A/N: I don't own The Avengers or Thor. Also, this is my second attempt at a story for either. R&R!
The two assassins woke to the ringing of the phone in their hotel room. Praying it was not Tony asking another stupid question about either of their floors in the new Avengers' Tower.
"Romanoff.", she answered, half asleep and ready to slam the phone down on the receiver if it was indeed Stark.
"I know you're with Barton, so hand him the phone. This has to do with his recent adventure with the crazier of the Norse-god brothers.", Director Fury's voice said ad smoothly as ever.
"It's for you.", Natasha Romanoff said tiredly, passing the phone to the man beside her.
"Barton.", the man answered.
"Agent Barton, we need you to come in briefly for a debriefing that covers some of what you've missed recently."
"I'll be in as soon as I can, Sir.", and Clint hung up.
"Go. I'll be here when you get back.", Natasha told him, her smile somehow softer and more peaceful than it had been in a long while.
So Clint hurried to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, not prepared for what awaited him there. He was greeted at the reception desk by the Director himself, who led him Clint to the medical bay.
"Sir, with all due respect, you said this had to deal with what occurred when I was under the control of Loki.", Clint said, confused as to why they were outside a recovery room on the top floor of the medical bay.
"While Agent Romanoff was bringing you out of your trance, Agent Coulson was stabbed through the chest by Loki himself. He flat-lined for eight seconds, but we got him back. His file available to everyone below Level Seven says that he is dead. I am here to tell you now that he is very much alive. A very angry young woman ordered me to let you know of Coulson's recovery and to bring you to see him. Just inside there, if you don't believe me, Agent Barton.", Fury replied, opening the door.
Clint entered the room slowly, listening to the conversation taking place between the other two people in the room.
"He'll freak out at first, but Clint will come around in the end.", the young woman said to the older man with a gentle, loving sort of tone.
"Three proverbial bombs dropped on him at once may make that end drag out for a while longer than necessary.", the older man responded before noticing Clint.
"Y-y-you're alive!", Clint gasped out.
"I've got a lot of physical therapy ahead of me, but yes, I am alive. We couldn't let you blame yourself, which is why you're here now. I promised you I'd fight for my life as hard as possible when you were sixteen. I promised Darcy that same thing about nine months ago. I'm not planning on going anywhere, son. It's going to be blue skies from here on out.", Phil Coulson said, and Clint collapsed in the chair on the right side of the bed, torn between slapping the man in the hospital bed or hugging him.
"I know it's a lot to take in right now, Clint, but we have a couple of other things we would like to tell you.", Darcy said just loud enough to get the archer's attention.
"What else could be as important as you being alive?", he asked Phil.
"Darcy and I are getting married once I can get out of here. We got engaged before Loki attacked.", Phil answered bluntly, and Clint gaped.
"You are getting married? Now that is something I never expected to hear about or see in my life!", the archer said in shock.
"Also, I'm pregnant.", Darcy added while she had the courage.
After a few moments of silence, Clint began talking again, "So, my adoptive father, who adopted me when I was a sixteen year-old circus runaway, is getting married to a woman who is younger than I am, and said woman is pregnant. Okay, I'll go with it, but I'm not calling you 'Mom.'"
"I don't want you to, Clint. I just want you to be there for your younger, adoptive sibling. I've always known how important you are to Phil, and I don't want you to feel that this baby will replace you, considering you're an adult and adopted. You two have been through more together than I could ever imagine, so I won't try to make any effort to have any person or thing come between the two of you.", Darcy's voice was so caring and lacking in sarcasm to the point that Clint had to believe her.
"I understand. Welcome to our family, Darcy.", Clint said with a smile, and the three shared an awkward three-way-hug as they were all trying to not press to hard against the hospitalized Phil or against Darcy's small, three months-along baby bump.
Sixth Months Later…
It was a brisk November day, just before Thanksgiving. Darcy was outside on the balcony of the apartment Tony Stark was renting for her while he rebuilt the newly named Avengers' Tower. She let out a sigh as she put down her book, sensing people behind her.
"Hello, Clint.", she said to her step-son.
"Hey, Darcy; how's my little brother?", he asked, sitting on the nearby patio couch, Natasha sitting next to him.
"He's doing just fine, and he should be arriving any day now. With whatever the serum did to your father, he doesn't remember being in the medical bay at all, but Fury's given him a basic list of what happened. So, have you decided to introduce your girlfriend to your step-mother now?", she asked with a laugh.
"I'm not normally this easily confused, but I am very confused now.", Natasha said with a shake of her head.
"Phil adopted me when I was sixteen. He and Darcy got married shortly after she told him she was pregnant, making her my step-mother. So, without further ado, Darcy, meet Natasha Romanoff, A.K.A. the Black Widow. Nat, meet Darcy Lewis-Coulson, my dear step-mother and our new handler.", Clint introduced the two women, though they knew of one another already.
"It's nice to meet you formally, Natasha, but we need to get going. Where's my phone?", Darcy asked before seeing it on the coffee table in her living room.
She waddled over to it, picked it up, pressed 2 on her speed dial, and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.
"Hey, Tony, it's time. Yes, I mean I've gone into labor, so get your ass down stairs and get me to the hospital before I call Pepper! Yes, bring Steve with you; he may be able to sweet talk the cops if your driving gets us pulled over. Ow! No, it was just a contraction. Hurry up, Stark!", she was practically screaming into her phone by her last sentence.
"I'll call, Darcy. You grab your bag and go wait for- Never mind! Nat, get her to the hospital.", Clint said, knowing that it was a secret from all of the Avengers aside from Tony and himself that Phil was still alive.
Natasha nodded and escorted Darcy from the apartment, only to meet up with Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers while on their way out. Clint paid them no mind as he dialed his father's number.
On the BUS
Agent Phillip J. Coulson sat in his office, enjoying the quiet of early morning. That was ruined, however, when his phone went off. He answered swiftly, hoping he did not need to form his new team quite yet.
"Coulson.", he said.
"Dad, Darcy went into labor. Nat, Tony, and Steve took her to the S.H.I.E.L.D. medical bay about three minutes ago. I think she was already in labor for a while, but didn't say anything to anyone until her water broke. Tony's sent some cleaning staff in here already, so I'm about to head out. Dad, hurry!", Clint's voice came over the phone.
"The construction crew is still asleep, so I'll get to flying. Hopefully, I'll already be in New York before anyone notices Lola gone. I have to make sure these workers are on track so this thing is fully operational by next fall. It'll be the only way I can get home for the summer family trip to the beach.", Phil replied before hanging up, grabbing a change of clothes and hurrying down to his prized '62 Corvette.
Several hours later, in New York City…
"It's a boy!", the doctor called above the babies cries.
As they took him away to be cleaned up, Darcy tore her eyes from her son and looked over at her husband. Phil looked happier than he had since his close-call with death; that was something Darcy was happy to see herself. She turned her eyes away from Phil's smile when the nurse came back over to them with the baby.
As he was placed in her arms, Darcy felt the tears spring forth with joy. She only hoped he was born prepared for the insanity of his [dysfunctional] family that would spoil him rotten.
It was the next morning when Darcy's "hospital" room door opened to reveal the entire Avengers team plus Pepper. They filed in with huge smiles on their faces, and Clint was holding a small blue teddy bear that said "Baby's First Teddy."
"Hey, guys.", Darcy whispered, smiling down at the sleeping bundle in her arms.
Clint stopped beside the bed and looked down at the baby's innocent face, a smile creeping onto the archer's lips.
"I have the most adorable baby brother ever.", he said with certainty, making Steve, Tony, Pepper, and Bruce all look at him quizzically.
"Natasha, get the door. This does not leave this room. Clint came to S.H.I.E.L.D. at age sixteen; I was the agent in charge of him, making sure he didn't run away on us. Within a few months, we formed a close bond, and I legally adopted him in order to take responsibility for him. So, he's my son. Does that clear everything up?", Coulson explained, and the other Avengers nodded.
"So, what's his name?", Clint asked Darcy eagerly.
"First, considering how you two have taken care of me since Phil's death was faked, and how one of you acts like the annoying, yet caring, older brother I never wanted but that I'm grateful to have, Tony, Pepper, we were wondering if you would accept being our son's godparents?", Darcy asked the redhead and Iron Man.
"Wow! We'd be honored, right, Tony?", Pepper responded.
"Right, it would be an honor. We accept.", Tony said, truly blown away for the first time in a long time.
"With that being said, Steve, we know you know how important you are to us, so we wanted to honor you as well. We've decided to name our beautiful little baby boy Roger Anthony Coulson.", Phil said proudly, wrapping an arm around Darcy and smiling at the looks of pride on Steve and Tony's faces.
It had been three days after Roger's's birth when Darcy, Phil, and their baby boy went home. They got into the black S.H.I.E.L.D. SUV and drove off, not aware that Tony had changed their course. The new parents figured it out when they arrived at the newly dubbed Avengers' Tower.
"Surprise!", Tony cried from just inside the building.
"Tony, what's going on?", Darcy asked suspiciously.
"The building was completed the day you went into labor. It has six residential floors, one per Avenger, and then it has the penthouse. I was going to keep it for myself until I found out about Roger, oh, and Phil being alive. I decided to turn that into the Coulson Family Penthouse Apartment! Consider it my gift to my already amazing godson, instead of the Junior Rocket Science kit or baby grand piano I might have bought for him for when he's older.", the self-proclaimed Genius-Multi-Billionaire-Former Playboy-Philanthropist said exuberantly, making Darcy and Phil laugh.
"I'm sure he'll love those gifts anyway, Tony, and I'm sure you'd make an excellent piano teacher.", Darcy assured her friend, and the four went through the lobby, into the elevator on their way up to the very top floor of the tower.
"How would you know?", Tony asked suspiciously.
"Tony, I hear you playing all the time. You live on the floor above me!", Darcy replied with a laugh.
"And you'd probably would be the exact opposite of your stern teachers that you told us about.", Phil added as the elevator doors closed behind them.
To the average passerby, it may have seemed oddly charitable of Tony Stark, but to the members of the team, this was a family. Albeit, this was an incredibly screwed up family made up of a demi-god, a man with breath-taking anger-management issues, a living legend, a couple of master assassins, two federal agents, a newborn baby, the only person on the planet who Tony Stark would feel terrible if anything happened to her, and a genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist; but it was a family none the less, and family is all that matters. Well, and stopping the world from alien invasions.