Title: White Noise
Author: labyrinthine
E-mail: elabyrinthine@yahoo.com
Rating/Classification: PG/ s/v, challengefic
Summary: And maybe an answer is all I need.
Author Notes: Hillary, my dear demanding Hil, gets first and foremost thanks for slapping me upside the head a couple times and making me edit my own stuff for once. Editing…who knew? And pharo for throwing down the challengefic gauntlet (my profound fluff can beat up your willage! Actually, I'm placing bets on willage myself). And, bulletproof, for carrying on the challengefic. And Effrin, for not speaking to me anymore after posting s/v flirtation. Yes, I am shutting up now.
Pantomime mixtures
of heaven and earth
jumbled events
that have less than no worth
-Phish
*****
"You do remember that, don't you?"
"Yes…am I missing something?"
"Not a thing. So what did it feel like, then?"
I've startled her, a little. I can almost see the crooked lilt to her smile as she processes my question. "How did what?"
I lean back, the front legs of the chair hovering in the air. Getting comfortable; I plan on being here a while longer. "What did it feel like. You know. Breaking into the vault, knowing every security guard in the building would want a piece of you. That rush. I mean, from your debriefing, it sounded like you were a hair away from getting caught."
"That was our first mission working together, Vaughn. I can't believe you remember that debriefing."
"No, see, that's not the point. Not specific for that mission, in general. It always seems like it gets cut close."
"It's half the fun, you know. A mission just wouldn't be the same without the death-defying moments."
I can picture this, her running down any number of hallways, with a wig and costume flapping in the wind. Her eyes trained on the next exit out.
"Just, you know, what's going through your head. Do you ever think, that you're not going to make it out in time?" And bite my tongue. Stupid, stupid. Think, Michael…
And she either doesn't catch it or is too classy to comment. "I don't know, maybe? I don't really think about it too much, everything happens so fast."
"I can imagine." And that's all I can do.
"What's with the questions?"
Nonchalant. "Just, nothing. I just wonder, you know?" My shoulders offer an apologetic shrug without conscious thought. "We've got you on comm most of the time, when things get sticky, I know what's going on. Obviously. But it's not the same, as actually being there. I see the outside picture. I just wonder what it feels like, some of the time, outsmarting the enemy and all."
I lean forward, just a bit. Just a little more focus, listening to her words. "Well, you're involved with that, you're the one setting up the countermissions. I'd say that involves a fair amount of outsmarting on your end."
"Maybe. But it's not the same thing."
"No, it's not." I can almost hear the wheels grinding as she jumps to the next logical conclusion. "Why did you pick ops? In the first place I mean, why didn't you want to train for the field? Feel it for yourself."
"I did train. I passed, actually, quite highly." I am happy I can say that with a fair amount of wry delivery, now.
"And?"
"And I decided it wasn't for me. My mother wasn't too keen with the idea. My…girlfriend, at the time, it didn't do it for her either. I decided to make them happy, go with the suit and office."
"It sounds like it doesn't make you very happy."
I wonder how we arrived at this point in the conversation. "I…I didn't say that." I look off to the wall, with blinking lights and snow on the monitors. "No. You think I'm…I don't regret it." Trying to get the point across, I don't need to see her to know the picture of incredulity etched over her face. "I don't! It isn't as flashy, sure. And being a field agent, there's a lot more glory in that. But I never joined to be a hero. I do my job, try to do it well, not looking back."
"You think I joined to be a hero?"
"I didn't mean it like that. You're not like most field agents we have among our ranks, if you'll remember. I'm more comfortable out of the limelight, is what I meant. Besides, I've packed in too many Subway lunches with Weiss. I'd get caught in a second."
"Isn't Subway supposed to make you lose weight or something? The Jared guy?"
Exhale with a grin. "Not the subs we buy."
"Heh." A pause. "Then why do you care, how it feels on a mission?"
"I don't know. Conversation starter? Maybe I'm just a curious guy."
"I'll believe that."
"And maybe it's just your time to pick a topic." I hear her answering snuff, and am happy I can still keep it all light.
"I picked the last one, remember?"
"Oh, that doesn't count. You asked what time it was, I told you, end of conversation. There's not a lot of room for discourse there."
I hear her voice just a shade lower, more reserved. "I wanted to know what time it was."
"Don't worry about time, ok? We've got plenty of time. Don't even think about it." Nice and calm and smooth, at least I try to be.
"Yeah." She draws in her breath, the sound almost hisses. "Yeah. So, topic, right? What…what are you doing tonight? When you go home?"
"You think I'm leaving?"
"No, of course not. And thank you, really. It helps…having something familiar here." Her voice picks up just a bit, it lets my shoulders relax, just a bit. "But, you know, you can't live in the ops room forever, you know. You will be going home eventually."
"And what am I going to do when I get home, that's the question?"
"That's the question."
"Well, I might just have to think about that for a minute."
"Because your life is just that exciting." I close my eyes, seeing the smile I know she's wearing.
"Oh, you have no idea. I'm packing tonight, did I tell you? I'm jumping the next flight oversees, for a weekend European vacation getaway."
"Oh, is that so? You'll make it back in time for work on Monday, I assume?"
"They won't miss me here. Besides, I'll take the…what the hell is that called, Concorde?" At her affirming grunt I continue. "Right, the Concorde. I'll take the fare out of petty cash or something, Devlin will never miss it."
"Tell me what you'll do when you're there."
"Oh, everything. All the cheesy tourist things. See the sights. Drink some really good wine."
"The Eiffel Tower was pretty, you could see it from the club."
"Forget the Eiffel Tower. I'm talking the historical stuff. Mona Lisa. L'arc de Triumphe. And, you know, more wine."
"Since there's going to be drinking when you get home."
Release on a smirk. "You have no idea."
"Yeah well, maybe I'll join you."
I lean my head back, bite my lip, let my eyelids rest for a minute. "I can't tell you how happy that would make me, right about now."
"I can picture it."
I stop for a minute, take in a breath, twist my neck. Revel in the pops that result. Marvel at their endurance. Hell, marvel at her endurance. I look at the clock on the far wall and grimace.
"You're still there?"
Clear my throat. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. Just stretching."
"Lucky you."
"You're still with me, right?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
A light starts blinking above my head, startling me out of the tunnel vision I've been staring down for god knows how long. "Hold on a sec, Syd, ok?"
I reach out and release the switch on the comm panel. Read the page on the LCD.
"Everything ok?"
I pause for a moment, to pull myself back in check. Keep it calm, keep it professional, no room for anxiety. "It looks like we'll be talking for a little longer than we thought, is all."
I think she sniffles, but I really can't tell. "How long?"
"We've got it under control, remember? Everything will be fine, just hang in there. Not too much longer."
"I'm just worried that-"
"Don't be. Don't think about it. Alright?" I settle back in my chair, pushing the cramped muscles out of my mind. "We were…vacations? Is that what we were on?"
"Yeah." Her responses are coming further and far between, and I try to push that out of my mind as well.
"Unless we want to switch topics again."
"No." A little more enthusiastic now, or so I think. Or hope, for that matter. "No, I could go for a change of scenery right about now."
Much better. "I don't doubt it. Where to?"
"Well, I might just need to think about that for a minute."
I laugh, a full out laugh and with a slight delay I know she is laughing too. "Because your life is just that exciting."
"You're quick, Vaughn."
"Oh, I try." I had forgotten how much I missed this. "So, what. You wanna hit up Europe with me? I'm sure I could fit you in my luggage somehow."
"No, no more planes, no more trips. I'm thinking continental US."
"Grand Canyon?"
"Ugh, too much exercise. Have you hiked that thing? I'm in shape, but…for a vacation? After this, I'm looking for something full-service."
"I don't blame you."
"You know what I really want to do-"
Static. "Sydney?" I scramble up in my seat, checking connections, loose wires. Coming up empty. "What's going on?"
Clearer now. "Vaughn?" A whisper. "Something's going on – outside, I hear…"
"Hear what?" I wonder how close the extraction team is to her holding cell, and I don't like the rational answers I come up with. Keep calm, keep it rational, keep it together.
Right.
"I don't know, I don't know, Vaughn, they're coming this way…" Her voice fades in and out. I hear scuffling, and can picture her repositioning herself to a defensive posture as best she can.
I glance around, at the bright white expanse that is the empty ops room. Scrunching my eyes shut, I try to put myself in her position. "Okay, Sydney, listen to me. Sydney?"
"Yeah." I can barely make out her voice over the disrupted comm link.
"You remember how to identify yourself to the extraction team, right? They could just be early – we were getting them to you as fast as we could."
"I don't think…" I can hear what she hears, now, through the static of a thousand miles, something rhythmic and encroaching.
"I'm right here with you, remember, Syd? We're tracking your position, we're going to get you out of there."
"Vaughn, I-"
Silence. No noise, no static, no Sydney. I close my eyes, rub my temples, take a breath. An eternity on the radio, for this. I remain in my chair, immobile, with only white noise to listen to my goodbye.
*****
White Noise
elabyrinthine@yahoo.com