take care of and you need to help take care of this town" Emma huffed and crossed her arms. Brown eyes burned into green and a playful smirk appeared upon the brunette's face. Her hand played with the golden curls that hung loosely down Emma's shoulder. The smirk slowly faded and her eyes became serious. She took both of Emma's hands in hers. "Emma, before I go I need to tell you something..."

"Hey Em, how was class?" Emma was suddenly jolted back to reality. Mary Margaret? Emma thought as she looked up, realizing she was lost in her thoughts, those haunting thoughts that she cannot seem to forget. She let out a long breath realizing she was home already.

"Um, it was ok." There was no avoiding her neighbor and best friend, Mary Margaret. Not only was she nosey, she babysits Henry when Emma is at the gym or just needs some alone time. Either way, Mary Margaret was a constant in her life. "It happened again." Emma said quietly as she turned the doorknob to her apartment.

Not exactly sure as to what Emma meant by "it happened again" because in all honesty there are many things that could fall into that category, Mary Margaret peeked into the apartment at Henry and then back at Emma. "What exactly happened again, Emma?" MM said with a concerned look on her face.

"I thought I saw...I thought I saw her." Emma said while rubbing her forehead and looking down at her worn out sneakers. I really should get new ones, she thought to herself; she would be appalled to see that I still have these old ratted things. Fuck her. She looked up to see Mary Margaret giving her 'the look.' "What? I didn't get arrested this time, but I'm pretty sure the lady from the gym thinks I'm nuts. She looked at me like I had three heads when I ran out of the exercise room." Emma paused and started laughing, "Mary Margaret, I RAN out of my class to chase her! Well, not 'Her her,' but OMG Mary I'm losing it!" Emma was now laughing or screaming; she wasn't really sure. She was not sure about anything anymore. In the meantime, Mary Margaret walked over and had thrown her arms around her. Was she trying to comfort me? I don't need comfort she thought. I'm not crying. I don't cry, not for her...never for her. Was she just trying to reassure herself again? No! That was just a plain fact and she knew it.

Henry walked to the door and peeked out. "Ma? You ok? Are you drunk? It's only 4:30 pm. Have you been hanging out with Leroy again?" Henry said crossing his arms with his foot tapping against the hardwood flooring in the hallway.

Emma's eyes went wide as she stepped back attempting to gather herself. Mary Margaret quickly took Henry back into her apartment. As she went through the door she gave Emma an encouraging nod and smiled. MM was telling Henry to grab his stuff so they can head over across the hall and get cleaned up to start dinner. Emma sighed. I'm doing a real bang up job with the kid. He's 10 and thinks I'm a drunk.

She sat her bag inside the door and took off her shoes. These damn shoes, I should get a new pair. She walked into the kitchen just as Henry burst through the door. "Ma! Go shower. MM and I are cooking dinner. We are going to treat you tonight with lasagna, salad and cookies. Just like old times. You know, to make you smile." Henry was beaming as he placed the bags from MM's onto the counter. MM came through the door shortly after. "Emma, please go shower. You smell awful." MM laughed. Emma scowled.

"Ok, ok I'm going," she said as she kissed Henry on the head then messed up his hair.

"Maaaaaa!"

She laughed as she walked back to the bedroom.

"Emma, Henry cooks better than you!" She said playfully as Emma tried to layer the noodles in the dish.

"Yeah, so, he only cooks better because you would rather teach him." Emma said as she stuck her tongue out at the brunette who was stirring the sauce."

"OWWW shit HOT, HOT" damn how did the water get so freaking hot?! She really needs to put in a fixit to Granny. The water seems to have a mind of its own in this building. Emma turned off the water and stepped out. Yum, that smell, she thought. He'd learned how to cook from her. He made her recipe. "Like old times" she said out loud and shook her head. "This is nothing like old times" she spat at the mirror looking at her reflection. She looked angry. Her eyes were the same green, but they were angry, dark. Who was she?

She threw on her favorite sweats and tank top, and went out to join her son and her best friend for the dinner they prepared for her.

"Guys, it smells amazing!" Emma said as she ruffled her son's messy hair once again. Gosh it's getting shaggy. She would hate it. I need to get his hair cut soon. Nope. You know what, she thought. We will grow it out. She stopped and looked at his face. Her face went soft. He was scrunching up his nose and concentrating so hard on lining up the tomatoes on the salad. Someone else use to do the same thing. She quickly shook that thought out of her head started focusing on her salad, her untouched salad.

Dinner was great, once she was able to get her mind to shut up. Henry couldn't stop talking about some Science project that he was working on with Malcolm. Science, Emma thought, was definitely not her forte. "Ma." Emma looked up at her son, "she would know what to do. Science was her thing Ma." He said quietly not making eye contact as he played around with leftover lasagna on his plate. Emma couldn't speak. Nothing was coming out. Shit Emma. Say something to your son. "I...uhh...Hen. Excuse me." she choked out. Emma pushed her chair back and ran to the bathroom. "Fuck, Emma" she said as she stared in the mirror. "Get your shit together! You are not the only one who misses her!"

Back in the dining room Mary Margret stood and led Henry into the living room while saying, "Hey, it's ok. You did nothing wrong. People tend deal with things differently, Henry. Your Mom, well she does not know how to deal with this. We need to be strong for her ok?" she said as she smoothed down the hair on his head. He hugged her and sobbed quietly in her arms.

"But she never says her name! I miss her too. I just want her to be happy again." Henry said as he wiped his eyes.

"I know sweet boy, I know." MM continued to rock the ten year old in her arms.

""Emma! Oh my God, Emma! He is beautiful! Look at him!"

Emma held onto the tiny baby boy. Not sure what to do with him. Emma was merely sixteen, but she promised she would be here for her and for him. She is the reason she was able to do this. Her friend was her rock and she would be her son's rock too.

"Emma, you have to let him go. He can't hold onto your hands and walk alone at the same time. He can do it. You can do it. You are strong and so is he. Where do you think he gets his damn stubbornness from?" Her dark eyes looked up from her school books to Emma and the little boy standing at her feet.

"I don't want to go to school. I want to stay home and play." Henry huffed as he crossed his arms and stomped his feet.

"Henry James Swan" her voice was calm yet forceful, "you have to go to school. It's your first day of Kindergarten. You will have so much fun, and you have to be able to teach your mother a thing or two one day."She was bent down at the boy's level as she smiled at Emma. Dark brown eyes reassuring green that everything will be ok. They will be ok."

Emma eventually gets herself together and joins the two in the living room. She pulls Henry from Mary Margaret's arms and into a hug, wipes his eyes and reassures him that everything is ok. They will be ok. She looks over at Mary Margaret and gives her a 'thank you for once again getting me out of my own pile of shit' look. MM just smiles and nods. After all, what are best friends for right?

"Henry, head upstairs for bed. I will be right up after I see MM out, ok?"

"Sure, Ma." Henry calls as he is running up the stairs. Sometimes she thinks he just wants to get away. Boy does she know that feeling all too well. She can't hold that against him.

"Emma, please let me know if you need to talk or if you need me to look after Henry. You know I'm here for you." MM said as she made her way to the kitchen to put the dishes in the sink, "and please Emma" MM took a deep breath in "try and not hate her. She does not deserve it." she said quietly.

"Hate her? Mary Margret? Hate her? You are asking me not to hate her? She left me AGAIN, and not just me, but Henry. Time after time she has left. She just had to go once again. But this time it was different. This time..." Emma felt her rage starting to take over.

"Emma, she never had a choice. It was her job. She had to go. Just like the other times. She had to." MM said trying to reassure her broken friend.

"Ok, fine. But she has done a lot of things since that she didn't have to do. But she did." Emma quietly spit out with enough venom in her words that MM took a step back. "Mary Margaret, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know, Em. I love you but I think I should go. Let me know if you need me." She paused as she looked at her friend. Her eyes were full of so much concern she was not sure if she was going to scream at her or cry. As soon as MM left Emma went upstairs to find that Henry was already asleep in his bed. She kissed his forehead. As she was getting ready to leave, she looked over at his nightstand and paused. That picture, they were so happy. There were three smiling faces at the beach in Florida. Some random crazy vacation they took when she was able to get away. She quickly turned off the light and shut his door. Emma went back downstairs to finish cleaning the kitchen mess. Believe it or not cleaning has become therapeutic to her. That must have rubbed off from someone. She paused as she placed a dish in the cupboard.

"Emma Swan! Don't you DARE place that dish there. It goes there!" She laughed a little to herself as she remembers that moment like it was yesterday. That was the last time they were together, before she'd told her everything. She remembers her laugh, her touch and her smile when she scolded her for placing the wrong sized dish on the wrong shelf. God her silky soft hand as she moved her hand over her own to take the dish from her. Goosebumps spread over Emma's body like wildfire. Jesus Emma! Get a grip. She scolded herself. She finished drying the rest of the pans and decided that today had been eventful enough. Her bed was calling her name.

RRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG

RRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG

"What in the hell..." Emma mumbled as she rolled over and looked at her phone. It's 2:12 A.M. Why in the hell is Katherine calling me at 2 A.M., Katherine of all people? "Oh this better be good" she groaned aloud.

"Katherine, it's 2 in..." Emma spit out.

"Emma! God, Emma!" Katherine was crying. She was seriously crying. Emma's heart sank a little for the woman she despised.

"Katherine, are you ok? Is everything ok?" Emma was wide awake now. Panic was setting in. She held her breath. Katherine was sobbing on the other end of the line. Oh God...no... "Katherine?" it came out in a whisper.

"Emma, she's...She's coming home. Regina is coming home," Katherine cried out.

Emma was not sure how long she sat there with the phone to her ear. Katherine was no longer on the other end. A single tear slide down Emma's cheek onto her bare thigh and then another followed. She let out a breath and then she finally allowed herself to cry.