Tifa jumped closing her eyes as she heard the door slam yet again. It happened so often she didn't know why she was so shocked everytime. She would know that sound anywhere. It was the sound of Cloud leaving. She couldn't help beginning to cry. And it wasn't silent tears either it was full blown sobs. She couldn't help but wonder if he would come back this time. She had a feeling he would leave for good one of these days and it hurt her so much. She had given him all the signs. All the hints that she was deeply inlove with him but he never returned the feelings.She was deeply inlove with him but he was deeply inlove with another. All her friends knew why couldn't Cloud just notice her? Its all she wanted. She would be happy is she just had him. Cloud Strife. Tifa just wanted him to show him the same affection he showed the now deceased flower girl. Even in death he cared more for Aeries then Tifa. She hated herself for not being able to be as good as Aeries. For not being good enough for him. She was fine when he needed to be comforted. When he needed a meal or some rest but that was it. To him she would just be a place to stop...And that was it.
"Tifa! Wake up!" an angry Marlene yelled. "I'm hungry!" she pounded on the door.
"Huh" she sat up and scratched the back of her head.
She must have fallen asleep. She rubbed her eyes finding that her face was soaked with tears. That wasn't a surprise to her. She often cried herself to sleep because of Cloud. With the back of her hand she wiped the tears away before getting up. She threw on her usual attire before getting ready for her long day.
When she arrived downstairs Marlene and Denzel were already seated at the table grinning insanely. Tifa narrowed her eyes suspiciously. They were never this happy when they just got up.
"Okay, what have you guys done?" she placed her hands on her hips trying to be serious.
"Nothing, Tifa" the two said in unison. "Honest" they both nodded to eachother.
"And why don't I believe you?" she stepped towards the kitchen to begin breakfast.
She watched the two as they giggled and whispered excitedly. The innocence of kids she mused to herself. She wished she could be as happy as them. Marlene and Denzel waved as they caught Tifa staring at them. She smiled back with her usual fake smile. Smiling wasn't something she did very often anymore. She rested her head in her hands as she let out another long yawn. She was so tired and worn out. Not to mention her heart had been shattered into a billion pieces. Tifa just kept hoping that she would find the strength to carry on each day. Those kids were the main reason she had to carry on. If she was gone who would thay have? Of course Marlene had Barret but Denzel had no one. She was somewhat of a surrogate mother to the young boy.
"Hey, Tifa? Can we go out for a bit?" Denzel asked with pleading eyes.
"Hmm Okay" how could she say no. "Where are you going?"
"Nowhere" he smirked.
"Nowhere?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.
"Just around" he twisted his foot in circles as he look to the ground.
"Okay" she nodded. "Just be back before tea"
"Thanks Tifa" he squeaked running out the door with Marlene "You're the best!"
"Come on Marlene! We still have heaps to do"
Tifa sighed deeply as she dried the dirty glasses. It had been a long day. She was glad she decided to close the bar early for a few months. She would never admit it but the truth was she needed the extra rest. She placed the glass down and rested her hands on the counter for support. Why couldn't Cloud love her? She had always been there for him, she was the first there when he felt like giving up. It was so unfair. She hit her hand into the counter with force. Hitting it harder then she intended. She winced in pain as she cradled her hand. She bit her bottom lip fighting back the tears. When did she become so weak? She never used to cry and now look what she had been reduced to.
"So what did you guys do today?" Tifa asked curious as she placed their plates in front of the children.
"Ummm..." Marlene thought hard. "Ahh...Well..."
"We went to the park" Denzel quickly covered. "Didn't we Marlene?" he nudged her with his elbow.
"Ye...yeah!" she nodded elbowing him back.
This just increased Tifa's suspicion. Those two were definately up to something. She shook her head from those thought. Whatever it was she would deal with it when it popped up. There was a loud creak as the door flew open. The three turned to see who the visitor was.
"Cloud!" Denzel exclaimed.
He said nothing as he stepped inside and out of the cold wind. His heavy boots clanking on the hard wooden floor.
"You're back" Tifa stated clearly surprised. "Is something wrong?" he never come back this early.
"N-nothing" he said shyly as all their attention was on him.
"Well sit down and I'll get you something to eat"
"No it's fine. You finish yours"
"Just sit down. I won't take no for an answer" she said rising from her chair.
Cloud did as he was told and sat down with the two children who bombarded him with question. He gladly answered all of them. Tifa sighed in frustration while fixing him a plate. She always did this. Took him back in when he left. Everytime it dragged her down further. Everytime he left she died a little more inside. How could he not see how much pain he caused her? Or did he notice it and just didn't want to aknowledge it?
Cloud breathed in deeply as she placed the food in front of him. She was such a good cook. Cloud couldn't help but watch as Tifa walked back into the kitchen.
"Aren't you gonna eat anything?" Cloud asked as Tifa just cleared her plate.
"I'm not hungry anymore" she forced a tired smile before leaving.
Cloud frowned. He hated seeing her like this. So fragile, so weak. This wasn't her at all. Something was troubling her and Cloud didn't like it at all. He didn't like it when his best friend was sad. He wanted to know what was causing her so much pain but she would never tell him. What was he to do?
"There in bed" Cloud stated as he decended the stairs and into the bar.
Tifa quickly lifted her head and sniffed back the tears. She stared deeply into his azure eyes. She always got lost looking into them. It was the only way she could gauge his emotion.
"Teef..." he cautiously stepped forward with an outstretched arm noticing that she was on the verge of tears. "Are you alright?" he asked seriously.
"So now you care about me" she spoke sarcastically in her mind. "What do you want me to say Cloud? That I'm fucking miserable?" She crossed her arms and looked to the side.
"Teef, please talk to me"
"Okay Cloud, you want me to talk? I love you. Got it? If you even cared about me a little bit you would never leave me again. But you don't do you? You dont care about me. Theres only room in your heart for one and thats not me is it?"
"I'm fine" she sighed. "Cloud, can we talk tomorrow I'm really tired?"
He sighed in return and reluctantly nodded. He wouldn't be here tomorrow. He shook his head as she went up the stairs and into her room. He soon followed suit and went up to bed.
Tifa buried her face in her pillow as the tears flowed freely. Why did it hurt her so much? She tried to get over Cloud. She tried to convince herself she was over him but everytime she saw him she just crumbled. She just wanted him to feel something for her. What would she have to do to earn his love?
Cloud slowly sat up from his comfy bed. It was pitch black but with his hightened senses he could make out everything. His frown deepened as he thought of Tifa. It had really been troubling him. He sighed as he walked out his door and into the hall. This was such a normal habit for him that he didn't bother being quiet anymore. He stepped heavily till he reached the end of the hallway and stood infront of a wood door. He grasped the handle and continued to spin until the door opened. It was dark except for the light from the moon that was shining down on Tifa who was asleep on her bed. The light was reflected on her tear soaked face. Cloud's eyebrows furrowed as he cautiously approached. Why had she been crying? He just wanted to know what was causing her so much pain. He smiled slightly as he brushed her fringe off her face. Her nose cringed as if in pain and he took a step back. Cloud bent down till his lips were beside her ear.
"Goodbye Tifa" he whispered in her ear and gave her cheek a quick kiss.
Her eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright.
"Cloud..." she heaved looking at her surroundings.
Then she heard his heavy footsteps. She looked to her wide open door. She leaped out of bed and carefully stumbled down the hall. She stopped at the top of the steps as Cloud just reached the bottom. Her heart sank. He was leaving again. Taking each step as if they were long hurdles she reached the bottom of the steps. She stopped and just looked at Cloud as he crossed the room and for the door. She slightly tilted her head to the side as sharp pains shot through her heart.
"Cloud..." she spoke unsure.
Cloud getting a shock turned to the voice. His heart was racing at an abnormally fast pace. He was caught.
"You're supposed to be asleep" he lowered his head guiltily.
"No you're supposed to be asleep. Why are you leaving again?" she demanded to know.
"You know why" he simply stated.
"No" she shook her head. "No I don't. I don't get why you leave everytime. You know she's dead yet you continue to look for her" Tifa said furiously.
"I just..."
"You just what? Don't you have anything to say?"
"I don't have to explain anything to you" he took a step forward.
"No you don't" she yelled back angrily.
"You can't tell me what to do. You're not my wife"
"Oh thanks for pointing that out. I feel sorry for the person that ends up marrying Cloud Strife"
"Shut up" he growled.
"Why? You need to hear this. You can't keep screwing everyone around. Screwing me around"
He just remained silent as his eyes burned into the shaking women.
"No Cloud. Don't leave" she threw her arm to the side. "Don't leave" she repeated. "Don't leave me again"
"I can't stay"
"If you care about me you'll stay. Cloud I need you. Can't you see that? I can't stand that you keep leaving me. That you love another"
"I have to go. I can't stay here"
"Fine" Tifa lowered her head so that her hair was covering her tear soaked face. "Then leave Cloud. Don't come back like you know you want to do. You free of us. You don't owe me or the kids anything. Go be with the person you love"
"Leave Aeries out of this" he hissed.
"But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing. Haunting yourself as the real thing. It's getting away from you again while you're chasing the ghost of a good thing" she closed hers eyes.
"You do love her don't you? That's why you keep looking. She's your good thing right? I mean nothing to you. Our friendship means nothing to you. When you keep leaving do you care that I have to cry myself to sleep? Because the truth is that I...No. I'm not doing this"
"I'm outta here" Cloud growled angrily as he began to leave.
"No Cloud, please don't go" she begged grabbing his arm and forcing him back.
"Tifa, let me go" he shook her off.
She fell on the ground falling to pieces. She cried harder as she knelt in front of him and placed her forehead to the cold wood of the floor.
"Please Cloud, I'm begging you not to leave me again" She begged. She pleaded. "Your my only hope" she claimed him as her only hope.
Then she watched the floor as he retreated. He was really gone this time.
Cloud walked at a quick pace. Head lowered, shoulders slumped and hands deep in pockets. It was all his fault Tifa was depressed. How could he not have seen she loved him? It was staring him right in the face and he was oblivous to it. Had him leaving really caused her that much pain? Well she wasn't the only one that was hurting.
He heaved open the big double doors of the church and stepped in shutting the doors behind him. This was his sanctuary. This was the only place he found peace besides Tifa's bar. He felt at home there. He shook his head as he stood in front of the yellow and white flowers.
Tifa placed her hand to her forehead as she went downstairs. She felt like utter shit but she was determined not to let it effect her life. It was his decision to leave. She begged him to stay but he obviously didn't care for her. He didn't even have any sympathy for her.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" a whole group of people yelled.
Tifa jumped back at the sudden shock almost getting a heartattack. She placed her hand to her heart to try and steady her aching heart. Who would jump out and scare people like that? She looked up her eyes wide with fright and they focused on everyone of her friends. Oh those kind of people.
"Happy birthday! Happy birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Yuffie jumped up and down excitedly chanting.
Tifa was so distraught she completely forgot it was even her birthday. Everyone of them was beaming at her so she felt obligued to smile back so that's what she did. She tried even though it was only half hearted. They all meant well but she just didn't feel like it. Her attention turned to two children giggling in the corner.
"You two had something to do with this didn't you?" she questioned.
They giggled harder and nodded. Tifa's slight smile widened. It felt good to know atleast some people cared about her enough to be here.
"Thanks guys" she said with tears welling in her eyes.
"Hey, hey, hey, no tears yet" Cid spoke up. "We still have to open presents. Just wait till you see what I got ya" Cid smirked.
"You didn't?" Shera asked placing a hand to her forehead and shaking her head.
Cid just grinned like an idiot. Tifa couldn't help but laugh at them all. Maybe she was the least bit happy. It was good for her to be around them.
"So what are we waiting for!?" Yuffie yelled. "Lets get this party started!" she started for the alcohol.
"Uh uh, Yuffie" Barret grabbed the collar off her shirt and pulled her back.
"Hey! Lemme go!" she protested.
"Remember what happened last time we let you near alcohol? We're not making the same mistake"
The bar was full of genuine laughter. There wasn't a dull moment. Although she was still harshly depressed she tried to have a good time. If not for her then for her friends. She deserved to be happy didn't she?
"Aeries, I don't know...I don't know what to do anymore" Cloud said unsure. He was never unsure.
"Cloud how did you feel when you saw TIfa last night"
"I felt really bad, like...like I would never be happy again cause...she wasn't"
"What does that tell you?"
"It tells me that I cause her so much pain and misery. I can't keep doing this to her"
"Cloud!" Aeries said sternly. "You still don't get it do you?"
"Get what?"
"She loves you Cloud. That why she cries. You don't return her affection. She thinks that you hate her"
"But I don't hate her. She's my bestfriend"
"You keep telling yourself that but you know it's more then that. You know you love her"
"But what about yourself?"
"Cloud you never loved me. I was more of a big sister then anything else and you were like a little brother"
"Maybe...but Tifa won't ever forgive me. I've hurt her too much now and..."
"Cloud stop being so stupid. Do you love her?
"...Yeah...I love her"
"Then what are you waiting for?"
"...I'm scared..."
At that moment his phone began to ring. He dug for it in his pocket and flipped it open before placing it to his ear.
"Hello?" he asked his voice raspy and unsure.
"Cloud man, where you at?"
"What do you mean 'where you at?'"
"I mean where are you? Did you forget it's Tifa's birthday? You should be here"
"Tifa's birthday is...today...?" he gulped.
"Oh my god!" Barret screamed down the line. "How could you forget her birthday? Just get your skinny ass down here. Now!" he hung up before Cloud could get in an answer.
"How could I forget Tifa's birthday?" he stammered. "Some bestfriend" he lowered his head. "Aeries do you mind if I take some of these?"
Tifa sighed resting her head in her hands. Did she really expect him to show up for her birthday? He had already forgotten her and she couldn't blame him for wanting to forget. She thought hard about it. What if she had died instead of Aeries. Would Cloud be depressed over her death or would he just be happy that Aeries was still alive? She wanted to believe that he would care but in all honesty she didn't. She would give anything right now to trade places with Aeries. Atleast in death she wouldn't have to feel what she feels now.
"I guess my wish didn't come true" she whispered for only herself to hear.
"What are you doing out here Tifa? It's freezing" Barret shivered as he stood next to her.
"I just...wanted to look up at the stars"
"Yeah they're beautiful" Barrret mumbled trying to act all masculin. "Tifa whats wrong? You've been acting weird all day"
"Nothing" she forced a tired smile. "I guess im just a little tired. Lets go inside" she said as cheerily as possible before disappearing inside.
"I'm really worried about you kiddo" Barret said as he returned his gaze to the stars.
"So Tifa did you have fun?" Marlene qustioned.
"Yeah I did. Thank you guys so much for doing this for me"
"It was nothing" Denzel blushed.
"It was all my idea" Marlene added.
"No it wasn't" Denzel argued back. "I came up with the idea"
"I don't care who came up with it. It was nice. Although I could have down without the heartattack"
The two children laughed. "Now that was a classic. So glad I had the camera"
"Spikes!" Barret called as the spikey haired blonde walked into the room.
Tifa froze as she straightened up from her conversation with the kids. With a stiff back she turned around to the the blonde warrior. Cloud gulped as his eyes focused on her. She looked so tense. How would she react?
"Well don't just stand there" Baret pulled him in and towards Tifa.
"Uhh..." Cloud stammered unsure as he was placed in front of the raven haired woman.
She looked so sad and Cloud hated himself for that. It was just another thing on his list that he regretted doing. He removed his hand from behind his back and held out the bunch of hand picked flowers that he had taken from Aeries' church. He could see tears well in her eyes.
"How could he?" she lowered her head. "Bring those flowers in here? Is he mocking me?"
Without a word said she turned her back to him. Cloud thought hard his attention turning to the ground. He then realised what she was thinking. She thought he loved Aeries and here he was with flowers from her church.
"Tifa, I didn't mean it like that"
"I know exactly what you mean" she said with hate.
"No you don't. Just hear me out"
"Why? Why would I let you tormet me further when you wouldn't even show me the same courtesy?"
Cloud swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Just leave Cloud"
"Teef...I..."
What was he doing? If he told her he loved her it would just cause her more pain. He would eventually screw up and it would be just that much harder.
"Cloud, why can't you love me?" she turned around to face him. "Why am I not good enough. Why do you keep walking out on me?"
"Tifa...you are good enough. It's not you it's..."
"Its not you, it's me, right?" she butted in. "Don't insult me with that crap. I wanna know what you see in her. I wanna know what I don't have"
"Tifa you're..." he looked up into her tear soaked eyes. "Tifa you're perfect. I am so sorry if I hurt you. I want another chance. I love you..."
Cloud tilted his head to the side confused as Tifa walked away. She stormed up the stairs and slammed the door to her room. He glanced around at all of his friends who had been eaves dropping on the conversation. He shook his head dazed. He was so scared. Then he stared for the door before stopping. Why did he keep walking out on her? He glanced to Barret who shook his head.
"Go after her for christs sake" Cid spoke calmly.
Cloud looked at everyone as they urged him upstairs. They stood at the bottom of the steps and pushed him up them.
"Don't screw it up" Barret scolded.
He gulped as he approached her intimidating door. It seemed alot bigger to him now. He raised his hand to knock before hesitating. After a minute or two he mustered all the courage he had to offer and knocked softly.
"Tifa...? Tifa, are you alright?"
No answer. He grasped the cool metal of the door knob and turned. This was worser then any monster he had faught. He waould gladly fight any enemy then being rejected. This was what he was afraid of.
"Tifa, I'm not gonna leave until you talk to me" he approached her figure lying on the bed.
She buried her face deeper into the pillow. She didn't want Cloud to see her like this. To give him the satisfaction.
"You don't have to say anything. Just listen..." he sat on the edge of the bed. "I know I've been a jerk and I'm sorry for not noticing how you felt sooner. I should have known" he shook his head.
"How could you when I never told you?" she said as if she didn't care.
"Everyone else knew...I just guess I didn't want to notice. I was scared I would end up hurting you so I tried to hide the feelings but I can't anymore"
"Don't Cloud. Don't say something you don't mean just to make me feel better"
"Grrr" he clutched at his hair and shook his head. "I can't take it anymore. Tifa I love you okay? I love you not Aeries. It's always been you. No one else. Theres no room for anyone else. It's you that I want and theres no way I'm leaving anymore. I'm not leaving you anymore"
Tifa still layed motionless on the bed. What if he was lying. Maybe he was just trying to cause her more pain. Where are the cameras? This has to be some kind of trick.
"Tifa" Cloud whined tears falling from his eyes.
He placed his arms on her shoulders and gently lifted her up into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. She needed the comfort and didn't care who it was. She needed this. Tifa fit perfectly into his arms and for the first time in ages he smiled. He nuzzled his head into her neck as he stroked the back of her head trying to calm her.
"Cloud, I hate you...I really do"
"I know, Tifa" he kissed the top of her head. "But I love you and even if you don't love me I'm never leaving again. I know it hurts when someone leaves I just didn't notice I was doing it or...maybe I did notice it I just never cared...Tifa I wanna change. I wanna be a family again"
"Cloud..." she whispered as she pushed away and looked into his eyes. "Promise me you won't leave again. Promise me you'll never leave me again"
"Tifa, I promise" he cried.
Tifa was so confused. Cloud never cried. Was he really that sorry for what he had done? Did he really love her?
"I love you Cloud" she wrapped her arms around tightly planting her lips to his before placing her head beside his. "But if you ever leave me again..."
Cloud just smiled as Tifa whispered the consequences in his ear. It was their turn to be happy.
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