These are my short series of classic fictional garbage Jhonen Vasquez would probably stab the writer in the eye for. I'm not saying he's a homicidal maniac but…we all have our breaking points don't we? Now read and learn, to STOP writing these. Most will probably be romance related. And keep in mind. It's all in good fun. If you have written one of these do not flame me. Thank you –the management
ZADRZim sat at the lunch table glaring off into space, 'only a few more hours.' He reminded himself, 'then freedom'. Soon he would be free to sit at home and plot the doom of earth. As Zim glared off into space he sensed a presence beside him. The Irken spun around to see Dib glaring at him, "Zim!" he hissed. Zim glared back, "Dib worm!"
"I don't know what your latest evil is about but I'll stop it! OH I will stop it to the point that it was almost like it never was….started. Not only will the stoppedness of it be ceased blah, blah, blah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." His words turned into an annoying buzzing sound in Zim's ear…hole thing. A new sound interrupted Dib's tangent, RIIIIIING! Lunch was over. Dib glared at Zim once more then raced off to class. Zim watched Dib with narrowed eyes. Hatred filled his soul but there was some thing else…love. See after all they had been through together Zim had developed feelings for the human. He just didn't know how to express them. (A/N: God I'm going to be sick. But remember this is a comedy story so the ickiness will be taken care of shortly. Don't leave yet!)
Zim left the cafeteria to head to class. while the alien sat at his desk nearly in a state of Zombie like drooling boredom Dib stared at him and sighed like a little bliss filled girl. He too, felt as Zim did and his spying attempts were becoming more and more just to be near the Irken. Dib just wanted to watch Zim all day… Dib looked down and saw he had doodled a little picture of the Irken just being all cute, and green, and cute as Dib so thought he was.
"Green's a great color…" Dib sighed.
"That human does not stink as bad as the rest…" Zim sighed Suddenly the sighing grossness was interrupted by a loud BOOM! CRASH! As some thing fell from the ceiling. The class panicked and scrambled out of their seats to the back of the classroom. Only two students remained in their desks. Dib, and Zim. The air was thick with rubble from what ever had crashed through, a coughing could be heard and as the aseptic and dust cloud cleared the figure of a man could be seen. When it became clearer and the coughing stopped they could see it was an extremely thin man, who almost looked unhealthy. He had dyed orange hair and glasses. He wore a black trench coat, blue tee, and black pants with boots. He looked around the room a moment until he spotted Zim. The thin stranger grabbed Zim by the head. The Irken and the man glared at each other a moment before he lifted Zim high in the air and flung him into the chalkboard.
"ARGH!" Zim cried out in anger and pain, "What do you think you are doing skinny glasses wearing man!"
"I'm Jhonen Vasquez and I'm here to fix a major error of stupidity which was stupid!"
"Eh?" Zim squeaked staring at Jhonen. Jhonen's glasses narrowed with his eyes, "Let's begin with a lesson in Irken anatomy and laws. First, you are an Irken and not a human. Do you know what that means?" there was silence, "It means that while you appear to be Dib's age you're over a hundred years old! So there for it's illegal! And the only state where it is legal is Alabama and they frown on homosexuality. Speaking of which," he spun around to face Dib, "You're gay Dib! While I have no problem with some one of that pulsation I did not write you to be gay! Understand?" Dib's eyes got wide.
"I do! And you're right! I'm not gay! I'm nine years old! Even if I do turn out to be gay it would take a real sick-o to write a nine year old as being gay and interested in dating outside of his species! Yes! I'm free! FREEEE!" Dib jumped on his desk and began a loooong tangent that no one listened to. Jhonen turned his attention back on Zim.
"And you! You're species has no need for the emotion of love so you don't have it!"
"What do you mean no need?" Zim asked cocking an eyebrow. Jhonen picked him up and shouted, "YOU DON'T SEXUALLY REPRODUCE! YOU'RE CREATED IN LABS!" he dropped the Irken and finished, "Plus. In my world there is no romance period. Now, I'm off to the next chapter to fix the "Zim and Dib fall for the same girl" story. God help me there are a lot of people who want you and the big headed kid to compete for love." He shook his head, and had a look like those stories hurt him physically. Vasquez lifted his arms and ZOOM! He was gone. Zim and Dib looked at each other for a moment in hideous sham then Zim screamed, "SILENCE HUMAN!"
"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"
"YOU WERE THINKING SOME THING!"
"OH I'M NOT ALLOWED TO THINK?"
"NO!"
"ZIM!"
"DIB!"
"ZIM!"
"DIB!" (this goes on for a while.)
End.
Well that first chapter wasn't the funniest but the next one will be really good! I know, I'm starting to write it in my mind right now! Please review, and uh…be kind? I bruise easily. Okay thanks for reading and the next ones will be better.