Talk To Me
He'd never been rejected by her before. Not like this. There'd always been a certain kind of sparkle within her eyes, a suggestion of something to come later instead. On the contrary, tonights rejection couldn't have hurt more had it been delivered by a knife to his heart. Tonight there had been nothing in her eyes, just an emptiness which hadn't been able to meet his gaze.
That was when she'd snapped at him, adding that final unexpected blow. 'What's wrong?' He'd asked, his tone a gentle mix of concern and confusion. 'What? You think just because I don't want sex there must be something wrong?' Her words caught him off guard, not least because of her questioning tone. It was not the sex he missed but the sparkle which had long since been removed from her eyes. It did not, however, seem appropriate to point that out, not that she gave him a chance turning away from him and picking up her book from the bedside table. A sure sign that this conversation was over.
Denise lay curled in a tight ball beside Kush. It was the first night for a while since he'd last stayed over and he'd stupidly allowed himself to believe that a little fun between the sheets was on the cards. Now, she felt further away from him than ever before. On another night he might've risked pushing her book to the floor, something which was often met with mixed reviews, but whilst he missed her he did not have a death wish.
Resigning himself to sleep, he leant across to place a soft kiss upon the back of her shoulder before returning to lay on his back. That was when he felt it. The flinched movement of her shoulder away from his kiss. There had been no suggestion within his simple kiss; he'd made very sure of that. It was a goodnight kiss, nothing more, nothing less. Yet still she'd moved away from him.
It was at that moment he'd noticed something which hadn't made sense to him at first. The words upon the pages of her book appeared to be in some kind of foreign language, until he'd realised the book was upside down. Clearly this was not the escape it was for her on other nights, simply a guise to put space between them.
He knew he had two options. He could either leave the drift to grow or attempt to reach her. Bearing in mind his first attempt of reconciliation had not been well received, he took a different approach. 'Talk to me, D?' He asked the empty space around them. With his head tilted towards her he watched her back for signs. She appeared to soften but maybe he'd imagined it.
What Kush couldn't see was that Denise had closed the book that she hadn't been reading. She felt bad for snapping at him. It wasn't his fault she'd made such a mess of everything. 'I feel like I'm losing you.' It was his tone more than the words he spoke which caught her off guard. It was rare for him to lay the jokes aside and be serious. Did that mean she was losing him too? She'd already lost her job and the little savings she'd had. If she lost him too she'd have nothing left.
Slowly she turned to face him where his hand caught her fringe before it could fall into her eyes, pushing it behind her ear. 'I don't want to lose you, D.' He spoke first. A gentle but truthful sigh that made her shake her head. 'Oh, Kush.' She mumbled as something within her snapped, like a dam which had been keeping everything in place that couldn't hold back any longer. Suddenly she was overcome by a rush of emotion. Tears swelled in the corner of her eyes, her hand moving to cover her mouth. 'Denise?' A confused whisper escaped his lips. This was not the reaction he'd been expecting. 'Come here.' He whispered, so softly that it was almost inaudible, slipping his arms around her and pulling her close.
She did not resist his movements. She had no more strength left now that the wall which she'd forced between them had come crashing down. Whether he was conscious of it or not, his fingers played with her hair, relaxing her. The tears which had once threatened her eyes never came. It was the most secure she'd felt in far too long.
There was so much he wanted to say but the words wouldn't come. She was far too fragile for him to speak the first thought which came into his head. He knew he had to tread carefully. Instead, he simply placed a soft kiss against her hair.
As it was, it was Denise who spoke first, picking her moment whilst Kush mulled over the right words. 'I'm so sorry.' She whispered. It was not the playful comment she'd given him when she'd leant too heavily upon his collarbone following the crash. It was composed and well placed, like she'd known that she would say it long in advance of saying it. 'You have nothing to be sorry for.' He attempted to tell her but she wouldn't hear it.
Instead she moved away from him, moving her pillow aside so that she could sit back against the headboard, hugging the pillow in her lap. 'No, you need to hear this.' She told him in no uncertain terms. He'd asked her to talk to him but now that she was he wasn't sure he liked where this was heading. There was something about those words and the way in which she'd voiced them which brought about his worst fears, however unreasonable that seemed in reality. He braced himself to hear her say there was another man but he couldn't have been more wrong.
'I have no money.' Her words tumbled out in an embarrassed rush, free at last. 'Money?' The confusion was evident as he looked up at her from where he lay beside her. She looked away from him as she elaborated. 'No job, no money. Nothing.' She said. 'You've got me.' He risked a light joke but whilst a chuckle played upon the edge of her lips it did not materialise. 'You don't get it, do you?' She asked. 'It's only money.' Kush tried to tell her which did not go down well. 'That's easy for you to say because you've got it.' Denise replied exasperatedly, splaying her hands to help prove her point.
'No, D. It's easy for me to say because...' He paused, but now that he'd started there was no way back. 'I thought you'd met someone else.' He admitted. She looked at him, stunned. 'You've been so distant lately, I didn't know what to think.' He explained. 'I'd never do that to you.' She placed her hand against his face as she spoke, smiling as he covered her hand with his own. 'I do love you. I felt so ashamed, I didn't know how to tell you.' She said slowly. 'Come here.' He inclined with his head as he spoke.
Placing the pillow aside, she shuffled down to lay facing him. It was at that moment Kush noticed the faintest glimpse of sparkle back in her eyes. 'I know you're not gonna like it, but I'm gonna help you out.' He told her. 'Kush...' She began to protest but he stopped her. 'I love you, Denise. I'm not gonna stand back and watch you struggle.' A relieved smile crossed her lips. 'You do believe me, that, there's no one else?' She slowly asked. 'Of course I do.' He answered truthfully, slipping his arms around her to pull her close. It seemed insignificant now to mention that his worst fears had once, albeit briefly, flashed before eyes.
Leaning towards her he intended to kiss her cheek however Denise turned at the last moment allowing his kiss to fall against her lips. Slowly passion began to build within their kiss before Denise pulled away and snuggled into him, not sleeping alone for the first night in far too many. 'I've missed you.' She whispered as Kush kissed her forehead, to show the feeling was very much mutual.