Disclaimer: All characters belong to Tolkien, not me. But the song was written by me, so I would appreciate it if it were not reproduced in any form without my consent.
Well, here is something written on a burst of inspiration… Hope you like it!
~*~
//"You don't understand now, mellon nin… It's just – I think a lot has changed. Maybe you don't think so, but I – I just want you to know what I feel."//
Dropping his head, the King sighed and leaned back against the slender frame of the pillar. Around, the night was silent, and the moon's light was partially obscured by the clouds, as though she were the words he could not grasp at.
Aragorn sighed again, turning his gaze outwards to the night horizon of his kingdom and the lands beyond. He was a King; he spoke to the envoys from other lands, he spoke to his citizens, he spoke to his soldiers. And yet… He found it just so difficult to speak to his best friend.
~*~
I finally realized what you meant
When you said things had changed
I looked back on the things I did
And found out how true it was
'Cause I had gone a step away
And you had felt what I had not
We were drifting apart day by day
~*~
How difficult could it be? He had tried to reason to himself, and then he thought over it, and realized how foolish it seemed, the notion of going up to the other and saying he was sorry. How could he phrase it? "I'm sorry," sounded too simple, but "please forgive me" or "I never knew" were just as bad.
With a start he suddenly understood how true Legolas' words were. Thinking back now… Things had changed. Things had changed a lot.
"Maybe you were right when you told me how difficult being a ruler was… How I had to sacrifice something. But know that I had no choice, Legolas. I didn't know, I'm sorry." Words he wished he had the courage to say to someone other than himself came forth from his lips as the King fought the turmoil of emotions in his heart.
Taking a deep breath he continued to no one in particular. "I had been so busy, Legolas. There was always so much to do, so many things to see to that I forgot about what really mattered. The fleeting moments I thought about this I had hoped that you would understand, but I guess it is too much to ask, my friend. I should have told you… I could have told you many times before… But I guess I never had the time, or the courage."
Resting his head against the solid coolness of the pillar Aragorn closed his eyes, trying to curb the stinging tears that threatened.
Softly, such that only the night could ever hear him, he whispered, "but if you still need me you need just ask. I'll be there… I'm still there, my friend."
A quiet sob was all there ever was to say that Aragorn was crying.
~*~
There never was a new gap between us
If that's what you want to know
I just fell down in the middle of the race
And I was picking myself up again
I might have fallen behind
But I want you to know
I'm still behind you
All the way
~*~
Hiding behind the curtain at the doorway of the balcony, Legolas could hear his friend's sigh, heard the soft rustling of movement as the King moved.
Chancing a quick glance, he rested his back against the wall of the corridor and closed his eyes. What he needed to say he kept inside, not wishing to disturb Aragorn in his rare moment of peace.
"I know what I said earlier was harsh, mellon nin, and I know it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry… I just didn't know how to tell you anymore. I didn't think things would change that much after the war, but I guess it has," he whispered, and the words were ever so soft.
"It wasn't your fault," he continued after taking a shaky breath, "it was mine. I had been so preoccupied with both Greenwood and Ithilien that I had no time to spend with you anymore… And when I thought we were drifting apart I blamed it on you. It wasn't your fault my friend, it never was. And… I'm sorry."
~*~
I'd heard the times you cried at night
But I didn't do anything at all
And now thinking back on it
I found out how foolish I was
'Cause I had gone a step away
And you had felt what I had not
We were drifting apart day by day
~*~
Clearly he could hear every word Aragorn said, and with a sharp jolt of heartache and guilt the Elf realized how much the human blamed himself for what had happened.
And with a stab of pain Legolas realized that the both of them never had the courage to make known to the other that they were sorry. Nay, it was not that they did not want to admit their wrongs; Legolas wanted so badly to speak to Aragorn, to tell him how much he was sorry… Rather it was the loss of the communication between the both of them that made Legolas' breathing hitch with grief.
Then he heard the quiet whisper, "but if you still need me you need just ask. I'll be there… I'm still there, my friend."
Feeling his own vision clouded the Elf could barely keep his tears at bay, and the human's quiet sob behind him was all he needed to know that this had been going on too long.
~*~
There never was a new gap between us
If that's what you want to know
I just fell down in the middle of the race
And I was picking myself up again
I might have fallen behind
But I want you to know
I'm still behind you
All the way
~*~
Coming forth now from his hiding place the Elf prince came into the balcony.
Almost immediately, with the speed of reaction characteristic of an Elf, Aragorn stood up, his hand swiping away tears. Then the King saw who his intruder was. He froze.
They both froze.
Suddenly all the tension that had been building up came to a climax as the silence came. They found their feelings in the other's eyes; saw their tears glistening on the other's face…
It was all they needed to know.
Aragorn found himself speaking first, the words coming out in a rush. "I was just so busy, my friend… There was the shipment from Harad, and the countless envoys from all over. Please believe me if I tell you now that I had never once wanted to let go of you, or our friendship. I had no choice, I just-"
Legolas' firm voice cut off his frantic explanations. "No, Aragorn, mellon nin, it was my fault. Forgive my previous words, I was too harsh. I too, was busy. We all were. But I want you to know nothing has changed."
~*~
And I'm sorry if I had hurt you
'Cause I never noticed all along
Caught in my thoughts
Caught in my life
Caught in a never-ending song
Playing all over again…
~*~
And when he stopped they found themselves at an arm's length, both at a loss of words for how to continue.
And then, at the same time, as though both were of the exact same mind…
"I'm sorry."
Legolas' eyes widened in surprise while Aragorn could find nothing else to say.
On an impulse the human reached out to draw his best friend into an embrace. "I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice hoarse with tears that flowed unchecked down his face.
Legolas returned the sentiment, his frame relaxing as he told himself that it was over… Nothing had changed and it was over…
When they finally pulled away there was nothing more that they needed to say, for inexplicably they knew that the other felt the same… That their friendship was still the same. It was all they needed to know.
Aragorn's grey eyes shone with tears as he looked into the eyes of the Elf. They had not been so close for what seemed like a long time. He could not believe that he had ever let work come between this friendship and the human deeply regretted it.
"I'm still here, my friend." The soft whisper from Legolas made him smile. Had he not said that himself earlier?
"Yes," he replied softly, grasping the forearms of the Elf. "And so am I."
~*~
I might have fallen behind
But I want you to know
I'm still behind you
All the way
~*~
The End