Fill in the gap Downton Abbey - Anna Smith/John Bates

SPOILERS: S5E6

I do not own Downton Abbey. Julian Fellowes does. Not for profit, just amusing myself with Mr. Fellowes characters.

Hesitation

Bates flinched away when Anna touched his face. She was happy and he didn't understand. He didn't understand why she didn't want his baby, she believed he was innocent that was something. He smiled at her as she took his hands and weeped and kissed them. Bates hestitately raised his hand to cover her hands that enfolded his. He couldn't help himself smiling back at her, he loved her so much and he couldn't help but feel she did love him too, but she had been preventing them conceiving and it was true she hadn't been quite sure that her husband wasn't a murderer. Bates sighed, he couldn't blame her.

Anna hadn't been sure if he had killed Green or not. He had just admitted to her, he had wanted to and had planned to kill Mr. Green. If Green hadn't been killed and had returned to Downton, Bates couldn't say for sure, that he would have been able to stop himself from cornering the other valet in the boot room.

Bates had fantisized about how he would do it. He would bolt the door from the inside of the boot room, so there'd be no escape for him as Anna had had no escape. Bates saw how the coward would have tried to laugh at him. Suspecting that Bates was frail, not knowing he was an expert at protecting the Earl in the Boer War, having shot and, yes, even stabbed the enemy through hand to hand combat during the several years that the Earl and he had spent living and fighting together.

Bates even thought of feigning his injury, to give the false impression that his injury impeded him more then it really did. Leaning on his cane a bit more then usual, limping slowly toward Green he would cut him down with his cane. His cane would become his weapon of choice in many of his fantasies.

Bates would beat him senseless, using the handle to bash him upside the face just as the dirty animal had hit his Anna. Bates would make the devil beg for mercy, but Bates planned to take his time, to unrelently hurt, as Anna had been hurt. Bates would spare no piece of him.

Bates knew how he would finish Green. He would grab him up and be sure that the vial roach, bruised and broken faced, was looking at him. Once Bates was sure to have his attention he would smash his head against the stone floor where he had defiled his innocent and beautiful wife. Bates would watch as he died and be glad of it.

Bates slowly came of his revengeful fancies as Anna kissed his hand and now his palm. He could not help but feel himself become endeared, despite his doubt of Anna and why she should not want to have their child. He felt like grabbing her up, kissing her senseless, carrying her upstairs and not letting her out of their bed until morning.

He shook his head to clear where his mind led. He couldn't let himself be distracted by her goreous lips and hands. If she hadn't known or thought for sure that he was the one who had killed Green, why had she purchased the book and the device.

Confused, Bates gently moved his hand from hers and gently clasps her arms.

"Anna, if you weren't sure of me, I understand. God knows I wanted to kill Green and you say that you wanted to have our child, then why have the book and device?"

"Mr. Bates, if you'd just let me explain. This afternon was hardly the time or the place to discuss this particular subject. Besides, you made me furious to think that I didn't want to have your babies. You're fortunate, I'm speaking to you at all." Anna eyes twinkled.

"Mrs. Bates," Bates returned, eyes softened slightly not wanting to be angry anymore. In truth, he had been furious after finding the items and admittedly his anger had been in full stew during their confrontation in the boot room, "I find this subject hardly amusing or something to be taken lightly. I was shocked and,yes, hurt. The more I thought about it, the more positive I became that you thought me a murderer."

"But Mr. Bates if you remember on a few occasion when we spoke of that night, you did say you felt like committing murder and even now you admitted to planning to go to London. To be honest, I didn't want you to be guilty but I would not have blamed you. I wanted him dead, if I had the ways and means, that day in London I would have killed him myself. I just didn't want you to be guilty, for you to have that sin on your soul, and more importantly, for that evil creature to take you away from me," Anna returned with a soft lint in her voice, turning her position of offender into offendee.

"Nevermind, Anna, I must know the reason for the book."

"Mr Bates," Anna sighed, and couldn't help smille at her husband, "You are not going to want to hear about this, but I will tell you anyway and you'll want to unhear it."

Bates tilted his head gazing at her, wondering if this was a warning that he should adhere to.

"You must promise that this will go no further then between we two, and you must promise never to speak of it again," Anna tilted her head in return waiting for his promise.

"Of course, agreed," Bates again hestated surely this was one of the stangest day he had had in his life.

"It's Lady Mary's," Anna finally blurted out with what Bates could only describe as total reluctants, "She also said not to mention this to anyone and especially to you, Mr. Bates."

"Lady Mary's?" Bates was astounded, "But what would Lady Mary..."

Anna cut of his next sentence, "I know you won't approve, frankly I don't approve either. I even told her so."

Pausing again and taking a deep breathe, "Lady Mary wanted to be sure with Lord Gilliham. She said she was so happy with Mr. Crowley, she couldn't take a chance to marying Lord Gilliham without first begin with him.

Bates' eyes narrowed, and took Anna's hands more firmly in his.

"Tell me the rest, how did she get such a book and contraption? London? And how could she ask you to hold on to it for her?"

Anna shifted her eyes downward, " Mr. Bates, I bought it for Lady Mary in Ripon."

Mr. Bates eyes narrowed even further if it was possible. "What?"

"I admit, it was awful getting it; the lady at the druggist acted like I was a criminal. I mean what if we have 8 children and couldn't afford more... I wanted to go back and get another 10 just for her attitude...' Anna caught Bates eyes with a brilliant smile, and continued, 'but what was I suppose to do? Lady Mary is my employer and I did try several times to dissuade her," Anna sighed and John saw clearly she was telling the truth, and to be honest he was not all that surprise about Lady Mary's questionable virtue, but he let that go.

"So, Lady Mary has a lot to answer for," John's eyes softened and he pulled Anna's hands towards him, engulfing them he kissed the very tips of them and then finally spreading them he placed a damp mouth to each palm.

"In a way, we can thank Lady Mary, we finally were honest with each other," Anna's voice caught slightly, she eyed how his mouth was now stoking the inside of her wrist, John knew just the right spots she was most sensative.

"You were right, you know?" Bates glances up from devouring her hands and wrist, 'if we have 8 children, there might be a time to revisit this druggist... Together,"

Anna blushed and smiled how proud she'd be for Mr. Bates to accompany her there, 'Hhmmm, so it is to be 8 children, Mr. Bates?"

'Well, I would like to concentrate on one at a time at first,' Bates mouthed as he leaned closer, "perhaps we are so busy, we aren't finding enough time to get started...?"

John reached in, gently moving his hand along her upper arm, up along her shoulders to where her neck met her collar. Her skin was warm, her checks were over heated and he desperately wanted her. Leaning in his lips reached for hers, but he didn't quite let them touch, waiting for her to kiss him. He had learned over the pass few years not to rush, not to be in a hurry, not to kiss her until she signaled she was ready.

He sighed into her lips as she brought her hand to his cheek and pulled him in to start their first real kiss in days. They had been too busy since she had come back from the trip to London, it had been weeks that they had kissed like this. Their lips parted, lingering together, separating slowly then coming back together time and again. John couldn't help letting his tongue mingle with hers, then letting his mouth tug at her bottom lip. He did it very gently, not wanted to cause a mark that any one might see. They had to maintain a strick sense of decorum at the Abby during work hours, and besides as he continued to remind himself everything must be slow and gentle for Anna these days. It wasn't a hardship.

Anna moaned and pulled her other hand free to cup the other side of John's head. He could feel her arousal as she kissed him back, moving her mouth against his lower lip, her hands moving from his face to his hair, she hestitately moved forward slowly rocking him softly back against his chair.

She had come with him, and laid fully against his chest, her lower body between his legs, as she deeped the kiss, John placed his hands on the arm of the chair to gather some assembles of control. John had perfected his control over the last two years. No matter, how provocatively she made advances, he had always let her be the one in control the one, to set the pace.

"John,' Anna moaned as she positioned her knees between his at the edge of the seat cushion. Covering his hands on the arms of the chair with her own, she leaned into capture his mouth again.

Finally, slowly, Anna broke away slightly, locking eyes with his just a few inches away "John, you're driving me mad...you know that?"

John smiled at the sparkle in her eye, "What is it, love?" He capture her mouth with each word.

"I want you, but..." Anna's voiced trailed off, her eyes shifted away from his to a spot over his shoulder.

"But what?" John voice caught in his throat so his response didn't come off as casual as he would have liked. Anna had on many occasions just wanted him to hold her. He always did, but tonight was one of the nights that was going to be a lot longer for him if that is what she wanted.

"John, I want... I want you to, " Anna's voice became lower, he had to strain to hear her next words, "I want you to be in control."

"Anna?" John wasn't sure what she meant. Control is what he did.

"Like you used to be ... before, " Anna stated.

"How do you mean?" John remembered how they were before that awful night, but it was different now and she had set the boundries.

"I want you to be in control of what we do and how we do it, I trust you, " Anna slid her hand under his and lifted them from the arm rest. "John,?"

"I won't pretend, I don't know what you mean, Anna," John kissed her lips tentatively, "You want me to lose control, yes?"

"Yes, do you think you can?"

"Anna, I can try, but I can't promise," John stood up with her and lifted her up into his arms.

He carried her to the narrow steps of the cottage, letting her feet drop to the third step making her even with his height. His hands caressed her sides down to her hips, pulling her staight against him, he could feel her moan at the contact, their eyes met and he smiled at her intense look.

Anna was indeed the most beautiful thing he had seen in his life.

"Up you go," John stepped up to her lingering one hand along her hip and turning her to guide her up the stairs. He remembered doing this same action the first week they had moved in. He couldn't get enough of her after having moved into the cottage, it had been a renewal of their intimacy, and Anna could catch his mood even on a Sunday morning after services.

He stopped her at the top of the stairs to turn her against the wall to their bedroom. He had never taken her against the wall since that awful night, perhaps this is what she meant.

"Anna," John sighed her name as he captured her mouth. His hands started to tug at the far too abundant pieces of clothing that preventing his hand contact with her smooth skin.

tbc