Le gasp! Angst? From moi? Wow! (I wrote this at two am and made myself cry. Oof) Hope y'all like it, it's my first time writing with acheehal. XDD. I tried.
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I got a little drunk last night
There's something 'bout a midnight rain
Staring at the ceiling fan
I couldn't get you off my brain
He just stared at the ceiling fan. Going around and around. He didn't know why he had it on, maybe his room was hot, or maybe he was. Maybe it was the side effect of the quirk he fought.
The small television he had in his room was alive with noise, the mission he was on, and all about...her.
Uravity. Ochako.
His...ex.
The midnight rain trickled down his window, his attention was brought to the drops of rain. Slipping and sliding, out of control. Like how he felt.
It wasn't that he didn't love Ochako, it wasn't that. The love he felt, still feels, for her tore at his heart everyday he saw her on the news, or her pictures. Anywhere.
But he didn't deserve her. Work got in the way sure, but she was so amazing and kind. He couldn't...keep up. He didn't deserve her, she deserved someone who could be there for her. He couldn't. He was always being torn away for work. She understood, but he knew there would be a time where she got tired of it.
When she wanted out of it.
So he broke things off before that would cross her mind.
And that was the hardest thing he ever had to do.
Forget fighting villains, fighting Kacchan, everything. That was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Seeing the hurt on her face, the grave look she covered it with. Her icy tone.
When he saw her again and she called him 'Midoriya'.
Not Deku. Midoriya.
That cut the deepest.
He stood up and left his room. He swore Katsuki left a little brandy last time he was here. He needed to numb his mind for a while.
He found the bottle behind a box of All Might cereal. He plopped it on the table and sat down.
The lights were dim, the rain persistent. It's been months since he even talked to her. She was hurting and he would hurt her more.
But hearing her voice call him 'Midoriya' hurts more than anything else in the world.
He opened the bottle and took a shot. It burned going down, but it warmed his stomach. He hissed a bit, he never liked the feeling of alcohol, but he just wanted to shut his brain down. He really did.
I guess I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up
I got a little drunk last night
After three more shots of the brandy his brain went fuzzy. Good it was kicking in.
But they called it liquid courage for a reason.
Mind numb and fuzzy, he wasn't thinking straight. He reached out to his phone sitting on the table. He flipped through his contacts, mom, Kacchan, Todoroki, Ochako.
He couldn't bear to change her contact name, that would make the situation worse for him. Like it wasn't a bad dream he could wake up from. It wasn't, but he didn't want it to seem real.
He opened her contact and pressed 'call'
After it rung three times he almost gave up. It was late, she would be asleep.
He went to end the call when he heard her voice. Tears pricked at his eyes as he heard 'hello?' She answered.
"Och- Uraraka. It's me...Izu- Midoriya," he whispered. He fingered the bottle of brandy, waiting on bated breath to see if she would respond. See if she would hang up without another word.
"Deku," she breathed and he felt his heart soar. Not Midoriya, Deku. "W-Why did you call? Is something wrong? Something happen?" She asked, worried.
"No no. Nothings wrong. I just...needed to hear your voice." She didn't respond for a while. "I miss you so much Uraraka. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about what happened, why. I'm so sorry," he said quietly into the phone.
"Hold on I'm coming over," she said and the call ended. He sat there for a minute. She was...coming over? Why? Why would she do that? He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve forgiveness. But yet, she was coming over.
He threw back another sip of the brandy.
I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
Don't know why
It was a little before one when she got to his apartment. He knew it was her by the soft rap at the door.
He stumbled over. There she stood, her hair illuminated by the yellow lights of the hallway. She looked so beautiful, with her long hair and intoxicating amber eyes. Her soft lips, rosy cheeks, cute little button nose.
The brandy must've been messing with his mind, because he thought he saw love in those eyes. Longing. Forgiveness.
The soft songs on the radio snapped him out of his thoughts, as he let her in.
She slipped her shoes off, and immediately went into the kitchen. She came back with the bottle of brandy. "I knew your words sounded slurred. Deku…" she said her eyes softening a little.
"I needed to shut my brain off…" he replied, feeling sheepish. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she tipped the bottle back and drank a little.
Her hand waved in front of her face as she swallowed. "Strong stuff. Katsuki leave it?" She asked taking another sip. Smaller and slower. He watched her.
"W-Why are you…?"
"I need some brain numbing too. These past months have been hard," she said softly, looking at the bottle. It glowed in the lights. He stepped over to her, took the bottle and sipped from it.
"Let's sit down and talk. Is that okay?" He asked. Her lips parted a bit, as she nodded. He wanted to kiss her, whisper sweet nothings to her hair again. But he couldn't, he couldn't overstep. She came over, that was enough.
Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night
They sat at the kitchen table, each taking shots from the bottle. They rationed the brandy, talking and joking a bit. It loosened his tongue, and made his head spin. But he was talking to her again.
"You know Izu...Katsuki has quite the taste in alcohol. It's kinda sweet now that I think about it…" she slurred. It was a small slur, at the end of her sentence. But he noticed it. He tried to ignore how his heart jumped when she called him 'Izu'.
"Yeah you're right. Kacchan really knew his stuff," he said taking another shot. She made a humming noise in the back of her throat, making him spin out of control with desire.
He wanted her.
But he had to let her go.
This was their goodbye. He couldn't be with her, not after what happened.
I got a little too far gone
I was talking way too loud
I don't remember what I said
I just remember breaking down
"I never stopped loving you, you know. I tried to stop. I tried to ignore everything. But I couldn't stop the way my heart jumped when I heard your name. Or how I longed to hold you after a long mission. I miss you using my razor to shave your legs, or how you'd eat sweets late at night thinking I didn't know," he blurted out. She stopped mid sip.
"I missed how you'd accidentally make me float when you forgot to wear your gloves. Or how cute you looked while pouting. I could never stay mad at you long. I miss you using my brush accidentally in the morning when we were too tired to know who's brush was who's." He was talking to loud, but he didn't care.
"I miss being annoyed when you'd fall asleep on the couch, and I had to carry you back to bed. I miss watching those awful romantic movies. I miss watching horror movies and end up cuddling so close you'd think we were one person." He was breaking down now. Tears flowed down her face, dropped onto the table. He noticed the slight dampness to her hair, the rain hadn't let up.
She was silent for a while. He ruined it. She was going to leave again, and he would never see her again. Not like this. Then she spoke.
"I miss how you would do all the chores and tick me off. I miss how cute you looked while muttering about Heroes. Or how flustered you'd be after being asked for an autograph. I miss how after a long night we would stay up longer, talking and cuddling. I miss watching those cheesy superhero movies." Her voice kept cracking. She took another drink from the brandy, it was almost gone. Tears started pouring from his eyes.
He loved her so much. He was such an idiot for letting her go. She was so special, she meant so much to him. And he let her go.
"I...I hated calling you Midoriya! It sounded so cold, so ugly. But I was so hurt Deku. All I wanted was to cry and hug you so hard your eyes would pop. But I couldn't. I had to be strong. Why did you do it? Why did we have to break up?" She sobbed quietly. Her voice kept breaking mid sentence. A new sharp pain built itself across his chest.
I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
Don't know why
She felt bad, but he felt worse. "I wasn't worthy of your love Uraraka. You were so amazing, kind and heroic. You were always there for me, always supporting me. And I couldn't do the same. I'm the number one hero and I couldn't put my dreams on hold to be there for you. I'm such a loser. I never deserved what you gave me-" he was cut off by Ochako.
"Shut up Deku! Shut up! Shut up!" She wailed. He sat still. Her nose was runny, her eyes were puffy, her tears still falling. "Don't say that! Being a hero was so much more to you. Being number one had a toll and I watched it consume you. It took all I could not to break down. Seeing you work yourself so hard, and think like that! I didn't deserve you!" She sobbed. He stood up, knocking his chair over but he didn't care.
He stumbled over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed into his chest. "You idiot. You big fat idiot," she cried.
"I'm so sorry Uraraka. I'm so so sorry. I just...I couldn't bear it if you left me. It would've happened eventually. But I had to break it off before we got hurt-"
"Deku stop. You idiot. I would never leave you. Sure hero work is annoying when it gets in the way, but it's what we love doing. It's our job. When you broke things off with me, I spent weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong," she sniffed into his shirt.
"You didn't do anything. It was all my fault. I'm so sorry," he sobbed quietly. His tears dripped down his face and fell into her hair.
They were drunk. He had to stop this. She was drunk, same with him. They weren't in their right state of mind.
But hugging her close like this made him want her more.
Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night
The radio was still playing those soft songs. He didn't understand the words, but they washed over him like a sense of longing. He looked back at Ochako who was still curled into his shirt.
"Ochako...dance with me," he whispered. She looked up at him, her eyes watery. She was a mess, him too. But in his drunken state, and in the dim lighting, she never looked so beautiful.
"O-Okay," she murmured as he helped her up. He led her to the living room, wrapped his arms around her waist, and she snaked hers around his neck. They danced close to one another, swaying to the music. Her lips brushing his ear, his in her hair.
He felt her mouth the lyrics to the song as they moved around the living room.
He would never forgive himself for letting her go.
"Izu, I'm sorry for yelling at you. But you are an idiot. I would never leave you, and I do forgive you. I won't forget what happened, it still hurts even now. But I can't erase my feelings like Aizawa does quirks. Neither can anyone. They're always there," she whispered in his ear.
"I-I...thank you Ochako. Thank you. I'll never fully forgive myself for pushing you away. I love you so much. I could never stop," he whispered back. She exhaled, it tickled his ear and neck.
He smelled the brandy on her breath, and felt the longing in the air.
"I know Deku. But being a hero was so much more to you...I understood. Still understand."
He gritted his teeth, his stomach bubbling a bit. All he thought about throughout his life was becoming a hero, and when he finally achieved that dream he found something that meant so much more. "No Ochako. You meant more to me than being a hero did. But I couldn't...I didn't see that," he said, listening to her breathe a bit.
"Oh."
Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk
She yawned as the song ended. He pulled away slightly. "Let's get you to bed. You're not good to go home alone like that in this weather," he said as she yawned again.
Taking that as a yes he scooped her up in a bridal carry. "I don't want to sleep alone tonight Izu. Is that okay?" She asked, her lips moving against his collar bone. His breathing quickened.
"That's alright with me," he said nudging the door open with his foot. He shut the lights off with his elbow, turned off the television and laid her down on the bed.
"Stay with me…" she breathed. Her hair spilled over his pillows. He crawled into bed next to her. "I won't make you float...I promise…" she yawned. He laughed, getting back out of bed to get a pair of clean socks.
"Just in case," he whispered slipping them onto her hands.
"Mmm kay," She slurred. He kissed the top of her head, tucking the blanket over her. He slid into the bed next to her.
One night of drunken stupidness.
He turned over, staying a bit away from her. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries any more than he had.
As he drifted off he felt her arm wrap around his waist.
I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
He opened his eyes slowly, a headache splitting over his head. "Ugh. I hate being hungover...I'll have to call in sick today I guess…" he moaned. The bed next to him was empty.
Ochako was gone.
He remembered everything from last night and groaned. If she didn't hate him before she probably did now.
Of course she was gone.
He slipped out of bed, looking at his rumpled clothes in disgust. He stumbled out of his room and was met with the smell of bacon and eggs.
Who-
"Morning Izu!" Ochalo said with a smile. He stopped short. She was still here. Why was she still here? "I made breakfast," she offered, nodding at the pan of eggs.
"What are you still…?"
"I wanted to stay. You were pretty hungover, and I'd hate for something to happen to you," She said going back to the eggs. He quietly walked over to her and hugged her.
"Thank you," he whispered.
She looked up at him, her bangs falling into her face. "Of course Deku. Especially after last night, I'd like to hope we're back on good terms. Even if that means we're just friends."
He wrinkled his nose a little bit, just friends? After what he told her? "Of course we are. I just hope I didn't over step."
"You didn't. I needed it just as much as you did."
"O-Ochako?"
"Every word I said I meant Deku. Sure I wasn't thinking straight, neither were you, but I meant it. It really sucked when we broke up," she said. The only sounds he heard were the eggs cooking.
"Y-You did?"
"'Course dummy."
"I meant it all too...but I guess I am an idiot. Maybe staying friends is the best thing…" he muttered letting go of her. She stopped and turned around.
"And why's that? Can't handle it if we tried again? Even if we crash and burn again, at least we tried. At least we forgave one another. And I'm just glad you didn't cheat on me," she said with a sudden burst of anger. The last sentence was a joke, he knew that, but suddenly he felt bad for anyone who had been cheated on.
"O-Och-"
"Look there you're calling me by my first name. That means something doesn't it?" She asked, her tone pleading a bit. He really didn't want to lose her again. He couldn't deal with it if he did.
"B-But I-"
"Even if we crash and burn Deku, I'll be glad you gave it a shot. Things will be different this time. It's like being a hero Deku, you learn and adapt. It's not perfect, it never is, but it's worth it. Even when things fail, you strive to make sure that never happens again."
"This is a little different than hero work…"
"How's that?" She challenged.
"Hero work you're saving people, I'm scared before every mission, what if I mess up? You get hurt, you're tired, you see things that haunt you," he said listening off a few things.
"Well you saved me didn't you? And I saved you. We weren't even heroes. You don't have to be a hero to save someone Deku. I'm scared whenever we go out, what if something bad happens, what if something goes wrong. But you do it and after you scold yourself for having those thoughts. You'll get hurt, but you learn. Last night, for instance, that's an example."
He just stood there. After what he did? She forgave him. After breaking things off with her, and slowly distancing himself?
"Maybe it won't work out at first. Maybe there's a few bumps along the way. It's life Deku. So, Izuku Deku Midoriya, would you date me again?"
He was shocked, shell shocked. He should be the one asking her to take him back, not the other way around. "But I-"
"Answer the question Izu."
He took a small breath. "Well Ochako Uravity Uraraka, after what happened, I'd like to hope you know what my answer is," he said with a small smile. Her face puckered a bit, she didn't like dodgy answers. She kissed his cheek, looking at him her hair falling over her face a bit. His face bloomed in a deep shade of scarlet. It was a peck on the cheek and he already looked like a tomato.
"So a yes then?" She said with a growing smile. Her smile made his grow bigger.
He laughed, ruffling her hair. "Of course."
"Will you stay with me forever? For real this time?" She asked softly. His face softened with her words.
"Always."
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Ochako the eggs are burning."
"Oh shit!"
I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night