"I think dad's noticing," Jeremy says, tossing his backpack on his bed and pulling out the bean bags from his closet. He turns on the television and connects the game console, pressing the 'on' button and putting in their game.
"Why don't you tell him?" Michael asks, frowning slightly when Jeremy shakes his head.
"I don't know if he'd understand. What if he doesn't? What if he hates me?" Jeremy chews on his thumbnail, sitting as he waits for their game to load.
"Jer, he's not going to hate you." Michael sounds completely sure.
Jeremy only shrugs, and he shuts down any more conversation about the topic.
Christine lays stretched out across Jeremy's lap. "Let's go to the mall!" she says.
"I'm down," Michael says with a shrug, looking over at his other friend.
"Yeah, sure," Jeremy agrees.
The group stops by a clothing shop on the way out of the mall. Christine's wandering around, grabbing whatever catches her eye, while Michael looks at patches and Jeremy stands awkwardly near the women's clothing section.
Jeremy glances around. What if someone from school sees them? But they don't see anyone they'd recognize. So they grab the blue tunic top and slip into one of the dressing stalls.
When they put it on, they study themselves in the mirror, fiddling with one of the pointless buttons. They rub their cheeks, trying to stamp down anxiousness, before taking a tentative step out. They quietly call Christine over.
"You look so nice!" Christine exclaims, and Jeremy blushes at how loud she sounds to them. Michael glances over and smiles slightly before returning his attention to the patches. "Are you going to get it?" Christine asks, in a more hushed voice.
"I might?" Jeremy says with a slight shrug. "I don't know."
"I'll buy it for you," Christine offers, and she just shushes them when they started to stammer a negative. "It's nothing, really."
Jeremy finds he rather enjoys wearing the blue shirt, and his galaxy skirt, and sometimes nail polish. Christine even occasionally offers to do a little makeup, which he occasionally agrees to. It isn't much, just sometimes eyeliner and lip gloss. He always takes it off before seeing his dad or going outside, though.
He starts wearing the skirt and shirt around the house. He's very tense at first, bracing himself for comments from his father, but he relaxes after the first three times his father sees him in the feminine attire. He's relieved when his father doesn't say anything or stare.
He never wears it outside, in public or at school. He's too scared of ridicule.
When he mentions this to Christine and Michael, after kicking his door mostly closed, Christine says, "Well, you can build up to it!"
"Psh," he replies, shaking his head slightly. "They'll all think I'm weird, whether I build up to it or not." It makes him sad, honestly.
"Come on, Jer," Michael says, and Jeremy can tell he's trying his best to be encouraging. Jeremy appreciates it. "You could just do one thing at a time. Like maybe have your nails painted," Michael offers. "Small things like that. If anyone messes with you, we'll deal with them. Right?" Michael looks over to Christine.
Christine nods firmly, and Jeremy wonders how different their idea of 'dealing with' a person is from each other. "Right," she says seriously. Jeremy almost smiles.
"Maybe," Jeremy sighs, and he stands up to walk around his room. "I just – I guess I'm kind of worried that they'll all hate me or something. Or that they'll start being mean again." He starts to scratch at his arm anxiously, remembering how the Squip often held his identity over his head.
Christine takes his hand, to stop him from scratching himself too much, and Jeremy allows this. "We'll be here for you," she says, and this time Jeremy actually smiles. He feels he's lucky to have Michael and Christine as friends.
He doesn't sleep well that night, but he's already set on it. He's not going to back out now. He's done that so many times before. He wakes up around six, much earlier than he usually does, but he can't fall back asleep, so he starts to get ready for the day.
When he goes into the bathroom later, he opens his drawer. He stares into it for a moment. There's various cosmetic-like things, like his polish, some lip gloss, things like that. He picks up the lip gloss and fiddles with it. It doesn't register how much time passes until he hears his father's footsteps come into the bathroom. He sighs and looks up.
"What's up, kid?" his dad asks, and Jeremy slightly shakes his head.
"Nothing," Jeremy replies quickly, and he uncaps the lip gloss and quickly applies it. He hopes he's doing this right. He wishes he had Christine to help.
He can't help it, but his heart is racing. He knows, logically, that his father wouldn't ridicule him for trying something out. But his sudden appearance has startled him into action. He puts the lip gloss back in its rightful place, checks in the mirror again, and leaves the bathroom with the words "Gotta go."
He grabs his backpack and nearly runs outside to leave. He slows, after only a few seconds, realizing he's left much earlier than necessary. He pauses for a moment, before starting a route to Michael's house. He gets there after ten minutes, and knocks.
He's let into the house by Michael's Ina, who immediately offers him some breakfast, and he smiles a little.
He's worried that people will notice and make remarks. Michael and Christine assure him that the lip gloss is not that noticeable. It's clear, with minor sparkles, so it really shouldn't be too noticeable, but Jeremy is on edge until lunch.
When he sits between Michael and Christine, Rich glances over at him and remarks, "There's something different about you today." Jeremy nearly freezes. Some of the others at the table glance over too, and agree, but they can't tell what it is, so they return to their lunches.
Jeremy notices Brooke looking at him. He starts to fidget, wondering what she is staring for. She looks inquisitive, curious.
"You look pretty today, Jeremy," Brooke says suddenly, shocking the whole table into silence.
"Uh… Er – thanks?" Jeremy says after a few long moments of shocked silence.
Brooke smiles, and she returns to her conversation with Chloe as if she's said nothing out of the ordinary.
Even though he's surprised, Jeremy can't help but smile at her compliment when he processes it.
Brooke: (5:37 PM) hey Jeremy
Brooke: (5:38 PM) can I get the name of the lip gloss you were wearing today?
Brooke: (5:38 PM) I REALLY liked it.
Trust Brooke to notice that he was actually wearing something different today… Jeremy goes to his drawer in the bathroom and looks for the lip gloss, getting the name and reporting it back to her.
Brooke: (5:41 PM) thanks3
After dinner that night, Jeremy asks Christine to come over to help paint his nails. Last time he'd done it himself, he made a little bit of a mess, and he wants it to be perfect, as silly as that may sound.
He lets her in when she arrives, and she waves at his dad. "I'm not staying for long," she replies to his question of how long she's staying. "Jer and I just have to do something for school!" She clasps her hands together. Jeremy's dad returns his attention the television. "What colors do you have?" Christine asks Jeremy.
Jeremy walks to the bathroom and opens his drawer. He scans it for a few moments before reaching in and grabbing the two colors he has. He closes his drawer and walks back to the kitchen, where Christine is waiting patiently, sitting at the kitchen table. He sets the light blue and pastel yellow bottles on the table. Christine immediately grabs the yellow.
"Hands out," she orders, and Jeremy splays his hands on the table between them. Christine starts to carefully paint Jeremy's nails, making sure to not go over the edge. Jeremy watches in silence for a few minutes.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Jeremy says struggling not to fidget as he waits for his right hand's nails to dry. His stomach is full of knots.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Christine reminds him, and he shifts, shaking his head slightly.
"No, I want to."
He is silent the remainder of the time. The repetitive movements of the nail polish brush momentarily distracts him and calms him down somewhat. When Christine finishes, she closes the bottle. "Where do these go?" she asks, standing up and picking up the two bottles.
"I have a drawer in the bathroom," Jeremy tells her, and she nods, going over and returning the nail polish to its rightful place.
The two of them chat for a few minutes, as they wait for the nail polish to dry. When Christine deems them ready, she stands. "It's going to be fine," she says, trying to assure him, and she kisses Jeremy's cheek when she leaves.
Jeremy studies his nails for a few moments before going to sit with his dad to watch TV.
He decides not to eat much for breakfast, in the morning. He places two slices of bread in the toaster, and while he's waiting, he looks down at his nails again.
He nearly jumps when he hears his dad say, "It's a nice color." He quickly shoves his hands in his pockets and looks up at him. His dad doesn't say anything else. Jeremy quietly mumbles a 'thanks'. The toast finishes toasting, and Jeremy grabs the slices, butters them, and eats quickly. Then he leaves.
When people notice his nails, they stare for a bit. He starts to keep his hands in his pockets, feeling self-conscious. But he has to admit he really does like wearing the polish. He hears a few comments, but he mostly keeps to himself, head down, hands in his pockets whenever something is said.
What he likes the least is disapproving glances from some of the teachers, when they see his nails as he writes on his papers. But he decides to ignore that too.
When it's lunch, he only grabs and apple and sits at the usual table, waiting for the others.
"Did you lose a bet?" Chloe asks, taking a glance at Jeremy's hands, which curl at her words.
He almost starts to stammer, but he manages to get out a "no" while shaking his head. He already wishes Michael or Christine would show up. He hadn't meant to be so quite early. He usually walks with Michael to lunch, but something came up.
"I think it's looks nice," Brooke says sweetly, and Jeremy smiles. Brooke's so nice sometimes.
"It's kind of weird," Chloe mutters with a shrug, and Jeremy tries to ignore the way his stomach drops. He places his hands in his lap.
"It's not that weird," Jenna interrupts, tapping away at her phone as she usually does. She sets it down and gestures, so Jeremy pulls his hands out of his lap and lets Jenna take them. She studies the work. "Did Christine paint these?" Jenna asks, and Jeremy nods. Jenna nods as well, letting go. "She's good at that."
Jeremy lets out the breath he's not aware he's holding when Michael slips into the seat next to him.
Michael and Jeremy walk to the class they have together after lunch. Michael's chatting, and then he stops and asks if anything happened before he got to lunch. Jeremy understands what he means. And he shrugs. "Brooke thought they looked nice," he offers, and Michael smiles, stating that Brooke's a nice girl.
Jeremy sits in his seat, and Michael sits next to him. It's mostly busy work in this class, so he gets to work, occasionally making a comment to Michael. Jeremy likes the way the polish looks on his hands as he writes his name on the paper. He mostly ignores the teacher that's pacing the room, watching the students, until she gets his attention with a "What is that on your hand?"
Jeremy looks up and bites his lip. "Nail polish?" he manages to get out without stuttering.
"You can't be wearing that," the teacher informs him, and he frowns. "I'm afraid you're going to have to remove it."
"But why?" Jeremy asks.
"You're supposed to be following dress code."
"The dress code doesn't say anything about nail polish," Jeremy starts to argue, which causes the teacher to send him to the office. His hands curl as he stands, but he glances over in surprise when Michael stands with him.
"Sit down, Mr. Mell," the teacher says, pointing to the seat Michael just left.
"Nah," Michael says decidedly. "I think I'll go with Jeremy." The teacher starts to say something, but Michael just grabs Jeremy's arm, and they start walking to the office. The teacher meets them there.
Jeremy sits, and Michael sits, and Jeremy leans his head against Michael's shoulder, feeling upset. He waits as the office assistant contacts his father. And he waits.
Jeremy's dad looks slightly confused to see Michael there as well, but Michael says, "I'm not in trouble, I'm just not leaving Jeremy." Jeremy's dad nods, and then turns to security to ask for the dress code policy.
Jeremy sits up, sharing a look with Michael.
"I don't see anything about nail polish," his dad says after reading the dress code policy.
Jeremy can't help himself; he says, louder than he meant to, "That's what I said!" And then he turns red when all eyes turn to him, sinking into his seat and trying to make himself look smaller. He leans on Michael's shoulder and glances at his father. He manages a smile back when he gets one.
"It should be a given," the teacher tells Jeremy's dad, scowling.
"Why's that?"
"Boys shouldn't be wearing nail polish! It's inappropriate."
Jeremy tenses, hands curling again, and he feels Michael tense next to him. He hesitates when he notices the look on his dad's face, though.
"Inappropriate?" His dad shakes his head. He turns to the principal and security. "I think you should let my child go back to his classes. This isn't something he should be missing school for."
Jeremy doesn't miss the way his dad says 'child' instead of 'son'. He's particularly happy that his dad isn't having any problem with him wearing nail polish. A grin forms on his face, and he can't stop smiling. He and Michael stand when the security lets them, and he waves goodbye to his father.
"See you at home, kid," his dad says.
Jeremy's in a better mood for the rest of the day. He hesitates when he gets home, though, and is rather quiet during dinner, thinking. When he hears the chair move when his dad gets up to get some more food, Jeremy looks up. "Thanks…," he says, fiddling with his fork. "For this afternoon." His dad smiles and pats his shoulder, and Jeremy can't help but smile too.
He fiddles with his shirt the next day. It's almost time. And this would be the most obvious change so far, he assumes. Aside from the skirt he'd be wearing the next day. Lip gloss can be clear, and hands can be shoved into pockets to avoid showing his nails, but everyone will see the shirt. It's the shirt he got the one time he, Christine, and Michael had gone to the mall. It's the shirt that Christine insisted on paying for.
He's keeping his usual cardigan in his backpack just in case.
When he meets up with Michael, Michael pats Jeremy on the shoulder. "Nervous?" he asks.
Jeremy rolls his eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" he replies.
"Well, hey, if anyone gives you shit I can fight them," Michael says, and Jeremy can't tell if he's serious or joking, but he smiles anyway, thinking it's funny, almost. Michael isn't the type to get into fights, so he doubts that he's going to change now.
When Michael and Jeremy start walking to lunch that afternoon, chatting about nothing in particular, he accidentally bumps into someone, and quickly apologizes.
"Watch it," the boy snaps, muttering something far worse under his breath.
Jeremy freezes, his blood turning ice cold.
"Excuse me?" Michael says to the boy, frowning.
"You heard me," the boy replies. "I mean, look at what he's wearing!"
Jeremy saw Michael's hands curl. "Take that back," Michael says.
"Or what?" The boy smirks. "You going to try to protect your little boyfriend here?"
Jeremy flinches slightly. Michael moves to shove the boy, and Jeremy quickly tries to intervene. "Michael, don't," Jeremy says quickly.
The boy looks at Jeremy, repeating the word, louder and more clearly this time. Jeremy flinches more obviously this time, and this time is unable to stop Michael from shoving the boy to the floor. And before Jeremy can even try saying anything, both boys are on the floor, and Michael is about to land the first hit.
Jeremy quickly grabs Michael's arm. "Stop, Michael!" When Michael doesn't budge, Jeremy pulls his arm not-so-gently. Michael gets up. Jeremy lets go, and starts walking away, down the hall to lunch when he notices that their commotion has gotten attention. Michael follows but Jeremy kind of ignores him.
Jeremy is quiet, a little upset. He hadn't wanted Michael to start a fight over him. There are curious looks from the others at the usual table, partially for his attire and partially for his silence, but Michael just gives them looks that tells them not to ask.
Michael apologizes later, but Jeremy doesn't respond, leaned over his desk and gaze on the assignment in the classroom.
He's quiet at dinner, and he can tell his dad wants to ask what's wrong, so after some deciding, he says, "Michael almost got in a fight today."
"What – why?" his dad asks, sounding surprised. "What happened?"
Jeremy bites his lip and starts poking at his food, guilt feeling heavy in his stomach. "It was my fault." He starts to mess with one of the buttons on his shirt.
"Well, I wouldn't say that's your fault," Jeremy's dad says, catching on, and Jeremy only shrugs.
"That's what Michael said too." He keeps picking at his food and stays mostly silent for the rest of dinner. He goes straight to his room afterwards, to think and fret.
Jeremy, surprisingly, doesn't sleep too badly. They wake early and are reminded of waking up early with dread that happened so long ago, when they'd come out to Michael at the gaming event. They dig through their dresser, finding the leggings Christine had given them when the item of clothing was too big for her, and his skirt.
They go to the kitchen to eat breakfast. This time they eat slowly, taking their time. They're almost reluctant but a little part of them is almost excited. When they notice their dad look at them with something like concern, they give a small smile. "I'm fine," they say quickly.
They leave after finishing their orange juice.
Stares. There are so many stares. They take shaky steps through the halls, feeling relieved when they finally get to their locker. "Maybe I shouldn't have done this," they say to Christine, who meets them there.
"Do you want to go home and change?" she asks, and her question is so sincere it almost makes them smile.
"No, I'll deal," they say, fiddling with the few bracelets around their wrist. They can do this. They elect to ignore the stares and comments. It shouldn't matter. By lunch time, it settles down, and they're surprised. They walk with Michael to lunch and sit at the usual table.
"Dude, are you wearing a skirt?" Jake asks, and Jeremy unintentionally tenses.
"…yeah," they finally breathe.
"Why?"
Jeremy shrugs. "I wanted to."
Jake looks confused, not particularly understanding why Jeremy would wear the skirt. But he doesn't say anything else, aside from saying, "I don't get it, but I support you." Jeremy nods appreciatively.
"I mean, it's still kind of weird," Chloe says with a shrug, "but as long as you don't like, commit a fashion crime I guess I won't judge too harshly."
"I think it looks nice!" Brooke says, and she smiles at them, and Jeremy smiles back just slightly. Having Brooke's unintentional support the past few days has been nice.
"I guess it wasn't totally unexpected," Rich muses. "Were you building up to this? You've been wearing different things this week." Jeremy nods, and Rich hums. "Okay, cool. It's a pretty rad design."
"So," Jenna says, tapping away at her phone and sitting herself across from Jeremy. She puts the phone down. "Pronouns?"
Jeremy sputters, and Jenna just starts tapping away at her phone again, waiting. Rich and Brooke, who were closest other than Michael and Christine, glance over. Jeremy wasn't used to being asked questions like that. "Uh, still he/him most of the time… they/them is fine too… I prefer it sometimes, actually."
"Bracelet?" Jenna asks, setting her phone down momentarily again and pointing at the green and white braided bracelet that sometimes appears around their wrist. They nod. Jenna nods back, picking her phone up again.
Jeremy tunes into the main conversation at the table. Which is, surprisingly, video games. "You should see Jeremy play," Rich is saying. "You wouldn't expect it, but they can be pretty competitive."
It surprises but pleases Jeremy to hear Rich using the right pronouns right away.