I know I'm supposed to be working on "invisible" and I'm planning to but this angst monster as they say wouldn't leave me, because this song is so perfect… and I had to get it out. So much that I didn't even talk about it to my dear Beta/friend SLopez. Hope you enjoy anyway and if you need happy endings just check my other stories ;)
The songs is Indiana by Jon McLaughlin, I just changed the State name! (YouTube it, it's such a beautiful, sad song)
I don't own Glee, it's purely for fun (well, sadness here!)
Finn sits forlornly in his father's old, battered chair, clutching a pillow against him. He fiddles with his iPod, trying to fix a list to go with his shitty mood, the rainy Ohio weather only adding to the anguish he feels.
He finally presses play and the first song to come up washes over him like he's reading his own diary.
I'm glad I never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach,
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach.
He's a simple guy; he knows that he won't go far. Probably never will leave Ohio. Probably never will get the scholarship (or GPA) he needs to go to college. In a sense he feels glad he doesn't know much about anything outside Lima, that way he doesn't miss on anything.
I love the miles between me and the city,
Where I quietly imagine every street.
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment.
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.
He could have had them all, he only wanted her.
He could have had her, he blew it.
He finally had her, she stomped on his heart.
He might have given her reasons that he didn't love her; he might have not given her reasons that he really did.
He wonders what she meant when she asked if they really had it going on, if she wasn't making it up. Because that's his line, what he's been wondering since Sectionals.
He really meant what he said to Quinn. That when you cheat on someone it's because you don't love them.
It's proof enough that he never cheated on her.
For some the world's a treasure to discover.
And your scenery should never stay the same.
And they're trading in their dreams for explanation,
All in an attempt to entertain.
He's told her to live. He's too ashamed to do it himself.
He's comfortable in his ordinary life; he's made his peace to staying a loser.
He knows she will make it, and that's enough for him. At least he'll be able to say he knew her, once upon a time…
I love the miles between me and the city,
Where I quietly imagine ever street.
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment.
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.
Her intoxicated self told him she'd do anything for him.
Her intoxicated self kissed another guy.
Her sober self kissed another guy.
He almost forgot.
The trick of love is to never let it find you.
It's easy to get over missing out.
I know the how's and when's, but now and then,
She's all I think about.
It would have been so much easier to never fall for her; or at least to stop loving her when she broke his heart.
He would even settle for not being drawn to her every other minute. Not find himself staring, or wondering, or caring.
It wasn't so bad, being in love. It wasn't as scary as he had thought. It was more awesome than he would have ever imagined.
He wishes she would have felt the same.
I wonder how it feels to be famous,
but wonder is as far as I will go.
Because I'd probably lose myself in all the pictures,
And end up being someone I don't know.
But he knows she'll never lose herself. She knows who she is. He knows who she is, who she will be. He gave her the necklace to tell her that. That he believes. That he still…
He just can't say it.
Like he couldn't that day.
He's never seen her wear the thing after that anyway, so it doesn't matter.
So it's probably best I stay here in Ohio,
Just dreaming of the world as it should be.
Where every day is a battle to convince myself,
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.
'Yeah you do that, Finn', he thinks to himself, shutting his tear-filled eyes tight, 'and one day it will become the truth'.
Or not.
He plays the song again.