It Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway

I do not own Hannah Montana, anything related to the Jonas Brothers (sans a few cds, magazines, and a wall full of posters…holy crap Kevin), and I do not own the song by Brad Paisley called "It Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway".

"Woah, Lills, what's your issue?" Miley practically jumped off the couch and met her at the door she had just thrown open.

Her roommate was mad and she could only guess why…another bad date.

"Sorry, I didn't realize we had company." She apologized when she noticed Nick, Kevin, Oliver, and Joe sprawled out on the couches in the living room.

They had lost interest in the movie they had been watching, and they were now totally focused on the two distressed girls talking in the kitchen.

"It's alright Lilly. Don't worry about them. What happened?"

"He stood me up!"

"You're kidding?!"

"I wish. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you Lilly" Oliver sighed

"Really? Then why have I had bad dates, or no dates at all for the past five dates in a row?!" she threw her stuff down on the table and walked over to the couch next to him and Kevin. She threw herself down on it and sulked.

"They were probably just stupid and didn't know what they were missing out on." Kevin tried to cheer her up.

"I feel safe then." She rolled her eyes "A stupid doctor, a stupid dentist …yah, I feel REAL safe."

"We met them, they weren't stupid." Kevin shrugged

"Come on Lil, there had to be one good one." Nick spoke up "What about that guy you met at the store a few weeks ago. When we met him, he seemed nice."

"The salesman? I haven't seen him since our date…he's avoiding me like the plague."

"What about that guy that we met at the fair last week? Wasn't he like a cowboy or something?" Oliver asked.

"He's the one that just stood me up." She replied. Bitterness was evident in her voice. "Even a lawyer stood me up! Aren't they supposed to be sleazy? You would have thought he'd at least show up just to get something out of it." She scoffed

"Lilly!" Miley exclaimed

"It was a joke." She rolled her eyes. "I'm 24. I should be married, or at least have a good prospect right now." She mumbled

"It's not like any of us are married." Joe, who had remained silent up till then, pointed out. "I mean, I'm 27, and Kevin will be thirty, and we aren't married. Nick, Miley and Oliver aren't married. They are all your age."

"Kevin is engaged." She rolled her eyes

"Ok, so that's one." Oliver shrugged

"Ok, but you have Sarah, Miley and Nick have each other, Jackson's even got a girlfriend! And Joe-"

She stopped and turned to him. Reality had finally hit her.

"YOU!" she pointed at him accusingly

"What?" He shrugged

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. Why do you assume I did anything?" he asked nervously

"Everyone here met every one of those guys, and they have all had something to say up until now. You did something didn't you?"

"Why would I have done anything?" he asked innocently

She gave him a cold glare. "Cuz you are evil."

"And you like her." Kevin added

He shot his brother a deadly look

"What? Everyone knows" he shrugged

"You aren't helping." He whispered loudly

"Joe, seriously, I'm going to kill you if you don't tell me what you did."

"You'll kill me anyways." He sighed

"So just tell me!"

"Ok, well, uh, get ready to laugh, cuz it's really funny when you think about it." He smiled nervously.

Everyone turned to him expectantly.

"Ok, my disclaimer is that I'm sure none of them ACTUALLY believed anything I told them…"

"What did you tell them?" She asked angrily

Oh lighten up,

Where's your sense of humor?

They're just tiny little rumors

That I started cuz I'm looking out for you.

Oh settle down,

I'm just a little jealous

And I'm sure those other fellahs

Never once believed the lies I told were true…

"Lighten up Lil-ay. They were just a few rumors that I started. I only did it cuz I want what's best for you."

"You still haven't said what you told them." She reminded.

"Ok, well, that cowboy thinks that you used to be a man." He said quickly, and braced himself for on outburst…she just blinked and nodded for him to continue.

"Um, I told the doctor that you were married, but you hid your wedding band cuz you were tired of your husband."

Like that time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man

And the doctor you were dating that you hide your wedding band

Even if I am responsible for scaring them away

You really ought to thank me

I was doing you a favor

Cuz it never would have worked out anyway

"Why would you do something like that?!" she finally asked

"Cuz I care about you Lil-ay and none of those guys were good enough."

"You know that lying is a sin." Kevin reminded

"I know. And I know I shouldn't have done it, and I might have gone too far."

"How far?" Lilly raised an eyebrow.

"Um, I told the salesman that you spent a year in jail…no wait, that's what I told the lawyer…"

"What did you tell the salesman then?"

He blushed slightly "I might have led him to believe that you hang out around the motels on the bad side of town."

"You told him I'm a hooker?!" she screeched

"No, I never said that, I just…didn't deny it when he asked."

"You have hit an all-time low." Nick shook his head

Oh can't you see the reason that I'm doing

All the crazy things I'm doing

Is because I really care about you girl?

And I'll admit I go a little farther

Than I know I probably oughta

But it's all because I need you in my world

Like the time I told that layer that you spent a year in jail

And the salesman you were seeing you hang out at cheap motels

Even if I am responsible for scaring him away

You really ought to thank me

I was doing you a favor

Cuz it never would have worked out anyway.

"I can't help it. I just can't stand the thought of you being with anyone but me. It's just not right."

"You have completely lost it Joe. If you like me so much, why didn't you just tell me instead of ruining all my dates and spreading rumors about me?"

"Cuz that would have been the smart thing to do. I never actually thought about that."

"Of course not…you were too busy thinking up excuses for guys to ditch me. Thank you Joe" she said sarcastically.

"You make me sound like such a bad person. I'm just a guy in love."

"Let's recap, shall we? You told one guy I was cheating on my husband, you told one guy I was a felon, you told another guy I was a MAN, and you let a guy believe I'm a hooker! I can only imagine what you told Ryan."

"The dentist?"

She nodded

"Oh, I um, told him you were only dating him cuz you had seven little kids to support and you were sick of moonlighting as a dancer at 'Jimmy's'.

"And now I'm a gold-digging stripper?! I could kill you; that would at least make the lie about me doing jail time true."

I can't stand the thought of you with anybody else

I know I've gone overboard but I can't help myself

Like the time I tld that dentist you had seven little kids

And you doubled as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge

Even if I am responsible for scaring them away

You really out to thank me

I was doing you a favor

Cuz it never would have worked out anyway

"The way your mind works never ceases to amaze me." Miley rolled her eyes

"You should be diagnosed" Oliver added

"I can't believe you." Lilly gave him a disgusted look

"I'm sorry Lil-ay, I was just doing you a favor. If those guys believed me, instead of talking to you, then it never would have worked out anyway." He shrugged and grinned

It's all because I love you

And I can't stop thinking of you

And it never would have worked out anyway.

Thought I'd go for a funny one first. I don't like Loe stories, so I didn't put them together at the end like I'm sure people would have liked, but what can I say? I'm selfish…

Anyways, review and let me know what you think. If you have any ideas for Lilly songfics, let me know what song and if it's a love song, what pairing… I would love to add it to this story and will put your name as a credit for anyone I use.