A/N: I'm not really sure what this is. I tried to write something funny and fluffy which I'm sure we all need after the last two episodes. Not sure if it worked though ;) But I hope you'll let me know. A big thank you to my lovely beta Erica. You are the best.
I've got a lot to say, if you will let me
It's always hard, when you're around me
But here right now, there's interest in your eyes
So hear me out, and hear this the first time
Holly's stomach twisted unpleasantly with worry.
She hated this.
This was not how she had imagined her evening was going to end. She had planned to finally get home at a reasonably time, since that horrible double homicide had kept her in the lab until the late hours of every evening last week. Then she wanted to take a hot, relaxing bath, while she waited for Gail to finish her shift, order some take out and watch mindless reality tv.
Her fingers clenched around the steering wheel and she took a deep breath, rolling her head from side to side, trying to get rid of the tension in her neck.
She read the text message over and over. Even though it was barely a few words long, the impact those few words had on her was profound. Just when she was packing up to leave the lab not 20 minutes ago, her phone had buzzed with a new text.
Don't freak out. I'm fine. But can you pick me up at the hospital? G
Of course Holly was freaking out. Gail said she was fine, but Holly knew how Gail was always downplaying her well-being, keeping up the façade of the tough cop everyone expected her to be. So she really didn't know what to expect. Obviously Gail got hurt. Holly was always aware of the dangers of Gail's job; that worry was always gnawing at the back of her mind. She didn't wear a Kevlar vest for no reason. Of course Holly knew what it meant and she had found her peace with it, but it didn't mean that she wouldn't always worry when Gail left for work.
This was the third time in a little over 6 months that she had to rush to the hospital because Gail needed her. And there would probably be so many more times. And then one day, it might not even be Gail asking her to come, but someone else, because Gail wouldn't be in the condition to.
Don't go there, she warned herself as she took another deep breath.
When she arrived at the hospital, it had started to drizzle. Holly shielded her glasses from the drops as she hurried to the emergency room entrance. Pushing her hair back behind her ears, she scanned the room for the platinum blonde shock of hair that made Gail stand out in almost every crowd. Her stomach was in knots, anticipating finally seeing Gail and what injuries she might have. She was still able to use her phone, so it couldn't be that bad, right? When she couldn't find Gail she went up to the nurse's station.
"Hi, I'm looking for Officer Gail Peck?"
"Holly, hey."
Holly looked up to see Chris standing next to her with a sheepish grin on his face.
"Never mind, thanks," she told the nurse who had been looking at her expectantly, and turned to Chris. "Chris, where is Gail? Where you two on shift together?"
"Uhm, yeah. Listen, she's totally fine. She didn't want to call you because she said you'd only be worried, but I kinda convinced her because you know, you're a doctor and—"
Holly held up her hand. "Chris, I get it, it's fine. Where is she?" She didn't want to be rude to Chris, but she was getting impatient and she really needed to see Gail with her own eyes to make sure that she was indeed ok.
"Yeah, sorry, of course. She's in the back, I'll show you." He gestured her to follow him.
After crossing almost the entire length of the emergency room floor, Holly saw Gail sitting on a stretcher with her right side facing out. A young doctor, probably a resident, was taking her blood pressure. Even when she got closer she couldn't see anything physically wrong with Gail so she let out a sigh of relief.
"Look who I found," Chris announced and Gail turned to face the two of them.
Oh.
Holly came to a stop a few feet from the stretcher and scanned the left side of Gail's face. She had a nasty gash just above her left eyebrow that was taped up with three small butterfly bandages. Her left eye was showing the beginnings of a shiner along with some slight bruising that reached up to her temple. Her Kevlar vest lay behind her on the hospital bed along with her uniform shirt. She was only wearing the tight black t-shirt she usually wore under her uniform. Her short hair was a ruffled mess and some drops of dried blood were dotting her neck. Nonetheless Gail smiled widely at her.
"See! Now my doctor is here, you can leave now," Gail said to the resident who made an annoyed face at her in return. Gail seemed to have worked her charm already.
Holly stepped up next to Gail and softly caressed her hair. "Are you ok?" she inquired quietly.
"I'm fine," Gail said in a strained voice. "But she doesn't want to let me leave." She waved towards the resident who rolled her eyes and turned to Holly.
"She kept insisting that she has her own doctor at home, so she can leave, which is against my professional advice. She has a mild concussion and we'd like to keep her here through the night for observation," the resident explained, hoping to find someone more reasonable to talk to instead of the difficult blonde cop.
Holly looked between the resident and Gail who now gave her that wide eyed expectant look that said she better do something.
"I am. I mean, I am a doctor and she will stay with me tonight and I promise I will keep an eye on her," she finally said and the resident regarded her with a skeptical look.
"Oh-kay, if you say so. Like I said it's against my professional advice, but I also can't keep her here." The resident took a clipboard from the cabinet next to the stretcher and scribbled something down.
"She doesn't just say so, she is a freaking doctor. I mean, look at the glasses and the—the nerdness. Isn't it obvious?" Gail said, gesturing her right hand up and down Holly's frame as Holly wondered, and not for the first time, if they gave her something for the pain. Not that Gail's last oxy trip wasn't entertaining, but it made dealing with her a lot more difficult.
Holly heard a chuckle from behind and turned to see Chris with his hand over his mouth and a glint in his eye. She shot him a look which made him put his hands up in mock surrender.
Holly decided it was best to ignore Gail for now and turned back to the resident. "I'm sorry, did you give her anything for the pain?"
"I just gave her some Tylenol for the overall discomfort. The shiny personality is probably mostly due to the concussion itself."
"Wow, aren't doctors supposed to be nice or something?" Gail asked, her voice laced with annoyance. "Diaz! Get me out of here before my shiny personality gets the best of me."
"Gail," Holly sighed.
"No, it's fine. I just really need to get out of here. I'm gonna wait outside. You talk shop with Dr. Friendly here and just come and find me when you're done, ok?"
Holly made a disapproving face at Gail, but accepted the kiss on the cheek before Chris led her away with Gail's uniform tucked under his arm.
"I'm sorry, she's not usually like this," Holly explained. "Well she is, but she's—"
"Look, I get it. I've had my share of cops. She was just really intimidating with that face and the death glares. So, I'm sorry if I've been a bit rude. It's been a long shift." She handed Holly the clipboard. "Could you sign here acknowledging that I've released her into your care against my advice?"
Holly smiled to herself and signed at the bottom of the paper. She actually could understand what the poor resident must have dealt with having Gail as a patient. Especially when Gail got that subtle "don't fuck with me" look on her face, as it sure was intimidating as hell. Even with a black eye.
"Thanks, I promise I'll take care of her. I really am a doctor you know," Holly said, handing the clipboard back.
"Thank you for taking her off my hands. Good luck."
Holly made her way to the emergency room entrance and spotted Gail and Chris leaning against the wall just outside the sliding doors. The slight drizzle had turned into heavy rain.
"What the hell happened?" she asked as she approached them, coming to a stop in front of Gail, cupping her chin to examine Gail's face.
Gail pulled her head back. "It's nothing. I told you. I only texted you because Diaz made me."
Holly regarded her with a scolding look. She hated it when Gail was like that.
"She got elbowed in the face by some perp, fell and hit her head on a dumpster," Chris offered.
"God, Diaz, you make me sound like such a spaz."
"Hey, I'm just saying, that guy was huge. He would've probably knocked me out too."
Holly's eyes widened with concern. "You were unconscious?"
Gail rolled her eyes, obviously uncomfortable with the attention her little accident was getting. "Just for like a second," she mumbled.
"It was more like a couple minutes—Ow!" Gail punched Chris on the shoulder.
"I swear to god Diaz, shut the fuck up."
"That's it. We're leaving." Holly had enough. Just 30 minutes ago she was worried sick about Gail's condition only to see her being her usual self with a few cuts and bruises. Then hearing that she had a mild concussion and was indeed unconscious for a while was only giving her more cause for worry. She just wanted to take Gail home and get her to bed so she could finally rest.
"Holly, come on. I told you not to freak out," Gail whined.
Holly ignored her and turned to Chris instead. "Thank you for staying with her. That was really sweet."
"Anytime. She's my partner," Chris replied with a cute grin.
Gail groaned annoyed. "Yadda, yadda, can we go now?"
"I love you too, Gail," Chris exclaimed overjoyed and moved in to hug Gail, who squirmed out of his arms. "Get better ok?"
"Alright, alright, you can go now."
Holly and Chris shared one last amused look before Chris turned around and jogged across the parking lot to the squad car.
Holly exhaled loudly and turned back to face Gail who had slumped against the brick wall behind her, watching her sheepishly.
"Are you going to continue being difficult?" Holly asked with a smirk.
"I don't know. Maybe. No," Gail said softly. She pushed herself off the wall and moved into Holly's arms, sighing against her neck when Holly's arms came around her back. Holly's hand moved into Gail's hair, combing through the short blonde strands, which made Gail hold on to Holly even tighter.
"Come on, let me take you home," Holly whispered in her ear before kissing her temple.
After a quick stop at the station to drop off Gail's gun and her uniform, they arrived at Holly's house.
"How are you feeling?" Holly asked shrugging off her jacket and hanging it by the door. After kicking off her boots, Gail walked straight to the kitchen and heaved herself up on to one of the barstools at the island.
"Hol, I told you a million times, I'm fine. It's just a scratch."
Holly stood on the other side of the island, both of her hands on the smooth countertop, and cocked her head to the side.
"Don't be like that, Gail. It's me," she said softly with a pleading undertone. She really didn't want to fight with Gail, but she also couldn't deal with the blonde's dismissive behavior about her own well-being tonight.
Gail regarded her silently for a few seconds. "Ok, I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "Ow?"
Holly rolled her eyes and snorted a laugh through her nose. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"
"But you like me anyway," Gail said cutely.
Holly sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what that says about me. But seriously, do you need anything?"
"I'm hungry," Gail replied.
"Of course you are." Holly smiled brightly and turned towards the fridge. "I still have some of the Chicken Alfredo you really liked. Want me to heat it up?" She opened the fridge. "Or do you want to order something?"
"The pasta is fine. Thanks."
"No problem," Holly said and started preparing their plates. After she put the first plate into the microwave she poured a glass of orange juice and put it in front of Gail.
"Here, it'll be good to get some sugar in you when the adrenaline wears off," Holly said in a doctorly tone, but smiled affectionately at Gail who only stared back at her with an unreadable expression. Holly turned back around to heat up the second plate, not wanting to push Gail any further, leaving her to deal with her thoughts.
"Holly?" Gail asked quietly.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry."
"For what," Holly asked genuinely confused.
Gail stared at the now half empty glass of orange juice in her hand and with her bruised face and the ruffled hair she looked so much younger and Holly suppressed the urge to cross the kitchen and take her into her arms.
"For getting hurt. I don't want you to ever worry about me, but I know you do worry a lot and I know I'm not easy, but you're always being so patient with me and I just…," Gail sighed defeated and slumped on her chair, which made her impossibly smaller.
"Gail," Holly breathed affectionately. She knew of course why Gail was being difficult when she got hurt and shrugged it off, so she was even more positively surprised at Gail opening up and telling her how she felt without any sarcastic remarks. She knew only a few people ever got see this side of Gail.
Holly eventually rounded the kitchen island, coming to a stop between Gail's legs, who had turned around slightly to face Holly. Gail gazed up at her with sad blue eyes and Holly danced her fingertips over the laceration on Gail's forehead before she took her face in both hands.
"It's not your fault that you got hurt, Gail. With your job I know there is always the possibility that you get hurt and I don't like it and I will always worry, but it will never be your fault, because I know you. You will never take unnecessary risks, because you're a good cop." Holly held eye contact watching Gail's eyes become increasingly glassy.
"You are smart..." Holly bent down and softly kissed the laceration where just a few moments before her fingers had been. Gail had closed her eyes. "…and focused." Another soft kiss to Gail's bruised temple. "And nothing will ever get past you with that stubborn head of yours."
A small smiled played at Gail's lips and Holly bent down again, kissing her softly on the lips. "Except a huge, muscled guy maybe," she added with the hint of a smile on her face.
Gail poked her in the stomach and laughed quietly. She sneaked her arms around Holly's waist and pulled her closer. Holly's hands went skimming back through Gail's short hair. It was something she loved to do. Usually Gail hated it when people touched her hair, because styling the pixie cut took a lot of effort and she was still a little insecure about her new hairstyle. But right now she just sighed, resting her head on Holly's chest, enjoying Holly's touch.
A loud ringing interrupted them and Gail groaned in frustration. She reluctantly pulled away from Holly and fished her phone out of her pocket.
"It's my brother," she said with a slightly sour expression on her face.
"You should take it. He's probably worried about you." Holly said and went back to preparing their dinner. She heard Gail huff annoyingly into the phone. "Yes, brother?"
Holly smiled to herself. Gail Peck was still a wonder to her.
"You can tell mom I'm fine. It's only a scratch. I'll survive."
There was short break
"Yes I'm at Holly's. Mhm. Oh my god, yes she is feeding me. And you know what?" Gail asked with exaggerated sweetness. "If I'm really nice she might even take me out for a walk around the block so I can relieve myself."
Holly snorted a laugh. God, she loved that woman.
She froze and dropped the plate she was holding into the microwave, which resulted in a loud clanking noise. She whirled around seeing Gail looking at her questioningly with raised eyebrows. Holly smiled nervously and turned back around.
"No, it was just Holly. Seems like she can handle a scalpel but she struggles with kitchen utensils," Gail told her brother. She snorted. "Don't let her hear you say that."
Holly stopped listening. She was staring out the window trying to get her thoughts back together. She did love Gail, didn't she? It wasn't like it was some big revelation. It had never been that prominent on the forefront of her mind, but at the same time, acknowledging it seemed like the most natural, ordinary thing to do. She knew that she was falling for Gail pretty quickly, but she had carefully avoided putting words to her feelings, because she was afraid of letting Gail in completely and getting hurt.
When they first met, Gail even said that she was like a cat up a tree when it came to relationships. So far Gail hadn't created an emergency situation, but she was always careful, not letting herself believe Gail could love her too. But who was Holly kidding. She didn't stand a chance right from moment she walked on to that crime scene almost 8 months ago. She was in love with Gail. And it was ok. Wasn't it? Why was she suddenly feeling so on edge? Was she scared that Gail didn't feel the same way?
"I think your voice just made my concussion ten times worse." Holly heard Gail say into her phone. "Steve, I swear to god, go bug Traci or something. I need to rest. Doctor's order. Mhm, yes, ok, bye." She was already holding the phone far away from her before she hung up and dropped it on the counter.
"Steve says hi," Gail said. "And he also said that it's good you only work on dead people since you can't seem to handle kitchen utensils. His words, not mine. You can punch him the next time you see each other." Gail smiled sweetly. "So, dinner?"
"You're weird."
Holly looked up from her still half full plate and was greeted by Gail's inquiring look.
"Hm?"
"I said you're being weird. Usually you're all wordy and you've been really quiet during dinner. It's weird."
Holly cleared her throat and wiggled uncomfortably in her chair. "I'm just tired, I guess."
"Well, are you gonna eat that?" Gail asked looking down at Holly's plate.
Holly shook her head and pushed her plate towards Gail who eagerly started digging in. Holly just watched her with amazement wondering how someone as small as Gail could eat this much. She started spacing out and only Gail's voice snapped her out of her trance.
"What?" Gail asked innocently with big eyes and full mouth. "You're not getting it back."
Holly smiled affectionately and licked her lips. She was at a loss of words. With every passing moment she felt her heart swell with love for the blonde sitting across from her and she didn't know how much longer she could keep it to herself.
When Gail finished the last of her pasta, Holly asked with an amused smile, "Good?"
Gail took a deep breath. "Really good. And you know what would make it even better?"
Holly raised her eyebrows questioningly.
Gail bent forward, leaning over the kitchen island towards Holly, but not quite reaching her. She huffed, nodding her head, indicating that she wanted a kiss. Holly let out a laugh at how adorable Gail looked and leaned forward meeting Gail halfway. When their lips met, Gail made a humming sound and Holly opened her eyes for a second. Gail's eyes were closed and she had a serene expression on her face.
Holly's stomach fluttered. There was no doubt. She was completely in love with this woman and when she closed her eyes, kissing Gail deep and slow, she poured everything she was feeling into that single kiss.
Something felt different.
Something had shifted between them.
When they pulled back, Holly opened her eyes and Gail was looking at her with wonder and a slightly stunned expression on her face.
Holly nervously cleared her throat. Without looking at Gail again she picked up their empty plates, got up and turned around to put them in the sink.
"I love you, you know," Gail said quietly.
The sound of breaking porcelain was deafening in the silence that followed the whispered declaration and Holly gasped in surprise.
"Shit! Holly!" Gail exclaimed loudly, jumping from her seat, about to bend down to pick up the shards.
"Don't you dare bend down, you have a concussion!" Holly said warningly with an edge to her voice that made Gail snap back up into a standing position.
"But you dropped the dishes," Gail said pointedly, staring at the pile of shards around Holly's feet, who didn't make a move to clean up the mess she had just caused.
Holly gaped at her. "You just- But I-" Holly flailed her arms around not being able to form any coherent words.
"But I love you," Holly finally said more firmly than she intended to.
Gail stared at her with wide eyes. "Isn't that the point?" she asked dumbfounded. "Can't I love you when you love me? Are they mutually exclusive? Why are you so upset?" Gail looked at her incredulously, not understanding what was happing.
"I'm not upset." Holly looked down at her feet. "You made me drop the dishes," she whispered absentmindedly.
Gail's jaw dropped. "I made you-? Are you for real right now, Holly? I was trying to be romantic and tell you how I feel!" Gail's voice rose, getting more agitated by the second. "Me! Emotionally crippled, mean and difficult me, and you're blaming me because you dropped the dishes?!"
Holly just stared at Gail who had an incredulous expression on her face, her blue eyes blazing and her short hair in complete disarray, sticking out in every direction. She looked absolutely adorable.
The first laugh bubbled out of Holly and she slapped a hand over her mouth. This whole situation was just so ridiculous. They just told each other for the first time that they loved each other and she was standing in a pile of dish shards while Gail was looking at her with an exasperated look on her face which made her laugh even harder. She wasn't upset. Sure, she might have wanted to tell Gail first about how she felt, having played with that thought the entire evening. But Gail was right. The emotionally closed off, snarky, and sometimes downright mean blonde cop had opened up and made herself vulnerable by telling Holly that she loved her.
Gail dropped her arms to her side, staring at Holly like she had completely lost her mind. "Holly, are you high?"
Holly pushed her glasses to the top of her head and wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Is this revenge for eating your dinner? I asked if you were gonna eat that!" Gail almost yelled. She looked so flabbergasted at what was happening that Holly almost felt sorry for her.
When Holly had calmed down a little she just looked adoringly at Gail and smiled widely.
"What?" Gail asked after a while, crossing her arms, obviously still not sure how to handle this situation, but a small smile was beginning to replace her frown.
"Come here," Holly said softly.
"Uhm, no?" Gail replied. "There are shards everywhere. And to be honest, you're kinda freaking me out right now."
Holly laughed. She carefully stepped around the shards on the ground until she was standing in front of Gail who looked at her warily. Holly just smiley softly at her and pressed her body into Gail's, trapping her between the kitchen island and herself. Gail's eyes roamed all over Holly's face trying to read her.
"Are we ok?" she eventually asked shyly as she hooked her little finger into one of Holly's belt loops.
Holly leaned in and kissed her softly. "Say it again," she whispered against Gail's lips.
Gail pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes with a mischievous sparkle in her own eyes. "Well, are you gonna break something else?"
Holly placed her hand on Gail's chest, feeling her beating heart beneath her palm.
"No, I promise," she whispered sincerely.
The smirk slipped from Gail's lips and her breath hitched. She took Holly's face in both of her hands and caressed her cheeks with her thumbs. Holly had never seen Gail look at her like she was doing now. Full of awe and wonder, like she was the most precious thing in the world.
"I love you, Holly Stewart. So much," Gail whispered into the small space between them.
Holly's stomach fluttered at the words and she smiled lovingly at this wondrous woman in front of her. Holly moved in for another slow and gentle kiss, not quite able to stop smiling.
"I'm glad," Holly said smirking, tapping a finger on Gail's chin. "Because I kinda love you too."
Gail chuckled. "You are so weird." She pulled Holly flush against her and brought their lips back together. Holly snaked her arms around Gail's neck.
"Oh and Holly?"
"What?"
"You are the insane one, you know that right?"
Holly laughed and captured Gail's smiling lips in another loving kiss.