Hey guys, I was a bit down and listening to my collection of The Fray when for some reason this song just reminded me of a fic I read some time ago. I switched it up a bit, but it's quite depressing, so don't like, don't read. Thanks, hope you enjoy.
She watched as the trail of liquid slid down the side of the bath, twisting and turning minutely to avoid dust particles collecting there. She felt the release of the pain flowing out and down the drain. She knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. Right as rain, she was not. She was as wrong as the concepts the rivulets of crimson flowing down the drain represented. Not wrong on the outside, but wrong on the inside. Terribly wrong.
Her knife clattered to the floor, her fingers too weak now to keep a steady hold on it. The thoughts that were once so rich in joy now dripped dismally towards the sewer system along with her life force, her will to continue. All that was left inside her was a rift of emptiness.
She couldn't face the world anymore, not with no one left to love, or be loved by. They had all been gone for a while. She sat in the tub for an open-ended length of time; maybe five minutes, maybe forty. Maybe an hour or two. She sat until all the red had dripped away, or dried against her pale skin.
Eventually she remembered how to move. It came slowly, as if she was in a drunken haze, but it came. Just like everything else had left.
Where did I go wrong
Tears started to flow down her cheeks. It was all too hard. There was no one else in the house to hear her whimpers of pain, no one else to share her burden.
I lost a friend
Everyone had left, one way or another. Her parents, drowned in a car accident she miraculously survived. Her aunt, murdered in cold blood for a purpose she knew nothing about. Her birthfather, a selfless sacrifice to keep his daughter alive. Her birthmother, a suicide after deciding she wasn't worth her daughter's time. Her brother, away in Denver for his own safety. Her only parental figure left, struggling with a dark part of himself that wanted to kill her and everyone she knew. Her best friend, dealing with her own family problems and had no time for others. Her boyfriend, persuaded by a monstrous entity to leave the light and spend his days oppressed in the dark under the monster's guidance.
Somewhere between all the bitterness
The monster that had ruined her life, kept her constantly terrified for her existence, afraid to leave the house without a protector. It didn't help that she constantly bickered with her protector, the one who was always at her side no matter what the situation. It didn't help that she didn't have the courage or the strength to return his endless love for her.
I would have stayed up with you all night
He had driven her home, before her relapse in the small bathroom. He had accompanied her all the way inside, checking for danger of any sort. She had dismissed him, roughly, and his plans to keep her company that night had flown out the window, replaced by anger and hurt. She had pushed him away when she needed him most.
Had I known how to save a life
She only realized after their battle of wills, after he had left her alone in the empty house. How much she appreciated him being there, how much she needed him; and now he had left her as well. The pain was too much, making her grab a knife from the kitchen drawer and hurriedly stumbling up the stairs, desperate to make it stop; the pain that was throbbing at her wrists, eager to burst through her veins and down, down, down through the pipes to sweet release.
And so the stream of crimson made its way towards the drain. But it still was too much to bear. She didn't have the guts to harm her carotid artery, but as she stared, empty headed, at the sink, she realized she still had her pain pills from the accident. If she took enough, if the countless small pebbles all slipped down her throat; it would be painless and ridiculously easy.
It took coulombs of effort to lift herself out of the tub, as she often slipped on the red that was now all over it. She managed to haul herself over to the counter, weakly throw open the door of the cabinet above the sink, and locate the small bottle of what she so desperately sought. It made its way into her grasp, and she sank to the floor with no more energy to stand.
The little pills emptied into her hand, and she slowly counted them. Eleven in all. She tipped all of them up into her mouth, resting them on her tongue while she pulled herself up again to the sink to get just one mouthful of water. The tap was cool, as was the side of the sink; and she rested her head there while her mouth filled with water. She swallowed roughly, and she could feel the bumps pushing against her windpipe as they made their way down to her stomach.
Her body sagged against the wall, exhausted from all the movement. She estimated she had around ten minutes before she would be unconscious, and closed her eyes; leaning her head back against the wall. She sat like that for what seemed like hours, hours alone with her thoughts.
Then her thoughts sidetracked to him. What would he think? What would he do? He had less people than she had to begin with, and now he would have no one at all. His brother was gone, for a good fifty years at least. It was just her.
She could feel the drugs kicking in, and she struggled for consciousness. She wanted to leave him something, and she looked around the room frantically. No pen, no paper. Just her, all the red, and the cool tiles underneath her. An idea flicked through her sluggish head; write it with the red.
So she dipped her finger in the pool that sat beside her, and slowly wrote her message to the one she trusted the most, the one who would be most lost without her. It was just complete when the blackness at the edges of her vision closed in.
The curtains rustled near the open window, and he thought about apologizing to her. She'd had a hard time lately, and she just took it out on the wrong person.
He jumped onto the window sill, gently landing on the carpet inside. He heard no signs of movement, nothing telling him that there was a living thing in the house.
He panicked, and hurriedly searched the house. The light from the bathroom down the hall was on, and he approached it quickly. The door slammed against the wall in his haste to find her, and a gruesome scene was revealed right before his eyes.
There was blood all over the tiles, and blood down the side of the tub. Blood had dried on the base of the tub as well, stopped in its tracks before making it to the drain. A bloody kitchen knife sat in the tub, surrounded by the vile stuff.
An empty painkillers container was carelessly thrown on the floor, next to a horrific final message, written in blood.
I'm sorry
And the cause of all this mess; her. She was slumped against the side of the bathtub, one hand extended in the direction of the message. Her skin was ghostly pale, her eyelids almost transparent. She was cold to the touch, long gone from this world. Her chocolate brown eyes would no longer sparkle with joy as he cracked jokes at his expense. Her pale lips would no longer curve into the beautiful smile he loved so much. Her thick mahogany tresses would no longer dance in the wind, they just lay limp across her cheek and spread over the tiles.
There were no words, only the deepest, most intense pain he had ever felt. His knees collided with the tiles next to her. His angel had left him; decided to desert him in his darkest hour. She was his light, his soul, his reason for existence. She hadn't even given him a second thought.
Her message wasn't enough; it just showed that she had one last flash of a conscience before she threw her life away. He couldn't breathe. His throat and his heart constricted.
Where did I go wrong
He reached out to touch her face; her cheek was cold as ice. His eyes closed, just like hers. It was just another reminder that she couldn't come back to him; not this time.
I lost a friend
He thought back to the disagreement they had earlier on that evening. He wished hopelessly that his last words to her hadn't been words shouted in anger, that they hadn't been directed at her. They should've been words of love whispered fervently in her ear, so she knew just how much she meant to him.
Somewhere along all the bitterness
He regretted leaving her. He regretted leaving her every time he did, because he loved her and wanted to spend all the time he could next to her.
He brushed the hair off her cheek, and took her cold hands in his. They looked smaller now they had no life coursing through them, and his strong hands dwarfed her cold ones.
I should have stayed up with you all night
His emotions overflowed, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto her white skin. He tried to come to terms with the fact that his life was now lacking a major part that kept him going, but it was impossible. He was muttering to himself, his voice not strong enough to speak normally.
'Don't do this to me, you can't do this to me, please don't, my love, I can't live without you…'
His forehead dropped to touch hers, and his lips pressed kisses all over her unresponsive face.
'I love you, I love you… my princess, please don't leave me…'
Then I'd know how to save a life
Suddenly, he reared back and let out everything in one massive bellow. All his hurt, all his denial, all his love for the girl that had left him behind. It was one last burst of energy before he couldn't bear to function anymore.
'Elena!'
Reviews are love!
-M