I fell in love with this universe when I wrote "Collide," so I figured I would write some oneshots in this universe as the ideas came to me and put them here : )
Summary: When Hotch and Emily bring baby Layla home, Emily wonders if she's ready to take on a newborn.
January 5, 2015
"I just don't see why I can't carry the baby out to the car." Emily argued for what had to be the millionth time as Hotch entered Emily's hospital room with a wheelchair with light pink and white balloons attached to the sides.
"It's just protocol, Em." Hotch reminded her, also for the millionth time that day.
"Yeah, yeah." Emily rolled her eyes, focusing her attention on the tiny four day old baby she held in her arms. She couldn't wait to be back at home with her family and sleep in her own bed that night, but a part of her was worried. For the past four days, there had been doctors and nurses there that Emily could get advice from. All her questions were easily answered by someone who knew what they were doing. Technically, she and Layla could have gone home the previous day, but Emily had somehow talked herself and the doctors into letting them stay another 24 hours. Her doctor had cleared her when she felt ready, and even now, Emily wasn't sure how ready she was. Once she and Hotch were home, everything was all up to them. Layla seemed so fragile, and Emily had read way too many articles online and in magazines about things that could go horribly wrong within the first few weeks of bringing a newborn home. Emily had never cared for a baby so small before. Declan was four when she first took care of him, and she had been around Jack as a baby, but she never had to take care of him alone.
Carefully, Emily handed the tiny baby to Hotch and slowly moved into the wheelchair by her bed. Hotch handed Layla back to her, sending a reassuring smile her way. Emily rolled her eyes, hating every second she spent being wheeled around. Hotch gently wheeled her and their newest addition out of the hospital room and outside.
Emily was quiet until she and Hotch were in the car on the way home. Emily sat in the back seat next to Layla, making sure she was alright on the drive home. The baby had fallen asleep nearly instantly, the movement of the car enough to lull her to sleep.
"Em, are you okay?" Hotch asked softly, glancing in the rear view mirror.
She sucked in a breath before answering. "I'm okay."
Hotch shot her a knowing look from the rearview mirror, she cursed her "tell." She could never keep anything from him.
"What if I don't know what to do?" Emily asked, nervously biting her lip, suddenly feeling ridiculous.
"You'll know. Don't worry; you're already a great mother." Hotch sent her a warm smile.
"But Jack and Declan can tell me what's wrong, they can tell me exactly what I can do for them, but Layla can't. Plus, aside from making sure they eat three meals a day and checking their homework they don't really need me to do anything else for them. But Layla needs you or I to do everything for her. What if I do something wrong?" Emily worried aloud.
"Emily, I know it's scary. I remember Haley being worried when we brought Jack home, but you'll know exactly what to do, don't worry." Hotch reassured her.
"I keep forgetting you've done this before." Emily smiled softly.
"Before long you'll be able to tell exactly what she needs without having to think much about it. You'll see." Hotch told her. She just hoped he was right.
XxXxX
When they returned home, Layla was still sleeping and Emily carefully brought her inside, not wanting to wake her up. Emily went upstairs and laid the baby down in the bassinet by their bed. Hotch and Emily knew it would be much easier to just keep Layla with them for the first few weeks since Layla would be up every few hours.
Emily flopped down on the bed, happy to have the familiarity of the room surrounding her. She wasn't exactly tired, but she knew she should at least rest before Layla woke up needing something.
"What time is it?" Emily asked suddenly.
"Almost 3," Hotch said.
"Someone needs to go pick up Jack and Declan." Emily said, moving to rise from the bed.
"They're taken care of." Hotch said, motioning for Emily to lie back down.
"Who's picking them up?" Emily asked.
"Jessica. She's picking them up and dropping them off. Then tonight she's taking them to dinner so we can get Layla adjusted." Hotch said.
"God bless that woman." Emily replied sincerely. She pulled the blankets back and covered herself up.
"You should get some sleep while she's asleep." Hotch told her as he sat next to her on the bed.
"All I've done is rest, I feel like I should be doing something." Emily said.
"Don't worry about anything, okay? I'll catch up on laundry and dishes." Hotch said.
"You're the best." Emily replied, pulling him down to her level to kiss him.
Emily honestly tried to sleep after Hotch left her alone, but she just couldn't seem to fall asleep. She sighed and quietly moved closer to Layla's bassinet. She was so perfect, and so little. Emily worried again about how good of a mother she would be to someone so completely dependent on her.
XxXxX
A few minutes later, the door opened softly and Hotch entered the room.
"Jack and Declan want to come see Layla." Hotch whispered. Emily nodded.
The two boys emerged from behind their father and hugged Emily tightly, happy to have her back home.
"She's so little." Jack whispered quietly.
"I think she's grown since the last time we saw her." Declan replied softly.
"Hey Dad, can we go outside and play soccer while we wait for Aunt Jess to come get us?" Jack asked, a little too loudly. Layla remained asleep, though.
"Sure, buddy. Wanna come, Declan?" Hotch asked. Declan agreed and the two boys headed out to the backyard.
"Get some rest," Hotch whispered as he kissed Emily's head before following Jack and Declan outside.
XxXxX
Twenty minutes later, Layla woke up crying. Immediately, Emily picked the baby up and held her close.
"I really, really wish you could tell me what's wrong." Emily said softly. She tried changing her, feeding her, and rocking her but nothing seemed to calm her down.
Emily bit her lip and remembered something she had read in the dozens of baby books she had read in the last several months. She slowly exited the room and paced the hallway. The gentle movements had calmed Layla down a little; she had gone from full out screaming to whining every few minutes.
Emily began singing, one of the only songs she actually remembered from her childhood.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey..." Emily sang. Layla calmed down and had stopped fussing altogether.
"See," Emily heard Hotch say from the top step. "You're already a great mom to her, so stop worrying. Though, I guess I should tell you the fact that you're worrying so much already says you're a good Mom." Hotch told her sincerely. Emily smiled, continuing to pace the hall until Layla fell back asleep.
"Did Jack and Declan leave?" Emily asked quietly.
Hotch nodded. "They heard Layla crying and said they would see you later tonight."
"Aw, they're gonna be such good big brothers." Emily smiled.
XxXxX
That night, Hotch and Emily turned in early, keeping Layla in their room in the bassinet. Emily had just gotten Layla to sleep after feeding her; laying her down gently.
"See, we got through the first day okay." Hotch whispered.
"Only a million and four to go." Emily whispered back as she crawled into bed. "I swear to God I have never been so tired." She added. "I could chase serial killers around for days on end, but a baby wears me out." She laughed softly, pulling the blankets up over her shoulders.
Hotch leaned over and kissed Emily's lips softly.
"If you think you're getting anything tonight you are absolutely one-hundred percent insane." Emily mumbled with her eyes closed. "Besides, I have to refrain from 'strenuous activity' for a few weeks." She added.
Hotch laughed softly. "I know that. You should get some sleep." Hotch said as he leaned down and kissed Emily goodnight one last time.
"I love you." Emily said quietly.
"And I love you." Aaron returned the sentiment.
Emily closed her eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, her fears eased away. Sure, she would probably be terrified of her ability to be the best parent she could be; but she wasn't alone. Not anymore, not ever again.