Dying sucked. Really seriously…sucked. But what sucks worse is fate's love of fucking with my life all the time. Because not only have I died and come back to life, but now Derek and I were over. The one thing I come back for and it was now gone. Well, at least it seems that way. You see, he's dating some whore of a nurse now. They supposedly kissed in a scrub room. Then he supposedly asked her out. Oh wait did I mention that I told him before said date with said whore nurse, that I told him I didn't want him seeing other people? Yeah…he doesn't seem to remember either.

I told him that I was trying. I told him that I was scared to lose him, but scared to want him all at the same time. Chief told me that being afraid of something means you still have something to lose. Well, thanks a fucking lot Chief, cause guess what…I lost it. I lost the one thing that mattered to me anymore. So guess what…its drinking time.

I'm sitting alone in Joe's with nothing but the pyramid of shot glasses in front of me. Joe keeps shooting me worried glances every 3 seconds; seriously I'm not going to drown myself in the shot glass. Drowning myself in tequila, however, is the main MO. I gesture at Joe for another shot, but he shakes his head at me.

"Joe, seriously. I'm fine. You don't need to be my watch dog," I say without slurring, which is a feat in itself.

"Meredith you've practically downed the bottle. What's that saying with tequila shots again?"

I roll my eyes, "Tequila. In. Glass. Now," I shake the empty shot glass at him. He frowns as he pours me another. Good ole reliable Joe. He's always been there for me.

"Hey Mer, are you alright? Now I know you're going to tell me that you're fine, but seriously? All this," he gestures to my handiwork with the shot glasses, "So not fine."

I nod slowly.

"Yeah definitely not fine Joe. So…not….fine," I mumble incoherently. He looks at me expectantly.

"Okay so you know that nurse he's been making googly eyes at? Yeah apparently he has a thing for her. They kissed in the fucking scrub room Joe! She's his scrub slut! I was the dirty mistress or…hmm…the whore and she's the scrub slut," I pause for a minute. The tequila's finally making itself known and I can't remember my point.

"Shit Joe…I totally lost where I was going with this."

"That Derek and Rose are dating? Yeah I know, they've been in here a few times on dates."

I bring my fist down forcefully on the bar, making my shot glass pyramid tumble out of formation.

"Derek brought her here?! This is OUR place! Seriously?!"

"Yeah you've definitely had enough Mer. But yes, he's brought her here once or twice."

"Please Joe, just give me them. I really really need it," I give him a pleading look. He acquiesces, lines up 3 glasses, and pours them for me.

"That's all you're getting," he holds up the empty bottle, "and I'm fresh out."

I drink all 3 back in rapid succession, leaving me a little off kilter. I regain my composure in time to see Satan's new whore come strolling through the door. She has a huge grin plastered to her face, exposing her overly large front teeth. I bite my tongue as I turn back towards Joe. He nods his head towards the end of the bar. I give him a confused look.

"Seriously look down Meredith."

I look and there's a jagerbomb set up. I haven't done one of these since college. I drop the shot in the glass and drink it back.

"Who?" He gestures towards the end of the bar again. Okay, I'm clueless when I'm drunk. I look down and my mind fogs over. It always does this when cute guys buy me drinks or when I'm completely obliterated.

The guy is…wow. Really wow. And I thought Derek was good looking. This guy was so much better looking. He has wavy sandy blonde hair and from what I can tell, dark green eyes. I hop off my stool and stumble towards him. He smiles at me and I can see he has adorable dimples and great teeth. This is going to be so hard to resist. Wait, no…I'm not resisting at all. Derek's moved on and so will I.

"So…do you wanna get out of here?"

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I open my eyes slowly; I'm scared at what I may find. I look over and there is….oh shit I forgot his name. I really need to write their names on my hand or something. He shifts in the bed as I move to cover my body in a sheet. I roll off the side of the bed and he turns to face me. He has a wide grin on his face.

"That was fun. You should come back down here and we can pick up where we left off."

I cringe at that response. It was the same thing Derek said to me the morning after.

"I need to go to work. So uhh I'm going to shower and when I get back you won't be here. So goodbye…" Shit this is so embarrassing.

The smile fades a bit.

"Dylan."

"Right. Meredith."

He smiles again. He really does have a nice smile. I shake myself mentally and force myself to kick him out.

"Bye Dylan," I say shaking his hand and smiling. Maybe that'll get him to leave faster.

"See ya Meredith."

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No sooner do I step out of the shower that Izzie corners me. She's got her arms folded against her chest and she's shaking her head at me. What did I do wrong? I mean all I did was go get drunk and bring home a boy. It's not like I haven't done this before, she should know the routine.

"What the hell are you doing Meredith?"

"Well I just showered. And now you're talking to me. So uhmm…I'm talking to you?"

"No! What are you doing with the hot boy that just left?!"

"Oh well, I don't really remember what I did with said hot boy. It's in bits and flashes, but I had an orgasm. So I guess I was having sex with him," I say bluntly.

She sighs loudly and storms away. I shrug my shoulders and go back into my room to get ready for work.

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God hates me. Or maybe it's just Derek's way of making me bitter and pissed off; I'm on his service today. Seriously, you do not request your ex girlfriend for surgeries…ever. I try to hide out in the locker room for a few more minutes when Izzie comes barreling in.

"McDreamy's looking for you Mer."

I glare at her.

"What?"

"McDreamy? I really don't think that should be his name anymore. And I'm not going to say the one in my head, it's not appropriate for the hospital."

She laughs lightly before walking out. I draw in a deep breath before getting up to go find him. I traipse off towards the elevators, which is probably a horrible idea, but whatever.

The doors open and I step inside. Thankfully its empty and I breathe a sigh of relief. But suddenly a hand appears between the doors as they're closing, a hand I recognize. I groan inwardly and focus intently on the numbers alerting the floors.

I feel him move immediately behind me and hear him breathe in deeply. I can feel the anger surging up and I repress it. He reaches around and grabs my wrist. And before I know what the hell is going on, he pins me against the wall of the elevator, his lips crushing mine. The hand that doesn't have a death grip on my wrist soon finds itself making its way under my scrub top. I groan in protest, but his tongue immediately slips into my mouth. I know I should stop, but with his hand slowly creeping along my ribcage like that, it's extremely hard to think.

The ding announcing our arrival to the intended floor makes us come back to reality. I put an angry look on my face and push him off me.

"Seriously?! You have got to be fucking kidding me Derek! You ended this, remember? No more kissing in elevators. No more break up sex. No more us! Don't you understand?!" I say as I storm off the elevator.

"Dr. Grey, you're on my service today, remember?" He says quietly.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Of course Dr. Shepherd, how could I forget?" I say sweetly as I turn around.

Today was going to be a very long day. A very long day indeed.