That's what I'm here for

By

Hannio

Disclaimer

None of the characters mentioned in the below story belong to me in any fashion. I am merely using them for entertainment purposes

Author Note

This is just a one shot exploring the brother relationship between Leonardo and Donatello. Please be aware that this is based on the 2003 series and not the newest series which I still need to watch all the way through!

I hope you enjoy it!

Summary

Donatello experiences a nightmare but he's not quite as alone as he thinks.

Donatello's eyes snapped open, moving around him frantically as he tried to steady his erratic breathing. He felt as though he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, as though someone was sitting on his chest cutting off his ability to breathe.

Logically he knew that it was the aftermath of his nightmare but it was still hard to remember that while he lay gasping for breath, his skin clammy as memories of what he has experienced danced through his mind making him shudder with a mixture of fear and disgust.

Eventually the suffocating feeling eased away and he was able to relax enough to uncurl his hands which had tightened into fists during the whole episode. He would have marks in his palm from where his nails had dug into the soft flesh.

Donatello swallowed hard and slowly sat up on his bed. He lent back, using his arms to balance himself as he waited for the feeling of nausea in his stomach to disperse. Keen dark brown eyes searched his room, taking comfort in the familiar sights which he surrounded himself with. His head was pounding in a sickening fashion which made him want to lie back down and sleep but fear that he would re-enter his nightmare kept him sitting upright. He swallowed again noticing how dry his throat was. He needed a drink, something to steady his nerves.

He slowly stood up and began shuffling towards the doorway, his usual graceful movements sluggish and jerky as though he wasn't used to using his limbs. He slapped his hand on the scanner by the doorway to his lab, waiting for the familiar click to indicate it was unlocked before he pulled it open and stepped into the family living area, closing the lab door behind him. His brothers were probably all asleep by now but he couldn't risk either Leonardo or Michaelangelo getting into his lab, the last time they had, had been a disaster.

He moved slowly through the room, eyes glued to the floor as he attempted to dodge the objects which had been carelessly discarded on the floor during the previous evening, something his youngest brother was notorious for doing.

Donatello breathed a sigh of relief when he made it to the kitchen without mishap. He flipped the switch to the side of the door, flooding the large area with much needed light. He stood there for a moment, allowing the familiar sights to sooth him, chasing away some of the memories before he made his way across the room towards the small oven which they had taken from the junk yard two years earlier. He picked up the battered kettle from where it rested in the hob and headed over to the sink to fill it with water. It felt too light for there to be much in it and Donatello was desperate for a cup of tea, something which would help soothe the rawness in his throat.

He turned back and placed the kettle onto the hob, fiddling about with the buttons beneath it until a merry flame came to life on it. He watched it for a moment, he was still unsure how the kettle had managed to survive for all these years. It was a staple of their household, something which had always been there for as long as he could remember. A sight which brought him comfort though he kept that to himself. His younger brothers mocked him enough without handing them ammunition to use against him.

"Hey Donnie"

Donatello jumped in surprise at the voice, glancing back over his shoulder to see his older brother Leonardo leaning against the door frame, concerned brown eyes focusing on him intently as though he was trying to peel back Donatello's skin to see what lay beneath it. It was a look which Donatello was used to seeing on a daily basis. The look which he had silently dubbed as Leonardo's 'I'm trying desperately to understand you and not quite getting it' look.

"Leo, I didn't expect you to be up" He replied, keeping his voice low and quiet. "Want some tea?" He offered, indicating the kettle which was steaming away happily, filling the air with a whistling sound.

"Yeah, if there's enough for two in there then I'll take one" Came the answer.

Donatello grunted his reply and pulled out two chipped mugs from the cabinets which had been secured to the wall. If he was being honest with himself then the cabinets were by far the nicest thing in the room. They had been made by Raphael one day after Michaelangelo had complained for an hour straight about the lack of storage space which he had in the kitchen. Michelangelo had been speaking to Donatello but Raphael had been in the room as well, reading something at the table while Donatello had done he best to soothe the youngest and promise him that he would try and do something about it. He hadn't even noticed that Raphael had gone until he had turned to him to ask for his support. Three hours later Raphael had reappeared with four cabinets which he had attached to the wall, leaving before anyone could say anything.

His brother had always been talented when it came to his hands. The problem was making Raphael stay in one place long enough to complete the work.

"So why are you up then?" Leonardo asked pulling Donatello's attention away from the past and to him. "Are you planning on pulling yet another all-nighter tonight?" He questioned, failing to hide the disapproval which came to his voice. Donatello rolled his eyes and sighed, focusing his attention on making the tea. He had been subjected to Leonardo's views on all-nighters far too often for his liking. He was positive that if push came to shove he would be able to give the speech himself.

He never paid any attention to it, as much as he loved his brother, Leonardo couldn't understand what it was like to be consumed by an idea which demanded all of your attention and would give you absolutely no peace until it was finished. Sometimes an all-nighter was the only way to manage and still be able to get things done the next day.

"Actually no, I was asleep" He replied simply. Leonardo looked briefly surprised though he remained silent, instead watching Donatello as he went through the familiar motion of making tea. A normal tea bag for himself and a green tea for Leonardo. Making tea was a ritual which Donatello always found relaxing regardless of his mood, perhaps because he could remember his father teaching him the art of it, after his lessons.

Donatello picked up both mugs and headed over to the table, passing Leonardo the blue mug before he took one of the seats on the opposite side of the table to him, he wrapped his hand around his red mug and looked down at the liquid.

"So you were asleep" Leonardo commented casually, breaking the comfortable silence which had fallen between them. "Have a nightmare?" Donatello's hand tightened on his mug as he lifted it and took a small sip from it. He placed it back on the table and spoke.

"Something like that" He responded, shifting in the hard wooden chair in an attempt to get comfortable. Perhaps if he could find the material he could beg Raphael to make them some new chairs. He glanced up when Leonardo remained silent, surprised to see that the older turtle was simply watching him, his gaze steady and reassuring, comforting Donatello without words. Donatello watched as Leonardo took a sip of his drink before Leonardo spoke.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He asked, a considering tone to his voice "Sometimes talking about it helps."

Donatello swallowed hard, flashes of imagery in his head. He supressed a shudder with difficulty, waiting until the memories eased off slightly before he spoke, his voice unsteady.

"There's not much to tell you" He stated with a shrug, "It was just the usual kind of nightmare. You all die and I have to watch because it's all my fault to begin with. I can't help any of you even though I try to."

"Why was it your fault to begin with?" Leonardo asked him curiously taking another sip of his drink. Donatello blinked in surprise at the comment, somehow he had been expecting his older brother to comfort him, offer him some form of reassurance that it was all just a dream and that was that. He hadn't expected the first thing Leonardo said to be a question. He breathed out loudly and spoke, forcing the words out past the sudden blockage in his throat.

"Raphie and you died protecting me because I kept making too many mistake in the fight, leaving myself open to attack, not having a tight enough defence, you know the usual stuff Dad is always telling me off for" He said quietly.

"And Mikey?" Leonardo pressed.

"Mikey?" Donatello repeated "Mikey died because I couldn't reach him in time to save him. As I said before Leo, it's the same sort of nightmare I experience at least once a week. It's really no big deal, trust me when I say I'm used to them" He told him, meeting his brother's eyes for a moment. He read sympathy and compassion in the gaze before he looked away, focusing his attention back on his tea. He lifted it up and took another sip in an attempt to steady himself.

The nightmares where his brothers died always got to him, leaving him badly shaken afterwards, sometimes for hours at a time, depending on how vivid the dream had been.

"Those dreams are always the worst kind in my experience" Leonardo acknowledged softly. "You know I used to have them every day without fail when I was younger. It was relentless." He said, his eyes taking on a faraway look as though he was back in the past. "I had nightmares where I had somehow failed in a task and it was the three of you who suffered because of it. Sometimes you were all killed in the middle of a battle, other times Dad punished me by attacking you for not getting a lesson quickly enough. It wasn't so much the dreams which were the worst part though they were pretty horrific. It was the waking up which I hated because I never knew whether it had happened or not. The dreams had seemed so realistic that sometimes I would believe that it had happened." His eyes sharpened, meeting Donatello's as his voice took on an intense note. "But they didn't happen Donnie and neither did your nightmares. I'm still here, Raph is still here and Mikey is still here. If it helps then I can vouch for that because I checked on them both before I came down here and trust me when I say they were both safe in bed, fast sleep. We're all here and we're all fine." He told Donatello firmly.

Donatello nodded his head slowly, swallowing hard before he spoke.

"Yeah I know Leo" He replied, leaning back in his chair. "It's just…" He stopped and shook his head, unable to go on with what he had been about to say.

Every logical part of his being agreed with what Leonardo had told him. Logically he knew it had just been a bad nightmare. A simple dream which was unable to hurt him and yet they seemed so real to him. He truly felt as though he had stood there, helpless, watching as the life drained from his brothers eyes one by one and it was a vision he couldn't get out of his mind.

He shuddered, unable to suppress the movement this time. Angry at himself for letting it get to him so much, he sipped at his tea, attempting to calm himself.

"You finished with that yet?"

Donatello blinked, looking down at his cup with a surprised look when he realised that it was empty. He wondered how long he had sat there in silence, lost in his own thoughts, sipping away at a drink which he had already finished.

"Yeah I am" He answered, looking up at Leonardo who was standing just to the side of him, his own cup in his hand as he reached down and plucked Donatello's from his grip. Taking them both to the sink and placing them on the side to be washed up the next day.

"Look it's three in the morning. You need to ty and get some more sleep Donnie" Leonardo commented softly. Donatello nodded slowly, trying to smile at his brother, clearly his attempt had failed before something shifted in Leonardo's face, gone before Donatello could analyse it. "I do understand how you feel" The older turtled commented, walking back over to him and placing his hand on Donatello's shoulder, squeezing down on the muscle in a familiar comforting manner which Donatello could remember from his youth. "And I'm well aware that right now, going back to sleep is the last thing you want to do in case the dream comes back to you. I get that and it sucks and trust me when I say that I sympathise with you more than you know but I also know that we have a very long training session to get through tomorrow and I don't want you to make a mistake and get hurt because you're too tired to function properly." Donatello nodded, climbing to his feet and went to respond when Leonardo continued to speak. "I know that we aren't five anymore but would it make you feel better if you slept in my room tonight? Sometimes having someone else in the room can help."

Donatello felt a small smile curve his mouth as he looked at Leonardo.

He knew better than anyone that Leonardo was an extremely private person who hated people coming into his room. The fact that he had even offered meant a great deal to Donatello.

"Are you sure?" He asked "Because I can always bunk in Raph's room with him."

"Raph's fast asleep" Leonardo countered. "Let's leave him that way, the last thing we want is to have to deal with a sleep deprived Raphael because he's woken up, discovered you in his room and therefore spent the rest of the night worried about why you're in there. Dealing with a refreshed Raph is difficult enough" Leonardo remarked dryly, a grin softening his words.

"Okay then, If you don't mind then I'll take you up on that offer tonight" Donatello replied.

"If I did then I wouldn't have offered" Leonardo pointed out. Donatello smiled at Leonardo.

"Thank you big brother" he remarked quietly placing his own hand on Leonardo's shoulder and squeezing it. Leonardo nodded and smiled at him, the same sweet smile which was getting rarer and rarer the older they got.

"Anytime Little Brother, it's what I'm here for after all"

Author Note

Thanks for reading.

An especially big thank you if you took the time to review or favourite the story.