She's definitely had too much scotch.
And she's definitely almost drunk.
Barney's sitting across from her in the booth, their friends left long ago, and when he slides another drink in her direction she takes a sip and wonders if he's trying to get her drunk.
As she swallows the smooth alcohol she realizes no, that's not it.
Because Barney's drunk too.
When she finishes the drink she stands to go and Barney awkwardly mimics her.
"Do you...mind if I stay upstairs."
He slurs as he asks and she grins pleased that she knows him so well.
"Okay," she nods.
They barely make it up the stairs, laughter rolling off them in waves.
They both stumble into the apartment and collapse on the couch.
They're silent for a minute, then a minute more, then he's sleeping and she wants to be sleeping too.
Her room suddenly seems too far away.
Plus Barney's here.
She wakes up with just the hint of a headache which in no way makes sense considering how much she drank last night.
"Hey."
She turns her head and is face to face with Barney.
"Hey."
"How's your head?" He sounds concerned.
"Maybe a little headache. You?"
"Same."
He looks puzzled for a minute then grins at her, "Think we're still kinda drunk?"
She laughs, "Probably".
"Welll..."
And just like that she can tell he's come up with some ridiculous plan.
He leaps up and heads to the kitchen.
When he comes back he's holding champagne and orange juice and mugs.
She shakes her head at him.
"What?!" He exclaims in the tone that says everyone else is crazy and he's perfectly sane thank you very much.
"Mimosas, Barney? That's your big plan?"
"Only sure fire way to hold off a hangover. All the college kids know that."
"And you would know what all the college kids know how?"
He raises an eyebrow at her and gives her a smug look.
Ew. She makes a never mind motion with her hands.
He pours the mixture in a mug.
She drinks some then questions him again.
"Really? Mugs?"
"Robin," he rolls his eyes at her, "This is your apartment. Plus you live with Ted".
He says it like that explains everything, which actually, it does.
He sits next to her, closer than he should be really.
She puts her mug down, leans over, and kisses him.
He blinks at her in surprise after she's pulled away.
"What was that for Scherbatsky?"
She shrugs.
"Just felt like it."
She picks up the mug again and drains it. Refills it quickly.
"Robin, the general idea is to take the edge off, not get totally shitfaced again. Also, don't you need to work today?"
"Nope," she says calmly as she takes another sip.
It's quiet for a minute, but for some reason it doesn't feel awkward. They're drinking together without the normal security blanket of their friends but somehow it's right.
"Hey Barney? I'm not drunk again right now."
"Okay?" For once he looks confused.
"I'm telling you right now that if later today I decide to take things further than that kiss you're not taking advantage."
She watches him swallow hard and takes another sip.
Barney's drinking from the champagne bottle. Slow steady swigs to try to distract him from the fact that Robin Scherbatsky just kissed him.
"Not fair," she drunkenly insists, reaching over and trying to grab the bottle from him.
She misses and ends up sprawled across his lap.
He can't control his reaction, hard and pressing insistently against her. He shifts uncomfortably far too drunk to know if he wants her closer or farther away.
"Mmm" she mumbles.
Then she straddles him. Yanks off her shirt and bra and tosses them behind her wildly.
Her bra lands on top of a lamp of Ted's that's probably almost definitely from one of his ex-girlfriends and he can't help but laugh since Ted's other ex-girlfriend is draped over him.
"Give me some," she slurs.
He pours the champagne in her mouth mostly missing and sending a cascade of bubbling liquid down her chest.
Barney catches it with his tongue and she moans in pleasure.
He startles when she stands, but then she's grabbing his hand and dragging him toward her bedroom.
The second the bedroom door is closed they're kissing. Standing in the middle of her room, arms wrapped around each other swaying.
"Robin! Robin?"
Ted's voice echoes through the apartment.
Robin breaks away from Barney with a groan.
"Need to see what he wants or he'll just come in," she explains as best she can given her current state.
Barney nods.
Robin stumbles toward her bedroom door. She can do this, how hard can it be to pretend that she's sober and not making out with Barney Stinson at 10 a.m. on a Monday?
The answer is pretty damn hard. For the first time ever she's thankful that Ted is so enamored by his girl of the week that all he wants to do is spout nonsense and ignore everyone else. He's not so much talking to her as talking at her, so she nods occasionally and thinks of Barney and her bedroom floor.
"Robin?"
Shit he's asked her something.
"Sounds good," she responds to a question she hasn't heard.
"Great!" Ted beams back at her, before bounding toward his bedroom.
He has to shower and change because he's meeting the girl for brunch and it's obvious it's way too soon for that but at this point Robin couldn't care less about the status of Ted's "relationship".
Her bedroom door is firmly closed again and Robin breathes a sigh of relief.