Spencer read this and said he'd give me a Buck to post it. It's based on truth only I thought it would be funnier with Autobots.
Disclaimer: Don't own them; if I did I'd have really kick ass bodyguards in paintball.
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Sam wandered around the Autobot base. He really needed to find Bee. He checked the rec room and the med bay, no Bee. Finally he made his way to Optimus's office.
"Hey Optimus." Sam said peeking his head in the door. "Have you seen Bee?"
"Hello Sam." Optimus rumbled looking up from his data pad. "Yes, Bumblebee is gathering some information for me, He should be returning in a few hours."
"Thanks Optimus." Sam waved as he ducked back in to the hall. 'Shit' he thought as he headed back to the rec room 'What am I going to do now?' He was growing more agitated as he walked. Of all the times for Bee to be out. He need it and he needed it NOW. Sighing he plopped himself down in a chair and tried to ignore his body. That worked for about five minutes. Next he tried taking matters into his own hands. Again he met with failure. There was only one thing left to do. He was going to have to find someone to give him a hand. His mind began to run the possibilities. Optimus? Nah too busy. Ratchet? God no, it would end up as a medical lecture. Ironhide? Screw that. That left…
"Whatcha doin Sammyboy?"
Sam looked up grinning as Jazz entered the rec room.
"Jazz." Sam grinned even bigger. "Ya know I was just thinking about you. Do ya think you could do me a HUGE favor?"
Bee was looking around the base trying to find Sam. He had returned to the base sooner than anticipated. He checked the rec room first as it was the obvious choice but Sam wasn't there. Next he checked the med bay, still no Sam. Puzzled he headed back to the rec room. He had almost reached the door when he heard something that puzzled him further. It sounded like Sam, moaning. He entered the room and looked around. He looked around the room; he saw Jazz's alt mode but no Sam. He stepped farther into the room.
"Oh God, do that harder." Yes that was defiantly Sam's voice.
"Sam If I push any harder I'm going to pop out of your chest." That was Jazz. What the Slag was going on around here?
"I don't care, just do it."
Bee looked towards the human sized couch and could see Sam's legs sticking out from behind it. It couldn't be. Sam couldn't be mating with Jazz, could he? Just then he heard his human moaning again and that was it. He stormed over to the couch, and then stopped dead in his tracks. There was Sam lying on his stomach with Jazz's holoform on top of him.
"What…What are you two doing?" He stammered in shock.
Jazz looked up and smirked.
"What does it look like we're doing?"
"He's popping my back Bee." Sam's voice was muffled by his arms. "Jazz come on man I know there's another one in there, I feel it."
Jazz turned his attention back to his mission. Placing his hands next to Sam's spine he slowly pushed in. After a second there was a deep popping sound that caused Sam to moan loudly.
"Oh Christ that felt good."
"Again?"
"Yessss."
"You're the boss." Jazz began to apply pressure again, looking up at Bee when Sam began to moan. "What's with that look?"
"It just looks so…" Bee shook his head. "It looks like you're…"
Sam's head popped up and he smirked at his friend.
"God Bee." He mock scolded. "I never knew you had such a gutter mind."
"What is a gutter mind?"
"It's when you take the most innocent of things and turn them into something dirty."
"I do not have a gutter mind." Bee huffed crossing his arms. "I can not help it if it looks like you two are having sexual relations."
"You jealous?" Jazz ask casually, causing Sam to drop his head back onto his arms snickering.
"I am not." Bee snapped before turning to leave the room.
'I am not jealous.' He thought to himself as he walked away, behind him Sam was moaning again. 'I am not jealous, I am not jealous…………. I'm just a little curious.'
A/N
Ok bunny officially out of my head. This little bugger latched on to me early Christmas eve. My back was killing me and the only way to get my back to pop good is to lie on the floor, someone sits on my butt and puts their hands on either side of my spine, then they push down slowly with all their body weight behind it. It kinda looks like a cross between CPR and Butt….. Well you get the picture. So Spencer's sitting on me, he gets two good Pops out when our cousin Matt walks in. Now I'll admit it looked bad and I'm sure It sounded even worse, (where do you think I got the 'I'll pop outta your chest line?) But his comment was just out of line.
"Cousin Isabelle, while I realize incestual sodomy is standard practice here in Appalachia, weren't you two raised a little better than this?" After that, the bunny bit me so fast I didn't even have time to get mad. .