"Oh! My foot!"
Her eyebrows pulling into a pained frown, Bella kneeled over just inside her bedroom door, rubbing the offended tow with both hands while attempting to keep her balance. Not an easy thing to do, considering her track record of clumsiness. Case and point: the moment she had walked inside the door, she had knocked a particularly large textbook off her desk and onto her foot, and that in turn had caused the two pens hiding behind said textbook to scatter off into the floor. She huffed a frustrated sigh and gave up massaging her aching foot, venturing further into the dark room toward her bed.
After arriving successfully, she collapsed on top of the bedspread, exhaling slowly as she closed her eyes. She hadn't bothered closing her bedroom door, or picking up the book she had knocked over. These thoughts, on normal occasions, would have nagged at her, requiring attention, but tonight she ignored the light streaming in from the hallway and the sounds of an action-packed football game drifting up the stairs. And she definitely felt no need to replace the text book from where it had fallen, knowing a similar event would happen the next time she walked into her bedroom if she did.
However, it had been a long day in La Push with Jacob, and her human needs were becoming ever apparent the longer she lay in bed, fully dressed. She needed a shower, for one, and her teeth weren't going to brush themselves…
With a sigh, she slid out of bed and crept toward the bathroom, carefully stepping over the textbook while eyeing it suspiciously. She knew it was silly to be so cautious (and so angry at an inanimate object), but she didn't want another ache added to her already growing list.
She only wished her emotional dilemmas were so temporary as a small bruise.
The afternoon had been difficult at best. She'd spent the majority of her afternoon on First Beach, walking parallel to the water splashing over the sand as she tried to thing of anything.
Anything but him.
However, her thoughts had traveled to a place almost as disturbing, which happened to be her werewolf. He hadn't made much of an appearance today, as he was a full-time bodyguard of hers. He had stopped in to check on her once or twice throughout the day, and the exhausted look he carried nearly sent her over the edge. So much trouble over her--it wasn't as if Jake didn't have enough on his plate, babysitting her on a regular basis without the threat of a vampire. Not to mention the ever-growing tension she could sense building between them every day. Sometimes, she just wanted to give in, put aside her selfish concerns, and just make him happy. The lines in their relationship were already blurred, and the other wolves always teased her for being "Jakes girlfriend."
It would be so easy, she knew, to cast aside her reservations, to relinquish the hopes she had that he would come back. She wanted so desperately to make Jake happy, but he didn't deserve a girl that couldn't love him back as unconditionally as he loved her.
These thoughts circulated in her brain as she showered and cleaned herself up for bed, slipping into her favorite pair of old sweat and pulling her dull, straight hair into a loose bun for the night. Examining her reflection in the mirror, she found herself frowning at the line of bumps that had formed near her hairline.
Feeling about as fresh and clean as she could in her current emotional state, Bella returned to her bedroom, switching off the hall light as she went so that it wouldn't leak underneath the door. She could hear the game drawing to a close downstairs, and she knew Charlie would be heading off to bed soon himself.
Yawning, she pulled the door shut behind her, not taking two steps before she remembered the textbook.
Sometimes, when Bella walked into a room, disaster struck.
"Oh!" she cried out, her arms flailing for purchase against something as she tripped over the book and fell forward. Her hands grasped at her dresser drawer, but it only served to make things worse as she yanked it out of the dresser and pulled it down with her. Its contents flung out in every direction, including the camera her mother had bought for her birthday. The poor device slammed against her ancient computer before clattering to the floor in several pieces. She hit the ground against her left shoulder, the drawer thudding onto the floor centimeters away from her face, upside down. The pain spread through her shoulder and hip immediately, and she knew a fresh set of bruises would develop overnight.
Before she could finish the string of curse words she had begun (which she had probably picked up from Jake and his friends), she heard a pair of hands clapping excitedly from somewhere on her bed.
"Very nice, Bells. I give it a nine point eight."
"Jacob!" she hissed, pushing herself off the ground to turn her icy glare on him. He was spread across her bed, his head resting against the wall, his face openly laughing at her disgruntled expression. "You could've, I don't know, helpedme or something."
He chuckled quietly, pushing himself off the wall and offering a hand to help her up. "Yeah, I could've done that. But I knew watching you make a mess would be better."
She glared at his proffered hand, refusing to take it and standing of her own accord. At once, she began collecting the garments that had flown across the room--her bras and underwear, of course--before stowing them inside the misplaced drawer and shoving it back inside the dresser. It didn't wanted to fit, and she struggled with it for a few minutes, trying to fit the metal track back into place, before Jacob's arms wrapped around her, taking it out of her hands and sliding it back in with ease.
"There, I helped you out." He didn't moved from the resulting embrace, and she tried not to shudder at the pleasant warmth emanating from his body. She could hear the grin in his voice, and she didn't feel like forgiving him just yet, sliding out from under his arms and going in search of the camera's pieces.
The batteries had fallen out, and once she replaced them, it turned on and off without a problem. Sighing, she returned it to the drawer before picking up the dreaded textbook and thrusting it inside the drawer as well.
She hoped the racket hadn't drawn Charlie's attention, though she supposed that he was used to her causing accidents on a regular basis.
"What are you doing here, Jake?" she questioned, her voice tinged with resentment. She folded her arms over her chest, hoping to look more threatening than she probably did.
Jacob held up both hands, his expression overly offended. "Geez, Bella, I just thought I stop in for a bit. It seems like I hardly see you anymore when I'm always trying to protect you and everything." There was the guilt trip.
Bella's face flushed, and she dropped her stance, bowing her head. "Sorry, Jake." She was mostly miffed that he hadn't prevented the accident he should've known would occur.
With a short laugh, he crossed the distance between them in two steps, drawing her up into a bone-crushing hug. "Don't worry about it."
"Jake…breathing…"
He always seemed to forget, or perhaps he liked watching her face turn blue. Jacob set her down on the edge of her bed, filling the space next to her and taking her hand in his. "Your hair's all wet," he pointed out, turning his head to face her.
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
"Tone down the sarcasm, will you?" But he laughed, and the sound was infectious. For no reason, she laughed with him, instinctively leaning against his shoulder and drawing life from his body's heat. It seemed like weeks had passed since they'd been together like this, and she didn't want the experience marred by her bitterness toward her calculus book.
"Why aren't you on patrol?" she questioned, though she had to admit she would rather have him in her bedroom, safe, than out there, at the mercy of a deadly vampire.
"I got the night off. Sam said I needed the sleep."
"But you came here?" she questioned, glancing up into his eyes to see his response.
He looked away from her inquiring gaze, instead focusing on some unknown object on her desk. "Well, I've hardly seen you in the past three days. I miss you, Bells."
"Miss you too, Jake." Why did it have to be so easy? She always knew the right thing to say, yet it was always so wrong. The hopeful glimmer in his eyes was enough to prove that her words fed his outrageous hope, the hope that she would pick him instead of…well, her other option.
But then, he wasn't really an option if he was never coming back.
She studied him for a second before she realized she had missed something, and her stomach tightened as she recognized his resolve. He had something to say, something she knew she couldn't bear to hear from him. He must've been contemplating it all day…she saw him in his wolf form, his thoughts occupied with other things as he sniffed out vampire trails. And she could hear the frustrated sighs of his wolf brothers, and finally the command from Sam to go and do whatever it was that he couldn't stop thinking about.
"Listen, Bella…"
No, no no no no. Please, Jake. Please.
He must've noticed her pained expression, because he pulled his entire body toward hers, tucking her against his chest and wrapping both arms around her tightly. "You know I love you," he whispered, beginning the speech he must've rehearsed many times in his head. "And I know, I know that you're still waiting for him. But Bells…I still have to try. I have to try." A pathetic whimper escaped her, and he clutched her closer, his hands undoing the bun she had made and stroking his fingers through her hair. "Just picture it, okay? Think about it for just one minute. I can protect you, Bella. I love you. I can give you anything, anything you could want. Things that he--" he broke off, feeling the tension in her body as he referred to the one she had lost.
"You know what I mean. You see it too, I know you do. But you're still holding on, and I'm right here…" His voice faded abruptly, and he changed his strategy, holding Bella's shoulders at arms length and gazing into her eyes. She stared back at him, listening to everything he said, knowing it was all true.
Knowing that he could give her everything she could ever want.
Things she had never even considered having.
The images swam in her head, of what their life would be like together, and she knew that he could make her happy.
Could she ever love him, though? How selfish of her would it be, to take everything that he offered, and not love him the way he loved her?
"Jake, I…" But her voice broke, and she couldn't gaze into his eyes anymore, turning her head and closing her eyes. As if closing them would make the image before her disappear.
As if she could somehow protect him from the monster that he loved, just by closing her eyes. Because she was a monster, more so than Jacob or…the ones that had left her behind. She could do nothing but hurt Jacob, not help him. Not protect him, or keep him from loving her broken soul. The damage was already done, and she could see it clearly when he touched her face, willing her to open her eyes.
"Bella."
She obliged him, peeking under her eyelids and glimpsing his determined visage, the set of his shoulders as he leaned toward her, the resolve dominating his face. But instead of closing the distance completely, he pressed his forehead against her, staring in to her eyes and allowing a broad grin to light up his features.
As she stared back at him, she suddenly knew.
"You love me," he stated, not a question, but a fact that he knew. Without arguing, she nodded. She did love him, but he shook his head. "You're in love with me."
She couldn't deny it. Something inside her told her it was true, and her heart thundered against her ribcage, so loudly she knew he could hear it. Frozen in place, astonished and horrified at the realization, she met his gaze unblinkingly as she nodded, once.
With a sigh of relief, Jacob closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders, as if a great burden he had carried for some time was lifted away. His answering smile incited chills throughout her body, because she had never seen such a peaceful expression on his face. Not even when he slept.
He was her Jacob again, the one she used to hang out with for entire days, the sunlight to her darkness that melted away the ice around her heart.
Easy as breathing, she thought, remembering the phrase she always used to describe their relationship. It was natural, like puzzle pieces fitting together, two halves of one whole.
And she couldn't retain her revulsion any longer, knowing that she was in love with him when she didn't deserve him. Knowing that her heart had been shattered, and some of the shards might never be found again. But Jacob had never given up trying, carefully piecing her back together day by day.
"Jake," she murmured, and his eyes snapped open, picking out the change of her tone at once.
He didn't waste any time, seeing that she had found her resolution, and closed the gap between their lips.
She had expected something different, something feral and passionate from her werewolf, but the resulting mesh of their mouths was so tender it made her heart ache. His lips were warm, like every other part of him, and the heat seemed to permeate every pore of her being as he enveloped her in his arms, tangling his hands in her hair, pulling her close. But still not close enough. It was not the same as the kisses she had experiences before; his hands gripped her shoulders, and it changed--it became desperate, fervent, and Jacob didn't restrain himself as he parted her lips, drinking in the sighs that escaped.
Several long minutes passed, until Jacob broke away from her, the corners of his mouth pulling into a wide smile that she found herself mirroring. With a soft exhale of breath, she rested her head against his shoulder, pressing her face against his warm chest and breathing in the scent of his body, an enjoyable aroma of pine trees and fresh air, and something else she couldn't quite place. It calmed her, and the fatigue of a day spent pacing the sand--worrying, tripping over driftwood, and worrying some more--caught up with her. Her eyelids drooped shut.
Until the hallway light flickered on, and she flinched away from Jacob, her eyes frantically searching is and urging him to find refuge somewhere before Charlie found him in her bedroom.
Without a sound, Jacob slid off her bed and launched himself through the open window, just in time to miss the knock at her bedroom door.
"Bella? Are you asleep?"
She considered not answering, but knew that whatever was on Charlie's mind must be important if he was risking waking her up.
But then, in reality only a short amount of time had passed since she'd taken her shower, and the moments had only drug on forever in her mind. That is, until Jacob had kissed her.
As quietly as she could manage, she climbed under the covers, laying her head against the pillow before calling, "Yeah, Dad. I'm awake."
Cracking the door open, Charlie stepped halfway into her room, his eyes sliding over a few pairs of underwear that she had missed when reassembling her dresser. Internally, she felt sorry for him and angry at the stupid textbook all over again.
"Just checking up on you. I heard a pretty loud crash a few minute ago. What happened?"
"Nothing, Dad. Just…tripped over something."
The explanation seemed to placate him, and he repressed a smile at her clumsiness, saying goodnight before closing the door. In the time it took him to walk the few steps to his bedroom, Jacob had managed to scale the tree outside her window and propel himself back into her room. Unlike the first time from weeks ago, however, his feet were silent as he landed lightly on the wooden floor, flashing a Bella a grin that screamed cockiness for his ability to sneak inside.
Just as he was making his way toward the bed, Bella remembered something.
"Oh, I left my bag in the bathroom."
As he climbed onto the bed and pulled the blanket from over her body, his gave her a ferocious look that could only mean he wanted to start where they had left off moments ago.
"I should really go get it," she insisted as he hovered over her, and she could sense the radiation of heat though their bodies weren't touching. "Before Charlie sees."
He leaned toward her, planting a single kiss on her lips, then another, and another, until she was kissing him back, moving her hands to wrap around his neck and pull him closer.
Forcing her lips away from his, she laughed breathlessly as Jacob fought against her resolve, pulling her face back to meet his and kiss him again.
"Please, Jake. There are things in there that Charlie doesn't need or want to see."
With a dramatic sigh, Jacob rolled off of her and turned to face the wall, folding his arms over his chest. "Sure, sure." As she clambered out of bed, he added, "Hurry back, Bells."
She didn't respond, dashing from the room and pulling the door almost shut behind her. The bag awaited her on the bathroom counter, and she grabbed it quickly before returning to her bedroom.
This time, she didn't need a textbook.
A strange noise escaped her as she misjudged the position of her desk, her left leg ramming into it and causing her to tumble to the ground. This time, she managed to take her computer's keyboard with her, knocking over her desk chair and landing on her right shoulder.
Matching bruises. Great.
From her bed, Jacob snickered quietly, sliding onto his feet so that he could help the poor, uncoordinated girl off the floor. Again.
"Bells?" Charlie called from his room, his voice tinged with worry.
"I'm fine, Dad," she called back, and her irate tone was enough to convince him that it was just another Bell accident.
Jacob didn't offer to help this time, simply forgoing the formalities and pulling her up into a cradle in one arm while he straightened her mess with his free hand.
"You're the clumsiest girl I've ever met…like a hurricane or something." His voice took on that of a television announcer. "Hurricane Bells: spreading chaos and destruction wherever she goes."
Bella smacked the back of his head, which only caused her hand to throb angrily in pain. "Very funny, Jake."
"I thought so," he laughed, carrying her back to bed.
I was listening to the New Moon soundtrack, and I noticed there's a song on there by a band called Hurricane Bells. And the inspiration for this story hit me over the head like a baseball bat. Just a bit of fluff for you guys. Hope you liked it.