I Need You to Be My Head
Hi Friends.
This is just an extension on the second last scene of Praimfaya. It takes place when Raven and Bellamy are staring out the window at the destroyed earth.
Reviews are always helpful so I can improve.
Thanks.
I stood by the window, watching the earth collapse into a giant fireball. The fireball that Clarke and my sister were still on.
Octavia was underground, she had a better chance of surviving than anybody, but Clarke was a different story.
I had left Clarke to die. She saved us and I left her to die.
I looked at the empty bottle. This was supposed to be a celebratory drink. We were all supposed to sit in a room and drink to the fact that we had done the impossible in under an hour.
I sighed, picking up the bottle. There was no joy here. I didn't know if there would ever truly be again. She was my co-leader, my second. Maybe I was her second, yeah, that sounded more like it.
She wanted me to use my head but without her, I didn't even think I had a heart anymore.
I heard footsteps behind me and looked up to Raven's voice.
"She saved us again. Do you think we can do this without her?" Raven's voice was low and somber. Her voice held an unavoidable note of uncertainty, one we all shared but no one had dared to express.
Hearing Raven so unsure surprised me. Clarke was a friend to all of us, Raven included, but Raven always believed there was a way.
We had to stop this. Clarke saved our lives, she wouldn't want to see us spending it like this, in so much pain and instability. We had to do this. For Clarke.
"We have to. If we don't she died in vain and I won't let that happen." I responded, trying to gather up some of the courage I would need to lead us through the next five years.
"Are you with me?"
"Always," she said, her voice unwavering. I would need some of that strength. I would need a second.
"Raven, I need you to be my head," I started, "Clarke was my head and I don't think I can do it without her. Not alone."
She looked at me with a quick, small smile before casting her eyes down.
"I can never do as good a job as Clarke did," she responded with a sad shake of her head.
"Me either, but between the two of us, maybe we can figure it out," I replied softly.
"Raven, I need you," I asked, taking my eyes away from the window and catching hers.
I held her eyes for a long moment, hoping to emote my own apprehension to show her that she wasn't alone. She looked at me for a long moment before nodding.
"Okay."
She reached out her hand and met my eyes. I gave her a small smile before reaching my hand to hold her wrist. We held it there for a second before turning our eyes back to the window.
If we were going to do this we needed to be honest with each other. I needed to let her in.
"Raven, I miss her already."
She lay her hand on my shoulder and caught my eyes again. This time her eyes held all the pain she was also holding in. She wanted me to know she was grieving too.
"She was the head but I think she took my heart with her," I whispered softly. It was so quiet I'm surprised Raven even heard it.
"She knew you could do it. If she took your heart then I'm sure we can get Monty to engineer a new one for you," she joked trying to lighten the mood. I let out a breathy laugh.
"For that to work though, you have to find the will to use it. I know you can do it. We can figure it out," she said with certainty.
That was the Raven I knew, always certain in the face of impending doom. She was right though, Clarke did believe I could do it without her. That little 'head and heart' speech was evidence of that. She wanted me to be able to lead without her.
I would do it for her.
"For Clarke," I said meeting Raven's eyes. It seemed more a question than a statement.
"For Clarke," she agreed readily.
We moved our gaze once again back to the window.
As we were taking off without Clarke I didn't think I had a head or a heart. I thought she took that with her.
I couldn't let her down. I had Raven to be my head but somehow, I would have to restart my heart.
How? I had no idea.
I would need to figure it out.
She didn't save us only for us to fall apart without her.
We would do this for Clarke. We had to.