Chapter One: September 1st is Never a Good Time to Ask Evans Out
September 1st, 1977
Journal—
My Name is James Potter, and this is NOT a diary. It's a daily record of happenings, otherwise known as a journal. I'll be eighteen next 27th of March, so technically I'm 17. DUH. I'm sure you want to know everything about me. I'm about six feet tall and incredibly sexy. I have messy black hair and round glasses. That's right, eat it up! I'm a chaser for Gryffindor house! We are the best. And my best friends are Sirius Black (Padfoot), Remus Lupin (Moony), and Peter Pettigrew (Wormtail). We're known as the Marauders. We're totally awesome. Well, today I got to see my Lilykins. I call her Evans to her face because she wouldn't let me call her Lily. Sadly. So anyway, my dear journal, I must confide in you. Today something embarrassing has happened. I must write quickly, for Sirius, Remus, and Peter will be back from the food trolley any second. As we boarded the train to get to Hogwarts, I was joking around. And… well. I kinda tripped over Professor Flitwick… I'm sorry! He's just so small, I didn't see him and I was walking backwards! It wasn't really my fault, you see. Er- he jumped in my path, there was nothing I could do…So yeah, I kinda knocked him down. And he hit his head. And became unconscious.
"Professor Flitwick!" I heard a voice shriek. To my utter dismay, it was Lily. She ran over while I gawked. It's all good though, because I Lily revived him. I started freaking out… and I had a panic attack… Er- so I had to use Peter's inhaler because I couldn't find mine. You'd think wizards would come up with a cure for asthma, eh? Well… not yet… Lily told me off and told me to be more careful. Goodness. I really screwed up. On the first day of school, too. Argh.
L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E.
The world is a cold, miserable place.
L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E.
Head Bloody Boy. Why Me? Why not Remus? He's much better at this. I swear, my hands are totally shaking. I mean, I can handle Quidditch captain, but not Head Boy. I'm not even that smart! Am I? Wow. This day cannot get any worse. Hey-!
This is Sirius Black, James's best friend. He, unfortunately, left out a really juicy part in his girly diary and I do plan to reveal it to the world. Shall I? You can NEVER erase this Prongs, because I put charm on it! La di da! La di da! Prongs is a big fat pushover when it comes to his loverrrrr! Lily, Lily, Lily! Oh em GEE, Lily! I love your hair! Can I carry your books? May I take your coat? Lily, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together! Kiss me, Lily, kiss me!
Padfoot! Get away from my dia- I mean journal! Yeah, that's right! Back off, you nasty mutt!
NEVER call me a mutt, you deformed camel!
I am NOT a camel. Nor am I deformed. Stags are much, much prettier than dogs. Dogs go 'woof!' Stags go '…'
Dogs are man's best friend!
Haha. Best friend… Get it, Padfoot?
Haha.
(Yes, it's working! He finally forgot about operation XL!)
XL! Thanks for reminding me, mate! So. XL doesn't mean extra large, it means X Lily. X is like a variable, which in this case, means Lovely. Or Deadly. Either one.
Who taught you that, Padfoot?
Hey, Moony! You did!
Good puppy!
Woof.
I heart cheese.
Uhmm… Okay, Wormtail. Well, I'll tell you about Operation XL, since my friends are engaged in a rather interesting conversation about my journal. SHUT UP, will you? Okay. So, XL is a rather stupid plan involving all of our shenanigans. Our plan A didn't work out very well…
Step 1: Get Wormtail lost on the train. (check)
Step 2: Get Lily to find the lost Wormtail. (check)
Step 3: Get James's butt over there and have him apologize profusely for Wormtail's stupid actions. (check)
Step 4: Lily will realize James's sweet compassion for his friends and fall in love with him. (…)
Okay, so it didn't go exactly as planned.
Wormtail got lost. Lily found him. I came in.
"There you are, Wormtail!"
"James!"
"James… come on, Peter, let's get you away from this scumbag Potter."
"Lily! Wait!"
"What, Potter?"
"I- I'm sorry that you have to deal with Peter and his forgetful antics. Let me take him… away."
"Sorry, Potter, but I'll actually get him back in his compartment."
"I am in his compartment!"
"Well too bad."
"Lily!"
"WHAT, Potter?"
"Sorry?"
"For what?"
"For ruining practically your whole life…"
"…"
"What?"
"You are too close for pleasure."
"But I'm three feet away!"
"Exactly.
"Sorry-"
"STOP apologizing!"
"Sorry-"
"Potter!"
"Erp."
So-
I wanna tell! I wanna tell! I wanna tell!
Okay, Padfoot. Go ahead.
So James makes this funny little sound, and I come in! YAY ME! And I'm on a lead (mind you, she doesn't know it's me because I'm in animagus form). Prongs grabs this lead, and I immediately tie the two together… with my lead! They are stuck together, face to face!
"Let's go into this compartment, Potter. And hopes nobody sees us."
"Erp…"
Then, I trip 'em! And they FALL! Lily on top of James! HAHA! Am I good or what? And then Remus finds them and unties them. Blast you, Moony!
I think Prongs is sick…
I know… He looks a little green.
Excuse me…
Er- Moony, do you hear a toilet flushing?
Faintly, why?
Better go check on Prongs…
Can you get me some food while you're at it, Padfoot?
'Course, Wormtail. I'll, you know, just get James after he's done throwing up and get you a nice bag of Bertie Botts.
Thanks!
You idiot, Prongs is sick!
What he means, Peter, is that you have to go and get them yourself because Prongs is about to die.
Inhaler! Inhaler! Puff. Puff. Thanks…
Prongs? Are you alright?
Dandy.
You sure, mate?
Ah! Lily's outside!
I think he fainted!
Oh my gosh!
Chocolate frog, anyone?
L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E. L.E.
12:43 PM
I locked you up good now, so my bloody friends can't get to you. SO. After I… passed out, I saw a light. It was calling me…
"James! James!" A voice called. I blinked. Lily FRIGGIN' Evans was standing over me. I yelped and hit my head on the wall. Smart, considering the wall is not really something you would hit your head on if you were a few several feet away from it. I must have jumped five feet or something.
"Oh, thank god you're alright!" she said. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Now, the next thing you see here shouldn't be done at all, professional or not.
"So…" ruffle hair, "Do you want to go out sometime?"
Reply? None, whatsoever, actually, except for a slap. And a knee in the dictionary, if you catch my drift. So, now we know… September 1st is NEVER a good time to ask Lily Evans out.