A small oneshot, just for fun. This has been crossposted on ao3.
Cheers, Reythrace!
"If you hurt him, I will hurt you." Rey announces standing over Poe at lunch.
She is scowling at him with some strange contempt, a facial expression he assumes she had copied from Jessika, before sitting down across from him and leaning forward enough their faces are only inches apart over the narrow table. Poe stops himself from giving in to the urge to lean back.
He freezes instead, fork hanging in the air awkwardly. "Excuse me?"
"Master Luke has taught me many ways to help people, but all of those can be used to hurt people as well." Rey says, not even remotely clarifying what Poe was hoping she would clarify. Her lip rises in a snarl and she narrows her eyes at him. Poe half expects her to strike like a feral animal.
"I am not sure that is what a Jedi should do." Poe muses, thinking back to all the things the stories said about the Jedi's of the Old Republic, before the empire and the purge of the Jedis. Of the peacekeeping and the code.
Rey snarls. "I am the last Jedi apprentice. If I say cutting your balls off is the way of the Jedi, cutting your balls off is the way of the Jedi."
"And why are we cutting my balls off?" Poe asks, wincing at the image. He won't even touch the rest of that sentence with a ten feet pole. Dealing with Rey's delusionals of grandeur are firmly in Luke or Finn's area of expertise.
"Not now." Rey says, rolling her eyes, as though Poe is stupid for not understanding this conversation. As though she did not just sit down and threaten to cut his balls off. As though he was the one not making any sense. "If you ever hurt Finn."
"I am not going to hurt Finn!" Poe says immediately, defensively. "Why would I hurt Finn? What is going on with you and Jessika today?"
Rey snarls at him. "I am not saying you are hurting Finn. But if you ever will, I will hurt you."
Poe stares at Rey for a moment, before the ball drops and he laughs involuntarily. "Oh. Rey, are you giving me the shovel talk?
"The what?" Rey asks, staring at him as though he has gone crazy. "Why would I talk about a shovel with you? I am threatening you."
"Yes, I know. That is called a shovel talk."
"Why would that be called a shovel talk?" Rey asks. "That makes no sense at all."
"Huh." Poe frowns. He has never though about that before. "I guess because you would bury my body if I ever hurt Finn?"
"But I am not threatening to kill you. I am threatening to hurt you." Rey shakes her head at him. "You are a strange man, Poe Dameron."
"It's a … I didn't … It is a idiom. People just say it."
"How is it an idiot?" Rey asks.
"Idiom." Poe exaggerates the m as much as he can. "A Phrase, a figure of speech."
"Okay." Rey shrugs. "If you say so."
She stands up abruptly. "I am going to find Finn." She announces and scowls again. "If you hurt him, I will hurt you."
She stalks away, turning back around every couple of steps to glare at him. Poe watches her leave, bewildered.
What the hell just happened?