Here's the Rewrite for my first Chapter. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Chapter One
"Ratchet! Look out!" I turn around hearing my name to see a white blur coming towards me. I fly a couple of feet as the object reals into me and I hear crashing where I stood seconds ago. The white blur is now standing and I can see him clearly. General Alister Azimuth. The only other Lombax in this universe. His clean white fur with triangular red stripes is now covered in dirt. Looking down at my own golden fur with brown stripes I realize I am no different.
Getting up I dust myself off, and watch as the elder walks back to where we were before. My eyes widen seeing a giant boulder, which had cracked the ground on impact. Where I was standing. Quickly recovering from the shock I walk over to the white Lombax.
"Thanks Alister. Good thing you saw that stray boulder. Otherwise I would have been squished like a bug...a very unpleasant furry bug." I say watching the elder kneel down by a certain spot. I can't see because he is blocking my view. He doesn't say anything back and curiosity gets the better of me.
"What are you doing?" I ask. My ears are now off to one side in my curiosity. Unforchanatly this makes me look 'cute' in Talwyn's opinion. Alister, luckily, look at me when he replies.
"This was no stray boulder." He says still focusing on the same spot. Huh? What does he mean it wasn't a stray boulder. Unless...
"What..do you mean?" Alister moves away from the boulder letting me see what he's been blocking. There's a pair of distinct hand prints on the dusty rock surface.
"Someone purposefully pushed this boulder off the cliff! Someone tries to kill you, Ratchet!" Alister shout outraged. I try to hide a small laugh at the predicament, but the elder still manages to hear me with his large ears. Oh crap.
"What's so funny?" he asks sternly, looking at me with concerned eyes. Aaand I guess, maybe, he has, every right too. My dad was his best friend, and not to mention I am the only Lombax in this dimension, other then Alister of course. But, still, I don't like how he always treats me like a child. I just...don't like it. I manage to keep myself from sighing much to my relief.
"Look, Alister, I'm used to...people trying to kill me. But, I always end up sending them to Zordoom prison or, only if they are bad enough, end up having to kill them. I'll be fine. Honest." I say holding up my hand sincerely. He raises an eyebrow unconvinced.
"If you need proof just ask them yourself. I mean they did have to expand the prison because of how many bad guys I brought in." I say now smiling in triumph. And no. I do not care if it is childish of me. Dang it! He's folding his arms now...which means...he's going to parent me. Great.
"And how many times have you ended up injured? Or almost killing yourself? I bet more times then you can count!" He states clearly in that, stupid, stupid, stupid parental voice. I know he's just trying to look out for me, but come on! I'm and Intergalactic hero and have been doing stunts with Clank(not always the smartest) for a while now.
" I think I can take care of myself." The elder's ears droop slightly at my words. Making me feel bad. "I'm sorry" he says in such a low voice most people would not have heard. But, I did.
"What?" I ask now confused. It's not like Alister to be sorry about something as simple as this. So...what's he really thinking about?
"I'm sorry Ratchet." he sighs before continuing, " It's just...after the Great Clock incident I've been worried about you." he finishes now looking at his feet. Oh. So this is about the Clock. My ears droop more remembering the events that took place. Alister loosing it, trying to kill me, Alister reaching the clock trying to alter time, the universe starting to rip apart, Alister...dying, and then a few days later from the Zoni and Sigmund that he was still alive and that the Clock had slowed down his heart and time foe his entire body making him seem dead. After that...Alister and Clank started acting...weird. I managed to get Clank to tell me something else did happen that I do not know about, but he never said what.
"Don't worry Alister. Nothing's going to happen to me." With that I give the elder a reassuring smile, which cheers him up. I look back over at the prints. It's too bad Clank isn't here. He would've been able scan the prints, and find out who did this. Maybe we could go get him. Just as soon as I open my mouth to try and suggest this it starts to rain. Alister curses under his breath as the rain gets heaver. It hardly ever rains on this planet, and it chooses now. It's official the universe truly hates me.
"Come on. Let's get back to the house." Alister says walking away. I follow him feeling my fur get heavier and heavier with each step. Sometimes I hate having fur.
...
On top of the hill unnoticed by the too Lombaxes a figure watches. Smiling as the duo walk away. The figure will see them again. It's only a matter of when.
Well there's my remake for the first chapter. I hope it's not too terrible :)