AN: This is my first Gregor fic. I decided to re-read the series, and lo and behold, the ending of the last book STILL pissed me off. But then my muse decided to use pg. 408 as fuel.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the characters, not the series. If I did, Gregor and Luxa would have ended up together, AND they wouldn't have been separated!!!
...
My family decided to stay in New York, and just move to a different apartment building instead. My mom says the reason is so that "we can have more room", but I know the real reason.
She's trying to keep me away from the Underland. Trying to make me forget. Which is pointless, because Boots still talks about the crawlers, and asks when we're going back. Lizzie will every once in a while, slip up, and wonder out loud about how Ripred is doing. Hoping he is okay. At that point I tell her not to worry, he can take care of himself. But that doesn't stop her dreams.
The Underland is the only place I would even remotely fit in. Most people would be afraid of me, of my status as a rager, but some of them wouldn't. Some people might even look up to me, for fighting. I wouldn't have to lie about my nightmares and scars. I would be able to go swimming, and wear tshirts again, instead of wearing jeans and long sleeved shirts everyday to cover my scars. I would be able to not be afraid of sleeping, because I would know that everything would be okay even if I woke up screaming.
I've tried to send letters to Luxa, and even go so far as to try to escape to Regalia, but my parents always catch me. It isn't fair to keep me away from the only place I want to be. At first I was always angry at them, and I had to be extremely careful because my rager abilities were simmering just below the surface. Just begging to fight, to destroy, to kill. Down in the Underland I would be able to spar with Ripred, and that would help with staying in control. But my parents refuse to even let me in the Underland for even a second. No matter how much I argue, plead, and beg.
I am resigned to my fate.
I look down at the blade in my hands. The only way I can escape this cage, is to die like I was supposed to. Damn fireflies. They just delayed the inevitable.
Hopefully Luxa will forgive me for giving up. I wonder if my parents will even tell her. Probably not. I think about the letter I left on my bed. Saying goodbye, apologizing to my sisters. Telling them that should have let me go, telling Luxa I love her. Hell, I even said thank you to Ripred. The blood is pooling around me quickly, dripping off my arms. Soon I will be where I was destined to be.
My only wish, is that I could have seen Luxa again.
Goodbye.