It had been weeks since the angels had hit ground, and the fact that none of them had their wings didn't help them on this graceless place.
Castiel was lost among these humans. Every day, he wandered within the groups of people, bumping into them and begging for change. He had never begged before, it was a new feeling. Sleeping in the streets had been hard. The sighs of desperation emitted from his mouth were loud as he lay down on bags of garbage and shivered in his trench coat.
One of the only current thoughts running through his mind was Dean, must find Dean. Of course Castiel knew the angels were searching for him, yet he did not care about that. It was his fault they fell from their home, and he was filled with sorrow, but he first had to mend himself.
Nothing was fixing Sam, he was truly broken this time. Trying to shut the gates had almost literally killed him, which wasn't a new thing for the Winchesters. But this time… this time was different. No medicine could heal the wounds torn into him.
Dean sat in the front seat of the Impala, a shaking Sam beside him. Weeks had passed since he'd seen his beloved angel, and now he needed his help more than ever. His face burned bright in Dean's memory. That's all he had now, memories.
What would he do? The older Winchester was more lost than ever, and he couldn't imagine how lost Cas was. He had been driving for hours, no destination in sight, only road ahead of him. Tired eyes drooped as he pulled into a rest stop, ready for sleep.
The cold wind whipped around Castiel's ankles as he leaned against the brick wall. It was getting harder for him to sleep, but since he had not slept the night before it was easier now. He did not drift, but he faded quickly into his dream.
Dean was running, hard and fast. Wait, where was he? He was in purgatory. This was his dream. Wake up! Wake up! Every time he dreamt of purgatory, he woke himself up, but why not now? He stopped and looked around, no one was chasing him so why was he running? Up ahead he saw a creek and ran to it. Breathing heavily he fell to the water, drinking.
"Dean?" Whipping around, there was Castiel, standing behind him.
"Cas!"
"What are you doing here? Why are you in my dream?" Castiel was quizzical, looking at the Winchester.
"Your dream? But, this is… this is my dream." He looked at the scruffy-looking angel. He was unshaven and his coat was very dirty, even worse than when they were in purgatory.
"Maybe we can connect in our dreams, because of our profound bond."
"I thought that was only when you were an angel?"
"Dean, you underestimate my loyalty to you, I am always bound to you."
"Then tell me where you are! Cas, we can help you! We need your help too." He touched the angel's coat and stared him down. Castiel's body had begun to slightly fade, and Dean's did the same.
"I don't know where I am, but there's this-" He was cut off, and a light shone into Dean's eyes.
"Wha-?" Dean sat up quickly, sweat dotting his forehead. Sam was awake, yet drowsy looking, staring at him with blunt curiosity. "I had the weirdest dream."
Castiel's head hit the ground hard as he rolled over. This dream he'd just had was obviously not just a dream, but some form of communication. Not knowing what he was doing, Cas stumbled into a crowd of bustling people. He was shouting "I've got to find Dean!" and continued to shout until someone pushed him into the alleyway.
Alone was something Castiel wasn't familiar with, but he seemed to be coming closer to it every day. No one was there to hold his hand and comfort him, no one to wipe his tears, Castiel was simply alone.
"Where am I?!" Castiel screamed at the top of his lungs, throat burning in agony. He was turning around fast, looking from left to right. He realized he was in a church, he'd seen this before. It was the town where he'd claimed to be God.
None of the people in the church seemed to notice him, or even hear his screaming. Rushing outside, he stopped. Where was he now? 'CROATOAN' was painted in blood across the dirty building in front of the angel.
He knew this place, this was the end. There Castiel stood, a different him, but himself none the less. But something was very different... instead of two Deans, or even one Dean, there was three. And one of them could see him.
"CAS!"
"Dean, how are you here?" He was confused, but also happy to see his friend.
"I don't know, I thought this was my dream. But… maybe not. It's more like a nightmare…"
Everything around them began to change, suddenly they were in a graveyard. Dean and Castiel watched as Sam and Adam fell into the pit, and Dean's brother was gone. Standing still, the world around them changed again, and again. With each change, Castiel saw each of his brother's die. Gabriel, Balthazar, Zachariah, every single one of them.
Something else had happened just as last time. With every death or image they passed through, the two faded a little more.
"I don't understand…" Castiel was on the verge of tears.
"This is definitely a nightmare."
"No, it's not. Its memories, and with every bad one it seems we fade and leave each other again."
"Then think of your happiest thou-" Dean was cut off and he awoke yet again.
"Sammy, what's your happiest memory with Cas?" They were sitting down at the table, both eating something. It had been 5 days since he last talked to Cas and he couldn't find the urge to tell Sam.
What was it with these dreams that made him happy to see Cas, but scared I's be the last time?
"Um, I don't know…" There was no use asking Sam. He wasn't the one having these nightmares, how should he be able to help? Maybe he needed to sleep, it was a nightmarish connection, so maybe he had to have a nightmare.
Going back to his room in the bunker, Dean fell to his bed and slept, dreaming once again of Castiel.
Castiel strutted along the grass lined lake, staring at his own coat floating on top of the murky water. He watched both Deans touch the coat and one of them toss it onto land.
"Dean, I don't know where I am."
"We're in this dream obviously…"
"No, where I am out of the dream. There are people everywhere and I sleep in this alley, and-"
"We'll find you, I promise. But I think the only way to stay together is to be in a good dream, so think of your happiest memory, the happiest time we've ever had together."
"When we spent that whole afternoon watching films on Bobby's couch…" Castiel looked at his feet as if he was embarrassed because of this.
"That was a good one… Think Cas! Think of every little detail and remember it." Suddenly, Dean was awake again.
This was it! This was the memory, but where was Cas? Dean had forced himself into a drunken sleep and was most likely passed out on a couch, but that didn't matter, he was e dream.
There he was, standing by the television, looking around. Castiel had dreamed this dream for weeks, waiting for Dean. He missed Dean.
"Cas, what happened to your eye?" As Castiel walked up to Dean, he touched the angel's bruised and bloodied face.
"I got in a fight…"
"Where?! With who?!"
"I don't know, and even if I did, it doesn't matter." He looked at his surroundings. Dean and his self were both sitting on the couch, bowl of popcorn between them. It was just as he remembered.
"So, what do we do?" Dean looked around and then to Cas.
"I don't know… we could probably just sit where we are and watch the movie and enjoy the fact this isn't a nightmare."
"I guess that's good enough." When Dean and Castiel sat down, somwthing happened. It was as if there was no other Dean or Cas there, just them as themselves.
The two of them sat for hours in this dream, watching movies. The movie currently playing was 'Tarzan' and Castiel had begun to sob.
"What's wrong?" Dean was worried. He's never seen the angel cry, or even show an emotion like this.
"Dean, I'm scared. I've never been or felt so alone before. These dreams are all I have of you. I need you, Dean. I can't find my way without you." Watching the angel cry, Dean was stunned.
The movie played onward as Castiel cried, head in his hand\ds. Dean reached an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him tight. Dean listened closely to the music playing, and whispered each lyric into Castiel's ear, because those words meant so much in a time like this.
"Come stop your crying, it'll be alright. Just take my hand and hold it tight, now I will protect you, from all around you. I will be here don't you cry. For one so small, you seem so strong, now my arms will hold you keep you safe and warm. This bond between us, can't be broken. I'm going to be here, doin't you cry, because you'll be in my heart.
Castiel was now sobbing into Dean's shirt, their hands holding.
"We'll find you, Cas, I promise."