Ok, I decided to do a little one-shot of post 7.11 because that episode was amazing! I have a little Mer/Der and I little Mer/Cris action in there, which I feel like the show has been lacking lately. Anyway I hope you enjoy this! Please R&R, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Btw the italicized part is a flashback just after the shooting.
Meredith, why the hell did you do that? Why did you have to open your big mouth and tell him that? What happened in that OR was supposed to stay in that OR. Everyone had swon to secrecy on it and now you just ruined. He could have gone his whole life without knowing you offered yourself up to Clark but now, of course he knows about it. The anger still seems to be radiating off my pores as I make my way over to the patients wife. She looks at me desperately and I pang of guilt hits me, I was her. Whether or not I'd like to admit I was in the same situation, waiting to see if my husband, the love of my life was going to survive and he really needs to understand that I was the wife in the waiting room and that day was the worst day of my life.
/
The adrenaline still fills through me as I make my way to the private Room Cristina put him in. the fact that he almost died is still serene to me, if feels like this is all just a bad nightmare and I want to wake up as soon as I possibly can.
"Meredith, you need to go and get checked out." Cristina says urgently
"I know, I just… I need to be there when he wakes up…at least for the first time." I say.
"OK, fine but Meredith as soon as he falls back a sleep I'm having someone else come and sit with him and we're going to Seattle Pres. to have your D&C." she says firmly "And if he takes a while and it get's any worse, your leaving I don't care if I have to drag you out of there." She threatens. I nod at her, it's easier to agree to her terms than to argue with her now and besides I'm a doctor, if I need the D&C, I'll leave to go and get it. I brush past her now and quickly make my way to his room. I peak my head into the door way and slowly angle the rest of my body through. The room is bigger than most rooms, the lights are off but, it's not dark to the point where you can't see anything. His chest scans are hanging on one wall in the room and the small bed is in the center. Though the room is completely dark, there's a small circular light about two feet or so over his head, illuminating his face. His head is propped up by a pillow, his eyelids are closed and his skin is pale, almost a greyish tone. An involuntary shutter instantly runs through me, in the years I've known him, he's always looked healthy. I have never once seen him sick or hurt in any way. The 3 IVS in his arm are all connected to the three bags up to the left of him. The monitor is hooked up to him, right next to the light. A light blue summer blanket comes up just below his pectorals; his arms are both sticking out. I grab a chair and put on the side of the bed opposite to the small table. I lightly grab hold of his hand and the tears start to well in the corners of my eyes, I quickly hold them back and I wait, the seconds seem to be going by like years on end. Every agonizing second I wait for him to open his eyes. The twinge in my lower abdomen where a baby used to be continues to sting, but not out of control. Finally his eyes open a sliver, if that even, and a light moan escapes from his lips.
"Mer" he says struggling to get out at even a whisper.
"Hey" I reply still holding his hand. "You're ok, everything's ok." I say lightly caressing the back of his hand.
"I'm sorry." He says, with tears peaking at the corners of his eyes now. "It's all my fault all those people are dead Mer, please forgive me." He says in complete desperation, my heart sinks at this and the tears finally start to pour out of eyes.
"Shh, it's not your fault Derek." I say still crying. He's blaming himself. The hatred I have for Gary Clarke at this very moment boils deep down into my core, how could he do this to my mcdreamy? The love of my life is now not only in a great deal of pain after major heart surgery but he's blaming himself for what Gary Clarke did!
"He came here for me, if I had let him keep his wife alive he never would have shot anyone." He says, his voice still not reaching anything past a whisper.
"Derek, this isn't your fault, Mr. Clarke shot all those people, not you." I say in defeat. I lean down and kiss him softly now, his lips are ice cubes and they send a chill through me. "But Cristina got the bullet out, and Mr. Clarke is dead, so everything is ok now." I choke out as I gently stroke the side of his face.
"I love you." He says. I pick up his hand and press it to my lips now just holding it there, feeling the blood rush through his veins.
"I love you too Derek." I say kissing him again, holding it there this time for a while longer. I stay here continuing to stroke his arm as his eyelids start to droop. With that he falls back into unconsciousness.
/
"You wanna get some Crack-Cocaine?" she says jokingly. I laugh out loud at this; it's amazing to finally have her back. "But seriously, if you can't have drinks I'm making you tour the city and go to the mall with me." She declares.
"You want to tour the city?" I say awe-struck, even when she was new to town she never once felt any desire to tour the city.
"I was about to go view the space needle, but that's when I saw all the ambulances and I walked after them" she says casually, who am I to argue with what she wants to do?
"Ok I'm down." I reply, not able to contain my excitement.
/
"Isn't it supposed to be special or something?" she says with disappointment in her voice. I giggle at this.
"Come on! I love the space needle its pretty." I say convincingly.
"I've seen nicer monuments." She says unimpressed by the giant structure in front of her.
"So you made me stand out here in the cold for nothing?" I say agitated now.
"Pretty much." She says shortly laughing at me now. "We can at least like take a picture in front of it or something." She says dully, I comply, pull out my phone and quickly take a picture. With that we swiftly make our way over to the car.
"So Derek refuses to tell me what happened on your fishing trip!" I exclaim hoping she'll actually tell me.
"We fished." She replies snarkily.
"Of course you fished but I mean come on you did not just sit on a boat for six hours and do nothing but fish." I say accusingly no way in hell that Cristina Yang would be able to be on a boat for six hours and do nothing but fish.
"Actually your husband's boring, I tried to get him to quiz me on all the supplies but all he wanted to do was sit there in silence and fish." She admits. Realization comes over me, that's completely Derek and Cristina, she probably drove him nuts.
"So, now we're going shopping?" I question.
"Sure, but I need a trim and this is where Callie got her hair cut." She says as we make our way to inside the huge building. A water fountain takes up the center of the place with huge windows and two winding stair cases.
"Come this way." She says pulling my arm, I've really only been here a couple times to get clothes but the fact that she knows her way around amazes me slightly.
/
I cannot believe I am doing this; the last time I wore my hair like this I was in the eighth grade and it was hot pink at the time. He takes my hair out of the pony tail and lets it hang down naturally.
"Ok, so you want two inches off and bangs going all the way across?" he repeats back to me to make sure he has it down, I nod slightly, still nervous of my decision. He picks up his scissors and starts chopping away, I cringe. What if Derek hates it? The thought starts to make me even more nervous than before. He continues to chop and the bad thoughts just keep entering my head like what if he ends up cutting of a ton or he makes the bangs look weird?
"Ok I'm done." Relief fills through me as I look in the mirror, it actually looks good. I let out the breath of air I've been holding in.
"Oh wow you went with something different, I like it." She says sincerely. Good, if she likes it then you know it looks good because she'd never lie to me.
"Thank god I was afraid it would look like crap and Derek would hate it." I say.
"That would put a wrench in the baby making." She jokes, hitting my arm lightly. "Anyway, let's get a giant pretzel and go back to your house." She says the exhaustion finally catching up with her.
"My place is too crowded let's go to the trailer." I say really needing the peace and quiet.
/
I swiftly pull out of the mall parking lot and make my way back towards the land.
"So I freaked out on Derek today." I say quietly
"About?" she questions, viciously biting into her pretzel.
"The patient we had fallen out a window and we needed to do a Craniectomy and his wife was in the waiting room so, I went and updated her a lot. He was being an ass so I freaked out on him and told him I offered myself up for him." I say exasperated.
"You didn't" she says "I thought you were never going to tell him about any of that." She says.
"Me either but I was just so pissed off and I kept telling myself not to say it out loud but the words just kept coming out." I admit.
"You know when you did that Mer… I was just… I mean you don't even know Mer." She sputters out. I turn towards her now and meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I blamed you but Mer, I almost lost you and Owen in that OR, and if he would have shot you I don't even know if I would have been able to keep operating on Derek anyway." She admits.
"Thanks by the way, for not stopping." I say great fully. The thought if living without Derek still makes me sick to my stomach.
"Yeah, well I'm glad I saved him because he's actually not as bad as I thought he was." She admits, I instantly start laughing at this, I guess it takes a crazed gunman to shoot up the place but Derek and Cristina finally like each other… in a twisted weird kind of way.
/
"I can't believe you've never seen Peter Pan before." I say laughing in awe.
"I can't believe the child of darkness actually watched it." She says with a tone of fake disgust in her voice. "You know this is a kids movie right, I mean it's animated Mer!" she says not able to comprehend the fact that I had just turned on Peter Pan.
"It's a classic and believe it or not as a child I wasn't completely dark and twisted." I say defending my case.
"Whatever" she says sitting down next to me on the giant bed.
"Mer, April told me you and Cristina came out here, are you in the bedroom?" his perfect voice chimes from the entrance of the trailer. The door opens and his body fills the door way. I smile up at him and Cristina's attention gets brought upward. "Are you guys watching Peter Pan" he says with amusement in his voice.
"She made me watch it." Cristina says defensively. With that he climbs into the bed between us and puts an arm around both me and Cristina I instantly snuggle into his chest and she rests her head on his shoulder.
/
"I got to get home, Owens here to pick me up but text me about baseball tomorrow its supposed to be like freakishly nice!" she says stealthily climbing out of bed and making her way to the door.
"You got your hair cut." He says lightly stroking my hair.
"Do you like it?" I question kissing him lightly.
"I love it; I think you look quite sexy." He says smiling at me. He lays down now and I cuddle closer to him. I inhale his scent and body starts to relax, the warm scent of his soap, mixed with nature, his aftershave and laundry detergent is heaven to my nostrils. I rest my head against his once again strong chest and lightly grip his hand with my other free one; he kisses the top of my head and holds his lips there for a second¸ inhaling the scent of my hair now.
"I didn't know you've ever seen Peter Pan." He states in surprise.
"It was favorite movie when I was a kid." I say giggling lightly. "Can you keep a secret?" I say childishly.
"Anything for you Love." He replies gently.
"Whenever something bad happens I always watch this movie, when Thatcher left me I remember I couldn't stop crying so my mother just put in this movie and I finally stopped." I say "And when my mother used to leave me home alone as a kid, I would turn it on and wish Peter Pan would come take me to Never land so that I would never grow up and I would never be alone again." I admit to him.
"Mer, I'm so sorry that you ever had to deal with that as a child, how he could just leave you like that and how she could just neglect you still baffles me." he says sadly.
"Yeah but it's done and over with now and I got Lexie out of it, but whenever something bad would happen to me it just became a habit to pop it in and watch it because it always made me feel better, even after you were shot, the first night you made me go home to sleep I watched it to help me fall asleep." I say lightly stroking his hand now. The end credits roll across the screen now and I get the remote off the headboard and turn it off.
"We need to talk about what you told me earlier and I want the whole story." He says delicately. I take a deep breath and nod.
"After we put you out Cristina told me I wasn't allowed to stay in the room with you and she made April sit on the scrub room floor with me to make sure I wasn't watching what went on. Eventually Owen came in and he had this weird look on his face, I asked him if he was going to scrub in but he told me he was going to assess the situation and I knew something wasn't right. So I told April I would kill her if she didn't let me check and I cracked open the door and I heard Mr. Clarke talking about an eye for an eye, and I remembered the story you told me about him losing his wife so I came into the room." As I say this his chaw immediately tightens the way it does when he's angry or scared "He was holding a gun to Cristina and I told him to shoot me instead of her and you that I was his eye for an eye. Then Cristina told him that I was pregnant and he hesitated, Owen jumped to get the gun and that's how he was shot." The color from his face seems to be draining more by the minute. Why the hell did I have to open my big mouth in the first place? He tightens his grip on me now, almost as if he's gripping on to me for dear life.
"Remind me to thank him later for saving your life." He whispers in my ear. "Did you miscarry there then?" he says slightly strained.
"No, to get him to leave, Jackson pulled the leads on your heart and made it look like you were dead. I… Th -Thought you were dead." I say the tears now streaming down my cheeks. He gently wipes them away with his thumb and caresses my face. "Then when Clarke left he plugged them back in and April and I took Owen to the next room to remove the bullet, we were working and I felt some pain in abdomen and then there was blood spreading down my thighs and I realized what was happening but I just kept working." Tears prick at the corners of his eyes now as well and I lightly stroke his hair.
"You kept working. Meredith I swear, you are the most amazing person I've ever met." He says in awe, I blush at this. I rest my head on his chest again as we both lay back down. "If…oh god Mer if I would have lost you…I-"the words suddenly seem to escape from his grasp.
"Derek I'm sorry." I say lightly
"Don't be sorry, I would have done the same thing for you I just …if he would have shot you I would never have been able to live with myself." He says shakily.
"We never have to live without each other now." I say.
"We have a lifetime." He confirms. My stomach growls obnoxiously as we lay here "Are you hungry?" he questions.
"Cristina made me eat a giant Pretzel at the mall but yeah I guess I still am." I say "I'll make you a grilled cheese… but did you just say that you and Cristina went to the mall?" he says slightly confused.
"Yeah that's where I got my hair cut and we toured the city, which she insisted upon doing but… she found the space needle to be incredibly boring anyway." I say giggling at his expression. He kisses me and starts to make his way over to the kitchen. I get up now and follow him over.
"So I was thinking we could go see the Ferry Boats Tomorrow before we go and play baseball with everyone." He suggests.
"Sounds like a plan." I say "You're such a nice husband, making me grilled cheese at 1 a.m." I say flirty. He smiles his big dreamy smile at me.
"I know." He says arrogantly "But you are ovulating and you're going to need energy to do what I'm about to do to you." He says flirtatiously. I giggle at this and his smile grows.
"I see how it is; you Derek Shepard have your own hidden agenda." I tease.
"Damn, you caught me." He says smirking at me.
"It's ok though because it just so happens you and I have had the same secret agenda this whole time, because I want to do it just as badly as you do." I say winking at him now.
"Is that so? You can look at me now?" he says mockingly at me.
"I was mad this morning ok?" I say raising my voice.
"I know, I thought it was cute anyway." He says
"Good, now I can look at you and we can have some fun." I say raising an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, but you can still turn around for the fun of it." He says.
"Why of course." I confirm. He instantly runs over to me and grabs me. I giggle he lays me down on the table and we kiss passionately, our tongues flirtatiously touching. The excitement within in my core begins to accelerate and the passion seems to radiate throughout the whole room.
/
The breath finally catches up to me as lay in our bed. I can feel him panting beside me and I laugh lightly at how amazing that just was. I roll over and rest my head against his chest as I usually do, the bright pink scar running down the middle catches my attention. I lightly start to trace it with my finger, then I move to the tiny little circular crevice where the bullet had entered and I do the same.
"Hopefully it'll fade a little soon." He says quietly stroking my hair. I look into his eyes now for a second and I lean down and start to kiss it, starting at the top near his throat the bottom of it just above his belly.
"I love it.' I admit lightly starting to trace it again.
"Why?" he questions in a confused tone.
"Because, having the scar means that I'm still lucky enough to have you around, there are wives that aren't as lucky as me." I whisper. I roll over to my side now and he wraps his arms around me and grabs hold of both my hands. He gently rests his head on top of mine and the exhaustion of the days seems to catch up with both of us.