AU: hey there! :) so.. this is my first Destiel fanfiction, and definitely the first one I've ever written in English. I tried to pay attention in English class, but hey... :) any mistake you find, please let me know. Reviews are awesome!
PS: I know it's a mess, just try to read it thinking it's set a few days after 4x07 but already knowing what happens in the next seasons.. whoever has the patience to read it will have my everlasting gratitude!
Bite Me
Dean was sleeping peacefully on the most uncomfortable couch he has ever slept on, dreaming about chilly nights on a Caribbean island, smelling the salty air, feeling on the skin the unfamiliar presence of the sea, listening to far-away seagulls. Just one more thing and this heaven would be perfect… his heaven. But he knew he wouldn't come. Not now, not after all he had done.
His little piece of paradise started to feel slightly awkward, and on the couch he started to move, shuffling under the blanket. Hunting memories of the last mission began to play with his mind; the scared voice of the girl quickly turning to the evil one of the witch who was looking down at the brother they had just killed. The disappointed look on Castiel's face, the angry one on Uriel's, the fear, the regret, the sympathy he felt at Cas' words. I am not a… hammer, as you say. I have questions, I feel… doubt.
His heart quickened its pace, as a kaleidoscope of Cas' hurt face swirled through his mind, mixing and playing with an angry Sam; somewhere in the middle appeared Bobby's face when he barked him to get the hell out of his house, it overlapped dad's when he disappointed him, and the memories of the souls he tortured in hell didn't do any good. He started to toss and turn, breathing heavily, hands clenched in fists. Hellish screams rang through his ears, the smell of the blood spilled by his own weakness burning his soul more painfully than Alastair's razor will ever do.
Because this was what it had always been about, what it would always be about. Him, not being strong enough, and still trying to act like a hero… this was where it all generally got fucked up.
He wasn't a hero. Castiel sure would have known that much, he saw him inside and out… how could he possibly think he could make it?
Still, Castiel always put so much faith in him… but, yet, he still had faith in his father. A new trouble added to his steaming pile of troubles, Cas was out there looking for him. Dean knew he wouldn't find him, but still he let him, more: he convinced him to. And every day as the time passed in front of his eyes he wondered if he had done the right thing. He really didn't know. All he knew was that he hoped. Hell, both of them hoped. It was probably the last chance for the Earth, and they were gonna take it.
It's not like they had any other choice, after all, with Lucifer walking free ready to destroy humanity and take over the world… all they had left was hope. And he was running out.
Breath-taking scenarios of every possible outcome started to play in front of his eyes, one worse than the other: Sam saying yes to Lucifer, him saying yes to Michael, Castiel dead, or worse… the end of the world, not only his own, depended on their choices.
The weight of the responsibility was crushing him down, breaking him where Zachariah failed. A soft sob escaped his sleeping lips, and a single tear made its way down his cheek.
Immediately a hand wiped it away, resting on his skin a little longer than needed. The soothing movement eased the hunter's mind, slowly pulling him up from unconsciousness. Dean gradually opened his eyes, still a little upset from his nightmare.
«Cas» he groaned, noticing the silent angel standing beside him. He didn't have the strength to scold him for watching him sleep, he just sat up and watched him with his silent question in his eyes.
The angel tilted his head, a questioning look on his face.
«Is there any reason you're watching me sleep… again?» Dean asked, resigned to voice a question he already knew there would be no answer to.
Cas watched him intensely for a few seconds, then: «You were having nightmares. You're always grumpy when you don't sleep well»
Dean opened his mouth to say something, but then shut up. That was the best thing anyone ever come up with, in a few years' time. He softly laughed at himself for the thought and shook his head. With a smile tugging at his lips, he replied: «I am not grumpy»
Cas grinned. «You should ask Sam»
A laugh escaped from his throat, leaving a smirk on his mouth. «It's nothing but a subtle form of payback»
Cas' smile got a little wider and he shrugged. «I do not think he would agree on that»
«Point of view» Dean muttered. The two of them stared at each other, silence draped over them like a blanket. Then Dean got to his feet and quietly clapped his hands. «So» he said, «Why did you come down here?»
Castiel shrugged, and for a while it seemed like he couldn't find the words. «I… needed time away. From heaven, from the search… I needed to…»
«Leave your brothers and come find me?»
Dean said it with a half-smile, sarcastically. But Castiel looked at him with this strange look and said «Yes. It's strange, really. It feels like…» Castiel looked away, biting his own lip to hold back the rest of the sentence.
Dean finished it for him, not quite believing what the angel was saying. «It feels like they're not family anymore»
Cas looked at the ground, and Dean's heart broke when he saw tears filling Castiel's eyes. A lump formed in his throat, making speaking painful; so he took a step forward and placed a hand on the other one's shoulder, forcing himself to talk to him. «It's okay to need some time off the hook, you know. Rest your head, take a breath… I know this is a hard time. I'm sure they'll understand»
«You don't know them, Dean!» Castiel snapped, emotions swirling behind his blue eyes. «Heaven is not the happy family you believe it to be. There's war, there's rivalry, there's jealousy… we are nothing more than humans, maybe even less. We cannot understand and forgive: only obey. And if I leave now, someone will surely order to kill me. I know it»
The look of pure desolation on Cas' face was just too much to bear; the only thing Dean could do was to lean in and wrap him into his arms. 'Cause he knew what the angel was in, he had been in the same situation before, and he knew it wasn't easy. He remembered all too well.
Castiel leaned into the embrace and hid his face in the little space between Dean's shoulder and neck, awkwardly putting his arms around his torso.
It lasted only a few seconds, but it seemed like eternity. Finally Dean grabbed him by the shoulders and kept him at arm's length. He looked into the watery eyes and said, quiet but firm like he had never been before: «Now, you are gonna listen to me very carefully, okay? You are a friggin' angel. Nothing and no-one will ever make you do something you don't wanna do, least of all a bunch of flying monkeys. You are much better than them, and we both know it. And let me tell you one thing» Dean smiled cockily. «Do you want vacation? Fine, then take it, and let them come. I'll be waiting for them»
Castiel looked at him, speechless, incredulity painted all over his face. «You really would do it» he said, almost not believing it.
«Yes» Dean said. «I would, and I will»
«But… why?»
«Why do you watch me sleep?» Cas smiled, and for one second Dean could swear to have seen him blush. «Listen to me, now» Dean said. «You are gonna do whatever you want. Okay? So, what are you gonna do?»
Castiel didn't even need to think: the answer came naturally at his lips. «I want to stay with you»
Dean smiled, warmed inside, his heart a wobbling mess. «Well, you can» With a hand still on the angel's shoulder, he leaned in and gently pressed his lips on Cas'. He felt him smile under his mouth, and the chaste kiss became more passionate, wanted. Dean's free hand went up to Cas' hair, the one on his shoulder gripped him more tightly, in the same spot Cas once marked him.
They broke the kiss after centuries, brows touching and eyes twinkling. A heavy burden had been lifted from Dean's shoulders, and Cas seemed somewhat relieved, too.
A light chuckle escaped Dean's lips, and Castiel looked at him, puzzled. «You always realize what you have the minute you almost lose it»
«That's the problem with humans»
«Yeah, well, bite me»
A wide grin spread through Cas' face. «I might as well do it, you know?»
Dean threw his head back, laughing. In fact, Cas might. But he had the feeling he would like it.