I still dont understand these feelings. Like a crippled heart, they hurt. I'm lost like a faceless doll. Dream me a sky filled with eyes. Eyes that are searching, searching non-stop. Searching for you.
Is that what you should think about as you get up? Damn it all, I'm just tired of not finding the one. I want everything to be perfect you know? I get up go to school, and see him everyday. I see him, but I do not talk to him. Maybe something is wrong with me. I love what I can't have. Love...did I really just say that? Guess so. He's so perfect in my eyes. I know if I did talk to him...as if, but if i did. My image of perfection of him might shatter. We always dilute ourselves into thinking a person is amazing. We put them on a pedestal, and when we do get to know them. They fall. Its not their fault. Its how people work, we always put a person on high standards. We can't assume...but I do. He is so handsome. Oh world, he is so awesome. He's got such a beautiful smile, it melts my heart. Unravels so many thoughts, never any good. Always with him without a shirt. Damn it all. I'm in love with the unknown. Just fucking amazing. He's got such beautiful black hair, and such a toned body. Fricken drives me insane. Would he notice me if I was more outgoing? Am I pretty enough? I mean if I was he would have noticed...I guess I'm not. I want that smile directed towards me. I want those lips near mine. My cheeks blaze red everytime I think about him. I want him. These feelings are driving me crazy. I want him. Thats it. I will have the nerve to ask him out. I will do it...how many fucking times have I said that. I always do this. Fantasizes of asking him out and him saying yes always spring up. Damn it all. It will not play out like that. This is real life, its not a fantasy. It is God's will that will allow me to date him or not. I can not plan the future like i do in a fantasy. God is who holds the strings. God controls our fates. This time I will do it. I will fucking do it. Want to know what finally pushed me to do it? No it wasn't that my dog died, and I felt that life is too fucking short. It was way more simple. I sat in my room, staring out the window and the white snow that covered every inch of land, and thought that looks so beautiful. I watched as the cars drove through the perfect snow, but the snow was still there. Just a bit pushed away. So I figured, even if I do get rejected, it would break a piece of my heart, but my heart would still be there. Anyway time to get up. I look at the clock and its 7:05. Shit, I'm late for practice. Everyday I'm late for something. I always rush in the morning. I tie up my hair in a ponytail, wear my shorts and tee. Run to the kitchen, grab some toast. Wake my father up, of course he lectures me about being late. I run outside to turn the car on, and figure that I'm not wearing any shoes, in shorts and a tee, and its minus 20. Of course, my dad comes out laughing, while i scream and run inside to put some socks on, grab my backpack filled with my jeans and a jacket. I run to the car. He shuts the garage and we drive to school. He drops me off, and I kiss him on the cheek and run inside. I run to the gym, drop my things off by the door, while my coach just shakes her head at me. I tell her I'm only fifteen minutes late. She just rolls her eyes, but I saw that smile. I started running laps while my teamates watched.
"Late again Buddy?" Sarah yelled as I ran. I gave her the finger and smiled. They all burst laughing.
"I saw that." Coach screamed and I ran faster. I ran three laps then the coach made me start doing drills with the field hockey stick and the ball. We did that for ten minutes, than she wanted us to play a game. She split the sixteen girls that made up the senior team. We versed each other. Sarah was on the opposite team. I waved at her, and she rolled her eyes. I went to the middle looked at my other two forwardes winked at Claire. Who shook her head. I stared Sarah in the eye and we knocked our sticks on the ground once, hit each others stick. Then I hit the ball and passed it to Claire. Sarah shrieked that I had gotten the ball once again. I stuck my tongue out at her and ran past her. Riley ran towards Claire, she looked alarmed then saw that I was waiting for her. She passed it to me, and I ran with it. I lifted the ball up as Sarah came with her stick to defend. I jumped over her stick and pushed the ball towards the net. Tiffany and Jessie were being defenders. I smiled at them and they held their position. I ran towards them with the ball, then just before I got close enough. I shot it towards Claire, which took them by suprise. As she swung her stick and shot the ball into the net. We all screamed and high fived each other. Sarah stood there glaring.
"Oh come on, you love me. Turn that frown upside down." I said. She was trying to hold it back, but a smile got loose. Oh I'm good.
"Alright Ladies good job. Now go practice some passing." She said. Then turned towards me. "And you, goodjob kiddo. Don't be late again, or I'll make you do deadly seven." She said. My eyes widened.
"NO NO NO. Coach are you trying to kill me?" I said. She just shook her head and walked away. Tiffany came towards me.
"She told you if your late your gonna do the deadly seven?" She said. I nodded my head. "Idiot." She said and ran. I chased her. She ran out towards the hallways, where students were starting to fill it up. Tiffany ran and looked back sticking her tongue out. I ran full speed to catch up. I reached her and lifted her up.
"Ha, I got you. Now what were you saying." I said and she burst out laughing. I was smiling as I tickled her.
"Ahem." A male voice said. I turned around and I gulped. It was him. My perfection. My love. My heartrate increased and I stared at him. It was stephen.
"What?" Tiffany asked him. He just stood there watching her. I put her down. He did not even notice me. I looked at the ground then I remembred. I was going to be tough. I looked up and smiled at him. I put my hand out.
"Hi, sorry we blocked your way." His eyes left Tiffany and stared at me and then at my hand. He lifted an eyebrow and shook my hand. I couldn't breathe. Someone could not look that good.
"No problem." I was going to look down again but I stopped myself. I did the worstest thing ever. I trailed my eyes over his body. Bit my lip and stared at his face. I tilted my head and smiled. His eyes widened and a grin broke out. I did not just do that.
"Well we need to head back to practice." Tiffany said as she stared at us. She grabbed my hand and we walked away.
"Cya around." He said as he stared at me. I nodded my head and walked. I was so happy. A grin stayed on my face and I probably looked like a complete idiot. Tiffany kept looking at me and had a frown on her face. I didn't care. I was just so shocked. That did not go as bad as she had thought. She was glad she was brave. The coach yelled at them to not do it again. I gave her a hug and started singing and dancing.
"Whats up with her?" Coach asked Tiffany. Tiffany shook her and shrugged. Claire stared at her and started dancing with her.
"Nothing is wrong Coach. Its just such a beautiful day. I smell like sweat but I smell like sweat with my kick ass teammates. Sorry I mean my kick behind teammates...that did not even sound good." She said giggling.
"Okay, she's lost it. All of you go and get changed. Classes start in five minutes. Good luck." Everyone groaned and started running to the change room. I stayed behind to put the sticks behind and balls. "Goodjob kiddo, your doing it because you were late. Good job." She left me as I grabbed everything and left. It was heavy and I couldn't see anything. I walked out the door and turned towards the closet. I pumped into someone and all the sticks fell. Shit. Picking it up is going to be a pain in the ass.
"Sorry, I couldn't see anything. Shit sorry." I said as I looked up. OH MY GOD. IT WAS HIM AGAIN.
HOLY FUDGE HOW LUCKY AM I. He had an amused look on his face.
"It's fine. You seem to get in the way a lot." He said. Well shit wasn't her fault this time. He helped her pick them up.
"Its fine leave them. Your going to be late for class." She said. He stared at her.
"So? I don't feel like going to class." Well oooooooookay then. She nodded and opened the closet. It was a small room storage room. Could fit at least ten people, but it was filled with gym things. She dropped the sticks in the locker and heard the door lock. I turned around and saw him lock it. He grinned at her and walked forward. What the fuck was he doing. He put the sticks behind her, closed the locker. She just stared at him as her breathing rate raised. He pushed her against the locker and stared into her eyes.
"You have such pretty eyes. Such a pretty blue." He reached out his hand and touched her cheek. She's been waiting for so long for this. He leaned closer, she did not want to wait. She reached out wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed him against her. His lips hitting hers. I parted his lips with my tongue and let it stroke his tongue. He pressed his body against her and he kissed her back. Oh dear God. He felt amazing. His lips were as soft as she'd imagined. I want to feel him, so bad. I slipped my hand under his shirt, and felt him shiver at her cold touch. She felt the tight muscle on his stomach, and groaned. She pressed against him, kissing him more. She wanted him. Wanted him so fucking bad. He slipped his hand under her shirt and she froze. What if he thought she was fat. What if he didn't like her. He pulled his lips back.
"Hey, you are not fat. Your beautiful and you got curves. He lifted her shirt up and stared at her. She looked at him and did not see disgust, rather love. She was so suprised. She bit her lip and stared at him. "God, I love when you do that." He kissed her lips and felt her body up. She shivered under his touch. Finally she was touching him. Or was this a dream. Oh no please do not let it be a dream. If it is, don't let me ever wake up. He put his hand over her bra and she groaned. He pulled back.
"Holy fuck, that sound is delicious." He said and stared at her. Her chest was rising and falling. Her cheeks red and she was breathing heavy. He slipped a hand through her hair. "Holy fuck, you are so fucking beautiful." She tiled her head. What the fuck. He's never even noticed her. She wanted to ask him why is he saying that. "Oh, i see the confusion on your face. You think I haven't noticed you watching me? Its been a year. I noticed. I noticed way to much. I noticed your smile, your eyes sparkling, or when they filled with tears when you laughed too hard. Which you always did. You are always laughing. I noticed way to much. I don't know if i should tell you this. But, I became addicted to you. I took pictures." He said. Her eyebrows raised and she gulped. "Don't be scared. I just think you are beautiful." Holy shit. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. She reached out and kissed his cheek. She whispered in his ear;
"I've been in love with you for a year. You are in my head twenty four seven. I want you, I want you so bad." I said. I heard him sigh. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. I laid my head on his chest and heard his heartbeat, that was beating fast. I can't believe whats going on. This is fucking insane. He likes me? "I don't understand. You are so handsome, your so popular. Why me?"
"Why not you. Just because I'm popular doesn't mean I want to date skinny, slutty girls. I want a nice, beautiful girl. Your exactly that. Now drop it. Enough of this talk. I'm just so glad you feel the same way." He trailed his hand down her back and back up. "Your so soft." She closed her eyes and slipped her hands under his pants. He lifted her face up. "Don't." She shook her head and she felt him. He was turned on and damn he was big.
"I make you feel like this?" She asked and looked at him. He smiled and nodded. She felt butterflies in her stomach and smiled.
"Have you ever had sex?" he asked her. Her smile faded and she stared at the ground.
"No...please don't think I won't be good." She said. He tiled her face up and smiled.
"I'm so happy. That means I can be your first. I can mould you so you'd want only me." He said smiling. She reached and brushed his cheek. Then they heard voices. His eyes went on alarm. He looked at her and passed her, her shirt. I put it on and stared at him. He was looking around the small room. She watched as his jaw clenched and let out a sigh. He tuned towards her and lifted an eyebrow. Fuck, that was so hot.
"So perfect." She reached out and kissed his jawline. He pulled her towards him. They walked and hid behind a basket holding basketballs. She laid ontop of him as they both heard the door open. Two gym teachers walked in. I tried to slow down my breathing rate, but staring at him while he stared at her, was making her heart work harder. The gym teachers were talking about something, they grabbed a gym bag and left. They shut the door and he kissed her. She wanted him.
"I don't want to do it here. I want it to be somewhere special okay?" He said and she nodded. She kissed him and felt his tongue on hers.
"we should go." She said. He nodded but neither got up. They just kept feeling each other up.
"God,, you are amazing." He said. She smiled and reached out.
"You are so amazing." She said and he smiled. She got up and he stood behind her, his arms on her waist. She pressed her back against his chest. She reached one arm up and pulled his face closer and kissed him. She pulled back and he smiled. Oh god...his smile. She left the room before him and went and grabbed her bag. She changed quickly and went to math. He was already there. Sitting at the back. He smiled as she walked in.
"Glad your joining us today." The teacher said.
"Sorry, I was really hot. So i had to go in the snow. I didn't want my body to burn out.." She said smiling at the teacher. Who of course rolled her eyes. She heard him laugh, and she closed her eyes to savour that sound. She opened her eyes and sat beside her friend Laura.
"Late again." She asked. I nodded and put my head down as the teacher continued with the lesson. She felt eyes on her and turned and saw him looking at her. She smiled and looked on the table. His friend Clarissa was in love with him. She kept talking to him but he kept brushing her off. Damn it, all she could do was smile. He was so good looking. She peeked a glance like she usually did and saw him starring. He raised his eyebrow and a smile broke out on his face. I quickly turned around and smiled at my math inequalities. Frick, I hate math. Alright time to start. I turned around to Laura, she was doing her work like a good girl.
"So bestest friend, want to help me?' I asked. She smiled and nodded. I sat with her focused as I tried to figure out. By the time I finished the work assigned it was almost time to go. I felt someones hand brush against my shoulder, I turned around as I saw him sit in a chair next me. I smiled at him and waved. He laughed.
"You don't have to wave you know." He said with his sexy voice. Oh God, that voice made me melt inside. She shook her head and waved again. He did the sexiest thing ever, he gave her a side smile. Damn, his teeth were so perfect. "Fine." He said. He raised his hand and waved at her. Aw, he was so cute. I reached out and caressed his face. I rubbed my thumb at his temples while my other fingers touched his lips. So soft. He sat still and watched her with his memorizing eyes. I bit my lips and smiled at him. He reached his hand out and pulled my face closer and kissed me. Right in the middle of class. Well shit. I heard the gasps. Damn it. He did not stop, he pulled my chair closer with his feet and I lifted my hands and let them play in his hair. Oh he was so amazing. Damn it all. Damn it. The teacher was not in the class, so we had no reason to stop. Till of course Clarissa came and pushed me. I fell back and landed on Lauras lap.
"Hey." I said. Laura smiled at me and helped me up. Laura, what a good kid. She was smart, but did not talk to much.
"What the hell did you just do?" He asked her. I was shocked, there was genuine anger. "You okay?" He asked me in a much gentler tone. I nodded.
"What the fuck are you doing kissing her?" Clarissa asked.
"What? She's my girlfriend now. I can kiss her as much as i want." He said and smiled at me. My heartbeat went crazy. Girlfriend...i liked the ring of that.
"She's not skinny, she doesnt wear make up, and she dresses really weird. I am clearly much better." she said as she stared at me. Well shit. That for sure makes a girl feel better. He got angry, she saw his jaw clench.
"Well bitch, try saying it to my face. Or is your dumb brain to small to even do that?" I said. Holy shit, I just said that.
"Did you just call me a bitch?" She asked.
"Damn, how dumb can you be. I clearly did." I said, and shook my head. No this doesn't feel right. "Look, how about we just relax okay? Class is almost done." I said looking up at the clock. I turned and faced her but it was too late she had slapped me across the cheek. Ouch. Kind of stung. I smiled at her. "Bad Idea." I punched her in the eye, and watched her fall to the ground." I sat down beside her on the ground. "See, no one likes getting hit. I certainly don't like hitting other people. Touch me again, and i promise you I won't be gentle." I said, grabbed my things and left. He ran behind me smiling. He took my backpack and grabbed my hand. His hand was so warm. I melted into his side. He had to support me.
"You were very brave. I am really proud." He said. I shook my head
"I can't believe I did that. I hate violence." I said into his side. He kept his arm around me and we walked. People kept starring at us, but he wouldn't let me see. He kept me planted beside him.
"Hey bestest friend." I heard my best friend say. I pushed him away and saw her. She was standing her mouth open in shock. I loved this kid, she's been my friend for a long time. I ran towards her and gave her a hug. "So someone needs to do some explaining." She said. I nodded. She was taller than me which sucked ass. I felt him behind me, because his hands planted themselves on my hips. Which is a place that I've never been touched before. I never noticed that my body had pressed into him. My body has a mind of its own. Fucking wonderful. Silver stared at us. I love her and she's going to make me explain.
"Well why don't I explain it?" He said. His voice needs to chill the fuck down. Its too sexy. She felt his breath down her neck. "I'm dating your best friend." He said.
"Well yeah I figured that. Anyway lets go to french class." She said. I nodded. I turned around, and saw his handsome face. Damn it. This always happens.
"My...uh backpack please." I said stuttering like an idiot. He smiled and hugged me.
"You are too cute. You can't get your backpack till you pay me something in return for carrying it." He said. Wow his mouth moves nice...wait what. Pay back...think. What would he want. I got it
"Okay. Silver pass me some gum." I said. He burst out lauhing, and shook his head. What did he want then, then i saw him lick his lips. Oh.
"Not in public." She said.
"Oh well, guess you won't get your backpack." He said smiling. Oh hes good. I looked down the hallway then the other direction. I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Grabbed my backpack and ran. I could hear him laughing as I ran with Silver. I was smiling like an idiot.
"He's cute, glad you finally got him." Silver said. I nodded. "By the way I want details okay? I'm always the one talking about my boyfriend, but you've been obsessed with this guy for so long. It was kind of scary. Does he know?' She asked. I shook my head and stared at the ground. Shit. She was right. I was obsessed and its going to be worse now. If he was going to date anyone else I would lose my mind. "Do you remember Jay?" Oh she remembered. She did not want to think about it. He's long gone now. Damn it. "Hey sorry, look just be careful this time." She said. I nodded and she gave me a hug.
"Bonjour ladies. What took so fucking long?" Daren said as I sat beside him and Silver beside me.
"What, your gay ass couldn't wait any longer?" I said and Silver burst out laughing.
"Fag." He said.
"I know you are but what am I?" Okay that was childish but oh well. He smiled and patted my head.
"Short stuff." Oh no he didn't. I glared at him.
"Jerk off." I said
"Maybe I will." He replied.
"Ewwwwwwwww." Silver and I said at the same time.
"Ladies...and Daren. Shut up." Miss Laurial said. She was a petite women, single and only twenty four. Daren was in love with her. What ever he can love who ever he wants. He can't help it.
"of course Madam. I apologize." Daren said. I giggled and stared at him. He glared at me. She smiled at him and he got that dream like look. Silver was laughing so hard right now. She leaned and whispered in my ear.
"We are so going to bug him about this later." I laughed and nodded.
"Alright, lets start. Today we are going..." Miss Laurial kept talking, but I zoned out and thought about him. I could still remebered the softness of his lips, his strong hands, and his taste. He was going to be in my head for a long time. He is so amazing. Silver poked me and I jumped out of my seat. Everyone stared at me and burst out laughing.
"Well since you have been ignoring me, I want you to read page twenty five." Shit. Shit. I suck at french.
"Yes mon ami." I said and smiled.
"Speaking a little bit of french won't make it up. Start reading." She said. I leaned down and whispered in Darens eat
"Your girlfriend is a bitch." I said and he punched my arm.
"Ouch. Miss I can't read my arm hurts now. I won't be able to lift my textbook." I said smiling. She rolled her eyes.
"Silver, hold her textbook." Shit. Silver lifted the book up and stuck her tongue out. I began reading the first word when a knock was on the door. I stopped and smiled.
"One second." She went to open the door. She left and closed the door behind her.
"Sweeet. I'm safe." I said
"for now." Daren said.
"You know mister positive, your a dick." I said
"Thanks bro." He said and I rolled my eyes. The door opened and the teacher came in.
"We have a new student, come in please." The teacher said. I didn't really care. I took my phone out and heard Silver gasp. I looked at her
"What?" I said. She pointed at the door. I looked up and I screamed. I literally screamed. It was Jay. What the hell.
"You alright?" The teacher asked me. Jay was standing at the door smiling at me. I forced my mouth close.
"Yes I just hit my foot." I said and looked at the ground.
"Alright well, Jay was it? Please introduce yourself." Miss. Laureia asked. He walked infront of the class. I stared at the ground. I would not look up. Then he spoke and I did look up.
"Hi I'm Jay, I used to live here but had to move for some personal reason. I like sports and shit I like girls." He said staring at me as I stared back. His eyes went cold as he stared at me. My heartrate was pulsing. "I came back to get whats mine." Jay said and I froze. I gulped.
"And what's that?" Daren asked. Daren wouldn't know because he wasn't friends with me for that long. Jay's gaze left mine and looked at Daren who was sitting beside me. He measured the distance, and glared.
"A girl. I lost her because of something she did. I lost her. I intend to get her back." He said smiling.
"Well that is so romantic." Teacher said. Of course the Frenchie would think so.
"Damn I think I got competition." Daren whispered to me. I swallowed and raised my hand.
"May I please go to the bathroom." I asked and the teacher nodded even if she was staring at Jay. Who wouldn't be captivated by his looks. He had jet black hair, icy blue eyes and a memorizing smile. Oh god, those eyes. I remembered them. They were always searching for me. No, I can't think about this. I can't. I got up and felt his stare. I walked quickly out of the door and walked to the hidden bathroom that only some students knew about. It was in a dark hallway that the kids believed was haunted. So only a few "brave" ones came. Of course that was a rumour spread by the seniors. I did not believe in ghosts, so i found it. I heard a shuffle behind me. Seriously this hallway needs more lights. I heard someone behind me, turned around and there was Jay. He pushed me aganist the wall and pressed his body against me.
"hi baby." He said, his blue eyes staring at me. I tried to get out, but he was so strong. "Now now, this is not a very good welcome party." He said smiling.
"What do you want Jay." He closed his eyes.
"MM oh how I've missed your voice saying my name. What do I want? I want you. Its your fault I'm like this. You hooked me on you. Now I can't go back. Its your fault. You made me lose my mind. I had to move, leave my friends because of you." He said.
"I'm sorry. Its my fault. I'm sorry." I said, tears filling my eyes.
"Kiss me." I did. I leaned in and kissed his lips. That same spark was still there. His tongue found mine. Soft lips...I opened my eyes and pushed him. He looked suprised.
"I have a boyfriend. I can't Jay. Find another girl." I said and shook my head. Damn it. My mind is so messed. I want Jay. I want the other guy. Damn it. Jay still has control over me.
"What...who is the fucker. He can't have you. Your mine. Forever mine." He said and I started crying. He wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, Its okay. Its okay. We'll leave, We'll go somewhere else." That sounded perfect. So perfect, but she can't...could she. Of course you can. Of course I can.
"Okay." I said and laid my head on his shoulder.
"Good girl." He said and ran his fingers through my hair. "I missed you." He said. She missed him too, he had so much control. He was so strong. So amazing.
"What the fuck?" I lifted my head and saw him. "That's my girlfriend you dick. Leave her alone" He marched up to Jay and pulled us apart.
"No. Don't you dare touch her. She's mine." Jay said. Staring at them she did not think who she loved more.
"What?" Stephen reached out and punched Jay in the face. Jay growled. Yep he growled. He reached Stephen and punched him in the eye. Shit. What the fuck am I going to do. I began crying, I fell to my knees and cried. Both of them stopped. They ran to me I looked up and stared into stephens beautiful eyes. He is so amazing. She turned and stared at Jay. He was so cold but so addicting.
"Babe its alright. Lets just go home. Your with me now." Stephen said, his voice falling into a whisper. She wanted to believe him. Jay would not stand by though. He would hurt stephen. She stared into Jays eyes and knew that for a fact. Jay was a manipulating jerk and she loved him.
"Hey kids what are you doing there." The school cop came. She grabbed stephans hand and ran with him. Jay was stuck dealing with the cop. They ran till they were out of the school all the way to his car. He unlocked it and asked her to sit in the back with him. She leaned on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. She cried. Again.
"Tell me everything." he said. She nodded and began bringing up the memorizes she sealed away.
"It started a two years ago when I just started high school. He was amazing. I thought of him all the time. So handsome and smart. He had me and he knew it. Jay enjoyed girls, he never wanted them just wanted to enjoy them. Apparently I was different. He wanted me, or he said. Point is I was so shy then, I was still working out things, I was innocent, to put it simply. He was...very good at persuading. I fell in love with him after two months of watching him. He noticed me all to well. Like you did. Anyway, he was sweet. Talked to me, was kind one day and the cruel the next. Always mood swings always. Everytime he yelled at me, I yelled back. He enjoyed the fight. I should've noticed that, but I liked it too. Jay was perfect to me. He was so strong and beautiful. I wanted nothing but him. We dated after two months of being friends. Jay and I, we did everything together. We sang, danced, fought, did homework, slept together. Everything for us was doing together. Thats when we became addicted. His kisses were harder, his hands were more free. We never did it. My craving of him was strong so strong he had trouble keeping up. He was addicted for sure, when he saw a guy talking to me the next day I'd find him beaten up. Just talking a simple hello how are you...I was addicted too. My bad fighting habits from the past. A girl talked to him and she would show up the next day hurt. We both knew what we both did. It was exciting. Being with him, he was so different. So amazing. He made me feel like I was worth so much. My parents began to notice the change in their innocent daughter. I was being bad, staying out late, being with a boy. Jay somehow made my parents let him sleep at night with me. He was always there in my bed, with wide open arms waiting for me. He would touch me while i slept. I kept my eyes closed as I felt him. So warm. I was obsessed. Craving more and more. We were falling into a pattern. We went to school, we ate together, we went home together, we did an activity together, we kissed. Everything was a WE. Our friends began to drift away. We didn't care. It was us that mattered. A boy named Erin talked to me and I became interested. He was such a nice boy. I wanted to make Jay mad for flirting with a girl. So I kissed him in that hallway we were in. We made out...he was good. Jay found me without a shirt on kissing Erin. He was so mad. His eyes became so cold. All I did was smile at him and tell him whats wrong honey? Can't handle competition. He went insane. He went to puch Erin, but I told Erin to run. He did. I smiled at Jay and touched his cheek. Jay kissed me and touched me. I hugged him as he cried into my shoulder. We stayed there for so long. By that time Jay figured out, I had too much control over him. He tried to break me. Make me think of only his, which was already happening. So we were at my house, parents were gone on vacation. It was only us. I was washing my face and he was leaning against the door. I looked up and saw him smiling. He leaned and kissed me. It was such a passionate kiss. I knew something was wrong. That's when he pulled a knife and trailed it against my cheek. He smiled at me, and said I'm going to mark you as mine. Forever. I shook my head and pushed him away. It was sick, and I'm not that sick. He pushed me against the wall put my hands up and licked my neck up. Mine he said. I was scared, so fucking scared. I loved him so it was a shock. Why I kept asking, he said because your mine. Why are you scared? I smiled then. This was going to end badly. I loved him always would. So i grabbed the knife and cut my wrist. I watched as the blood fell and smiled at him. Its pretty isn't it? I said. He nodded and we made out. While my blood got over both our clothes. It was sick, but he did it to me. He was my new addiction. Was it wrong? I don't know. The final thing that made him leave was my parents noticed. They noticed the cuts, the bloody clothes and twisted look I always had on. They caught us. They saw what we did. They pushed him out. Police were involved, they said I was just being controlled. I was harmless. They asked if I would cut again, I told them. Its not fun doing it alone. They shook their heads and sent me to a therapist. I missed him, I needed him, and my cravings wanted him. He was a drug that I could not stop from. Withdrawl was so hard. It still is. He still has so much control. He's sick, thats what they've been telling me. He moved away. His parents felt it was a good idea. I cried. I cried till I saw you. Stephen you were amazing. I was finally done with Jay. I locked my memories. Forever shut out. I craved you like I did with Jay. I'm scared. Scared what your going to do after I shut up, scared about whats going to happen, scared whether I will become obsessed again." I finally shut up after what seemed hours. He stared at me with empty eyes. I unlocked the door and began pushing the door when he pulled me back. I looked at him and he smiled.
"Fun." He said and kissed me. Dear God was this another Jay?