Disclaimer: I hold no connections to the ownership of anything in this fic. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Okay?
Summary: Tatsuki is secretive by nature, hiding a great deal of herself behind closed walls in her heart and mind. When Ichigo doesn't arrive at her birthday party, after promising he would attend, she breaks. Written while listening to Taylor Swift's 'The Moment I Knew'.
Note: Song is 'The Moment I Knew', by Taylor Swift and I don't own it. Bit of Ichigo and related persons bashing – the characters themselves are fine, but this is in Tatsuki's point of view, so she's a little bitter towards the Shinigami group, etc., etc. But most of all – IF YOU CAN RECOGNISE ANYTHING, I DON'T OWN IT.
The Moment She Knew
Tatsuki fidgeted by the front door, welcoming her friends inside. The belated birthday party was a small one, with only the Kurosaki family, Ryo, Keigo and Mizuiro attending. She'd invited Orihime, but the girl had come down with a whooping case of the flu, and Tatsuki hadn't wanted her to get any worse. Ryo had arrived with Keigo, the flamboyant teen's arm around her shoulder as he escorted her inside, closely followed by Mizuiro. The trio, upon seeing Tatsuki, beamed at her and each of them gave her a big hug, wishing her a Happy Birthday. Ryo fussed over Tatsuki's clothes as Keigo snuck the presents over to the table where Tatsuki's family had left their gifts. Mizuiro pulled out an ancient looking CD player and glared at it, before shoving it back into the abyss where it had come from. Muttering to himself, he pulled out an iPad and started to play a selection of songs. With a happy nod, he stepped away from the iPad and headed over to the table where the punch lay, filling glasses for everyone.
Tatsuki bit her lip, anxiously waiting for the others to arrive, hoping beyond hope that he'd arrive. With the noise that heralded the arrival of the Kurosaki twins and their father, Tatsuki grew more and more worried. 'He said that he'd be here,' she reminded herself, as she exchanged small talk with Isshin. 'He wouldn't forget that...right? He's just running a little late.' she thought desperately, eyes darting to the door every so often, with increasing frequency. The fairy lights that were usually designated for Christmas time were glinting far more cheerfully than she was feeling at that moment, as she felt a sickening feeling of dread that grew with each passing moment. Wiping now sweaty palms against the skirt of the purple summer dress she'd decided to wear for the party, she sipped at her punch, red lipstick leaving a faint image against the glass.
Excusing herself quietly three hours into the party, she made her way upstairs to the bathroom, desperately wanting to just be alone. Keigo, showing he was far more than just a class clown, followed her, eventually finding her surrounded by the shattered glass of what was once the bathroom mirror. "Tatsuki! What happened?" he asked, as she sank to the floor, tears welling in her eyes as she trembled. Keigo gently took her hand looking at her now bruised knuckles. Her breath came shakily, the karate champion's hopelessness easily revealed as she looked up at the brunette, barely noticing the rest of her guests arriving to the scene. "He said he'd be here." She whispered brokenly, desperation written on her face as she tried to stop the tears from emerging from grey-blue eyes, a sickening feeling in her stomach as she realised what had happened.
Isshin clenched his jaw shut to prevent any unsavoury words about his son's actions of late spilling across his lips. Ryo knelt beside her and wrapped an arm around Tatsuki's shoulders as Mizuiro tended to her hand. Keigo clenched his hands into fists as he bowed his head in anger at Tatsuki's admission. Karin and Yuzu looked on in disbelief as their role model broke down in tears, clinging to Ryo as the slim body trembled in the wake of gut-wrenching sobs that wracked Tatsuki. With assistance from Isshin, Ryo and Mizuiro helped Tatsuki back to her own room. With them occupied, Karin scowled and Yuzu's visage took on a homicidal edge as the twins and Keigo plotted Ichigo's humiliation and subsequent demise.
When Isshin and Mizuiro returned downstairs to the twins and Keigo, they joined in on the plotting. Eventually Ryo wandered down, having stayed with Tatsuki until the heart broken teen had fallen asleep. During that time, Isshin had suggested some insane plans, Karin had voted that they should hogtie him and leave him in a brothel to humiliate him, Yuzu had contemplated the merits of changing all of his clothes and Keigo was perfectly happy to just act as though the orange head didn't exist. Mizuiro eventually said, "Why not just kick him out of the house? He practically lives in Soul Society anyway; he may as well join them as a full-time Shinigami permanently."
Soon after that, Ichigo's belongings found themselves packed and stored at Urahara's Shoten, and Ichigo's room was turned into storage. The orange haired teen didn't come back to Karakura for over three weeks, and by the time that he did arrive, he found the door slammed shut in his face and locked out of the house by a scowling Yuzu, who was armed with a frying pan. Tatsuki had gotten over the whole experience (if just barely), and now ignored Ichigo at school. When the substitute Shinigami finally took notice of this, school was over and he still couldn't find her to explain the entire mess that his life had turned into when he'd met Rukia. And he was still locked out of his house!
Almost a year after the birthday that Ichigo had missed, Tatsuki was boarding a bus back from the mall when Ichigo spotted her. "Tats! Wait up!" he called, jogging over to his old friend. Said friend (to his concern) took a shaky breath before saying, "Ichigo." The orange haired teen looked at her, a frown on his face as he tried to work out why she was so nervous. "How have you been? I haven't seen you for ages." He said, trying to relieve the tension he could see threaded throughout her body. Tatsuki took a deep breath, and steeling herself, said, "If you'd actually turned up last year, you probably would have." She stared at the floor of the bus from where she stood, her combat boot clad feet rocking with the motion of the moving vehicle. Ichigo stared at her for several minutes, trying to figure out what she was referring to. Looking at his watch when she turned to look at him, he noted the date. Blinking, he stared at his watch again. The numbers denoting the date of 12th July glared back at him. For a moment, his thoughts turned to his mother, but he forced himself not to go down that path. Racking his brain, he tried to remember any other important dates that happened around Tatsuki. There were family weddings, funerals, competitions and...
Feeling like somebody had taken it upon themselves to send their fist into his solar plexus (hard), he stared at his oldest friend. Birthdays. Her birthday was the 17th of July, the day his mother had died, but her family would always celebrate it a week afterwards to let the Kurosakis' remember Masaki and still celebrate with the Arisawa family. What with everything that Rukia and Soul Society had had him doing, he'd been eager to spend some down time with Tatsuki to catch up with his old friend. Play some video games, watch movies, maybe have a friendly spar or two and end up staying the night, crashed out on the floor while Tatsuki took the couch when the pair got tired of talking. He'd been swamped with work a week or so before the party and didn't even have time to check dates with anything, what with all Aizen was doing. Hollows hadn't been attacking in great numbers, but apparently they were great enough that Soul Society couldn't spare him any time at all until long after the party had happened, and by then, he had forgotten about it. Until now.
Trying in vain to ignore the nauseous feeling of shame settling in the pit of his stomach he could only stare as she made her way off the bus and away from him. He'd broken a promise. Not only that, he'd lost any and all chance of ever being treated normal again, like he was just a teenager who wanted to hang out with a friend. The sliding doors started to close, and he barely got off in time to exit the bus before it left. He ignored the frustrated noise of the driver as he jogged to catch up to Tatsuki. Slowing down when he got closer, he slipped an arm around her waist as a group of punks whistled at her. Sending a small prayer that he wouldn't make things any worse than they already were, and that he could make things better between them, he walked her to her house, and slipped both of them into the solitude of a gazebo. Turning to properly look at her, he winced at the sight of pale skin and the tremble in her arms. His heart started to sink when he noticed that she wasn't looking anywhere near him when she could manage it. But it was well and truly sunk when he saw her eyes. Deadened, dull, waiting for an excuse so that she could leave, or ask him to leave, Ichigo didn't think that it mattered. What did was that he had hurt her, however unintentionally. And that was simply unforgivable.
"I'm not going to make excuses." He said abruptly. "I promised that I was going to be there, and I wasn't. I broke that promise, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there." He continued, trying to douse the nerves that felt like they were alight in chaos. He gazed at her, just watching her reaction. The only warnings he had of her breakdown, was a chocked breath and a pair of glistening eyes, before he was catching a crying woman in his arms, preventing her from falling to the floor. "You promised." She managed to choke out to him. Ichigo shut his eyes tightly and pulled her closer to him. "I'm sorry" he said. Tatsuki buried her face into his chest. "I'm sorry, too." She murmured, keeping her eyes shut tight. Maybe he would come this year, but Tatsuki wasn't letting him into her secret heart of hearts ever again. She couldn't trust that he'd arrive for her. She would stay a distant friend, out of mind, out of sight, until they drifted apart so completely that they didn't recognise or remember each other. She couldn't know the turmoil that was boiling within Ichigo as he cursed himself for hurting the woman he cared about from the very beginning, or that he was praying for a second chance even though he didn't think himself worthy of such a thing when it came to Tatsuki.
You called me later
And said I'm sorry I didn't make it
And I said I'm sorry to
And that was the moment I knew