Believe Me, I Love You

Pairing: Fem-Shep/Kaidan

Rating: T

Warnings: Slight Swearing?

A/N: This is my first piece of Shenko. It's also my first thing I've written for FanFic for a couple of months, so bear with me. I might have lost my touch. ;) Adamina Shepard is a Vanguard/Paragade/Colony Kid/Ruthless. The conversations are so not from the game, but Kaidan's letter is.

Summary: Shepard sits down and finally writes Kaidan back after Horizon and before hitting the Omega 4 Relay.

She'd read his message hundreds of times. Could probably tell you exactly what it said off the top of her head. Garrus and Tali worried that she might have been obsessing over him, but damn what was she supposed to do? He meant a hell of a lot to her, and he'd just turned his back on her at Horizon. There was nothing she could have said to keep him or to talk him into believing her.

'So you're not going to listen? Our people are disappearing, Kaidan. You're too damn hard headed to see that this is something bigger than the Alliance, bigger than Cerberus.'
'Don't. Just don't.'

Adamina had bit her tongue when she just wanted to yell at him.

'Shepard, I'm sorry about what Kaidan said back there.'
'Garrus, can we just not talk about it?'

Garrus had been only trying to help, but she really didn't want or need his help at that moment.

'Commander, You have an unread message at your private terminal.'
'Thank you, Kelly. Any idea who it's from?'
'It's from Staff Commander Alenko, ma'am.'
'I'll take this up in my cabin.'
'Yes ma'am.'

When she'd gotten up to her room that day she'd sat down and read the message, once.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before llos? That night meant everything to me… maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the past two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things have settled down a little… maybe… I don't know. Just take care.

-Kaidan

Then she'd read it again. And again. And a fourth time. A fifth… over and over and over until she'd exhausted herself and Kelly was waking her up at her terminal. The redhead looked worried to find her in that position.

'Are you alright, Commander?'
'Yeah, I just…fell asleep in my chair.'
'I see that, ma'am.'

Adamina walked into her room. The message was still up from the previous night.

"It's about time I answer him." She said out loud.

Sitting down in the chair, she placed her fingers on the keyboard as she'd done every night for the past week. This time was different.

Kaidan,

Words and I have never really gotten along, so I haven't known exactly what to say to you. I should have known that you'd moved on. I was clinically dead for two years. Of course you'd move on.

I never wanted to hurt you. I cared about you. Still care about you. You were my best friend, and you stuck by my side even when I wasn't going down the right path. Of course I remember our night before Ilos. That was the best night of my entire life.

I'm going to promise you this, Kaidan. I'll come back to you. No matter how many bones I break or collectors I have to step on, I'll come back. Believe me.

I never said this, but I know I should have from the moment my heart started to ache when we weren't around each other… I love you, Kaidan.

Believe me. I love you.
Adamina Lee Shepard.

Shepard hit send on her terminal then turned and looked at the picture on her desk and smiled, "I'll make it back for you."

Shepard/Alenko/Shepard/Alenko

Kaidan walked over to his terminal in his room and sat down. He opened his messages and found one marked 'Believe Me'. He opened it and read through the whole thing once, twice, three times. He smiled and whispered to the picture on his desk, "I believe you, Shep."