Title: Never the Perfect Mother

Rating: K

This is a story about Katy Hart and why she does what she does with Maya. Most writers seem to paint her as abusive but I don't see her that way. So this is a short drabble about Katy Hart.

I'm standing here in the line at the food pantry... Again. There are two teenage girls at the counter handing out frozen foods. One is a red head and the other is a brunette, both girls just happily serve all of us. From between the shelves of canned vegetables and toilet paper, there are two boys fighting for a spiderman halloween costume. The man behind me, plays with his baby daughter in the shopping cart seat. Above me, I see the sign for a 2 person family should take 2 cans of canned fruit.

Sighing, I lurch forward with the rest of the line as another person leaves the frozen food table. The next shelf says to take 1 of each peanut butter and jelly from it. I hear the little baby giggle as the father plays with some bubble wrap.

This is the one day of the week I can't stand, grocery shopping for Maya and I here. I wish to bring her home good food, like cake and ice cream. Those days are far apart when the pantry does get them. Instead, we come for the bare essentials bread, eggs, and vegetables.

I work as a part time waitress and manager and that doesn't even get me food stamps. I look at some girls about 7 or 8 talking about how jean jackets are totally 'in' again right now. I listen to some teenage girl in front of me with her own little baby. I can only hope that Maya isn't like this one day. Working at a diner and coming home with syrup all over her.

I'm not a bad parent, I keep my distance because I'm not good for her. No, I'm not good enough for her, the Matthews are good for her. Not me. I bring Maya home second hand clothes, just enough food, and a little pay check. The Matthews give her a full meal, a phone, a better family. All I do is disappoint and embarrass her, I won't try to pretend with her.

I pretend I'm fancy, a failed marriage, I pretend I have a good career. I love that little girl and I don't want her to be like this. She deserves to be happy and have a great life. I know I can't give her that.

Glancing up, I see the two teenage girls giving out frozen food. The redhead smiles brightly and the brunette only turns around for my usual.

"Supreme pizza, hot dogs, and bacon right, Katy?" asked the redhead, Paige. The brunette, Bernadette, hands me the plastic bag. After going through the food line, I see a jean jacket by the check out desk. Next to it lay a matching skirt. I think of Maya at the Matthews, thinking she might like it. Before I told Mrs. Winters how many bags I have, I grab both of them off of the shelf.

Because I really love that little girl.