Looking back on it, I really thought it would be worth it. I didn't think it would lead to anything. I just wanted to moniter my suspect's actions.
So I chained him to me.
The chain was long. We had plenty of personal space. We could move freely. These were long handcuffs. If I had started out with the intentions I had developed, the handcuffs would have been shorter, wouldn't they?
I wouldn't have allowed him dates with MisaMisa, I wouldn't have turned away when he dressed every morning and every night, I wouldn't have fought him so much.
Well, maybe I would have. How else would I be able to touch him? We didn't have that sort of relationship ever. I made it that way. It was my fault. I chained him to me, after all. I didn't know what I was doing, what hell that action would put me through.
Being chained to him, I felt like a child at a candy store. My nose is pushed up against the glass, and I'm so close to the candy, I can almost taste it.
But, sadly, I have no money. So close, yet so far. Taunting. If I wasn't so calm, I'd have thrown a fit by now, had a breakdown, but I bury myself in research instead, keeping my mind off the the god-like beauty sitting only five feet away from me...
God-like. God. Kira. When it was associated with Light, I wanted to deny it, but I also wanted to embrace it. He needed to be Kira. Why else would he need to think about me? If he were, he would obsess over L as much as L obsesses over Kira. Our lives revolve around eachother when we are enemies.
When we are not enemies, our worlds meet but once every century.
I stared hard at him. He was working now, trying to catch Kira, trying to catch himself. He didn't know he was Kira. I realized this because he was less perfect now. He didn't keep his guard up, he didn't have an answer to everything now. His hard stare had turned warmer and more friendly. He wasn't Kira anymore. And I was so happy.
But it was also killing me.
"Light," I called, "Why don't you check up the latest victims?"
I knew quite well he had done this already, and repeatedly. But the silence had been so thick. And I wanted to hear his voice.
"I just did," he said with a defeated sigh. "There's no extra pattern. I couldn't find anything else."
I listened to him breathing. I did this at night, as well. I watched his chest rise and fall evenly. In those moments, I'm sure he's not Kira. Kira could never be so... so... so innocent, so helpless. Could he? Could even Kira be so cherubic?
"Ryuzaki, is everything ok?" he asked me, "You're just.. you seem a little out of it. Is something bothering you? I'm not Kira. No matter how long you stare at me, nothing's going to change!"
My breath caught in my throat. I coughed to cover it up. I couldn't believe I was so reckless that I had been caught staring at him. I shoved my thumb in my mouth and turned back to the computer, leaving him to think I had wanted to see his reaction.
He was seething mad. He pulled at his turtleneck anxiously, trying to calm himself. Light the Kira would never have shown his anxiety. Light the detective did.
I pushed my chair away from the computer. I couldn't keep going. Even I had my limits.
"Liiiiggghhhttt!"
My heart stopped.
"Liiiiggghhhttt!"
It was Misa.
"Light," Misa started, "when can we go on another date? I really wanted to go on one, bu-"
"I'm busy now, Misa. We've been working hard. Even Ryuzaki looks like he's had enough. Maybe another day, when we've gathered more evidence. Until then, I need to work all day. Please, Misa, let us work." Light sounded calm. He was also concerned. For me? Light the Kira would have been more stern. Light the detective didn't think about using Misa as a tool.
Misa nodded. "Alright, Light. Do your best." She retreated silently, looking back once before leaving.
"Ryuzaki, are you feeling alright? Maybe you need a break," Light offered. "You're acting off. I know when something's wrong with you."
My eyes widened then narrowed. "I still suspect you of being Kira, whether you remember it or not, I don't care. That won't ever change, because you, Light Yagami, are Kira, and I will prove it to the world."
Light scowled. He jumped up and punched me in the face. I kicked my foot into his. I pushed him off me, sending him flying.
The chain connecting us pulled taunt and pulled me with him. I landed on top of him. When he made no move to push me off, I made no move to get off. We were breathing heavily, exhausted from lack of sleep and the sudden outburst of violence.
I reluctantly rolled off him. I wouldn't have if he didn't seem to be having such a hard time breathing.
I got up and walked to the bathroom. The chain was just long enough to reach.
"Light," I started before I closed the door, "you make things so hard on me." He thought I was talking about the Kira case.
I wasn't.