Being around you always caused my head to spin and my stomach to tie into knots, and for a long time, I thought it was because you disgusted me.
Ever since we met, you had always been useless. And there were times where it was like you were trying to take the attention away from me, even when you had no quirk to make yourself even a fraction of an equal to me. Even as the years went by, you never even came close to being anything special. But every single time you were around me, those nauseating feelings in my head and stomach and the burning the sensation in my chest came back at full force.
No matter how hard I tried to forget those feelings whether you were around or not, the moment you opened your mouth, it would all come back like a flood. And I hated you for that.
Only you could do this to me. And every moment of that happening, I wanted to make it stop.
The feelings only grew worse when we entered Yuuei.
When I finally got accepted there, I thought I could finally rid myself of those terrible feelings because I wouldn't have to face you anymore. But once I learned that you were going as well, I just had to beat the want of going out of you. You didn't budge though. For once in your life, you actually spoke against me.
After that, you kept changing and only intensified what I felt everyday.
During that team trial though, something snapped in me. Those horrible, disgusting, wretched feelings finally burst out of me, and I couldn't take it. I just wanted to end your life.
But as I watched you pass out and heard All Might's voice ring out from the intercom, something else replaced all the rage and hatred inside of me.
Regret.
Sadness.
Horror.
It was the worst feeling I ever felt in my life. And while the rest of the trials went on, the realization came to me about those long time feelings I had. They were something even more horrifying than your inferiority.
Something that I will never ever acknowledge as the truth.
But I do know for sure that even if they were real, even if they were true, there would be no way you would forgive me for all that I had done.
Originally posted on songofblaze on tumblr on December 21, 2014