The snow was gently falling outside Bella's bedroom window. Once again she felt as if she was drowning. She was sitting in her desk chair typing yet another e-mail to Alice.
Alice,
I know I should really stop writing these but I can't help it. It helps me still feel connected to you somehow. It is now snowing in Forks and I don't know which is worse the snow or the rain. I guess the snow kinda reminds me of Edward cold and fragrant with a hint of danger. Sometimes I think Edward leaving me in the woods was the best thing he could have done if only those boys from the Reservation hadn't found me. I would be dead and not in a constant state of pain and Charlie wouldn't be worried all the time. Any way Alice. I miss you.
Bella
After clicking the send button Bella stood up and went to the window and looked out over the back and side yard as the snow fell. She opened the window and let the cold wind blow gently against her face. She closed her eyes and it was almost if Edward was close enough for her to feel his breath on her face. With another sad sigh she opened her eyes snow was falling in the window so she closed it quickly and just stood there watching the snow cascade down to the ground. She saw her faded red truck. The hood was beginning to become covered with snow. She thought of the sunny boy who according to Charlie spent days getting that old heap roadworthy for her. The sunny boy she had used to find out about what Edward was and then discarded like he was unimportant as some stranger.
It was while she was thinking about Jacob that she heard the unmistakable baritone on her father's best friend Billy Black. She didn't know Billy was coming today. Usually she avoided his visits because he and Edward seemed to have a mutual dislike for one another so it had just been easier to not be here when he was. But the sound of his voice, more specifically his laugh caused Bella to yearn for a sunny grin. She turned and made her way downstairs.
Billy had just turned his head to say something when he caught sight of her. He was appalled by how thin and pale she was. Bella had always been a pale girl but her tiny frame was ghostly and wane now. He had talked to Charlie many times over the course of her disappearance, her return and he had describe his daughter's deterioration since the Cullens had left but seeing her with his own eyes
"Hey Billy." She said low as a whisper.
"Bella."
"Did Jacob come with you?"
"No, he is at home working on that Rabbit of his."
"Oh."
Billy watched as he face crumpled a little. "You know he might like some company if you want to go see him." He offered as he watched a tear roll down her cheek.
"I wouldn't want to bother him besides he has probably forgotten me by now."
"Bella, Jacob has never forgotten you not all those years you were in Phoenix and definitely not now. If you want to see him he is there and not going anywhere." Billy could see her indecision. Cullen still had a strong grip on her but something was definitely weakening his hold on her. Billy had a feeling his son was the key to breaking whatever had her in its grip. He watched her sigh.
"Charlie doesn't want me to drive the truck in this snow."
"So take mine. It has chains and it is a lot safer than the rust bucket. Hey Charlie." He called to his friend who was in the kitchen.
"Yeah, Billy." Charlie called back as he came to stand in the doorway between the den and the kitchen.
"Bella wants to go to my house and see Jake. If she takes my truck will that be okay?"
"Sure, the snow has slowed down now and you have chains. I haven't had time to put them on her truck yet. I can take you home after the game and bring Bells back home. Go Bells have some fun with Jake. Go to the diner and get something to eat or for a walk in the snow. Something, anything." Charlie said with a sigh.
Bella turned to look at her father. The sadness in his eyes mirrored hers. "Okay." She whispered as she went to the hallway closet and began to dress in her boots and heavy parka.
"I will call Sam and tell him to be waiting for you at the La Push line and he can show you how to get to our house. He and Emily live right there."
"Okay, if you are sure Jake won't mind."
"Trust me Bella. Jake won't mind at all."
"I guess I will see you later."
"See ya Bella." Billy said as Charlie walked Bella out to his truck and showed her how to disengage the hand controls. Billy called Sam as soon as they exited.
"Hey Emily is Sam around?"
"Yeah Billy. Hold on."
"Yeah Billy, What's up? Is it Jacob?"
"No, It's Bella Swan."
"What about her?"
"She is coming down there to see Jake."
"I thought she was going through leech withdrawal."
"She is Sam but she wants to see Jake so Charlie and I have sent her in my truck. I need you and the boys to make sure she makes it to my house. I told her you would meet her at the line."
"Okay, the boys and I will watch them."
"Don't crowd them."
"We won't. but really what did you hope will happen?" Sam asked with his usual frankness.
"I am hoping Jacob can work a little Christmas magic and bring Bella home where she belongs."
"Only to break her heart again when he imprints and leaves her behind."
"Sam, Jake is not you and you chose to leave Leah behind. You chose the easy way out and now you are paying for it, both you and Emily but don't ever compare my son and Bella to you and Leah. You have no idea the depth of his feelings for her."
"And you have no idea what the pull of the imprint is like."
"Just do as I ask please."
"I will.."
Bella drove slowly down the icy roads of Forks towards the border with La Push. The closer she got the faster she drove. Something was pushing her to go to La Push. It was like Jake was calling to her without a word. Her heart just knew that this was where she needed to be. She could see the sign now and true to Billy's word Sam was waiting there for her. She pulled over to the shoulder of the road. Sam got in, his face a harsh mask that frightened Bella just a little.
"Welcome to La Push Reservation Bella."
"I have been here before."
"You have been to our beach yes?"
"Yes."
"Then this is different. Our Chief is welcoming you to his home to the home of our people. You need to respect that."
"I do Billy means a lot to Charlie."
"Your father means a lot to this tribe Bella. He keeps most of our youth out of jail when they discover the power of a drink. He has been Billy's best friend since they were children and he loves you like a daughter."
"That is why he sent you to look for me?"
"One of the reasons yes. Thier house is just around the corner here."
Bella was taken aback when the little red house came into view. It was old and the paint had seen it's better days kinda like her truck.
"I know we have offered to fix it up for them but Billy always refuses. Says he gets around just fine and they stay warm and dry."
"It is beautiful." She said. Sam immediately looked at her like she had two heads. "Can't you see them love inside it?" She whispered.
Sam put this all down that the girl was crazy with grief. "Okay well I need to get back to Emily. If you and Jake leave be careful driving. He should be in the garage over there." Sam said as he pointed towards the shed on the other side of the yard.
Then Bella did the last thing he ever expected she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. "Thank you." She whispered. "For everything." When she had let go he did not say a word he just got out and went home. Bella sat in the truck for a few minutes before deciding to get out into the snow and be brave enough to go find Jacob. She stood in front of the door to the garage and took a deep breath. She struggled several minutes with the door when she finally got it to pop open she sliced her hand.
"Holy Crow. Just great Bella now you will need stitches."
Hearing her voice Jake slide out from underneath the Rabbit and bolted up. "Bella? " He took in the sight of her holding her hand and the blood dripping to the ground and he pulled off his shirt without a second thought and ran to her assistance wrapping her hand carefully avoiding the oil stains as he gently wrapped her hand. "Come on clumsy girl let's get you inside the house and have a look at that hand" He said as he shrugged into his jacket without ever letting go of her.
Bella was staring she couldn't help it as his chest and ab muscles flexed as he put on his jacket over his naked torso. Without even zipping it up he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and cradled her hurt hand protectively with the other. They stopped long enough for Jake to shut the door back and sprinted for the house. Once inside Bella saw what her memory outside told her was true. Love poured from the scarred wooden floors. It was in the walls. She could still hear Billy's laughter as he used to play games with her and his children throwing all four of them into the air until they squealed. Why had she never remember that. The rich baritone of Billy's laugh as she wanted him to throw her higher. Jacob's small shy smile at her as he patiently waited for his turn. Sitting on the steps encased in his mother's arms.
Jake sat her down on the sofa and jostled her arm breaking her out of her reverie. "Sorry Bells I will go raid Dad's wound care stash and fix you up."
"Jake..."
"I will be right back Honey I promise."
True to his promise Jake was back within minutes with ointment, bandages and peroxide. They were quiet as he cleaned her wound with warm soapy water and dried it before pouring peroxide on it. He blew on it to take the sting away and Bella was lost to the sensation of his warm breath on her skin, so different than Edward but just as caring. Just as gentle as he applied the ointment to her skin and placed the gauze on it and taped it down before wrapping it completely so that it stayed clean and dry.
"All done Honey. I will get you a coupla over the counter pain meds and a glass of water."
"Jake..." She said again.
"Shh, Honey. I will be right back, There is no need to rush." He went in the kitchen and came back with a glass of water which she took gratefully. He took the glass from her and pulled her up off the sofa and engulfed her in a bear hug. "I have missed you Bells."
Bella wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed him in. Pine and snow with a hint of sand and seawater. Just like always. Always and steady those were two words she would forever associate with Jacob Black. He had been a part of that life she had long ago forgotten. The part that was filled with the love Renee had lacked. Even though she tried very hard and did love her it just wasn't the same. "I have missed you too Jacob, so much."
"Well you know you could have come to visit and you were always gone when we came to Charlie's. I was beginning to think you didn't want to see me."
"Oh Jake. I am stupid." She said as she pulled back from him. "Come on Charlie said for us to go the the diner. He gave me money and everything." She said trying to avoid his questions that she knew was coming.
"Can you drive with that hand?"
"Hmmmmm...maybe we should stay here and order pizza."
"Or...I could drive."
"Do you even have your permit?"
"Yeah, and Miss Swan I have been driving in snow like this since I was thirteen."
"Okay, well I will just tell your dad you made me."
Jake threw his head back and laughed. He had Billy's laugh she thought as she let the sound wash over her.
"Okay Honey, whatever you say." He said as he smiled at her. "I will just go change and we will go."
"Okay." She said as she flopped back down on the sofa. She didn't understand what was happening just this morning she was missing Edward so much it hurt and then the sound of laughter seemed to wash every thought of him away. Billy's laughter. The laughter that used to fill this home and still did. This little red home that was worn but well loved who's only Christmas decoration was a sprig of mistletoe hanging in the hallway When Jake emerged he was wearing dark jeans and a gray long sleeved pullover and Bella couldn't help but stare.
"See something you like Bells?"
"Huh? What?" She said confused. "Sorry...I don't know what is wrong with me."
"Chill Bells.I was joking. You can stare at me all you want." He said as he grabbed his jacket. "Come on I am starving."
They left the house and Jake drove them back to town. Pulling up in front of the diner Jake parked and went and helped Bella out. They sat down at the back booth. "So what you getting Bells?"
"A garden burger same thing I always get."
"Come on Bells live a little besides Charlie gave you 50 dollars be a shame not to spend at least half."
"Okay, how about you order for both of us."
"Okay." Jake waited for the waitress to come to them.
"What can I get you two this afternoon?"
"Two meatloaf sandwiches with fries, two chocolate shakes, and two slices of German Chocolate Cake."
When the waitress had left Bella kicked Jake under the table. "I am never letting you order for both of us again. You are gonna have to carry me out of here cause I am gonna be in a food coma."
"No you won't and that hurt by the way."
"Good." She said with a satisfied smile.
"I have you know I never have that anymore and I wanted to have that meal with you."
"Why?"
Because it is the meal mom and I used to have whenever we would do our Christmas shopping for Dad, Rach and Becks."
"Oh Jake..." She said fighting the tears.
"Don't Bells, don't cry."
"I won't." She whispered sucking in a deep breath as she reached for his hand across the table. "Why now. Why me?"
"Because Bells some of my happiest memories are with you and I wanted that meal to make me happy again instead of sad."
"I wished I remembered more of us."
"Me too. Then maybe you wouldn't have disappeared for so long after you came back."
"I am sorry Jake.."
"No Bells. I am sorry. I could have tried harder."
"Well let's try harder now."
"Sure, sure."
"Tell me about us as kids."
"Well I told ya about the mudpies."
"Only that we made them."
"Yeah right there on First Beach just about every summer." Mom would load the four of us up in the car and we would sit there and play in the mud near the tidepools while she let Rach and Becks explore."
"I remembered her today."
"Who, Mom?"
"Yeah when Sam brought me to your house I could see it as if it was happening right before me."
"Wait, Sam brought you to my house?"
"Yep, why?"
"No reason, go on."
"Your Dad was throwing me in the air and I was giggling and you were sitting on the steps with her waiting your turn."
"Yeah I remember when he used to do that. We all loved it but Rach and Becks had to go first but you know what I remember the most."
"What?"
"How beautiful you were when you giggled and smiled."
Anything Bella would say in response was cut off by the waitress bring their food. Bella ate her fill and then watched Jacob as he inhaled his and what was left of hers before looking up at her with a chocolatey, sunny grin. "You ready Bells?" He asked completely oblivious to his appearance
"How about you clean up first." She said as she handed him a napkin.
"Sorry." He said as he wiped his mouth. "Better?" He asked with another smile.
"Yep."
"Let's go." Jake waited while Bella paid and gave the waitress her tip. He help her back into the truck and set off for La Push once more. He kept his free hand laced with hers the entire way.
"Jake you think we could go to the beach?" She asked as they neared La Push.
"Sure Honey I don't see why not." He drove straight for the beach pulling up near the tidepools they had spent so much of their childhood summers around. He help her navigate the mud and rocks as he took her on walk down memory lane. Never once did he let go of her hand His firm steady grip was a reminder of the childhood she had forgotten. The trips to the tidepools with just he and Sarah, sand dollars and starfish, and childhood kisses with the dark haired boy he was. The boy she had forgotten. The boy she had loved. Another memory popped in her head.
"I love you Jakey. I don't wanna go back to mommy. I wanna stay here."
"I love you too Bells. I will love you forever and ever."
Her steps faltered and caused Jake to turn around to see the tears that were now streaming down her face. The force of the memory so powerful it shook her to her core.
"Bells?" He said as he pulled her towards him.
"How could I have forgotten Jake?"
"What Bells?"
"Us...all of it. My entire childhood here?"
"I don't know but it is okay."
"No, no it's not I want to remember."
"I want to remember why you love me. Tell me why Jake."
Jake sighed. "It is better if I show you. Come on Bells."
He took them back to the little red house and took her to his bedroom. There under his bed he pulled out two photo albums and a box and as the snow fell outside he showed her pictures of them being children, playing and smiling. Always having a firm grip on one another's hands. In the box there were sand dollars and starfish, and ticket stubs of the movies they went to with his mom. At the very bottom was a dried sprig of mistletoe. She picked it up and held it for him to see.
"What is this?"
"This is the sprig of mistletoe where you first kissed me. It is the first thing I ever remember. I mean really remember. It was your last Christmas here before this one. My mom saved it for us because she was convinced we would be together and she wanted us to have it so whenever I was missing you which I did most of the time we would pulled it out and and she would say one day she will be back to kiss you again under the mistletoe my darling son and then she will never leave you again."
The realization of the meaning of the mistletoe that hung in the hallway next to his room hit her like a ton of bricks. Even after all she had done to him he still had hope that she would be back to kiss him under that mistletoe and just like that all thought of Edward fled her mind and her heart and without a word she stood up and took the mistletoe down from it's perch and walked over to his bed, holding it over his head. She bent down and placed and sweet hot kiss on his lips. "I love you Jacob and I won't ever leave you again."
"I love you too, Bells Forever and ever.
As the snow fell gently outside Jacob's bedroom window they shared kisses and memories until they fell asleep amid the pictures and trinkets. Their memories fallen around them like snowflakes as they slept And that is how Charlie and Billy found them wrapped in each others arms hands tightly bound to one another and a sprig of mistletoe.