Series: Third in my 'Before, After and In-Between' series. The series is as follows:
Kissing Complete Strangers and Clinging On For Life
Cannon Fire
***Never Too Late To Save Herself
Posing For Pictures As the World Explodes
Before She Sleeps
Knowing Too Much to Stay
Don't touch the baby, Rose thought almost hysterically, though it wasn't as if she had much of a choice here.
The hands that stroked down her back – down and down and down, and woah, she really shouldn't be letting anyone, let alone herself, do that to her in public – proved that for all of her youth, this was no baby that was pressing herself firmly against Rose.
Nor, thankfully, did the universe implode because the two of them had accidentally (on the older Rose's part, at least) come into direct contact. Rose had no idea what made this different than the last time (or, well, there were a lot of ways in which it was very different, but she had no idea why any of them should prevent the Reapers from making another appearance). Then again, Rose had finally learned enough about travelling through time and space that she realised she knew next to nothing about travelling through time and space. Whatever the reason that the unexpected touching didn't hurtle the world into an apocalypse, she was certainly glad enough for it that she wasn't about to question it tooclosely.
She hadn't intended to tempt the time continuum or whatever by having such close contact. She'd just seen the date on the newspaper at the stand next to where the Dimension Cannon had dropped her and known she had to come. She admitted that it had taken her a moment to remember why that date was so familiar to her. When it occurred to her, she was quicker than she probably should have been to decide that it must be fate that had landed her right at that point in time and space.
She'd just wanted to make sure nothing bad happened to the younger version of herself on this night of heartache and stupidity. She'd thought she could just keep on eye on her from afar, enough of a ways away that she wouldn't be tempted to actually intervene again as she'd been with her Dad.
It had been a stupid plan, she thought in retrospect. Even if she had taken time to consider all the things that could go wrong, though, she knew she'd never have anticipated this.
It was dark enough that Rose hadn't even recognised herself approaching until their lips were practically already pressed together. She'd only had time to let out a muffled noise of protest that couldn't be heard over the pounding bass of the music before she'd been completely silenced. Her air was stolen away until she remembered that breathing was still possible even when her lips were being devoured.
The younger girl – the younger her – swayed rhythmically and ground her hips against Rose in a way that Rose would have sworn she hadn't known how to do at that age. Jimmy Stone certainly hadn't cared enough for her pleasure (unless it was contributing to his) to help her fully explore it. Then again, Rose would also have sworn up and down at age twenty-three that she'd never kissed a girl before either. Clearly, she didn't remember quite a few things about the end of her rebellious teenage years.
She wasn't surprised that this in particular was wiped clear from her memories, though. She recalled what had come earlier this night even if the later events were a blank. Jimmy's caustic confession that he'd been cheating on her the whole time she'd been with him and his demand that she get out of his run-down flat had driven her to drink way more than she would have in a saner state of mind, and the ecstasy pill she half-remembered popping when it was offered to her on her way into the dingy loo at the back of the club had further blurred her perceptions. The girl with her arms around Rose and breasts pressed close to her right now might well have been far gone enough to think she was dancing with a guy. She was completely blasted.
Rose was suddenly glad than she'd made the decision to do this, whatever the risks. The thought of what she could have got herself into in this state without someone to drag her away for her own good was terrifying. She likely wouldn't have even remembered anything that might have happened to her afterwards.
Rose tried to pry herself away gently, but the younger version of her was persistent. It was difficult to push the young girl back far enough that her tongue wasn't making itself at home in the older Rose's mouth. The taste of the sort of disgustingly sweet mixers she'd drunk at that age faded away after they'd kissed at length, leaving nothing but the taste of Rose Tyler in both of their mouths.
It was oddly pleasant. Rose thought that odd moment of enjoyment might be even weirder than the fact that it was happening at all.
Eventually, though, the last drink or three that the girl had downed must have fully hit. Her enthusiasm waned enough for the older Rose to take control. The girl sagged slightly in Rose's arms, tiredness taking the reins, even as she smiled lazily and told Rose she loved her and asked if she'd do that again.
It wasn't easy to stumble through the crowded dance floor with someone almost her own size (Rose had finally stopped growing sometime less than a year after this, before she turned nineteen) alternately hanging off her like a deadweight and struggling ineffectually to stay where she was, asserting that she wanted to keep dancing despite having progressively more trouble staying upright under her own steam. Getting her into the taxi and keeping her there was even more difficult again. Rose did manage it despite the driver's ire at how long it took and his reticence to let them ride in his cab at all when he thought the younger Rose would likely be sick all over the floor if given half a chance.
Rose was half-surprised that that last bit didn't happen, actually. The girl seemed wasted almost to the point of unconsciousness by the time the cab reached her old neighbourhood. Rose murmured something soothing to her as the girl leaned on her shoulder, not bothering to pay attention to what she was saying. The words weren't the point. The fact that she was there for her was.
The cab dropped them off outside the Powell Estates. Rose knew that at this stage it had been months since she'd seen her Mum. She also remembered that she'd woken up the morning after this in the flat with her Mum's painfully loud 'I told you so's making her head pound, and without having a clue how she'd got back there in the first place.
The younger Rose did throw up then after all, hunched over in the gutter. Rose reached out to hold her hair back and stroke her sweaty forehead, only to find another hand had already found its way there.
Rose looked up, startled, and met the Doctor's eyes.
Once again, it wasn't the Doctor she was ultimately looking to track down, but he was a welcome sight nonetheless. Or he would be if for once he could bring himself to look even slightly pleased to see her.
"You again," he said in an unimpressed sounding greeting. "I'm obviously wasting my breath here, since you've never listened to me about this sort of thing before, but you really shouldn't be here."
"Hey, you don't get to use your Oncomin' Storm voice on me this time," Rose replied. "I was just mindin' my own business, not lookin' for you at all. Both of me were, even. You're the one seekin' me out."
The Doctor looked annoyed at her, even as he stroked a cool hand comfortingly over the younger Rose's forehead. "I was looking for her, not you. I had it on good authority that you – she-you, not you-you – might need a hand, and that she wouldn't remember enough to recognise me. I had no idea I'd find you here risking a paradox. Again. Then again, with the amount of trouble you get into, I should probably have been more surprised if you weren't here. You just can't stop taking risks can you? Jeopardy friendly doesn't half do you justice."
Rose raised her eyebrows at him. "You've met me?" she asked.
"Obviously," the Doctor replied dryly. "Me recognising you or the younger you is a bit of a giveaway that this isn't our first run-in."
"That's not what I'm talkin' about, though," Rose said, "I mean you actually know who I am, other than some random woman you keep runnin' into at strange times. And you've met my Dad as well, by the sounds of things. You didn't even know my name last time I saw you, let alone where and when to find me when I might be needin' your help."
The Doctor sighed. "Haven't I told you not to tell me details about when you've seen me before?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "I'm not exactly givin' anythin' away that you don't already –" She cut herself off suddenly, thinking. "Oh," she said. "Warsaw wasn't the last time you saw me, was it?"
"You know I can't tell you that."
"You know you just did," Rose retorted.
"You're absolutely the most frustrating person I've ever met," the Doctor said, sounding defeated. "I have no idea why I keep you around."
"Must be my looks," Rose said flippantly.
The Doctor looked pointedly down at the sickly face of the younger Rose. "Very attractive," he cracked.
"Not my finest hour," Rose admitted. "It gets a lot better from here, though. Clean up my act, make up with Mum and most of my friends that were worth the effort, get a job. One day I even end up jettin' around with a sarcastic bloke in a blue box."
"Some might say that's a sign that things got worse," the Doctor said. Rose stared at him long enough to realise he was serious.
"Those people must be underestimatin' that bloke and his box, then," Rose said.
"And yet even though you're barely older now than the girl I left behind in my TARDIS, you're obviously not still travelling with me," the Doctor mused. "I'd have to wonder why, if you think so much of this life. No," he said quickly when she opened her mouth, "don't answer that. I can't know."
Rose sighed. "Guess not. Things'd probably blow up. Even more than they usually do around us, I mean."
"It's not a joke," the Doctor chided half-heartedly.
"Oh, you wouldn't say that if you'd caught the first part of tonight. It started with 'two girls walk into a club' and went so far beyond weird from there that there's not really anythin' I can do but laugh about it."
The younger Rose moaned piteously, clearly already paying for her stupidity earlier that night. Rose thought of the hangover of the next day with remembered horror, but she figured it was probably the least that stupid girl she'd let herself become back then deserved. It could have been much worse, as she'd just fully grasped tonight.
"Sometimes," Rose thought aloud, "you've gotta hit the bottom before you figure out there's people lookin' out for you. Though I didn't realise you were one of them this far back. I mean, you told me about the whole red bicycle for Christmas when I was twelve thing –"
"All right, that one you gave away on purpose so you could get me to buy you a present," he accused her, sounding almost light-hearted for the first time that night.
"You told me about that straight after Dad, though, and that's clearly already happened for you," Rose said, genuinely surprised. She tried to think back. "If you haven't said that yet, then... Yesterday," she said suddenly. "That would mean that we went to see my Dad yesterday, for you."
"Earlier today, actually," the Doctor corrected.
"And you still came here to help me, right after that?"
"'Course I did. I forgave you, remember?"
Rose looked away. "I was never really sure you did, actually. It's one thing to say it... and then you find me here straight afterward, doin' practically the same thing all over again..."
"Yeah, well," the Doctor said uncomfortably. "It's hard to explain the differences to someone who's only got a human brain to work with –"
"Oi!" Rose protested, but she was trying not to smile. She'd sort of forgotten how much he liked to insult her whole species when he was back in this body.
"– but this is actually a much less volatile situation. She's supposed to be helped. We're not changing your history; we're making it happen the way you remember it."
She'd been right earlier when she was thinking about how little she knew of time travel. It made her head ache just trying to follow it.
"Don't worry too much about the specifics," the Doctor said. "You just leave that to me."
"So that youcan be the one to mess them up, you mean?"
"I've only done that sort of thing once or twice," the Doctor said indignantly. Rose snorted indelicately. "All right, sixteen times at the most. But when I'm the one making the mistakes, I know what to do to fix them, don't I?"
"If you say so."
"I didn't come here to have my Time Lord skills mocked," the Doctor grumbled. "Here, let's get her upstairs like we're supposed to."
Rose looked up the long flight of stairs leading up the Estate building despairingly. The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Relax," he said. "Didn't I say I always have to do the heavy lifting?"
The Doctor scooped the young version of Rose, who was swaying dizzily despite his steadying hands on her shoulders, into his arms like some kind of romantic hero. For all that she loved him, it was still bizarre to think of him that way, especially this him.
"Please," Rose said dismissively to distract herself. "You just keep tellin' yourself that you're doin' all the work every time I save the universe, and you for good measure."
He didn't tell her off for talking about the future again that time. He just grinned at her. It was a welcome sight, and she was sorry to see it fade again shortly after.
"I hate this flat," the Doctor said quietly as Rose retrieved her key to the flat that she still kept with her at all times, now safely nestled beside her TARDIS key on the chain around her neck. "Nothing good ever happens here."
Rose thought longingly back on Christmas dinner with her little extended family. That wasn't far off for him. She wished she could have that time back again. Even if she couldn't do anything to change what followed, she'd have liked to have the chance to properly enjoy it. Even if she got back to the Doctor like she wanted, she doubted her little 'family' would ever be that way again. Her Mum had Pete and Tony over in the other universe, for one thing. Rose didn't see her jumping back over this side for keeps with so much keeping her over there.
Of course, technically her Mum wasin this universe right now, just a few rooms away, with no idea any of that was to come. That was an odd thought.
The Doctor laid the younger Rose, who already looked to be asleep, on her bed as soon as the older Rose directed him to it. Rose ducked out and retrieved a wet face washer from the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible so she didn't wake her unsuspecting mother. She fully intended to take care of her younger self on her own, but the Doctor unceremoniously pulled the washer from her hand and set to work cleaning the girl's face.
His own face was emotionless as he did so, but there was something about how tenderly he ran the little towel over the girl's skin that made the fully conscious and aware version of Rose wonder...
She wished she could ask him. Do you love me? Already? Ever? They weren't difficult words to say, on their own. It was the fallout of the answer, whatever it might be, that was the real problem.
She would ask the right Doctor, she promised herself, just as soon as she found him. After all, she couldn't do anything about this man's feelings even if they were on offer.
Well, she couldn't do much.
She leaned over and pressed a kiss chastely to his cheek, a far cry from the wild kiss she'd launched on him unawares the first time he'd met her.
"Thank you for lookin' after me," she said.
She didn't have Time Lord hearing to rely on, so she couldn't be quite certain, but to her his murmured reply sounded suspiciously like, "Always."
For a man who never wanted to think about their future, constantly over-aware that she wouldn't be able to stay with him for the rest of his life, it was a promise that meant almost as much as the declaration she really wanted to hear. Provided she wasn't just hearing what she wanted to, that was. Wishful thinking could go a long way.
Rose reached out and squeezed his hand, then slipped the washer from it. "She'll be all right now. At least until Mum lays into her."
The Doctor's hand raised tellingly to his cheek even as he hid a wince. Rose grinned. "You're scared of my Mum," she crowed.
"I'm not," he refuted. "Still, no need to hang around here longer than necessary waiting to get caught."
"So much for the Oncomin' Storm. Scared of someone's Mum," Rose said with a laugh.
"Your Mum," the Doctor said, "is like the human equivalent of a particularly vicious honey badger. Any self-respecting man would avoid tangling with that if he could."
Rose couldn't let loose with a full-bodied laugh until they were well clear of the flat for fear of waking her Mum. When she turned around to properly mock the Doctor once she could, she found that he'd slipped away on her without a word to say he was leaving.
"Chicken," she muttered.
Still, that was all right, she thought. He'd let it slip that she'd get to see this version of him at least once more. She thought that she could wait until then to have a proper go at him.
She realised that she was actually looking forward to that almost as much as she wanted to find the Doctor from the right part of the timeline.
She was getting attached to this version of the Doctor again, she realised. That probably wasn't be a good idea.
But how could she stop herself.
Irresolute, she activated the Dimension Cannon.
She honestly had no idea which version of the Doctor she was hoping to run into next.
The next part of the series is 'Posing For Pictures As the World Explodes'.