Onir the Cat

by OnirTheCat

Fucking test lol.

Preface: This story was written by several people at the beginning, but as the story continued that number quickly dwindled to two.

Once upon a time there was an obese cat named Onir who had an obsession with another cat whose name was Nyanya. Onir loved Nyanya. He thought about her daily. Sometimes, he would salivate outside of his open window and the drool would collect in a puddle on the concrete. At the end of each day, he would go outside to collect the drool to add to his collection. The neighborhood kids would always make fun of him saying: "Haha, you drool! And you love a cat! Haha, you loser!" Onir would simply frown and say "Shut up, retards." Anyway, one day, Nyanya... DIED! Onir was crushed. For about a month he wallowed through his deep depression, and lived through his memories of Nyanya by drinking his collection of drool.

As he drank the drool, he got very sick. In this combination of illness and sadness, he became suicidal. One day, in the month of May, Onir climbed up to the top of a tall skyscraper. He got right up to the edge and looked down at the busy traffic, wondering if anyone would even care if he were to jump right now, leaving all of his pain behind. Then he got hungry and ordered pizza; pepperoni, of course! It took the delivery man a long time to get to him, considering he was on the 99th floor of the World Trade Center. As he sat down to eat the pizza, his stomach became very volatile and he blew chunks over the edge of the building...

Coincidentally, the chunks landed right onto the fur of Uglybuttface, Nyanya's friend from college. Uglybuttface looked up to see Onir and said, "Why did you vomit on me? What are you doing?" Onir looked down at her and said: "Just blowing chunks, Lol." Uglybuttface responded: "I'm coming up, okay? I want to make sure you are okay." Onir said: "Ok, idiot." On his way up, Uglybuttface encountered many obstacles, one in particular being Uglybuttface's arch enemy for college Prettyfacebutt! they engaged in a long, drawn out duel, which would take way to long to explain right now, but basically in the end, Uglybuttface died! Onir waited for about 1 minute before he started to get unreasonably pissed off. "What the (censorship) is that cat doing?!" Onir began eating the pizza very delicately, as he always does when's he's extremely upset, but then he began to eat voraciously, devouring the whole pizza within 3 minute's time. Suddenly, the door to the roof was blasted open by a cat who was not Uglybuttface at all, so Onir says, "You look fatter than ever, Uglybuttface." Prettyfacebutt, who was offended that Onir didn't even realize it was her, said: "No, you idiot! It's me, Prettyfacebutt! I killed Uglybuttface for no apparent reason." Onir responded by saying: "Oh." Then Pretty said: "Do you want to see a movie? Maybe it will get your mind off of Nyanya's death." Suddenly, Onir got extremely angry, and yelled back: What the %^*(&*! How dare you %^&^* up the *&*(&(&* all over the &*(*&*( floor! He then continued by agreeing to Pretty's suggestion.

Pretty and Onir used the elevator to get back down to the first floor, which was where the fight took place. Ugly's vomit and blood drenched body lay in the corner stinking to high heaven. "So, what movie do you want to see?" Pretty asked. "I want to see the movie where you- "SHUT UP!" Onir rudely interrupted. "What?" Pretty asked, confused by his sudden rage. "Never mind, go on," Onir said." Pretty said: "Do you want to see the movie called Babycakes: The eZ Randy Scrub?" Onir responded: "No thanks, he's so eZ and just teams and gets lucky." "Oh yeah, you're right," Pretty said, scratching her ear. When Onir saw her scratch her ear, he got so mad that he, upon seeing the poor murder job of Uglybuttface, decided to "do the job right." He Yelled at Uglybuttface, "YOU CALL THIS A MURDER. Let me show you how ITS DONE" Onir, taking out ALL his rage, chokes Pretty to death with his tail. Pretty dies within two minutes. He then asks, "so what movie do you want to see?"

Suddenly, Onir realizes what movie HE wants to see. He wants to see the movie where that one guy is the bad guy, and the good guy stops the bad guy after much difficulty. Onir starts to hail a cab, but then realizes he could get to the theater faster by flying, so he does. He flies over the town, admiring all of the lights and stupid stuff like that. Within about a minute, he arrives at the theater and sees the list of movies playing. After some intense deliberation, he chooses to see "Generic Conflicts 3: The Hero Will Defeat the Villain." When he goes to buy his ticket, he recognizes the girl cat at the counter. She is.. Dead. No but seriously... It takes Onir a few minutes of questioning the breathless, motionless, and flea-bitten feline that she's probably dead. So he just walks into the theater. Upon entering the theater, he realizes he hates movies. So he leaves.

The realization that he hates movies reminded him of the rage he had for losing his loved one. He then begins to remember how messed up his life his. He yelped out in a loud, raged, dismay, "Why does everybody I come across DIE!" He then made his way over to the creek in the woods and began to contemplate his sorrows. While he was dunking his face repeatedly into a pool of honey (that was dripping from a gigantic honeybee's nest) and then rinsing it off in the creek, an emaciated wolf came up from behind and shouted loudly at him, saying, "Can you help me do my taxes? I don't understand any of this nonsense." Onir looked at the wolf and just laughed, considering wolves are supposed to be really good with mathematics. The wolf left. Then Onir started to realize that he had no idea how Nyanya died. It troubled him. He blacked out and started having strange hallucinations about oversized midgets playing underwater basketball in the middle of a cake war. He vomited. When Onir finally came to, the wolf reiterated his question. Onir replied violently, "ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS LEARN THE CHAIN RULE." Upon hearing that, the wolf was suddenly enlightened and went on to become a world renowned accountant. Onir wept softly. Onir's tears mixed with the honey and started glowing with a golden light. "What the FUCK is going on?" raged Onir. The honey-tears splashed around on the ground between Onir and the creek, coalescing into a shape that was reminiscent of Nyanya. "Nyanya?" asked Onir. "Yes, it is me. Nyanya. The cat you literally drooled over. Do you want to know how I died?" Onir started to shake violently, vomiting in all directions as his head kept spinning around 360 degrees. Onir managed to respond: "Yes." Nyanya replied softly: "Someone killed me. The person was..." And Nyanya was gone. Onir cried loudly for about two seconds, but then took a dump.

"I feel alot better now." Onir said to nobody in particular. The wolf says, "It's because you lost weight. As in, your total mass minus the weight of that massive shit you just took." "Nobody god damn asked you." Onir replied. "LOL gotta go do my taxes." said the wolf as he limped away with his right leg clamped in a bear trap. "What a faggot." Onir said under his breath. "What was that?" the wolf inquired. Onir, struggling to find the right words, responded: "Oh..I said I like to eat maggots!" The wolf shook his head and continued off, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Onir decided he was hungry again and went to the nearest McDonald's, which was actually 4000 miles away. But with his ability to fly, it only took him approximately... 34.6749362395639 milliseconds to get there. "Man, I'm famished!" He said to the cashier. "Umm.. what do you want to-" "If you would shut the FUCK up, maybe I can tell you that!" Onir interrupted. Onir scratched his chin and then swished his tail. The cashier (a female brown bear) went to the bathroom to change her tampon. When she got back, Onir asked, "Do you have any specials right now?" The bear, who was in a pissy mood for obvious reasons, responded: "No. Just order something, idiot." This angered Onir more than he's ever been angered before. With his face beat red, he shouted back: "I'll have a Big Mac." The bear frowned and started to eat a ketchup packet. Without warning Onir lashed out with his claws and slashed the bear across her muzzle and starts barfing and crying onto the counter top. Bleeding, the bear says, "Ok, Jesus Christ, I'll get your fucking Big Mac." "Thank you..." mutters Onir shyly. When the bear goes to get the sandwich, she slips and falls directly onto 15 knives that are, for some reason, sticking straight up and glued to the floor. Onir, who heard the accident occur, yelled: "God, McDonald's has the worst customer service ever!" He stormed out of the restaurant, muttering horrible things about minorities. Then suddenly, he noticed a family of raccoons on the sidewalk. The Mama Raccoon said to him:
"Get yo' nigger ass out of the way; can't'chu see we be a walkin' hurr?" Onir snorted and stepped aside to allow the family to pass, but grabbed the raccoon child who was last in the line and covered his mouth with his paw, silencing him. The rest of the raccoon family was very far away before Onir allowed the little raccoon to speak. "WHAT YOU WAN', MAN?" the little coon shouted angrily. Onir said nothing but scooped up the little one, held him by the hind legs, and slammed him face first into a concrete wall repeatedly.

When Onir was sure that the child was dead, he let out a little chuckle and smiled. Then he decided to contemplate exactly what Nyanya said. The words echoed throughout his mind: "Someone killed me...someone killed me..." With anger, he slammed his head into a brick wall, causing significant damage to his skull. Then he said to himself: "I have to figure out who did it. But first, I need to get money. Maybe I'll rob a charity or something like that." Then all of a sudden, a familiar voice chimes in: "You said you need money?" It was the wolf, who had a flaming javelin pierced through his thigh.

"Yeah, I do, you got any?" "I do, but you have to answer a simple mathematical question before I give it to you." Onir's anus suddenly lost its shit retention ability and feces poured out of Onir's fat body onto the sidewalk, but also all over the dead coon boy. "Okay, here goes," said the wolf, "Johnny has four apples, and 3 red marbles. If he sticks the apples in his nostrils, and gives 5 marbles to his friend Jill, what is the volume of Jupiter down to the nearest meter?" Onir couldn't help but laugh out loud, then said,

"Are you assuming that the apples are Granny Smith?" Onir asked curiously. The wolf laughed genuinely and said, " Just answer the fucking question." Onir cleared his throat and responded: "7." The wolf laughed once again and said: "Correct. But you can't have the money because I don't have any. But I would like to help you maybe." Onir, confused at all of this, responded:
"You know what? I'm extremely fucked up. Maybe I should just kill myself..." Onir started to hold his breath. "Wait!" shout the wolf. Onir compressed the air in his lungs by tightening his calf muscles rapidly and repeatedly, then released the air in a cloud. Nyanya's form once again appeared before him, saying,
"Fuck you." Nyanya disappeared. The wolf said: "Don't kill yourself man. I have a plan. All we have to do is a kidnap a rich family of giraffes." Onir, who thinks the idea is pretty stupid, responds: "No." So the wolf runs off and says, "Ok, I'm going to do some research. In the meantime, just be safe." Onir travels back to his hometown to find some answers.

The journey to his hometown takes him about 5 years. But for everyone else in existence only a span of 6 seconds occurred. When he reached his neighborhood he broke into his neighbor's house and drank all of their freshly made coffee. He kicked down the front door to his own home, and noticed there were several pairs of shoes in his entryway. "Mother fucking..." Onir muttered. He entered his kitchen to find...
the Coons. And they were pissed. Remembering the little raccoon that he senselessly murdered, Onir screams: "Oh shit, I gotta get the fuck out." But before he can turn to run, the Mama Raccoon fires a tranquilizer dart right into the back of his head. But it has no effect. Onir is able to escape his home, but the Coons are right on his tail.

"Holy fucking oh my GOD leave me alone!" Onir screams as he climbs the oak tree in his front yard. "Okay." Mama raccoon says nonchalantly, trailing her little ones behind her. "Mother of pearl..." Onir says
but as the Coons walk away; he notices one of the little ones is lingering behind. Quickly, he comes down from the tree and grabs her by her hind legs, slamming her repeatedly against the truck of the tree and tying her up to the lowest branch by the neck. The Mama, who barely hears the commotion, turns around and says "Oh hell naw." Onir responds:

"You ever been to a public lynching?" The Mama screams out "NO. NO I HAVEN'T! PLEASE NO!" Before Mama can save her baby, Onir yanks the rope and sends the little coon skyward, up into the branches of the oak "Now you have!" he yells
The Mama shrugs and says, "Eh, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Now there's less mouths to feed." The Mama turns and leaves, with all of her kids following. As they leave, Onir sticks his foot out so one of the kids trips. He goes back to his home and starts going through old memories. He finds pictures of his family and then he finds pictures of Nyanya. He smiles and then instantly becomes angry, tearing up the pictures and ejecting a small pellet-shaped turd onto his bed.

Suddenly the wolf crashed in through his bedroom window, with several arrows sticking through his tail. The wolf landed on his bed and gobbled up the pellet. "OM NOM NOM NOM"
"God, I was so starved!" the wolf said, licking his shit-covered lips. Onir looks at him with disgust and says, "God, you're horrible." The wolf responds: "Whatever. Anyway, I did some research and I found something out. It turns out that Nyanya had a daughter! And I think we can find her!" Onir stares blankly at the wall, then turns to the wolf and says: "Why the fuck would I want to do that?" The wolf sheds a single tear and begins to explain the situation in greater detail
"Well, that's exactly it isn't it? Why the FUCK (wink wink) would you want to DO THAT (wink wink)." Onir grabbed the wolf by the eyelids and dragged them down to the floor, then letting go and letting them snap back up. But they didn't. "Are you quite done?" asked the wolf. "Quite." said Onir.
"Here's what I think we should do. We find the daughter and ask her if she knows anything about the murder. Maybe we'll get some answers." Onir responds: "Wait a minute. How the fuck do you even know about Nyanya? I haven't told you anything about her." The wolf gets extremely nervous and flees the scene, replacing the pellet-shaped turd with his own, except his is shaped like Obama.

"This pellet looks like a faggot." Onir says simply. Suddenly remembering his confusion about how the wolf knows about Nyanya, he asks again, "How do you know about Nyanya you god damn stalker?" "I don't know anything except you wanted to bang-a-rang with her." Onir grips his nuts and shoves them in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully then spitting them into his fish tank (which was filled with mice). "You want some?" "What kind are they?" "Cashews" Onir said.
The wolf pops a nut into his mouth and chews extremely fast but then swallows as slow as he can. Onir punches the wolf quickly in the throat, forcing him to expel the nut into the fish tank. The wolf responds: "God damn it. Ok, I will tell you. The reason I know is because you actually did tell me. In your sleep. Did you know you talk in your sleep?" Onir thought about this for about a half of a second, and then he turned abruptly and kicked the wolf square in the nuts, causing him to crash back out of the window. Onir grinned and stroked his nuts. His testicles, to clarify.

While he's rubbing his testicles (not his penis, his BALLS, just to clarify) Nyanya opens the door to his bedroom with their daughter by her side. "What would you like for dinner?" "I don't know, what does the pipsqueak want?" Onir said playfully ruffling his daughter's hair (still stroking his testicles). "I want fish tacos!" she said jumping around the room knocking over many expensive objects and breaking the Holy Grail in two. "Oh wait, honey... aren't I supposed to be dead?" Onir barfs onto the random kitten prancing around the room before replying, "Who are you?"

Suddenly, Onir finds himself naked in a bathtub with the wolf shaking him. "Wake up! Wake up! Oh my god, you're awake!" Onir, confused as ever, says: "What the hell is going on?" The wolf explains: "After you kicked me in the nuts, you had a panic attack and passed out. But I'm glad you're awake now!" Onir responds: "Ok, but why am I naked in this tub? Why was that necessary at all?" The wolf says: "Shut the fuck up."

After the wolf says this he lunges forward and starts making out with Onir. After a few moments of intense passion Onir stops abruptly saying "I fucking hate you." then continues to stroke his balls. The wolf slaps Onir across the face with his dick and then swims down the drain, leaving Onir alone with his thoughts.
Onir masturbated ferociously, trying to relieve all of the stress of his life. He went a little too rough this time, though, and reduced his dick to a bloody stump. Unconcerned, he went to his phone and dialed the number to Nyanya's daughter's cellphone, which he has had all along. He waited for her to pick up, nervously picking at his prostate. She answered, with a voice that sounded just like Nyanya: "Hello?" Onir said back: "God you talk too much." And he hung up.

Onir removes himself from the bath and pisses into the Goblet of Fire, then drinking the boiling urine out of it. It induced in Onir many realistic hallucinations, such as falling down and striking his head on the bathroom tiles and seeing a spreading pool of blood soak into his brand new white rug that he just bought the other day.
He cried momentarily, but then he realized that he actually had to do something productive for the first time in 5 years. So he squatted carefully over the fish tank and let out a warm, heaping pile of shit all over his pet mice. The mice seemed to enjoy it, so Onir sighed peacefully. He went back to his phone and called Nyanya. The phone rang and rang but, of course, nobody answered. He was shocked that the line hadn't been shut down, considering it had been over 5 fucking years since her death. The answering machine came on: "Hey, this is Nyanya. I can't come to the phone right now. I'm about to go out to dinner with my sketchy new boyfriend. I hope he doesn't brutally rape and murder me, which he has threatened to do tonight. Anyway, leave your name and number and I'll call you back, thanks!" Beep.
Onir is so surprised to hear Nyanya's voice again that he lets out a little hershey kiss into the fish tank, which the mice fight over, brutally raping and murdering each other over it. "It must have been the wolf!" concludes Onir without any rhyme or reason. Onir nods to himself while looking over his drool jar collection. He notices that several of them are missing, but he has no idea why. Suddenly, Onir gets fucking pissed off, grabs up the fish tank, and sets it on his bed. The mice, having never been on this side of the room before, start having random seizures and farting at decibel levels equivalent to a sonic boom point blank. Onir pulls a bazooka out from his closet and lodges it into his urethra.

Alarmed for once at his own wellbeing, Onir quickly removes the bazooka from his body and sets it carefully on his desk. When he does, it randomly goes off and headshots a giraffe outside who was walking her human. Scared out of his mind, Onir quickly runs out of his house, screaming: "Fuck yeah! Headshot!" He spits on the giraffe. But then a thought hits him: "Giraffes...rich...money...OH MY GOD!" He reaches into the giraffe's wallet and pulls out his debit card. He breaks it in half. Then he goes back inside.

He goes back up to his bedroom and puts everything back the way it was before he had his rage episode. He realizes then that everything would make a lot more sense if he could just be normal. Immediately he discards the thought, which was obviously total bullshit. The moon suddenly shines through his bedroom window and the sun fucking explodes, so he decides to go to bed. He carefully removes his fur before climbing onto his cat bed and roughly thrashing about on it, trying to make it more fluffy. Just as he got comfortable, and his eyes were closing, the roof was violently wrenched away from the building and the hand of God grabbed him up, and threw him at light speed across the galaxy.

Part TWO

As he was being flung across the galaxy, he began to take a pretty nice-sized shit. It started as a slow and steady shit, probably one you would get after eating a Quarter Pounder with cheese from McDonald's. But as the shit came out, the size progressed. Pretty soon, it was like Onir was getting fucked over and over by a raging black man. But eventually, the shit stopped, and Onir whined: "Aww man, I was really enjoying that." Then suddenly, he hit something hard
It was God's massive, quivering space cock, but Onir didn't know this yet. You can tell that I am telling the truth because immediately following the hard-on collision he says, "What the fuck did I just hit? Mother fucking nigga-melon" The space cock's pulsing form took up Onir's entire field of vision. Instinctively Onir began stroking it.
God moaned: "Ohhhhhh yes. That's it, my son." Onir continued stroking for quite a while, until suddenly, it erupted. I won't go into detail here because that would be going too far. However, it was like a fucking blizzard as multiple streams of warm snow rained down onto the galaxy as God screamed louder than an Irish retard. Then suddenly, God disappeared. And Onir landed on a strange planet.
The planet was as white as the whitest white man, but only because God's pure, snowy semen was continuously coating the surface. "Holy cow!" Onir said. There was a woman nearby who appeared to be enjoying the warm white rain, but her enjoyment turned to panic as the sperm forced its way into her vagina in great waves. "Noo! Please no!" she screamed as she swelled to five times her normal size before exploding into a million bloody cum soaked ribbons. "Boring," Onir commented.
Onir picked up a stick and hit himself in the head as hard as he could with it. "God damn it!" Onir yelled, and he took off towards an elementary school with rage in his heart. Then he stopped, taking a piss on a nearby man. The man replied: "Wow, that's pretty awesome dude." Then the man pulled down his pants and started singing songs from the ancient Retardians, who were the first inhabitants of this strange planet. Onir slapped the man's balls and replied: "You suck at singing."
The man winked slyly and pulled down his underwear, revealing his sodden and swollen vagina. "You should get that waffle checked out, it looks like a fucking pineapple," Onir stated before barfing on the man. "Don't you want to know what 's inside?" "Yes." Onir said, but the man grabbed Onir by the tail, swung him around like a cowboy, and chucked him straight up into the air. "Fuck you, you god damn hippo-fucker." Onir raged mid-air. When he landed, the man was gone and the wolf was in his place; his face covered in staples and bleeding profusely.
Onir, completely ignoring the fact that the wolf is injured, says: "It's about time you showed up. I'm so pissed at you." Onir kicked the wolf in the face and the wolf laughed, responding: "Oh you." They chuckled and shared a brief kiss in the rain before a new person appeared. It was a leprechaun. And he was pissed.
The leprechaun was covered in writhing sperm, and had the fattest frown ever to be worn by someone of her kind. "God damn it you cock-sucking sons of bitches, look what you've done! Everything is ruined and I'm probably going to get pregnant with God's retarded spawn." Whoa man, watch out." The wolf said to Onir who was getting slapped in the anus repeatedly by the leprechaun. "Woops" Onir said right as he sprayed the leprechaun with steaming, liquid feces. Now the leprechaun was extremely pissed, and her tits swelled to a massive size. The tits wrapped Onir up and began crushing him. The wolf started to masturbate with both hands, and holding wads of cash. Then he proceeded to stick them onto the leprechaun's expanding breasts, "You go guuurrrl!" he says.
Then suddenly, her breasts exploded. And this was no normal explosion. It was so big that the entire planet exploded, completely removing all chances of the plot developing here. Miraculously, Onir and the wolf survived the explosion and landed perfectly back on Earth. When they landed however, Onir found that he had lost his left ear. As blood poured onto his shoulder, he quickly pulled out a hacksaw and cut off his other ear. "There, now I'm symmetrical again!" Onir cheered as the puddle of blood grew larger and larger. "Oh my god, Onir!" a voice called out. It was...
his mom! Onir's mom came running from across the street. "Shut up you fugly MILF." Onir yelled at her. "But you're bleeding so much! Here come into my house and I'll-" "FUCK YOU. I don't even know who you are, fucking whore." Onir interrupted. "God Onir, it's your mom." the wolf said trying to hide his erection.
"I don't give a shit. That whore ruined my life. I don't wanna talk to her, even though she is pretty damn hot," Onir shouted, gaining an erection as well. "How did she ruin your life?" the wolf responded, reaching into his pants and stroking his penis slowly and tenderly. "She fucking took away my iPod just because I was using it to fuck hookers. I was god damn 9! That's old enough to make your own life choices." Onir shouted, also stimulating his cock. Onir's mom sighed and got down on her knees, finishing them both off. Then the wolf said: "I gotta go. Have fun with your slutty mom." He took a quick shit on Onir's drained penis and ran away.
"Who was that anyway?" Onir's mom asked. "None of your business, you black slut." Onir's mom sighed once again and flashed her tits, to which Onir and the wolf stared intently. When she put them away Onir immediately slapped her across the face with his droopy and dripping penis. "Onir, I thought I raised you better than this; you're supposed to call me a fucking bitch after you do that."
"Don't you fucking correct me, cunt," Onir shot back, pushing her into a bookshelf. The bookshelf did not fall. Then the phone rang. "Oh, let me get that," Nyanya said. She picked up the phone and nobody was there. Then Onir's mom said: "I am going to kill myself now." She lifted up a chainsaw and ran the blade across her own throat. However, the chainsaw was not running, so she just ended up getting cut really bad. "God, you're a dumb whore," Onir said as he powered up the chainsaw and finished the job. Then Onir and the wolf fled the scene, looking for more clues about Nyanya's death and shit like that.
As Onir and the wolf ran down the street giggling like Nigerian bastards, which sounded a lot like rhino's having loud PBS. "Did you see the look on her face? Priceless." said Onir. "You don't need to tell me bro, I'm going to masturbate to my memory of it later SO MANY god damn times." As they ran away, they didn't notice that Nyanya was calling their names from the driveway, "Wait! Onir! _!"
Onir turned and saw Nyanya. It looked exactly like her, but he knew that it wasn't her. He shouted back: "Shut the fuck up! I know you're not the real Nyanya!" Nyanya responded, "That might be true, but still." Onir shouted back: "What do you mean by that?" The wolf licked Onir's ball sack which caused Onir to instinctively kick the wolf in the jaw, breaking it. And by "it" I obviously am referring to Onir's ball sack. Then Nyanya replied: "Just pretend I'm real, you faggot! I'm actually better than the real Nyanya!" She stripped naked and ran at Onir, but Onir just frowned and choked her. Right before she died, a police officer appeared, quickly freeing FakeNyanya from Onir's grasp. "Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you?" the officer said to Onir. "That's not the proper way to strangle a slut! Here let me show you." And the officer killed her with a quick twisting motion around her neck.
The fake Nyanya fell to the ground in a lifeless heap of slut and waffles. "That's how it's done, young'uns," the officer said again. "Thanks Officer! Can I practice on you?" asked Onir. "Sure!" he said, extending his neck out in front of Onir while grasping his own penis tightly and jerking it. Onir grabbed the Officer's neck and broke it with the same technique the Officer used on fake Nyanya. The Officer gurgled his congrats and died. "Lol, what a shit head" the wolf said, pooping on the Officer's face.
"Yeah, literally," Onir remarked, kicking him repeatedly in the face until he was unrecognizable. Then suddenly, Onir's cellphone started to ring. He picked it up, answering: "What the fuck is it?" The voice responded, "It's me. Uglybuttface. Prettyfacebutt didn't actually kill me that night in the World Trade Center. My body was discovered the next morning and I had a faint pulse. I was airlifted to a hospital and after months of reconstructive surgery and physical therapy, I can almost walk again." Onir immediately responded: "And why the fuck should I care?" Ugly said back: "Because, I have answers."
Onir began to think carefully about what Ugly said, and came. Literally, all over the wolf's waiting muzzle. "What answers?" Onir asked, showing the first signs of maturity since this narrative began. "Answers about Nyanya's death that you have failed to uncover." Onir belched into the phone and said "Fucking duh, that's why I'm asking; don't make me fucking kill you." The wolf began to noisily lick the cum off of his face and piss, then rolling around in the brown-ish urine.
"What's that noise in the background?" Ugly inquired. "Is that a wolf licking cum off of its face?" Onir responded, "No you fucking dipshit. Stop god damn talking." And he hung up. But the phone rang again. Annoyed, Onir picked it up, immediately shouting: "Look you stupid fucktard, I don't care if you have answers, ok? I don't give a fuck about Nyanya and I never did. So just leave me the FUCK alone!" A voice responded, but it wasn't Uglybuttface. "Dude, I'm the pizza guy. You ordered a large pepperoni about an hour ago, right?" Onir said back "Oh oh oh yeah, where are you?" "I'm at the parking lot behind Subway," he said. "Oh ok, that's only a 10-minute drive from where I am. I'll be right there." Onir drove to the parking lot and got his pizza, tipping the man generously. He climbed to the top of the World Trade Center and began eating.
The air at the top of the World Trade Center was smoggy and the grease on the pizza was absorbing it. "God damn it..." Onir muttered as he ate the pollution infested pizza. After he finished the entire pizza by himself, he peered over the edge of the building, noticing all the little people on the sidewalks below. Suddenly, he felt the urge to throw up. He fought it down, but he fought it down so hard that it just came out his ass. The shit was so powerful and explosive that it ripped the North tower's top 50 floors out of existence while the explosion simultaneously caught the other tower on fire. Onir looked at the destruction and shrugged his shoulders. Then he looked at his watch and saw that the date was September 11th. At that point, he realized exactly what was going on. He screamed at the top of his lungs: "Oh my fucking God! Summer is almost over!" He immediately put on his swim suit and dove off the building into a relaxing swimming pool. However, he forgot to hold his breath, so he started to drown. The lifeguard, whose name was Bitch, quickly dove into the pool and rescued him, bringing him out of the water. He slapped him in the face: "Breathe dammit!" He slapped him once more: "Breathe, dammit!" When he realized that method wasn't working, he threw Onir back into the pool and shouted: "Swim, dammit, swim!" His body sunk to the bottom of the pool, his lungs filling quickly with water. The lifeguard panicked and starting firing into the pool with his rifle. Luckily, Onir was just pretending the entire time and got out of the pool himself.
Bitch, still panicking, started shooting all of the little children who were swimming in the pool, as well as all of the off duty teachers. One of the teachers tried to shield the children with her body, but he just blasted the children through her body. Onir laughed at the scene and figured that this was probably a lot like some other controversial event, but couldn't figure out what. So he left after taking a piss on one of the bleeding, dying children.
As he left the swimming pool, he heard something land on the concrete next to him. It was a body. Judging by the impressive flight of the body's head, which landed nearly 50 feet away, Onir estimated that the body came from the 80th floor of the World Trade Center. "Wow, I'm fucking good at math," Onir remarked, spitting on the body and taking a nice, warm shit on the decapitated head. He paused for a moment, shedding a single tear, but then just laughed and thanked God for the sense of humor of terrorists.
This body was the first of several bodies that happened to rain down around Onir; many were people killing themselves since the building was collapsing as well as burning. Other bodies were coons killing themselves because #yolo. Onir "ooooh"ed and "ahhhh"ed at each sickening crunch of a body meeting solid concrete. However, one splattered right in front of him. And despite the fact that the face was completed smashed and bloody (leaking brains and shit all over) it appeared to be the wolf. "What the hell you dumb cunt!" Onir exclaimed. "Are you god damn fucking stupid? Why in God's god damn stupid fucking name would you motherfucking jump from a motherfucking building, you stupid Jap nigger asshole?" Onir yelled. The wolf just laughed and said: "Oh you." And they shared a blatantly gay kiss that lasted 13 seconds. Then the wolf said: "Listen. Remember that fake Nyanya? Well, I know who she was." Onir became extremely angry for no apparent reason and kicked the wolf hard in the jaw. The wolf just laughed and said: "Go fuck yourself." Then Onir said, "Dude, you never explained how you even know about Nyanya and all of my problems. Are you some sort of a nigger?"
"Well yes, yes I am." the wolf replied. "I'm actually a cousin of the coon, and as you now, they're the "niggerest." "I fucking know that you fucking bitch." The wolf just smiled and bled out until he died. Onir farted loudly and walked away in disgust. Onir realized that he probably shouldn't have let the wolf die, but there wasn't anything he could do; he wasn't some sort of a god damn doctor. "I guess you'll never know..." whispered the wolf with his last breath. "SHUT UP NIGGER SHIT." Onir shouted over his shoulder. Suddenly Onir was grabbed around the middle from behind in some kind of a homosexual hug "I suppose I'll tell you!" said the wolf.
"I'm listening, bitch," Onir said, tapping his foot and stroking his dick. The wolf cleared his throat and began to explain: "Your grandmother gave me a blowjob when I was just a baby. It felt so good that I decided to work on your grandma's plantation for 10 years. During those years, I fucked every single nigger slave in the cotton fields. Well, not every nigger. There was one that I could never fuck. And her name was Shenaynay." Onir's face turned beat red. "You're making this shit up!" Onir yelled. The wolf replied: "It's all true, cunt. Anyway, one night, I was whipping Shenaynay and my dick got hard so I tried fucking her in her hot black ass. But when I tried to fuck her, she turned around and bit my ballsack. It hurt so much that I decided to never fuck niggers again. So I ended up joining the KKK and that's where I met Nyanya's mother. They called her Motherfucking Bitch, or Mambo for short. She was a sexy fag, and I killed her with my dick. So that's how I know Nyanya."
Onir blinked so hard for a moment that the world; no, the universe ceased to exist. When he opened his eyes he was floating in an expansive black nothingness that was neither warm nor cold. Onir saw that far away from him, little white lines were appearing out of the nothing, and forming threads. They swooped around each other and tied knots and drew dicks in the blackness all around him, and soon he instinctively knew that these threads were the timelines of everyone he ever knew and cared about. Then he decided that he didn't give a shit and returned to reality. "Who's Nyanya?" Onir asked.
The wolf gripped the base of Onir's penis firmly and then quickly released. He looked into Onir's eyes and said softly, "You're an idiot." Onir responded by slapping the wolf in the ass and kicking him directly in the spinal cord. The wolf enjoyed it and got back up as he started to staple his ballsack to a nearby tree. Then Onir said, "Oh yeah that's right. She's that one slut that I wanted to fuck until she died. And I'm trying to figure out how she died. Didn't you say something about knowing who the fake Nyanya was?" The wolf looked up at him gayly and said, "No."
"You're the dumbest piece of shit I know." Onir said flatly while repeatedly punching the wolf's ballsack like a speed bag. "A little higher... a little higher... right.. there...Ohhhh yes." the wolf moaned. "Wanna go see a movie?" Onir asked. "Sure." replied the wolf as he came all over the tree, causing saplings to shoot out of the trunk horizontally.
Onir and the wolf went to the local movie theater, which was called The Local Movie Theater. They parked in the handicap spot because Onir was a fucking retard. As they were waiting in line to buy their tickets, Onir noticed that the girl behind the counter did not have a pulse. He said: "Look at that dead bitch. I bet I could fuck her without anyone noticing." Before the wolf could object, Onir smashed the glass at the counter and slipped into the dead girl's pants, licking her pussy like a fresh bowl of milk. When he was done, and the wolf had jerked off, the two of them went inside the theater to see Generic Conflicts 4: The Boy's Dog Will Die At The End. But right when the movie was about to start, Onir realized that he hated movies. So they left like a couple of niggers.
"What else do black people do?" asked the wolf. Onir answered him by taking out a pistol and firing rapidly into a crowd saying "Die you shit fuckers, die!" the wolf got excited and began to throwing his teeth at the people while laughing like a mentally handicapped midget pornographer. For the first time in the city's history, the police became involved. They drove up in a ratty old cruiser and yelled out the window of the car with a megaphone, "Put your weapons down and put your hands on your heads!" Onir complied, throwing his gun on the ground and grasping his head. The wolf made armpit farts with his hand and tinkled all over the front of the cop's cruiser. The cops stepped out of the car and handcuffed the wolf, but before they could reach Onir he opened fire with jizz rockets.
The first policeman, who was secretly a faggot, enjoyed the rocket exploding and splashing all over his face. The second policeman, who was a right-wing nutjob, was extremely offended and started to beat the shit out of Onir. As the 2nd policeman did this, the gay cop started to masturbate wildly, which caught the attention of a bystander named Nyanya. Nyanya came over and offered to blow the gay cop, but since the gay cop was gay, he blew her fucking brains out. Then the wolf started to bite Onir's ballsack so hard that Onir died. Then Onir said to the wolf: "Ouch, that hurt!" Suddenly, the police forgot why they were angry and left. And Onir and the wolf found themselves chained to a cross.
Far below Onir Nyanya was rubbing her pussy wildly and moaning. Even though Onir was chained to the cross and couldn't reach his pulsing, erect penis, he experienced so much pleasure that he shot a harpoon of jizz straight into Nyanya's mouth, killing her instantly. The wolf jumped out from behind the cross and starting eating her face while quickly shoving his dick into her anus.
Onir was still held tightly to the cross, the chains cutting his skin and causing him to bleed profusely. Then Onir and the wolf ran to the wolf's house to discuss what they should do. The wolf made coffee while Onir baked some warm chocolate chip cookies. The wolf took one bite from a cookie and said, "These taste like shit." And he spit it into Onir's face and said, "You're a fucking retard." Onir blushed and the wolf remarked, "God, you're a fuck up."
Onir giggled while he opened the drawer next to the sink, pulling out a grenade from WW2. He held it up to the wolf asking, "Do you know what this is?" the wolf inspected it before answering, "Yes, it's a grenade." Onir winked slyly and pulled the pin, then reached down into the wolf's pants and inserted the grenade into the wolf's anus. "We can be together forever..." cooed Onir as he pinched the wolf's nipples. Then the grenade blew up, reducing the wolf to a pile of very tender, bloody meat. The wolf slapped Onir across the face saying "This is just fucking magnificent. Look at this god damn mess; blood is all over my fine china!" and it was. "Look, will you quit with all this bullshit?" Onir asked seriously, painting his dick neon green and shoving it quickly into the wolf's left earhole. The wolf, who was completely confused by the question, responded: "What the fuck do you mean?" Onir smiled stupidly and said, "Go to hell." Then the wolf said: "Don't you think Nyanya was probably raped and murdered by her sketchy boyfriend? Remember the answering machine?" Onir was suddenly filled with rage. He immediately pushed the wolf into a cabinet and screamed: "I SAID, STOP WITH THE FUCKING BULLSHIT!" The cabinet fell on top of the wolf and he was killed instantly. "God damn it," Onir remarked, "there's goes one of the main characters." Onir then put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, leaving this cold, dark, and meaningless world. Then Onir said to the wolf, "Want to go to Nyanya's cousin house?" The wolf said, "No."
Perplexed by the wolf's answer, Onir decided to just abandon the wolf for the time being, considering nothing will advance the plot in his presence. So Onir says gently, whispering in the wolf's ear, "Fuck you." then he leaves the wolf's house and takes the bus back to his house, where he raped the corpse of a giraffe that was on his sidewalk. "I need to figure out what the hell happened to Nyanya." Onir said to his now dead mice.
Onir masturbated a total of 13 times until he got a really good idea. He said to himself: "I'm going to find Nyanya's old boyfriend and see if he killed her!" He went to the boyfriend's house, asked him if he did it, and the boyfriend said no. "Well, I guess that eliminates that possibility," Onir said, chuckling how such a major action in the plot was described in just a single sentence. Then he said to himself: "I think maybe the boyfriend was lying. It's time to go on an extremely long journey to get back to him!" He grasped his erect penis, which was now reduced to a bloody stub, and tore what was left off.
He stuffed the stub into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully on it, then walked back up the boyfriend's driveway. Unfortunately, Onir found himself in another time warp, and even though it took him 3 seconds to make it to the front door, 50 years had passed outside the time warp. The old man who answered the door seemed familiar. "Do I fucking know you?" asked Onir. "No" said the old man. "Oh ok." Onir left.
Onir somehow passed back through the time warp and went back to normal. He was fucking pissed and concluded that the boyfriend had nothing to do with it. He angrily picked up his phone and called Nyanya again, hoping to get a new clue by listening to the same old answering machine message again. The phone rang. But to his surprise, someone picked up. "Who is this?" the voice said. Onir responded: "Don't you fucking talk back to me, dipshit cunt." And he hung up. But then his phone rang again. He picked it up, and it was the same voice calling from Nyanya's house. It said: "Listen to me, you ugly nigger. I'm someone you might be interested in." Onir responded: "Oh yeah, and who the fuck might that be?" The voice paused dramatically and said: "I'm the killer." And the call was dropped.
"What a cunt." Onir said right before he chucked his phone across the room. Onir realized that the voice of the killer was very VERY familiar. In fact, it seems as if he'd heard it throughout his entire life. Onir also realized he hadn't taken a good shit in a long time, so he opened his bedroom window and fired cannonballs of shit at the neighboring coons.
The Mama coon said: "Oh hell naw, cracka. Who you thinks you is shittin' all over us civil black folk? Ima' open up a can of whoop-ass on ya now, ya'here?" Onir said, "Come at me, nigger." This angered the Mama coon and her children so much that they started chasing him for a long time. Onir ran and ran until he finally found refuge by climbing a nearby rooftop. He pleaded, "Please, don't kill me! I'm sorry!" The Mama coon said: "Ok." And the Coon family started to walk home, except for one of the kids who lingered behind. When Onir saw this, he grinned and leaped from the rooftop, snatching the little coon and holding a knife to his neck. He shouted: "Wanna see your nigger son die, bitch?" But before the mom could respond, Onir swiftly slit his throat, instinctively raping the body afterwards. The Mama coon shrugged her shoulders, saying, "Hmm, guess that wasn't so bad. One less mouth to feed." And she went home as Onir jerked off to her fine ass.
Onir clambered down off of the rooftop and used the coon child's body as a cushion to soften his landing. Onir noticed that there were pot plants growing nearby and decided to try it out, so he picked some leaves and rolled them up. He lit the tip on fire with his lighter and took a puff. His vision blurred and everything took on a blue hue. "Whoa man.. watch out," he said, spanking a nearby hippo. "Why! I never!" said the woman, twirling her tail like a propeller and flinging feces all over the place.
Onir considered immediately murdering the hippo for no apparent reason, but then he realized that would be too harsh. But then he considered murdering her again, but this time, he decided to do it, stabbing her 42 times with a long blade and then shooting her 12 times with a bazooka. He laughed and slipped and hit his head, going into a coma that he instantly got out of. Then he remembered that voice from the phone. It echoed throughout his empty mind: "I'm the killer...I'm the killer..." And then he remembered who the voice sounded like. It sounded like...a nigger.
"It was Mama Coon!" Onir shouted decisively! Then he RDM'ed her in the face with all of her little ignorant nigger children watching. They cheered, but booed when she sat back up. "How did you know...?" she gasped through her blood. "I didn't." He replied, and she died. "That solves that!" Onir says gayly, casually lynching one of the smaller coons.
A rocket flew out the sky and hit Onir so hard that the Mama Coon came back to life. "Did you really kill Nyanya?" Onir asked. "Nope," said Mama coon, and she left. "Well, I guess it's a mystery again," Onir said gayfully. He started to think about every other nigger he knows. Then, it came to him. "It was Mama Coon!" Onir shouted decisively! Then he RDM'ed her in the face with all of her little ignorant nigger children watching. They cheered, but booed when she sat back up. "How did you know...?" she gasped through her blood. "I didn't." He replied, and she died. "That solves that!" Onir says gayly, casually lynching one of the smaller coons.
"You're a fucking nigger." Said the littlest coon. "Shut the fuck up," Onir said back to it. A rocket flew out the sky and hit Onir so hard that the Mama Coon came back to life. "Did you really kill Nyanya?" Onir asked. "Nope," said Mama coon, and she left. "Well, I guess it's a mystery again," Onir said gayfully. He started to think about every other nigger he knows. Then, it came to him. "It was Mama Coon!" Onir shouted decisively! Then he RDM'ed her in the face with all of her little ignorant nigger children watching. They cheered, but booed when she sat back up. "How did you know...?" she gasped through her blood. "I didn't." He replied, and she died. "That solves that!" Onir says gayly, casually lynching one of the smaller coons.
"God damn, that was the biggest circlejerk since KONY 2012," Onir observed wisely, urinating momentarily into a clean toilet bowl. Then he started to think critically. He thought to himself, "Obama's a nigger, isn't he? He probably killed Nyanya and raped her later." He considered murdering the President, but then he decided against it, considering that might be going too far. Then he realized something extremely important and relevant to the plot: "Black people are fucking idiots."
So Onir spent the next few years of his life making his way up the political ladder until he had murdered Joe Biden and became the next Vice President beneath Obama. Then one day, in the Red Room of the White House, he asked Obama, "You're a nigger, right?" Obama did not respond with words, instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a watermelon flavored chicken wing, taking a large bite out of it and chewing noisily. "Did you kill Nyanya?" asked Onir then. Obama cocked his head to the side suddenly, listening intently. Then he mooed like a cow, pissed his own pants, and had a seizure. "Jesus Christ man! Get a hold of yourself!" Obama tried to grab himself, but seemingly couldn't, and died on the spot. "I guess I'm the President now," Onir stated matter of factly.
Onir resigned. He walked home, sad and depressed. He thought to himself, "Why am I so fucking stupid? Why can't I just figure out who killed my lover?" As he carved out chunks of his genitals with a steak knife, a projecticle abruptly smashed threw his window. It was the wolf, who had an axe lodged through his back. The wolf said, "Miss me?" Onir laughed happily and danced with the wolf, swinging him around and shouting gleefully into his ear: "You're a dick." And he threw him in his blender with the bodies of his dead mice and made a fucking shake and drank it.

PART THREE

"That looks pretty tasty; can I try some of that?" said the wolf. "No." Onir replied. The wolf abruptly stopped standing and laid down on the floor, then began fucking a coconut. "You're a fucking disgrace." Onir said as he kicked the wolf in the ribs. This cause the wolf to spew the shake all over the room, soaking Onir. Onir giggled and took out his cell phone.
"Nice phone you got there," said the wolf. "Thanks," replied Onir, "It's from Verizon. It's a shitty network but I don't give a fuck." Onir started to stroke his mutilated genitals, moaning and wincing at the same time, amazed by the contradictory feelings of pleasure and pain. Then, it finally came to him. "I know who killed Nyanya!" screamed Onir, and he dashed out of the house completely naked as a trail of blood leaked from his dick for the wolf to follow.
As the wolf followed the trail of blood he licked it, no matter what it was coated on. Onir accidentally tripped and landed on a porcupine. "How rude," said the porcupine as Onir untangled himself from the spines. "Sorry," Onir said. As Onir walked away, seemingly forgetting why he was even running in the first place, the porcupine was suddenly kicked like a football into the air. It was the wolf, who had finally caught up with Onir. The wolf jumped into the air faster than he kicked the porcupine and met it about 50 feet off the ground. "Oh my god.. WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled the porcupine. The wolf thrust his hips out in the general direction of the now falling porcupine and extended his dick. Now the the wolf's penis was enlarged, it stretched wide open and swallowed the porcupine whole. The wolf then landed gently on his feet behind Onir's walking form. "What the actual fuck," Onir said. The wolf just giggled and said: "Hey, what are friends for?" And the two engaged in a 17-hour long sex session that included role-playing, fisting, anal, double penetration, dildos, deep throating, 69, auto-fellatio, circumcision (they both did it to each other with their own teeth), doggy style, gang banging, giving head, pedophilia, necrophilia, rape, sex, sadism, bondage, scrotum licking, using pre-cum juice as lubricant for masturbation, using blood as lubricant for anal sex, mutual masturbation, fucking each other anally with a broken beer bottle, choking on each other's cum, swallowing, humping, slapping, suffocating, titty fucking, giving hand jobs, and passionate butt sex. As soon as they were done Onir had the same revelation about who killed Nyanya. "I know who did it!" Onir shouted suddenly, spewing cum and blood from his chapped lips. "Who?" asked the wolf. "I did." Onir said simply. "I'm clearly a deranged, psychopathic faggot who has no real motive for living, and I OBVIOUSLY have no morals." Onir began to cry little tears of shame and arrogance. "Shut up," said the wolf, passionately fingering Onir's ear lobe. "But..." Onir choked out. "It wasn't you Onir, it was me." said the wolf. Onir immediately got up and shot the wolf several times in the face. "Fuck you, asshole." Onir said. "That gun isn't even loaded, retard," the wolf said, touching Onir's anus. "I don't give a shit, bitch," Onir replied angrily, loudly shouting: "Pick a card!" He was holding out a deck of playing cards. Confused, the wolf said: "Ok, asshole." He chose a card, it was the king of clubs. Then Onir said: "Ok, now put it back in the deck." "No," said the wolf, and he swallowed the card whole. Onir's phone rang. He picked it up. "Hello, who is this?" Onir said, which was rare that Onir actually didn't cuss at the person who was calling him. "It's me. The wolf. I'm right fucking next to you. I just wanted to let you know that while I think Nyanya is a delicious slut who would be great to fuck post-death, I DIDN'T DO IT." Onir just laughed and said, "You're the greatest." Unbeknownst to both Onir and the wolf, Nyanya's spirit wept nearby. Nyanya was sad that Onir couldn't remember anything about her death. It was ridiculous, she thought, he was right there when it happened, and so was the wolf. Suddenly, Onir's 6th sense picked up Nyanya's spirit. "Who the god damn fuck are you, shacunt?" "Shut up, Onir. You always were a greasy little nigger," Nyanya's spirit said, her voice as beautiful as a million dying babies scattered across countless garbage dumbs in America. Onir blushed and responded, "Yeah, I guess that's true. What the hell do you mean we right there when you died?" Nyanya just face palmed 10 times in a row and facedesked 30 times in a row. Then she said, "God, you're an ass. Don't you remember July 7th, 1950?" Onir scratched his head and said, "No. I was drunk." Then Nyanya's spirit said: "How could you remember that you were drunk that day if you were drunk?" Onir responded quickly with: "Fuck you, bitch." Then Nyanya's spirit disappeared, leaving a single piece of paper on the ground. The wolf picked it up and read it. It said: "King of clubs." Onir said: "Tada." The wolf suddenly shit out 50 tons of faygo pop (in bottle form) and then began to open each one and drink the contents, which was carbonated, liquefied feces. "Lemme get some 'o dat shit." Onir said politely. The wolf threw over a couple bottles and started shooting the coons passing by on the street with an automatic revolving pistol. Most of the coons tried to run for cover, but others started to masturbate wildly so that it might distract the wolf enough for them to run away. Onir was completely entranced by the masturbating coons and started to lynch them quickly, one by one with plastic shopping bags up on the street lights. The wolf watched sexually, using his insane flexibility to blow himself. Then he said: "Do you remember what you said to me a long time ago when we first met? About how to do my taxes?" Onir just smirked and swiftly lynched one of the youngest coons, saying, "No, idiot." The wolf replied: "You said: 'All you gotta do is learn the chain rule!'". And the wolf swiftly fastened a chain around 6 of the coons and lynched them all at once. "Very well done," observed Onir. Then the 2 of them drank heavily, trying to remember what happened on June 7th, 1950. "Wasn't it July 7th?" the wolf asked Onir. "Wait, what are we talking about?" Onir responded, drinking more beer and taking a nice shit on his stool (ha). "You have to focus, asshole. You have to focus. Don't you care about Nyanya?" the wolf said. "No," Onir replied. "Well fuck this then," said the wolf, "The end." "The end of what?" Onir asked, puzzled. "My dick," the wolf said. And he cut it off. "Good lord, man!" Onir said, swiftly cutting off his entire penis. "Beat that!" "I can't, you just cut it off," the wolf said." He laughed for nearly an hour, and then he started crying into Onir's rectum. "Did anyone ever tell you that you have a fantastic anus?" "Nyanya did once, after she got done with the strap-on" Onir said in reply. "Fuck you nigger," said the wolf, and he left. "I'm so glad that cunt is gone," Onir remarked, and he raped a young boy who was sipping on some Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels then said, "Holy bitch ass! Why are you raping that young child who was just sucking me off?" "Because I'm depressed." Onir admitted easily. "Well why don't you press your dick into my mouth, motherfucker?" Daniels said, opening wide and preparing for his snake. Onir immediately shoved it in and Jack instinctively bit down as hard as he could. Onir moaned deeply and sprayed cum and blood deep into the man's esophagus. The mixture actually turned into a sort of potent acid which melted Jack to death from the inside out. "What a pussy." Onir said. Walking out of the bar, Onir suddenly began to realize that he was a cat. He fucking drank milk and said, "I hate niggers." Then he went over to Nyanya's cousin's house, hoping to get some answers. Her name was Catness, and she was a real skank. Skunk*. Anyway, she smelled like a bitch, so Onir killed her when she answered the door. "What an ass," Onir remarked, undressing the body. "She's fat," Onir said, and left. Then he thought to himself, "Maybe I just need to fuck a white girl. That usually helps." So he got down on his knees and prayed to God for a pony. But when he realized that ponies were whores, he shot himself. Suddenly there was a ring on his cell phone from an unknown number. "Wat's up slut?" he asked casually of the caller. "Seven daysssssssssssss..." Then the line went dead. "Fucking whore, probably just mad cause I didn't use lube." Seven days later, Onir died. The wolf, always knowing exactly where Onir is, suddenly lost his psychic connection with him. "Holy... shit..." the wolf said, "I think he's actually gone..." "Nope, Chuck Testa!" said Onir and he blasted the wolf with wave of hot magma from his anus. "Go away," the wolf said, and Onir left. Then Onir suddenly remembered something extremely important. Acting on his instinct, he drove to the local library. He went to the "Niggers" section and started to read the book "Watermelons, chicken wings, and other shit like that." As he flipped through the pages, he saw a picture of a coon getting lynched. But there was something odd about the picture. When he looked in the background, he saw a familiar face. It was Nyanya. "THE COONS" Shouted Onir, right in the middle of the library. The fat-ass panda a few tables down shushed him, so Onir shot him in the balls. Onir ran to the church- oh wait, it was actually a gay bar, and found the Coon family. Onir watched as the Mama Coon grinded up against one of the most used Coons at the bar, Shaniggafucka. Shaniggafucka was known for her curvy figure and her big black floppy tits. Onir started to masturbate but then realized he couldn't because he had cut his penis off earlier with the wolf. Shaniggafucka said: "Hi Onir. I killed Nyanya." Then Onir said, "Ok." Nyanya's spirit once again face palmed, but this time about several thousand times, and then face knifed about several million times. During this time Onir grew up, grew wise and mature, then old and died. "Thank God that shit's over with." Nyanya said. "Why do you keep appearing to me? I never even spoke to you during your entire lifetime. I just drooled about you in my room," Nyanya said. Then Onir said, "I'm sorry Nyanya, I just want you to avenge my death. You have to figure out who killed me." Then the spirit of Onir vanished. Nyanya said to the wolf: "Come on bitch, we have to figure out who killed him!" "Okey dokey," said the wolf, "as long as I can get some of that honey sweet vagina." "Damn right you will; we have to figure out who killed my crush." The wolf howled and Nyanya hopped on his back, then they rode off into the sunset. Nyanya started to finger her wet pussy and the wolf said: "Stop that." So then they went to a casino in Las Vegas. Nyanya whispered to the wolf: "You know how I always have some random injuries every time I appear? Well, I got them when I first learned how to do taxes." The wolf said: "Oh yeah, that's strange. I really wish I knew who killed my lover, Onir. It pisses me the fuck off." Nyanya tried to pull the shaft of a spear out of her vagina, but it was stuck fast. "Can't you help me with this?" Nyanya asked the wolf. "No." he said. "Unless you want me to fuck you in the ass." he added. "I guess so, if you think it'll help you find out who killed the Coons. God damn racists." "This story is fucked up," Jon said. "Shut your black mouth," cried Nyanya as she tried to stay close to her Mama Coon as the wolf hid up in the tree, looking down hungrily. "I need me some nigga dinna!" the wolf yelled out, but Onir shot him in the balls and said: "Ooops." Then the giraffe went back to his house and wondered who exactly killed Prettyfacebutt. Bob shit himself and had to go change his pants. Onir licked up Bob's shit while God stroked his dick. The wolf suddenly hopped out of the tree and shoved his dick down Nyanya's throat while stuffing the Mama Coon down his own. Jon ran for cover while Nyanya started to sing opera. Billy looked upon this story with disgust and left to go play Pokémon.
God, who was obviously stroking his own dick, killed himself. Then Nyanya started to give Jon an amazing blowjob that lasted 14 days. During that time, Billy successfully mated with Jinx and created a new Pokémon that was naturally called: Niggershit. Niggershit knew 4 moves: Steal, Rape, Rap, and Watermelon Attack. The only new move he could learn now was the "Find out who killed Nyanya" attack! But that wasn't until level 95. And he was only at level 0. So it was bullshit, really. Then Bob said, "Jon is so fucking awesome. I'm so glad he's getting blown by Nyanya and not me." Suddenly God took pity on Bob and made a clone of Nyanya, but a more sexy version that could give BJ's a million times better due to her streamlined gums. After about a century Bob had ejaculated enough sperm to fill approximately 486,382,858,729,872,395,019,375 olympic pools. Onir got kinda jealous but Bob erased him from the story, at least in his posts. The wolf finished eating the Mama Coon and fucking Nyanya in the mouth and decided to go shit on a sheep and wank a baby ogre.
Onir shot Bob, Jon, Billy, Nyanya, the sexier version of Nyanya, Mama Coon, and the wolf. But he didn't really. Then Billy said, "Hey Bob, do you want to double team Nyanya? We can each take a breast." Bob replied: "Sure. But aren't you a faggot?" Billy laughed and said: "Yes." So they groped Nyanya until she died. Onir said: "Fuck it." And Onir killed himself after blowing the wolf's brains out. Then Nyanya said: "Wow, I'm super horny. I'm also suicidal. I think I'll go to McDonald's." But she didn't go because she was pregnant with the wolf's retarded monkey child. Suddenly this dream made no sense at all and Onir woke up. It was still in the middle of the night, but Onir felt as if a very long time had passed. "Good lord, what did I eat?" Onir rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.
Onir realized that he couldn't sleep and went out to collect his daily drool jar. When he went outside, the neighborhood kids yelled, "Haha, you drool! And you love a cat! Haha, you loser!" Onir simply frowned and said: "Shut up, retards." Then the wolf said: "Come on Onir, stop acting like a fag. We have to figure out who killed Nyanya." Onir responded: "Did you fuck her?" The wolf said: "Yes. But it's ok because I didn't have protection." Onir nodded and smiled shyly. Onir suddenly realized that what the wolf said made no sense, and in his confusion ended up shooting the wolf in the face several times. The door to a nearby house was flung open, and a female cat ran out to them. "Oh my god! What are you doing?" Onir farted smartly and kicked the wolf in the ribs. "Stop!" cried the girl. "What's your name, baby?" Onir asked boldly. "Nyanya," she said as she breast-fed the wolf.
Onir kicked the wolf in the ribs. He shouted at the female cat: "Did I fucking ask you?" Nyanya shouted back: "No." So the wolf and Onir continued on, trying to figure out nothing at all. Because nothing really matters, and everything makes all of the sense in the world. And it's all making absolutely no sense. Onir masturbated quickly as the wolf whispered into his ear: "Keep stroking until it spits at you."
Nyanya dropped the wolf on the side-walk, giving up on this hopeless story. The wolf bled out and died and Onir accidentally came into his own eye.
"You're a pirate, Harry," Hagrid said, and he tried desperately to get him to follow him to Hogwart's. But Harry continued to say: "Stay away from me you fat fuck. I'm Onir, not Harry. You're a nigger." So Hagrid left and was shot in the head 17 times by the wolf. And Hermione gave Jon an amazing blowjob that lasted 14 days. Then Nyanya said, "Hey Wolfy. Want to fuck again?" The wolf said, "My name is not Wolfy. And no."
Harry Potter busted in on Jon getting a BJ from his best friend and joined in. Hagrid's dead body was getting gang banged by Billy, Onir, the wolf, and God. Hagrid kept moaning because God's dick reached all the way to Hagrid's voicebox.
"That's some spooky shit," God said, and he came more than the Great Flood. Luckily, Noah had built an ark for all of them to survive on. Onir said: "This ark is fucking dumb." And he began to slam a sledgehammer as hard as he could into the bottom of the ark, over and over. Nyanya, who was trying to calm down, gazed out the window at the vast sea of white sparkly cum. "Wow, I'm so glad God came for us." Then the wolf said: "I'm tired of you all."
Suddenly the cum became hostile and started slamming into the ark. Noah got pissed and fucking spawned a Godzilla into the ocean of cum. Godzilla became pregnant with the Virgin Mary, who was also pregnant with Captain Picard. "What the fuck" Jesus said as he stripped down to his PJ's. Mary shat out Picard onto the ark, which instantly morphed into the Enterprise and flew away at warp speed. "I guess I'm done with the cocaine, anyone else want a go?"
"No thanks, Buddha. I quit crack about a year ago. Now I'm just into crystal meth and whatever shit my drug dealer gets from sketchy Columbians," Jesus said, opening up a brand new Playboy magazine and masturbating furiously. "Whoah, calm down Jesus. Don't want to have another Great Flood," joked Gandhi, who just done fucking a zebra. "Shut your fucking mouth," scolded Jesus, and he open fired on the people in the ark. "Learn your lesson, my dear children. Burn in hell!" And right before killing everyone except the main characters that are relevant to the fading plot of this fucked up tale, he turned the gun on himself, murmuring: "It is fucking finished."

END OF PART THREE

But was it? Was it really finished? No, it certainly wasn't. Onir picked himself up off the grass of his front yard and immediately cock slapped the wolf across the face. "That is the god damn last time that you make me eat Cool Ranch Doritos(tm)." The wolf hee-hawed like a donkey at that moment in time. "Well, I guess we'd better get to being productive, or something gay like that." Onir pointed out. So they did. They engaged in a 14 hour long sex session that included all of the local gypsies and hookers (+ a few niggers, but they don't really count... you know, being black and all). After this long episode of intensely gratifying sexual contact, Onir pulled out his amazingly intact cell phone and calls up Nyanya's father. The phone rang. And soon enough, there was a man who answered. "Hello?" the voice said. Onir responded: "Hi, I hope I'm not calling you at a bad time, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your daughter." The voice responded: "You're not calling at a bad time at all! In fact, I just finished doing the dishes. What do you want to know?" Onir said back, "Nothing, now shut the fuck up." He was about to hang up, but he heard the voice plead: "Don't hang up! I know you are afraid to learn the truth. But I am telling you, Onir, that once you know the truth, it will certainly set you free." Onir considered calling him a deranged thoughtless nigger and hanging up, but then he decided that maybe there was some merit to what he was saying. He responded: "Ok bitch, tell me." The voice said back: "My daughter was actually a shitty nigger." Onir raged: "Wait a minute, who the fuck is this?" The voice said back: "I'm just a random nigger." Onir said back: "Go pick some cotton, bitch." And he hung up.
The wolf spat out some cherry stems and cherry pits after Onir's rage was over and then asked, "Who was that?" "Some god damn nigger." Onir replied. "I mean it, who was it?" The wolf repeated. "I just FUCKING told you, cunt. It was a random nigger!" "FUCK YOU!" Screamed the wolf, raising from his chair and spewing bits of chewed cherry onto Onir's obese body. Onir yelled and charged the wolf with a razor sharp toothpick and cleaned the cherry out of the wolf's teeth. The wolf recoiled hastily and barfed into his coffee mug. "Damn it, now my coffee is ruined..." the wolf sighed. "I'm sorry, _." said Onir. "I guess we should go try to find Nyanya's real father." "Yeah, but let me put my pants back on." said Onir.
"Not so fast, fucker," said a voice from the distance. It was Nyanya, because it's not like anything else in this goddamn story has made a fucking gram of sense. "I'm going to have to have you keep those down by your ankles," she continued as she began to blow Onir, using a more than healthy amount of teeth. "More teeth, bitch," commanded Onir, for whom the desire of the glorious pain of teeth-in-cock could not possibly be satiated. "I don't even fucking know how you could possibly be here but goddammit that's a fucking good bj," moaned Onir as he neared climax. Right as waves of orgasmic pleasure flooded Onir's fucking disgusting obese body, he jizzed. But nothing came out. Onir had shot a blank.
"Are you a fucking retard?" Nyanya yelled, and she bit down hard. Onir enjoyed it, and commanded her to castrate him with her pearly whites. But then suddenly, Onir got a huge headache. The whole room seemed to be spinning. Then he saw 10 guys looking at him. He heard a voice: "Dude dude, I think the drugs are wearing off, stop!" A typical college frat boy quickly got his mouth off Onir's dick, and the 10 of them, who were completely naked, ran off. Onir found himself tied to a chair and said, "Wow, I sure am a dumb nigger." Then he left to find Nyanya's dad. He said to him: "Why hello there. Didn't you like my daughter before she died?" Onir said back: "Yes." Then the dad said, "Cool story. I didn't."
"Why not?" Onir asked sincerely. "Let's go talk on the sidewalk, I want the neighbors to hear this shit." Onir followed the elderly cat out to the sidewalk, where two mailboxes were. One said, 'The Nyanya family' and the other said, 'The Coon family'. "So why didn't you like her?" aksed Onir again. Then, very loudly, Nyanya's father said, "SHE DIDN'T HATE NIGGERS ENOUGH. THOSE DAMN COONS JUST NEED TO GET KILLED OFF LIKE THE JEWS." The neighboring coons, who were swinging from the ornate carvings on the front porch of the house and eating watermelon abruptly stopped and stared at them. "I hate niggers too, I mean, I lynch coons as often as I can." said Onir, also loudly enough for the coons to hear. "You shound like a fine young man, you want to... lynch some niggas?" Onir nodded swiftly, and without warning both Onir and Nyanya's father launched themselves at the coons. "Oh God, please no!" said the eldest coon child as his head was ripped from his shoulders due to the sheer force of Nyanya's father and Onir pulling the rope. At this point Mama Coon comes out onto the porch with a shotgun and starts blasting at Onir and Nyanya's father, but missed everytime and killed all of her children. Looking around at the bleeding corpses, she says, "Well, that wasn't so bad. Less mouths to feed!"
Onir and Nyanya's father just laughed and laughed, smiling and looking at each other sexually. Onir said, "What is your name, sir?" Nyanya's father slapped him quickly on the face and said: "You can just call me Anus." Confused, Onir responded: "Anus? Is that really your name?" Anus responded: "Haha no. It was only a joke. I'm named after my gay aunt Stefan." Onir said: "So your name is Stefan?" Immediately pissed off, Stefan shouted: "NO SHIT NIGGA." Onir just burst out laughing, which caused Stefan to get on his knees and suck him off. Then Onir asked: "So, can you tell me how your daughter died?" Stefan said: "Well, to be honest, I don't really know. I just know it involved gallons of lubricant, several mounted video cameras, a half dozen dildos, three dead babies, and a Mexican screwdriver." "What's a Mexican screwdriver?" Onir inquired. "This," Stefan said, and he swiftly inserted a screwdriver in Onir's urethra and shouted, "Nachos bitch!"
The wolf looked on this homosexual display from Onir's porch right next door and wept. His dick was rock hard and the wolf slowly stroked it using his tears as lubricant, which made him extremely horny. Onir and Stefan were hugging gayly while Mama Coon stood in her doorway playing with her tits and singing "Swing loooow, sweet nig-ger shi-it." The wolf decided not to let Stefan steal his man from him, so he took action. The wolf pulled several flaming arrows out of his scalp and strung a longbow that he found lying on Onir's front lawn. Then he fired rapidly at Stefan, but missed. The flaming arrows lodged themselves in the front porch of the Coon house, and since it had been so damp that day (it was raining heavily) the porch caught fire immediately, and the whole housed simply exploded. Onir and Stefan were thrown from the porch, unable to hold onto each other except by biting down onto each other's feline dicks in a furry 69.
The explosion of the Coon house was probably the biggest event in the entire history of the neighborhood, because it is a completely boring place (except for the occasional coon lynching, giraffe sniping, or MILF beheading with a chainsaw). Mama Coon looked at the massive pile of wood that used to be her house and exclaimed: "That wasn't so bad. One less house to feed!" She fucked herself, impregnated herself, and had an unlimited amount of children that could be killed off later in the story. She left. Then Stefan, who just spit out a screwdriver, said: "I'm so glad those niggers are moving away." Onir just smiled and said: "Same." Then the wolf got right behind Stefan and shoved a knife right between his butt cheeks and howled: "Oh Jesus! Why did I do that to myself?" Then Stefan said: "Fuck pronouns." And he explained to the wolf that he wasn't actually gay, that he just liked sucking dick every once in a while. The wolf understood, saying: "Same." Then Onir said: "Shut up, fags. Let's go investigate Nyanya's house."
"You mean my house." said Stefan grumpily. "Stop it, you're gonna make me cry," said Onir. "Everyone, calm the fuck down. I'm going to fucking rape you both if you say one more word!" shouted the wolf. Onir and Stefan looked at each other and both took a deep breath. Then they got up off the smoldering ground and walked over to Nyanya's house. Once inside, Stefan inserted his cock into the house's keyhole and twisted it. Onir made a face that was a cross between constipation and the kind of face you might make when mating with a blue whale, and so Stefan said, "You can't be too careful; there might have been a nigger in there. The wolf nodded and took out his Nyanya voodoo doll. Once upstairs, Onir opened the door to Nyanya's room and had a flash-back. He was in a restaurant, holding a gun above a dead body with a bloodied, unrecognizable face but quite a set of unique breasts. As soon as it had started it was over, and Onir said, "Let's have a god damn threesome on her bed; last one to cum has to eat my shit."
The wolf and Stefan came immediately, and Onir instantly got into the perfect position to shit directly into his own mouth. "Oh my fucking God, those burritos are even better the second time," Onir moaned, choking on his own shit. "When did you eat burritos?" inquired the wolf, who had his hand down his pants trying to climax again. "None of your fucking business," Onir shouted, extending his neck to lick the last piece of shit from his asshole. Stefan, who had already soaked his pants again, said: "Ah, I remember this bed. I gave my daughter a good fucking on this bed when she wouldn't behave. It's probably why she was always wanted to date sketchy rapists. I made her love rape." The wolf and Onir nodded in agreement, and Onir kicked the wolf hard in the jaw. Then Stefan said, "You know, I think I remember Nyanya telling me about going to a restaurant the night she died. I think it was called El Negro Retrasado. We should go there." Onir said: "Fuck you. We're advancing the plot too quickly. Let's have sex again." So they did.
It turns out that El Negro Retrasado had been out of business for about 67 years. In its place was La Perra Fea, a modern Mexican restaurant that exclusively served nachos and fecal dip. They decided that some evidence might still be lying about though, so they ate there and looked around. Above the counter, there was a stuffed cat with a mask on. The mask was of a nigger, in spirit of the restaurant's previous name. "Where'd you get the stuffed cat? Those tits are certainly unique." The cashier said something in Spanish that sounded like "I like to fuck them." so Onir said, "A table for three please, you god damn wetback." When they sat down they were immediately served nacho chips and fecal dip. "This isn't what we fucking ordered!" snarled the wolf when a waiter passed by. The waiter said, "I don't speak English. Please shut up and eat your food." So they did.
"I could eat these shitty chips all day long. I hear they get this shit from the local nigger slaves. I hear they feed 'em watermelon and chicken wings and collect the resulting shit in bowls. Pure fucking genius," the wolf said while chewing with his mouth wide open. Onir said, "That's bullshit. I'm almost 100% sure that they use buckets and not bowls. Why the fuck would they use bowls?" The wolf started to choke on his food but then swallowed and said: "Because bowls are OP, faggot." Onir accepted this response and grabbed a nacho, getting a shitload of a shit on the chip and shoving it into his mouth. Stefan chimed in, saying: "Are you guys retarded? That stuffed cat is clearly Nyanya. No wonder it's taken you this long to find out how she died. You two are certainly the dumbest cunts I've ever met." The wolf stood up and said, "That's not Nyanya. I've groped her breasts for hours and I know their exact dimensions. The tits on that stuffed cat are slightly too big." Stefan said: "You're a pervert."
"I'm a pervert? I'M a pervert? Stefan, you fucked your own daughter. You're own GOD DAMN daughter! How the fuck am I perverted?" replied the wolf. Stefan belched and flecks of shit covered Onir and the wolf. Stefan stood up, unzipped his fly, and let his cock fall out onto the table, smashing the chips and spilled the feces dip all over Onir's lap. Onir simply gave a little round of claps and smiled while looking from side to side at both the wolf and Stefan. Suddenly, the Nyanya stuffed cat above the counter coughed. Stefan scrunched up his face, and his muscles bulged everywhere. Then, a thread of pure shit started worming out of his urethra like cheese whiz. "That is fucking disgusting," said the wolf, "I have regained my respect for you." "Good." said Nyanya's father gruffly. "Let's take that stuffed Nyanya down and grope its tits to see if it's the real one."
Onir quickly got up from the table and grabbed the cat by the tail, pulling as hard as he could to dismantle it from the wall. The cat shouted: "Wait! I'm a real cat! My name is Isabella, and I get paid to hang here like a bitch. I was there the night Nyanya died. And I can tell you everything." Almost immediately, the wolf pulled out his shotgun and fired 18 times at the cat, but he missed every time, killing everyone else in the restaurant with each shot. Isabella continued: "All you have to do is travel to Lima, Peru. Look for a fucker named Alberto in a nigger costume. Just say to him: "Ass cream." He'll know exactly what you mean, and he'll lead you to Jose. Now, this is the important part. The 3 of you have to give him a blowjob that is so amazing that his cum hits the ceiling. If it hits the ceiling, and the 3 of you lick it off for him, he'll tell you all about Nyanya." Onir said: "You're full of shit." And he killed her with his immortal dick.
"Well, I guess technically I am full of shit. I just got off break and I had some na-" before she could finish her sentence Onir shot her point blank in the face, causing her to become unrecognizable. "Jesus, Onir, that made me kinda experience some sort of Deja Vu." said the wolf. "Get the fuck over it; we're going to god damn Peru." Onir said as he shot straight up through the ceiling, flying off towards Lima. When he landed, the wolf and Stefan were already there fucking each other in the dust and rabble of the marketplace. "Mother fucking shit, guys! You're gonna give these guys agoraphobia!" "Sorry, said the wolf as his eyes rolled back into his head and he jizzed all over a young Peruvian woman. The woman bobbed her head like a pigeon and motioned for them to follow her while licking the cum off her nipples with an impossibly long tongue. They followed her through the dirty streets and between warring gangs to a small stone hut with a sign on the front that said, "Alberto the nigger lives here, please stay away because he is a black son of a bitch." I guess this is where we need to be, said Onir and he kicked the wolf hard in the jaw.
The wolf just smiled and nibbled playfully on Onir's ball sack, which actually caused it to tear open, blood getting everywhere. At this moment, Alberto came outside, who quickly got on his knees to lick up the blood. Stefan said: "Oh my god, it's a nigger! Kill it!" Right before stabbing Alberto, the wolf said: "No you bitch! Remember what Isabella said! He's in a nigger costume." Stefan's face turned beat red as he mumbled: "I can't believe I just got corrected by that dipshit wolf." The wolf said, "What was that?" Stefan stuttered: "Oh. ummmmm. I said: I can't believe I just got corrected by that dipshit wolf!" "Oh, okay," the wolf said. Onir got right up close into Alberto's ear as he was still licking up the blood and whispered softly: "Ass cream." Without warning, Alberto punched Onir directly in the face and said: "Follow me, fags."
On the walk to Jose the wolf clung to Stefan's back while fucking him in the ass. Stefan kept moaning excitedly and the Peruvians all around would cup their tits with their hands and quickly fart three times while squeezing them. Alberto farts as well, but doesn't grope himself. "So Alberto, are you a chupacabra or some shit?" Onir asks. "No." Alberto replies quickly and in a thick Russian accent. "Okay, just wondering, because when you were drinking my ball sack blood I thought I saw horns growing out of your crotch." "It was my dicks." he says. "Okay." Onir replies without question. It turns out Jose was a giant albino housefly that lived in the dumpster next to a strip club named Madre Puta Mierda. "What's up my niggas? Come to learn a bit of tasty information?" The wolf stopped fucking Stefan long enough to grunt in reply. "Fuck off you furry bastard," said Jose as he shot Alberto's cock off with a laser gun.
"Thank you," Alberto said gracefully, then he let out a girlish giggle and ran out of the club. Jose smirked and gave the wolf's ballsack a quick grasp. The wolf just blushed and began to choke on his saliva. Then Jose said, "You niggers need to make my cum hit the ceiling. It's that fucking simple. God damn do it." And he immediately removed his pants to reveal his gigantic, snake-like, rock hard, foot-long, wet, monstrous, scary, grotesque, slippery, hairy, penetrating iPhone 4 that he had in his pocket. He threw it in the trash, then he peeled off his boxers to reveal his microcock. "Suck me off, fags," Jose said slyly, winking quickly and squeezing his own balls together. Onir, Stefan, and the wolf engaged in a mildly impressive three-way blowjob that made him cum immediately. However, the cum missed the ceiling. "Awesome guys, now it's time for me to tell you all about Nyanya! You see, it all started back in Africa." The wolf drank a glass of water.
"In Africa niggers ran rampant; fucking each other, getting AIDS and giving it to others, but mostly drive-by shootings. That god damn shit happened every day and night at LEAST 486 times. Ammunition salesmen made a fucking killing, anyway," Onir scratched his armpit at this point in the story and the wolf finished his glass of water, smashing the glass cup on the floor, sending shards of glass into Stefan's eyes. Stefan didn't blink. "Niggers were fucking crazy. Then one day some fat fuck named Nyanya comes along; this fucking bitch of a cat, and starts giving people medicine and shit." Now the fly stops and vomits up blood. Onir coughs. "Sorry, I got ulcers... Anyway, Nyanya met some faggot named Stefan and they fucked, then this cunty little shit-fucker was born and they named her Nyanya or some shit. God damn, that's about it I suppose. Peace out bitches." Then Alberto punched Stefan in the dick and Jose spewed blood all over a randy nigger and flew out of the strip club, dragging a half naked bitch with him. "I think I get it!" said Onir after a moment.
"You're an ass," the wolf said, touching Onir's left hand softly and purring heterosexually into his anus. Onir giggled like a cunt, wildly howling and shitting out meatloaf. "You guys are strange," Stefan commented. Onir's face turned beat red. "What the FUCK did you say? I'm STRANGE? What kind of fucking bullshit is that?" Onir shouted, getting angrier by the second. "I'm sorry..I just..well...you know..." Stefan stuttered, trying to calm him down. Onir grabbed a nearby lamp and slammed it on Stefan skull, cracking it wide open. "Oh my fucking god!" Vanessa cried, "That's my new vase!" The wolf cried: "Fuck you Vanessa, you're not even a character. What the hell are you even doing here?" Vanessa committed suicide gracefully, praising Allah and the Magic Nigger before her death. Onir was still upset. "Who the fuckedy fuck do you think you are calling me STRANGE? Huh? Tell me. Tell me you god damn worthless piece of shit. Tell me you motherfucking whore. God damn tell me, you BITCH!" Onir screamed louder and louder, kicking Stefan hard in the face, blood covering the floor. "I'm...I'm sorry man," Stefan muttered, getting close to death. "Oh ok, that's cool," Onir said.
Stefan stood up with help from the wolf, who was groping Vanessa's breasts without her noticing. Stefan then died from blood loss and the fact that his brain's left lobe was now resting on the floor by his feet. "What should we do?" asked the wolf. "Leave his dead ass, he was slowing us down anyway; how are we supposed to beat the shit out of Nyanya with him just saying dumb shit and spitting out screwdrivers." "I guess you're right." said the wolf, still groping Vanessa's boobs. Onir went up to the nearest stripped and grabbed her by the ovaries. Literally, he jammed his hand up into her vagina and into through her womb and grabbed them. "Well hello there!" she said. "Fucking die, you disgraceful whore." Onir said as he ripped her ovaries out. "Lol" she said as she died. "That was very merciful." commented the wolf while tugging playfully at Vanessa's nipples.
The wolf began to stimulate his penis by firmly grasping the base of his cock and sliding it slowly up and down the shaft, trying to simulate vaginal intercourse with a woman. "Sesame seeds are god damn stupid," commented Onir. Then the phone rang. Onir, who was pretty tired after the long day working in the coal mines, answered the phone quickly and said: "Can I take your order?" The man on the phone said back: "No. I'll have a large pizza, minus the shit." The wolf just laughed, saying back: "We need a nigger." And he tossed it into a nearby ocean, and gave Vanessa's breasts another firm squeeze. Vanessa said: "Hey, get your hands off me!" This caused the wolf to slap her immediately and say: "Watch your mouth, whore. You do as you're told." Vanessa didn't seem to mind, laughing and saying: "I'm proud to be a virgin." And Onir changed that, using a hacksaw when he was finished to dismember Vanessa. Then the wolf said thoughtfully: "Is it against the law to fuck a nigger?" Onir just laughed.
After laughing Onir shot the wolf in the face, the dick, and the heart in less than a second. "Fucking pony bitch." Mumbled Onir as he re-loaded. "Is that all you've got?" asked the wolf. Onir answered by blasting the wolf's face off and shooting his leg several times. "Gotta do better than that you monkey fucker." Onir started to frantically shoot the wolf, who always died and then stood back up. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" screamed Onir. "I'm God you son of a bitch! Suck my cock!" the wolf yelled back and he stuck his hand down his pants, pulled out a rooster, and shoved it down Onir's throat.
Onir naturally swallowed it whole, and responded: "You're God? What the god damn fuck?" God replied: "No shit, bitch. How else could I always come back to life?" Onir, who was a childish nigger child, howled back: "You're nothing but a nigger. You and I both know that I also have died countless times and have come back to life. But I know that I'm not God! So there's no way you can be God, bitch!" The wolf considered this logic, retorting: "Ohh, you're thinking of the Christian God, aren't you? That's not who I am." Onir, who slyly slipped his hand down his pants to give himself an amazingly fast orgasm, screamed back: "Then who the fuck are you?" The wolf coughed back: "I'm the God of the Niggershit faith. I'm the Magic Nigger."
"Holy fuck, you mean you get to lynch coons every day?" Onir asked, amazed. "I sure do, by the thousands. I take the soul of each lynched coon and eat it, and it turns into little spermies inside my testicles. That's how coons are born too; I send my sperm across time and space to impregnate niggers." "That is some deep shit." Onir says. "Niggershit, exactly." Replies the wolf. Onir and the wolf share a brief moment of anal intercourse before Onir says, "Wait, didn't Billy and Jinx have a baby Pokémon called niggershit?"
The wolf, who takes a moment to clean out his anus with a Q-tip since he was on the receiving end of that brief anal adventure and likes to collect ass cum for political reasons, replies: "Yes. You see, Billy is sort of like the Jesus of Niggershit. He was the only son of the Magic Nigger, and he was sent down to fuck Jinx hard. Jinx had a baby named Niggershit. He performed a shit load of miracles, many of which included actually turning his music down at a red light, actually not walking slow in the hallway, eating chicken only on a monthly basis, learning how to swim, not stealing, and actually attending college. But then he got killed by a thoughtless nigger named Yoshi." Onir replied: "Oh, so is Yoshi sort of like Judas?" The wolf said back: "Nah. He's just a thoughtless nigger."
"Oh, okay" says Onir, watching the wolf strip up on stage. Suddenly the wolf calls upon his powers as the Magic Nigger and summons an obese black man at his feet, that looks a bit like Onir would if he were black and a human. "Climb upon my trusty steed, Babe Ruth, and let us be off!" shouted the wolf. "God damn it, where the fuck are we going?" Onir asked in a rage. "We're going, Onir, back to the Niggers!" "What?" Onir asked, trying to removing fecal dip from his ears. The wolf hands him a used Q-tip. "Back to the Niggers!" Onir whoops like a cowboy and hops on Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth shits out bears and bricks rapidly, launching the wolf and Onir into Earth's upper atmosphere where they phased through Negro back to the Nigger.

END OF PART FOUR

The two of them landed on top of a man who was panting and breathing frantically, stroking his erect penis while sliding around in his sweat-covered chair. He was looking at nigger porn. Onir yelled: "God damn it man, where the hell are we?" The wolf, who had several nails in his left arm, replied: "We're in fucking Niggersville." Onir just nodded, understanding that "Niggersville" was just slang for downtown Detroit. The two of them began licking each other's anuses, and the man who was masturbating didn't give a shit. "You know what we should do?" the wolf asked gayly, tenderly puckering his lips like some sort of a deranged bastard nigger. "What?" Onir inquired, slapping his own ass cheeks and scratching his deformed genitals. "We should build a god damn time machine," the wolf said, wondering about how morbidly obese people even achieve penetration.
Onir moaned and several nearby niggers heard it, and turned towards the sound. Excitedly, they bumbled over in a drunken way and started shooting cum (even the black women) nets all over Onir, the wolf, and the horny nigger man. A huge orgy broke out and countless pink tongues slithered into rough crusty assholes. Sexual chaos was everywhere and the tension rose to such a toasty level that a Jew sitting in a rocker across the street said, "Cut it out you fucking porch monkeys, can't you see I'm a Jew? I god damn hate being hot because it makes me think of ovens." "STFU" the niggers +the wolf and Onir shouted at the same time, gunning down the elderly and clearly racist Jewish bastard. "You know what," the wolf interrupts after a moment, "Hitler was a bad person." "No shit Watson, he was as racist as they come." Retorted Onir casually lynching the nigger bitch who was chomping on his testicles.
"How did we even get outside?" the wolf asked. Onir immediately was filled with anger, kicking the wolf hard in the jaw. "Stop being a fucking dumbass. Why are you talking about Hitler?" The wolf paused for a moment, walked over to the hanging nigger (who was a girl), and grabbed his dick, tearing it off with a quick pulling motion. Onir gave out a quick laugh, sticking his finger into the open wound and frowning. Onir then shouted: "ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION." The wolf cried, then said: "We need to stop him from killing the Jews." "Yeah, you're right. Jews don't deserve random, thoughtless death like that." Onir said, pulling out his longbow and sniping a rarely seen nigger Jew who was walking his gay ass dog across the street. "Yeah, no shit Watson, he was as racist as they come. Have any ideas that don't involve random sex?" "Nope," Onir said.
So Onir and the wolf have some hardcore gay sex with it finally ending when Onir blows his load in the wolf's small intestine. "Oh my goodness..!" The wolf whispers as Onir pulls out and blood mixed with large amounts of semen flow out of his gaping anus. "How in the Magic Nigger's name are we going to stop Hitler from killing the Jews?" asked Onir. "My name is _, Onir. Don't be afraid to say it." replied the wolf quickly with a constipated look on his face. Onir shrugged and thrust his balled up fist into the neck of a nigger who was groping itself and pulled out its thyroid gland, causing it to swell up and explode into even more worthless bits of flesh and bone. "I guess we should kill the Jews first, right?" said the wolf. "Yeah, but how are we going to find the Jews? They're pretty good at hiding. I mean, their dicks are so fucking tiny it's riDICulous." "Shut up you bitch sniffer, then maybe I'll tell you." the wolf replied as he injected nigger venom directly into his jugular vein thingy.
"How did you get a hold of nigger venom, _? I looked all over the black market and I couldn't find shit." The wolf smirked sexually, releasing a steady stream of HIV-infected cum and responding: "Did you try the black market behind Stinky Bitch's Pizza Parlor? They had about 20-cases of it when I checked yesterday." "Oh shit, I forgot to check there," Onir said, "I only checked the warehouse behind Torn Cunt's Burger Barn and the secret pawnshop next to The Nasty Nigger Inn. I'll try there tomorrow." "Good," the wolf said, "they really do have the best quality of nigger venom. Did you know I actually used to get my shit from that shack behind The Night of the Niggers Dance Club? They had the worst shit ever there." Onir said: "Oh man, really? I would never go there. That nigger venom doesn't even make you cum. It just makes you cry and feel like absolute shit." "Yeah," the wolf said. "Suck my dick now."
"God damn it." Onir shouted as the wolf spawned in several nigger thralls who each began to suck on another ones dick, turning into a large nigger wheel that surrounded Onir and began to suck his dick as they circled him swiftly. "I'm going to lynch Nyanya if you don't tell me where you're hiding those fucking Jew faggots." "Do it, _, I don't fucking care anymore. In fact, I haven't given a single damn this entire story. Jesus fucking Christ, haven't you figured that out yet?" "No." the wolf stated flatly as the nigger thralls combined into a single, gigantic erection the latched itself onto the wolf's already diamond hard penis. "Prepare thyself, feline scum." The Wolf said as his dick's mouth opened up to reveal several rows of serrated triangular teeth the color of a nigger soul. Onir shed a single tear before undoing his fly and dropping his pants and whitey-tideys to the ground and squinching up his face and butthole simultaneously. "Our father who aren't in heaven…" Onir started right before the wolf's sex crazed phallis plunged into Onir's depths.
Onir cried slightly. Then he said: "Fuck everything that has happened so far. My dick is alive, and it needs something to strangle. I have to find toddlers...I...I...I have to find FUCKING toddlers!" The wolf looked at Onir like he was some sort of a deranged nigger. Then he began to urinate, which caused them both to feel nice and wet. Onir screamed suddenly, "Forget it. Let's do something completely different. Jews are only fucking whores in disguise." The wolf nodded gayly, sticking out his dick for Onir to kiss. Which he did.
Abruptly, Onir bit down as hard as he could. Instead of tearing away the wolf's dick as he had planned, every single tooth in his mouth shattered into a million shards. "Wha da fuh!" Onir yelled toothlessly. The wolf giggled like a faggot who has just received his first mouth to dick contact and said, "You really don't understand what it means to be the Magic Nigger, do you?" Onir shook his head side to side, spraying semen across the wolf's knees. "My dick is as hard as diamonds, you dumb twat." The wolf spat out. "Sho?" Onir said. The wolf sighed, and demonstrated the density of his penis by extending it to around 4 feet long and set it down on a slate of rock which sprung from the ground before him, then he pulled a sledgehammer out of his anus and brought the hammer down on his penis as hard as he could, causing the head of the hammer the break off the handle. "Dahs hawd." Onir admitted.
"No shit it's hot, bitch. My dick is a living legend. One time, my gay cousin Edward got his entire army of sharp-toothed faggots to try to penetrate the thick skin of my Incredible Hulk here. Let's just say those faggots left 2 hours later crying without any god damn teeth. Just get over it, Onir. My dick is incredible." Onir sat there for a moment, pondering about life and wondering about why niggers commit all the crimes. Then, for no apparent reason, he grabbed the sledgehammer firmly in his hands and swung quickly at the Wolf, beheading him. "What a douchebag," Onir remarked, shrugging his shoulders and getting on the Hulk for a free ride.
Despite the wolf being dead, the dick still had a mind of its own, and speared all the way through Onir, shredding his internal organs. "Ughdofhnnn" Onir moaned in pain for the first actual time in the entire fucking story. The Hulk thrashed around, spraying Onir's blood all around, causing the few remaining niggers in the area to come over and lap it up with their pit bulls. The Hulk then detached itself from the wolf with a sickening crunch noise that kind of makes most people want to blow chunks and slapped its way across the ground towards the nearest coon, whose name was Jamal.
Onir, who lacked internal organs, thought critically about this situation. He thought: "Hmm, does this story even have a damn plot? Oh well. Guess I better try to kill the Hulk. He's acting like a real dick." Onir jumped into a nearby tank and chased after the Hulk, hoping to fucking kill him. The Hulk didn't really give a shit though, because he was too busy talking to Jamal. Jamal said "Man, your dick is even bigger than mine! And I'm black!" The Hulk laughed and said, "Will you shut up nigger?" Jamal said: "Yes." And he walked back to the cotton fields. Then Onir spotted the Hulk and shouted: "I'm going to shoot you, you dick." The Hulk cried gayly, attempting to commit suicide with a loaded pistol down his urethra
Before the Hulk could pull the trigger, Onir leapt out of the tank and started wrestling with the Hulk. It was a very merry and gay wrestling match which had Onir choking on the Hulk most of the time, but with Onir's very last breath, he shoved his own dick inside the Hulk's urethra, which immediately contracted in pain and fused with Onir's dick. "What the fuck." Onir said. The Hulk farted into Onir, which caused Onir to belch like a bloated sand nigger. "Onir..." started the Hulk, "you are now the Magic Nigger." "God damn it, what the fuck do I do now?" Onir asked. "I don't know." said the Hulk, laughing uncontrollably.
Onir suddenly passed out from all of the unexplained sexiness that had just occurred. He had a dream that went like this: there was man with three penises who was trying to wash a window. The man was really struggling, crying as he could barely maintain a grip on his towel. As his frustration turned into rage, the man pulled a crowbar out of his anus and smash the window into broken shards of glass, laughing and running away, hoping that nobody would notice the broken window. He ran home to his wife, Irene, who was breastfeeding the 4 adopted African kids. Irene, who saw her husband come in through the front door covered in blood and glass, said, "What's wrong, sugar?" The man just glared at her and said, "Shut up, ya dumb cunt." And he swiftly removed one of the shards of glass and began to carve the word "Cunt" into her left breast. As he was just finishing the "T," the 4 African kids started to open fire on the young father, considering they were all armed with machine guns. The dad was killed, and the 4 Africans said, in unison: "Down with Whitey! Down with Whitey!" At that very moment, a gang of 12 rabid dogs charged into the living room and mauled the 4 niggers to death. Onir woke up.
Onir sat up and scratched his bum. Nyanya was looking at him in a very concerned way. "Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" she asked. "I don't know... that was the most fucked up dream I've ever had." Onir replied. "Shh! Not around the kids." She reminded him. Their three kittens were sleeping peacefully in the crib Onir himself had made. "Aren't they just darling?" Nyanya asked. "They sure are. We should go back to sleep." Onir suggested. Before too long the both of them were snug as bugs in a rug and fast asleep.
Onir began to sweat nervously, covering the bed in a thick, salty liquid. The foul smell woke up Nyanya, who sat up slowly and whispered, "Hey Onir, wake up, dear. Wake up. You're having another sweat attack." Her husband remained motionless, sound asleep. Nyana began to shake him slowly and said, "Come on dear, wake up." Onir sat up quickly and gouged out Nyanya's left eye with his right pointer finger. Nyanya sighed and got out of bed, opening the closet and pulling out a jar labeled "Eyes." Nyanya said: "Sigh, you just had another Eye attack, didn't you?" Onir just sat there motionless, stroking his dick and yelling: "GET OVER IT."
Despite the fact that it was the middle of the night, there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." Nyanya said before Onir could offer to do it himself. Onir farted and a little shit splattered onto Nyanya's pillow. When Nya nya opened the front door, the wolf stood before her. "What do you need at this time of night?" Nyanya said rubbing her eye socket, which she had just filled with the replacement eye. "Yo' sweet titties, girl!" The wolf shouted at the top of his lungs right in her face. He jumped forward and ripped open her nightgown with his teeth while Onir grabbed her by the ass and started humping the shit, literally, out of her and onto Onir's groin. YEAAAHHH BOOYYY!" Onir and the wolf yelled in unison, fist bumping over Nyanya's shoulder.
Nyanya rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, you guys. Always trying to prank me!" The wolf just laughed uncontrollably, howling while sneaking in a few more licks on her perky tits before Onir shouted: "FUCKING STOP." The wolf stopped immediately, letting out one more chuckle and about a pint of cum. Onir said, "Thanks. Now it's my turn." Nyanya sighed as Onir shoved his wife into the wall and began to fuck her from behind, yelling "YEEEE-HAWWW" into the night. The wolf sat back and watched intently, stroking his dick the whole time. Onir said, "Hey wolf! Get on the other side and grab her tits while I rail her. That will be hot." The wolf did as he was told, and after about 3 hours, they stopped. Then Nyanya said, "Thank you."
The wolf spanked Nyanya's ass on the way out with his cock and fist-bumped with Onir at the same time. Nyanya took this time to make her way back upstairs. "Race ya!" She heard Onir yell from behind her, jumping past the stair she was on and shoving her backwards and all the way down the stairs she just walked up. Onir stopped and shit on the top step laughing all the while, and then climbed into the twin sized bed they shared. Instead of going back to the room, Nyanya limped into the living room and collapsed on the couch. Before too long, "GET YOUR SKANKY ASS UP HERE, YOU DUMB BITCH." Onir shouted. Nyanya did as she was told reluctantly. She had to think of a way to get out of this hell-hole.
As Nyanya slowly opened the door to their bedroom, she was hit in the face with a pair of panties. "Wash these, ya dumb cunt. Your sister from last night left them here." Nyanya shrugged her shoulders and turned to leave, but before she could, Onir shouted, "Did I give you permission to leave? Get the fuck back here and let me get about a 5-minute suck on those titties of yours." Nyanya came back and remove her top and her bra, getting into position for her husband. Onir screamed: "You're blocking the damn TV! I'm trying to watch the game! Fucking move!" He kicked her in the throat, causing her stumble backwards into the TV, which fell off its stand and broke. Onir was filled with rage. "LOOK WHAT YA DID, YA FUCKING DUMBASS! YOU RUINED MY NIGHT! FUCK YOU!" He picked up the lamp and threw it at Nyanya, which missed her head by a mere 6 inches. Luckily, Onir had a second lamp, which he threw twice as hard, and it hit her right in the head. Nyanya, who was close to death, said. "I'm sorry, dear." Onir screamed back: "Fuck off." And he stepped on her throat.
Nyanya, of course, dies. Onir wakes up the next morning and realizes that he did not peacefully lull his wife to sleep as he thought he had. Instead of panicking he did what anyone else in this story would do, he started to have sex with her dead body. The cold dead feeling was a real turn on and Onir began to realize that he was probably some degree of a necrophilliac. Just as Onir finished lubing up Nyanya's asshole with semen for the 7th time that morning, the wolf kicked in the bedroom door and jumped into the fray without hesitation. "She feels kinda dead." the wolf remarked as he grabbed a fistful of tit and shook it around violently. "Yeah, last night she killed herself with a baseball bat right in front of me." "Lol" the wolf replied. "Well," Onir said, "I'm going to go for a walk. Maybe get some donuts. Want to join me?" The wolf agreed, and the two of them left the house and went towards the local park. "What town are we even in?" the wolf said, laughing. "The authors stopped giving a shit," replied Onir, "just don't think about it and enjoy the nice day." The wolf smiled and the two of them kept walking until they noticed a pregnant woman walking her dog. Onir smirked and glanced over at the wolf, knowing that they both had the exact same idea. At the same time, the duo grabbed her and forced her onto the ground, each sucking a tit and taking turns fucking her tight pussy with their penises. The woman moaned. After they both came, a policeman noticed the scene. He picked up his walkie-talkie and said, "Pretty peaceful day in the park. Over and out."

The End.

For now.