A long, long time ago,
We can still remember how,
The Traveler used to make us smile,
And we knew if we had one chance,
That we could make a big difference,
And maybe we'd be happy for a while,
But Old Russia made us shiver,
With every spacecraft we delivered,
The horrid news made us quiver,
We can't remember if we tried,
So very hard to stay alive,
Something touched us deep inside,
The day the Traveler died.
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
And them good old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for humankind,
This is the day we say goodbye,
Did you write that book of lore,
And did you have fun playing hardcore,
If the Crucible handler tells you so?
Do you believe in fights and trolls?
Can you throw knives and combat roll?
And can you teach me to shoot real low?
Well, I know you like snipers,
Cause I saw you no-scoping and hyper,
You like Veist models because they're quick,
Everyone thinks they look real slick,
I was a lonely Human when,
The ghosts were made out of nowhere and then,
I woke up in that forest glen,
The day the Traveler died.
We were shouting,
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky.
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
And them gold old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for the humankind,
This is the day we say goodbye,
Now, for ten years we've been on our own,
And Cayde has asked for another loan *groans*,
But, that's not how it used to be,
When the Fallen used SIVA to fulfill their needs,
Into ways they'd never dreamed,
They used it against you and me,
When Saladin was looking down,
We tried to flip his salty frown,
The Iron temple was invaded,
The Vanguard's notice was belated,
And while I was sitting on Mars,
Then Ghaul shot down from the stars,
The day the Traveler died.
We were screaming,
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
Them good old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for humankind,
This is the day we say goodbye,
The Cabal arrived with destruction and speed,
At least one victory is what we need,
Eight miles high and falling fast,
My ship blew up with me aghast,
The Titans aimed for their fleet,
The explosion was rather sweet,
Now the air reeked of gunpowder,
We sat there stripped of our powers (and our stuff Cayde totally made a big deal about that SO ANNOYING),
We all got up and celebrated,
Super happy and very elated,
Oh, but we never got the chance,
'Cause then came the DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT *suspenseful music*,
The new Guardians refused to yield,
Do you recall what Osiris revealed,
The day the Traveler died?
We were crying,
Bye, bye Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
Them good old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for the humankind,
This is the day we say goodbye,
Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space,
With no time left because of the Vex,
We knew we would be next,
Victims of the galaxy's hate,
We were destined to be dead at this rate,
Because fire is our only friend,
Oh and as I used my hammer,
I used to stumble and stammer,
No threat born in the hell,
Could lock these Guardians in a cell,
And as the flames climbed high into the night,
To light the funeral rites,
I saw the Darkness laughing with delight,
The day the Traveler died.
We were wailing,
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
Them good old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for humankind,
This is the day we say goodbye,
The whole City sang the blues,
And I wondered if I could ever read happy news,
Nothing seemed to be going right,
Or towards the direction of the Light,
I went down to the Cosmodrome to explore,
Where I'd been revived years before,
But the Guardians there couldn't shoot,
They couldn't even collect their loot,
But not a word was spoken,
All of our spirits were broken,
And the Vanguards I admire most,
Zavala, Cayde, and Ikora Rey,
They caught the mood and wept with us,
We all betrayed each other's trust,
The day the Traveler died.
We were sobbing,
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
Them good old Vanguards in which we rely,
Said this is not good for humankind,
This is when we say goodbye,
They were weeping,
Bye, bye, Mr. Orb in the sky,
Drove my ship to play Rift but they ran out of time,
Them good old Vanguards, in which we rely,
Sang this is when we will die.
WOW! This was surprisingly hard to write… not too surprising though, considering the original song is about seven minutes long. Anyways, I hope all you readers enjoy what is my longest parody ever!
For those of you who have read this before, you'll probably notice that I've updated it a bit, taking out a lot of things that didn't make sense like, "MLGing up and hyper" or "this is not good for the Light". I also added in a bit more D2 related stuff, as this was written by me FAR before it came out (and I was already trying to guess about 90% of the plotline).
Thank you very much for reading!
Good morning, and in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
Furious out.