Who is She?
"Who is she?" Chloe hadn't wanted to ask; she'd figured the less interest she took in his love life the less chance she had of getting hurt. Well, hurt more than she already was. But the way he was grinning to himself and staring off into space was starting to get on her nerves, and she needed to say something to bring him back down to earth and get him refocussed on the long, laborious task of revising protocols, even if the answer he gave was going to cause her pain.
He blinked stupidly at her several times. "Who's who?"
Chloe rolled her eyes. "Whoever it is you're thinking about. What's her name?" She moved away from him and over to the table in the centre of his office. The tech room would have been a much easier environment in which to work but Bill had insisted she work from Jack's office. Unfortunately, that meant working with Jack.
"Oh." He smiled. "Her name is Chloe."
"Oh." She blushed, stung by his revelation and the fact that he didn't even try to conceal it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry it's just you were so far away and these protocols aren't going to revise themselves."
"No, they're not, and it's okay, I don't mind you asking." He sounded suddenly unsure. Gone was the smile to be replaced by a look of utter confusion. Chloe mentally kicked herself for spoiling his good mood. She tried desperately to think of something light hearted to say but small talk had never been her strength. From the expression on his face she knew the moment was past repair. "I think we're almost done for now anyway," she decided finally. He merely nodded, his attention now fully on the screen in front of him.
xxx
The evenings were proving to be awkward. At first, when she'd suggested he move in, she knew it would be strange but it hadn't been. They had muddled along together quite nicely. She knew he'd been seeing people, tried not to mind on the nights that he didn't come home to her. She herself hadn't been with anyone since Morris had decided her couldn't be bothered with her. He'd upped and left as soon as they'd gotten home from work that day, unable to live a lie any longer. It had been a relief; she hadn't begged him to stay. She hadn't even begged Jack to move in with her. They were both in need of a friend, and she was the only one with a house so it made sense for him to live with her rather than face the daunting task of looking for somewhere new so soon after returning to home soil. One day she knew he would want to leave, move on and rebuild his life. She just hadn't expected to be confronted with it so soon.
Ever since he'd told her about his latest girlfriend, things had slipped gradually downhill. Both pretended not to notice it, to acknowledge that the little haven they had built for themselves was slowly being pulled apart. Instead of talking over dinner they would share a somewhat uneasy silence, Jack's eyes on her the entire time until she got up and excused herself from the room.
This particular evening was no better, or worse. Rather than leave her to it once she'd left the room, Jack got to his feet and went out after her, finding her curled up on the couch, her nose in a book he knew she wasn't reading.
"Something's wrong," he stated, his tone suggesting he wasn't in the mood to be lied to, not that she could have if she'd tried. She looked up. "Go away, Jack. I'm not hungry, there's nothing wrong with that."
"No," he admitted, walking over to her and taking the book out of her hands. "But this is the third night in a row. You're not sick, are you?"
"Just sick of you bothering me," she muttered, snatching her book back and trying to ignore the hurt in his eyes. Chloe sighed. "Look, Jack. I'm just not feeling so great. I'm sorry, okay?"
"Yeah, fine." He turned and strode from the room. Minutes later she heard him banging about in the kitchen before walking heavily up the stairs. She vaguely remembered that he had a date with his girlfriend that evening. Cursing, she got to her feet and ran around the living room, not wanting Jack's latest squeeze to think they lived in some sort of converted pig sty.
"What are you doing?" he demanded, reappearing only minutes later and causing Chloe to jump, dropping the last of the cushions rather haphazardly back down onto the couch. She flushed. "I was just trying to tidy up. What's with all the questions tonight?"
"I'm worried about you."
She laughed. "I'm fine. Honestly, I don't eat for three days and you think I've got the plague or something. If you recall, Jack, I can quite easily go weeks without eating properly. Anyway, aren't you going out tonight?"
"No... she cancelled on me." She saw his shoulders slump dejectedly but knew not to push him. "I think I'm just going to... go to bed," he finished. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I went."
"You're only two rooms down from me, Jack," she called after him, but he didn't turn around.
xxx
"I found you someone," Nadia sing songed, pulling out a chair and seating herself at the table in the break room. "His name's Tom, and-"
Chloe almost choked on her sandwich. "Excuse me?" she demanded, not failing to see the laughter in the other woman's eyes. "I do not recall asking you to set me up with one of Milo's friends."
"He isn't one of Milo's friends."
"Oh, like that's supposed to make me feel better?"
"He's my cousin."
Chloe rolled her eyes. "Great. If I marry him, you and I would be related."
"Chloe." Nadia took a tone of semi-seriousness. She sighed. "Honey, please, I'm just trying to help. Tom's nice. I haven't arranged anything for you; I've just given him your number-"
"You what?!"
"-and I'm going to give you his," Nadia finished, as though Chloe's outburst had never happened. She reached into her purse for a pen and piece of paper and began scribbling. "Here," she said moments later, pushing the note across to Chloe. The other woman eyed it suspiciously. "It won't self-destruct, Chloe," Nadia joked, sipping her drink.
"Shame. I was kind of hoping it might, then I wouldn't have to phone him."
Nadia smiled. "So, you're going to give it a try?"
Chloe shrugged, never one to accept defeat. "I guess I could think about it. Jack's out a lot now with his new girlfriend so I should really do something else other than sulk around the house..." She trailed off, feeling her eyes tear and her cheeks flush, knowing she'd said too much. Nadia placed her hand over Chloe's and squeezed lightly. "I'm sorry, honey."
"It's fine."
"He's an idiot-"
"I said, it's fine."
Nadia nodded slowly. "Okay. It's fine."
"Yes. It is." Chloe screwed up her empty food wrappers and gathered her things. "I should be going. Thanks for this," she said, waving the piece of paper in Nadia's direction.
"Not a problem," Nadia assured her. "Just... go out, have some fun."
"I think I've forgotten how to," Chloe said quietly, so quietly that Nadia continued on with her lunch, oblivious to the fact that the words had even left Chloe's lips.
xxx
"You don't want dinner tonight?" Jack lingered in the doorway to Chloe's room, watching with a pang as she discarded yet another dress and tossed it onto the pile already covering her unmade bed.
"No, I'm going out."
"Oh... as in a date?"
"Yes, Jack, as in a date. Is the idea of someone taking an interest in me that hard for you to fathom?" She emerged from her wardrobe, a tiny red dress in her hands. Jack felt something stir inside him and he looked away sharply. "No. Of course not."
"Then don't sound so surprised."
"Do I know him?" He hadn't meant to ask; he had no right to pry into her life, into the plans she had made without him. Inside the room, Chloe paused, one hand poised ready to drag a hairbrush through her hair. "I doubt it," she replied finally, tugging at an unruly knot.
Jack frowned. "What does that mean?"
"It means, leave me alone so I can finish getting ready."
Nodding, he pushed away from the wall and towards the stairs, stopping only as he heard her slam the door shut behind him.
xxx
Half an hour later she paused, admiring herself in the mirror. The dress was old but comfortable, the shoes worn but practical. She had hastily thrown the remaining dresses back into the closet, making a mental note to rehang them at some point.
She took the stairs slowly, chewing nervously on her bottom lip as she neared the hallway. Tom was running late; she'd half expected as much, was beginning to wonder whether he would show at all. He'd probably figured out that he what he was doing was being done out of pity. Nadia wanted all the details; Chloe groaned inwardly at the thought of having to tell her that Tom hadn't even bothered to-
"I thought you were going out."
She'd entered the living room without realising. Jack was staring at her, a strange expression on his face. Chloe pushed past him and over to the window. "I am," she responded, pulling back the curtain slightly and peering out into the night.
"You look beautiful," he whispered, and she could feel his eyes on her despite the fact that her back was to him; could feel him running his gaze up and down her body. A chill ran up her spine, not entirely out of fear. "I do not," she said stubbornly, dropping the curtain.
"You do, and he's a fool if he thinks otherwise."
"Are you calling me a fool?"
"I'm calling you beautiful." His voice, if possible, had dropped another notch. Chloe felt her heart start pounding but her brain soon kicked in. He's seeing someone else, he's only trying to be nice to you. "Well, dont. I don't need your pity."
"Pity?" Jack frowned, genuinely confused. "I'm not pitying you, I'm-"
"Yes, fine." She brought a hand to her mouth, began biting at the non-existant finger nails. "Aren't you seeing Chloe this evening? Shouldn't you be getting ready?" The smell of freshly cooked food met her nose and she frowned. "I told you I didn't need dinner."
"It's for Chloe," he shrugged.
"Oh..." Realisation dawned on her and she felt a surge of anger. "So, what, Jack, you were going to invite Chloe round and expect me to sit here like an idiot with the two of you? Is that what you thought we could do this evening, if I didn't have a date? Not exactly a romantic dinner for two, is it? I'm sure she wouldn't want me intruding."
"You still haven't told me who he is." Jack ignored the harsh note in her voice, stepping out of the way and following her into the hall.
"That's because you don't need to know."
"And besides, he's late. Didn't you say he was picking you up at seven?"
"Why are you so interested?"
"I'm just looking out for you."
"I don't need you to look out for me."
"You won't be intruding, tonight I mean," he said softly. She faltered at his sudden change of topic. Meeting his eyes, she retorted, "I'm going out now so it doesn't matter, does it?"
"Please stay."
"Cancel my date just for you? So I can spend an evening in with you and your girlfriend?"
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Really, Jack, I don't want to know what she is to you-"
"She's my best friend. I'd like for her to be more than that, but we're taking it slow. We've both been hurt so much in the past."
"Why are you even telling me this?"
"You're Chloe."
"Well spotted."
"No, I mean... you're Chloe."
She felt her breath hitch in her throat as he took a tentative step towards her. His gaze was piercing, his eyes not leaving hers for even a second as he closed the space between them, effectively backing her against the wall. Smiling his crooked smile, he slowly reached out and took her hand in his. "Just tell me and I'll stop," he whispered shakily. Chloe swallowed hard and shook her head. She gasped as his lips came down to brush gently against hers. Pulling back, his eyes searched hers quizzically, and, seeing no resistance, leaned in once more.
Chloe's senses kicked in. "No, Jack. Stop." The urgency in her voice sent panic running through Jack's veins and he pulled back sharply. "We can't..." she insisted. "I'm not Chloe... at least, I'm not the Chloe you think I am."
"But you are," he whispered hoarsely, stepping back slowly. "I didn't mean to scare you..."
"It's fine." She moved away from the wall, smoothing her hair back from her face in a self-conscious gesture. "I should go wait outside, Tom will probably be here in a minute." Grabbing her purse from the hall table, Chloe pushed past him and across to the front door, wrenching it open with perhaps more force than was necessary.
"Tom..." Jack muttered, more to himself than to Chloe but she stopped nonetheless. "Yes, Jack. That's his name. Tom. My date. You wanted to know and now you know."
"Chloe, please don't-"
"Don't go? It's a bit late for that, isn't it." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Jack." Chloe turned and walked out into the warm, early summer evening, closing the door softly behind her.
Jack stared at the empty hallway, willing the door to open but knowing that it wouldn't and that he had no right to expect it to. Minutes ticked idly by; he leaned heavily against the wall and slumped to the floor, trying to block out the pain. Not one for self pity, he found himself mourning the loss of something he'd probably never really had.
Eventually he got to his feet, unsure as to how much time had passed. He was vaguely aware of a vehicle outside the house, of two voices talking loudly but he couldn't hear what was said, nor did he want to. He had to get out of there, out of her house, her life-
Stumbling into the kitchen, he was greeted by the sight of the meal he had so lovingly prepared only hours earlier. It had all been for her. He had intended to tell her that very evening; tell her how much she meant to him, how he couldn't be without her, how he loved her more than he thought possible, more than he deserved. He realised now that he'd gone about it the wrong way. She had seemed genuinely shocked; he'd thought that she would work everything out but perhaps he hadn't made it that clear. Fear had stopped him from coming out and saying exactly what he'd meant to say, what he needed to say, and now she was outside, getting into a car with a man Jack had never met before.
As if on autopilot, he picked up the nearest saucepan and began tipping its contents into the bin. Continuing slowly, methodically, around the kitchen, he didn't stop until every surface was clear. Unused plates were returned to cupboards; the champagne glasses filed neatly away. He didn't allow himself to think, because if he did he knew he would lose control.
She watched silently from the hallway, tears sliding down her face. It didn't take him long to clear up; she saw him hesitate by the sink, as though debating whether or not to wash up the cookware he had used. His mind made up, he reached for a sponge and turned on the tap; Chloe found the sound of the running water somewhat soothing as she tried to gather herself.
Slowly, she walked into the room, not bothering to keep her footsteps light but still he didn't turn around. He was so caught up in the task at hand that her presence apparently hadn't registered, but she sensed that he knew she was there. As she neared, she reached out and took the plate he was holding out of his hands, setting it down on the worktop and switching off the water as she did so. She saw his hands were shaking and she quickly grasped them in her own. His head was bowed, his eyes pointing downwards.
They remained that way for a few minutes. Jack entwined his fingers with hers, pulling her fractionally closer so that his forehead was resting against hers. She too was staring at the floor; neither looked into the other's eyes. "Am I really Chloe?" she asked, her voice wobbling dangerously.
"Yes," he breathed softly, not wanting to sever the connection they were sharing by scaring her further.
"When you told me you were seeing someone, someone named Chloe, I thought-"
She was cut off as he pulled her in tight against him, her words muffled against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he apologised, one hand cradling the back of her head protectively. "I should have told you, but-"
"You were scared." Her eyes shone brightly. "I think I told you once before that I couldn't read minds?"
"That's why I tried to spell it out for you," he finished, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "You've always been able to read me, Chloe. I can't hide from you. I can't hide anything from you."
"I couldn't read you this time," she murmured.
"Because you were scared too." It wasn't even a question.
"Yes." She swallowed. "I... I told Tom I'd changed my mind. He's gone."
"Good." Jack couldn't help the conviction behind his words. "Does that mean...?"
"It means," Chloe told him, leaning once more into his embrace, "that I'm Chloe."