Summary – Koushaku's first time watching 'Family Guy'. One-shot.
Disclaimer – Kawazui and Chono Koushaku belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro, and the song/show is the property of Seth MacFarlane. I own NOTHING!
Chono Koushaku's arm was extended before him, perpendicular to the ceiling. He moved it every few seconds. "And if I connect those two dots…" he murmured, staring at the specks on the patterned tiles, "…They become a koala." His arm fell to his side. "Gragh! It's too boring here!! I'm feeling fine today, so why aren't I in school?" Koushaku stared out the window for a few minutes at the building he entered only two times a week at most; upon turning onto his side to feel more comfortable, he heard a thud on the ground next to him. At first he thought it was a large packet of his great-great-grandfather's research, but it was quite different than that. A television remote.
"Oh yeah…" He faintly remembered Washio dropping off a television earlier the previous week – during a day when he'd been coughing up blood by the cups – and never really checking it out. Then again, he'd been too weak then to do much of anything…
Locating the 'power' button along with watching the screen light up, Koushaku flipped through the channels. However, he didn't get very far before the remote's effect dwindled, eventually stopping. "What the heck?" He sweatdropped upon discovering that the batteries Washio had installed turned out to be old batteries from the radio downstairs.
It wasn't easy, but he finally made himself attempt to watch the show his piece-o-crap remote stranded him with. Some American cartoon with a talking dog and a retarded obese man. Much to his dismay, it came with subtitles.
From what he could tell, the licking of toads to gain a drug effect-like euphoria had become all the rage at the high school, leading one student's father to go undercover as a teenager. Just turning down toad offered to him, he was about to launch into an explanation – an explanation which Koushaku guessed was going to be a musical number, judging by the starting up of a melody. "Dear god swallowed by a caterpillar…"
"You'll get chills all through your body,
and you'll lose all control of your bladder
and your sphincter… that's your butt-hole."
"Been there, done that."
"'Cause if you use toad, then I'm telling you...
You can kiss your life goodbye.
Yeah when you use toad,
It'll mess you up.
It'll make your mama cry.
That's no lie;
You'll choke on your tongue and die."
"Oh really?"
"Gotta give it up."
"Give up the toad now!"
"It's no joke. Buddy, give it up-"
"Gotta give up the toad now."
"Or you'll croak.
Buddy, give it up-"
"Gotta give up the toad now."
"And don't smoke
Or you'll see,
It hurts to pee~"
"Okay, that's information I need to know…"
"There'll be blood gushing from ya
Every time that you cough."
"That already happens."
"And forget getting lucky -
It falls off."
Koushaku almost choked on his own saliva. Toad could do that?! He checked his own penis for signs of detachment from his body – god forbid he lose his current physical pride.
A sound from the hallway attracted his attention, and he looked through the open door to see one of his animal-type homunculi strolling by.
'Of course! It's so simple… Even being around it could make a person suffer the effects… so…'
"KAWAZUI!!!!"
*~*
Five minutes later, Kawazui found himself in a trashcan by the side of the road.
I was tired while typing this, which explains why it sucks. And remember: For every flame you post, a revised humanoid homunculus eats one member of an endangered feline species, the Canada lynx.