A strange 'what-if' one-shot. That's all I have to say. Enjoy!
I don't own Pokémon.
'FAKE'BOOK
"Ash?"
"Yeah, May?"
"Are you on Facebook?"
"Err…no, why?"
"Arceus, you should totally join! Everyone, and I mean everyone, is on Facebook!"
Ash sighed. His wife always made things… complicated. Only last week she told him to buy an Xbox and to play with her. That didn't go too well for him.
Turns out that she just wanted some authority over him, that she could easily cream him in something.
"Alright May, I'll join it for you and check it out," he said, after a moment of hesitation.
May ran up to him and gave him a peck on the cheek.
"Good call Ashy!"
…
…
…
Ash turned on his computer, searched and finished registering on Facebook. "Let's see why Facebook is so 'popular'."
Scrolling down, he saw a fairly recent post by a Jigglypuff:
'A fat, creepy dude kept staring at me during my Gym battle. It was really uncomfortable. :('
The first reply was by Professor Oak, which shocked Ash a little bit because he figured the Professor would be busy with research. Nonetheless, the Professor's reply brought so much laughter in him, that his sides hurt:
'I think it's time someone explained to you the concept of Mirror Move…'
Once Ash was able to control his fit of laughter, he saw another new post, one of a Magmar.
'What do you guys think of my new pix? :)'
Magmar's new picture comprised of itself with a longer beak, sort of like a duck.
Ash was puzzled. "Why the heck does that Magmar resemble a duck?" he thought.
He put this thought aside and read the first two comments.
A snorlax said, 'Lookin' good gurl!'
The second comment really freaked Ash out.
It was by Hypno PAEDO, saying, 'I'm loving that duck-face! You're a natural beauty!'
"Looks like Hypno has found his next target," Ash shivered.
…
…
…
Ash quickly scrolled down and soon noticed a new post by a jynx. If Hypno's comment was bad, Jynx's was ten times worse.
'A wild Nicki Minaj appeared!'
Feeling a bit mean, he responded to this in one sentence: 'Run Away! Got away safely!'
Jynx was definitely not going to be pleased, that was certain.
Ash then decided to go through posts of people he knew. The first one was Misty's and her post actually surprised him.
'I'm entering a bikini contest this year. I think I'll win!'
Obviously, people were mighty pleased with that, especially the perverts.
Metapod: 'Harden!'
Voltorb: 'Explosion!'
Brock: 'Ay girl, let me squirtle on them jigglypuffs…'
The last comment was done by a person Ash had never expected. Neither was their comment made, predictable.
James' profile picture was his bikini outfit, where he was groping himself. His comment, 'I think not.'
Ash immediately closed the post. His eyes had been burned enough for the day.
…
…
…
Ash then found an old post by Professor Oak. This was when he, Delia and the Professor had gone camping.
Professor Oak: 'Going camping with Ash and Delia!'
The Professor had also uploaded pictures of their camping trip. Ash was filled with nostalgia as walked down memory lane.
"Those were the days," he whispered, smiling.
The comments on the post were slightly misleading, at least in Ash's opinion.
Professor Oak: 'Unfortunately, I left my wood with Delia so, that ruined the camping trip…"
Delia: 'Yeah, that was unfortunate. You had try really hard to convince me to come as well!'
"What are they talking about? I had to run around the forest, looking for wood for the fire! Professor never made any plans of bringing his wood," Ash thought.
The final comment made Ash roll his eyes.
Blaine: 'Hey, Ash…I HOPE YOU HAVE BURN HEAL!'
"Blaine should really get a life," he muttered.
Moving ahead, he saw a post by someone called Ethan.
'I just caught Lugia! Awesome! I now own one of the legendary pokémon!'
The first comment made Ash fall off his chair, laughing.
Youngster Joey: 'I MA LET YOU FINISH BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT MY RATTATA IS THE BEST! MY RATTATA IS THE TOP 1% OF RATATTA! OKAY, BYE!'
"There's a fandom for everything," Ash sniggered.
The next post Ash saw was of a new trainer.
Red: 'I just found this place called Mt. Moon. I'm going to try and enter it. Wish me luck guys!'
Ash smiled. He remembered the first time he entered Mt. Moon. The cleffairy and clefables were a sight to behold.
He was about to type something to boost Red's confidence, when someone else beat him to it.
Zubat: 'Going somewhere? ᕙ(¬ ͜ʖ¬)ᕗ'
I still have a few more ideas left but I think I'm going to end it here. I think this was a pretty random one-shot with an absolute ton of references. Let me know if you got them all!
As always folks, please R&R!