1
Renegade
The world was black. No sound, no color, no light, not even a sense that she even existed. She could only know she was there by the splitting pain in her head, as if some malicious entity inside of her skull was attempting to drill its way out. All else was numbed in comparison to the pain, her only link to consciousness, her only footing before she slipped away, her only companion into this world of darkness she now called home.
"Open your eyes."
Like a puppet on strings, she commanded the voice, its manly voice somehow sewing a seed of hope into her chest; she wasn't alone. As her eyes opened, her hope expanded even more, if just for a second. The familiar scene she laid her eyes upon felt alien at first, her brain fully aware to the fact that it didn't exist, and maybe, just maybe, she would be fine here. Just like every other time, however, her mind soon slipped away, and this world of dark, near-black green became her only world. The trees, taller than the royal castle of her home, jostled anxiously in a non-existent wind that never blew, yet somehow still sliced through her, leaving sharp gashes of cold trailing down her skin through her fur. The grass cracked and snapped beneath her hooves, a dark green, yet still clearly dead, the ground it grew out of just as desert and barren as the square of red-speckled sand in front of her.
And out of the middle of the crimson sand grew the swing set.
She cringed before anything happened, feeling her eye muscles spasm and twitch, expecting the worst. There was something that jarred her about the swings, and though she knew exactly what, her mind had forgotten, just for the sake of torturing her here, in this never-ending nightmare. It was nothing terrifying, just a rusted old swing set that screeched on its hinges as the invisible wind shoved it. Every time it let out its shrieking call, the world shook and spun as the sound shattered her ear drums, growing loudly with every second. Her splitting headache became a split in her head, and she collapsed.
The sound began to distort; rather than piercing the air whenever the swing moved on its marionette chains, it seemed to scream at random intervals. At the top of its arc, at the resting point at the bottom of the circle, anywhere in-between, it didn't matter. If its stabbing sound played like it should, she could brace herself for the sound; that wasn't what it wanted. Whatever made this swing, it wanted her to suffer, wanted her to hurt, wanted to watch her struggle. It was evil, out for her blood. She could feel it with every pulse of the air around her, every turn of the world, every push the world was given as it swung back and forth like the pendulum that now tortured her.
Red ooze began to pour onto her shoulders from out of her ears, spilling onto the sand to give it more crimson spots, and bile rose into her throat, burning away the flesh on her tongue as she wretched onto the ground. All she could hear now was the ringing of her burst ear drums; finally, she had peace. She felt herself sprawl over in relief, letting the world go dark yet again, time to finally sleep with nothing to wake her.
The metal jabbed into her spine from below, the cold jostling her awake, feeling her gut smash into her stomach as it tried to escape her body altogether. She felt the bones in her flank push against her skin, nothing cracking, but a bruise already forming less than a second after the impact. Her crusted eyes sparked open, her heart beating fast, sending her into a flurry of movement. She checked her ears, her back, her mouth; no blood from any of them, though she did taste the tang of her stomach acids dancing on her tongue. Her eyes darted around the surroundings; the dark forest was replaced by a burning sky of sparkling orange and deep purple, the sun peeking over the crest of the eastern mountains, dazzling rays of sun bouncing off the glittering golden chariot that served as her ground instead of the cracked and dying grass and crimson sand.
"Finally awake, huh?" a voice chirped from her side. She knew soon, she'd be sore, and she could already taste blood, having inadvertently bitten her tongue in the bounce she just took; for now, she didn't care. She was safe with the blazing sun at her back and the world spread out for her to explore.
She spat over the edge, the now crimson blob sailing off towards the ground like a shot. She had been leaning against the side of the golden chariot, and her jet black hoodie had a crease in it, though it now clung to her forest green fur from the sweat of her fear.
"You alright, Your Highness?" the voice called again, cold and disinterested, yet trying to rouse up some mock civility. She had to suppress her annoyance as she smoothed out the side of her hoodie.
"Yeah… I'm fine…" she grumbled back, choosing to ignore the tone for now. "How long was I out for?" She remembered back to when she boarded the chariot, when the moon was low and the sun was nowhere to be seen.
"About half an hour, maybe? You should probably sleep more, to be honest; we've got about another hour or so before we arrive, and you're, uh… well, not lookin' too good."
"Such a flatterer," she shot, turning to face the brown-furred mare that sat across from her, suddenly feeling the bags under her eyes weighing her face down like they did every day. "Did they hire you for your smooth talk?"
"I hope not, or I'd be out of a job." Despite herself, she felt herself smile at the brown mare's hearty chuckle. "And as much as I don't like the idea of working for royalty, as long as I've got a job, I'm gonna do it as well as I can."
"Sounds like a business card to me."
"Do you always wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or am I just special?" The mare paused, and suddenly her voice became softer. "You really should sleep, though. You look pretty tired."
"I'm used to it."
"You sure? It's a lot easier to deal with you when you're unconscious." The mare's voice was back to being cold. Ignoring it, she walked to the edge of the chariot, looking over to view the ground below. It felt exhilarating to see the green grass turn to forested canopies and back to grass in a matter of seconds. How many days had she spent in the courtyard of the castle, watching this very chariot take off, dreaming one day she'd be on it too and leaving Canterlot forever? She was finally doing it, though it lost a lot of its meaning now that she was ordered to by her aunt. It felt as though she was Cinderella going to the ball in her pumpkin after her aunt gave her the day off; no more defiance or freedom lay in the adventure. It was just another command to follow, another order to be taken, another fucking rule that she had to abide.
"I wouldn't get too close to the edge if I were you…" the mare said, her voice soft and worried now, though it was obvious she was trying to hide it. She cocked her head to look at the mare. The edges of her orange hair shined with the sunlight, trailing down to the saddle bags she seemed to always wear. Underneath the bags, her wings were clearly visible, brown-furred and curled up.
"I'll be fine," she said dismissively, turning back to see the view.
"If you fall, I won't be catchin' you."
"Okay."
"Not one for talkin', huh?" The pegasus sounded almost lonely.
"Not one for quiet, huh?"
"So the princess only talks when she's bad mouthing somepony, huh?"
She turned her head and glared at the pegasus, her face creased into a frown so deep it nearly left her face.
"Alright, alright… Sheesh, I was just jokin' with ya."
"Bitch…" she mumbled under her breath as she turned back to look over the edge. She heard the pegasus breathe sharply; she had heard her, though she didn't want her to. She sighed. "Look, I—I'm sorry. I'm not very good in the mornings. How about we just start over?"
"You sure you want to do that? You could lose all of your precious titles if we started at the beginning."
"I said I'm sorry for calling you a bitch."
"So what? Do you expect that saying sorry changes anything, that it's just so easy to get away with something by just muttering some word and not actually doing a fucking thing?"
"Alright, alright, no apologizing to you, I get it. Do you just explode at everypony who speaks to you?"
"You don't get it, do you?" She let out an exasperated laugh, more annoyed than humorous. "No, no, of course you wouldn't. You were born into royalty, the first one ever. There isn't a single creature in this world that doesn't have to work hard to get to where they are, not even the royalty, except for you, who was just born into the lap of luxury and is now dancing in it like a little floozy!"
"What is your problem?" They were both shouting now, tensions breaking; she wasn't sure what was happening, or why she was fighting with a pegasus she had only met an hour ago.
"My problem is you're a self-entitled brat with no knowledge of the real world. I really hope moving to Ponyville will show you just what it's like to wo—"
"Arcana!" The voice came from the front of the chariot; a golden-helmeted head of white appeared over the edge. She had forgotten to check the front to see what pegasus guards were flying the chariot in the first place.
"Swift, not now," the pegasus growled.
"Your job is to protect Princess Carrie. If you keep this up, we'll find somepony else to do it."
"But—" Her voice was a lot softer now, almost sad, though there was still an edge to it.
"No buts. You know the rules."
"… Fine…" Her voice cracked. The pegasus turned away from her and laid down nonchalantly, looking out toward the front, but still out of eye contact from anyone on the chariot. She could tell the pegasus was crying.
She didn't understand why the pegasus was now flooding her brown-furred face with salty tears and snot (though she was impressed how she could sob without making a sound). One minute, she's complaining about how much she hates this job, and the next, she's crying about being threatened to be fired from it. Did she really think she was just some privileged brat, even though they'd never met before? Did anyone else think that way? Normally, she didn't care much about what the others thought of her, but now, for some reason, she felt a twinge of worry, and she wasn't sure why. The only thing she knew for sure right now was that she felt terrible; it was her fault this pegasus now sat before her, crying her eyes out.
"So, um… Your name's Arcana?" She tried to be soft and kind, though she wasn't used to this kind of thing.
"… Please don't start…" Her voice was low, probably trying to hide any breaks in her voice as she cried.
She sat down next to the pegasus, getting a little tired of standing. "I'm sorry. I never should have yelled at you." She paused to see if Arcana would put up any more of a fight. "I can't blame you for not liking how I was born into royalty. There are so many ponies out there who had to work hard to get where they are now, my aunt included, and while everypony else is so excited, so impressed, so thrilled that I'm different, but it just makes me sick."
The pegasus seemed to stop crying, but she wasn't moving; maybe she'd just stopped breathing at all.
"I hate being so different. It's why I wear this hoodie, to hide my horn and wings. It's why I wanted to get out of that castle and move to some place like Ponyville. I don't want to be some newborn paragon, and it's so unfair that I was just randomly given this stature. If I could give it up, it'd be a wish come true."
They sat in silence for a second. The quiet was getting to her. Did she say something wrong? Was Arcana so sick of her that she'd just ignore her now? How did she royally fuck this one up?
"Sorry. I'm not trying to prove myself to you or anything like that. I just wanted to tell you I'm not mad at you or anything and I—"
"Arcana Crowe." Her voice was low and quiet, but less shaky.
"… I'm sorry?"
"My name. Arcana Crowe, courier number 37 of the Royal Courier. They sometimes call me Comet, though, because of my mark and the fact that I can beat anypony in a race." She noticed the mark on Arcana's flank, a blue orb arcing to the right with a trail of blue snaking behind it.
"That's a nice name." She gave what she hoped was a warm smile. "I'll have to see if you really are as fast as you claim at some point, though."
"Well, excuse me, princ—"
"CJ."
"What?"
"CJ. You told me your name, and it's only fair I tell you mine. It's short for Carrie Junior, cause I was named after my mom."
"… Well, excuse me, CJ, but if you think you can even keep up with me, you're gonna be very disappointed." They met eyes, and for the first time, they smiled at each other. It only lasted a short while, though; pretty quickly, Arcana blushed a deep red and turned quickly back to look at the sky, which at that point had extinguished the flames of the rising sun and was a crystalline blue. CJ sat in confusion for a second at Arcana's reaction, then looked at the sky too.
CJ was never a fan of mornings. She always dreaded seeing the sun rise after a night of sitting in her bed praying to whatever God or Gods or spirits may exist that she could get even 20 minutes of sleep that night. Sitting on that golden chariot next to a possible new friend, the sky glittering like a sapphire, she remembered how she even came to be such an insomniac, staying up every night in her old, decrepit home, too afraid of the nightmares to sleep, watching that orange ball of hope rising above the canopy of the forest to greet her crust-stained eyes with a brand new day. She missed those days, getting to just sit at home with her mother and father, away from the world.
"Close your eyes."
"No… Please not now…"
"Did you say something?" Arcana turned to her, the blush still tinting her brown cheeks, but confusion glimmering in her eyes.
"Um… No, no, sorry. It was ju—"
"Close your eyes."
"I…"
Her eyes fluttered, growing heavy. The world begun to spin. Shadows ascended in spirals through the cyan sky, birds of prey circling above her head to feast upon her when she falls.
"Carrie…?"
Time slowed down and she felt herself begin to fall, closing her eyes as she continued her trust fall into the arms of her horrible sleep.
"Sleep."
"CJ!"
She felt pressure hit her chest, though she couldn't see what it was. At first, it felt almost soft and warm, all over her body. Then it turned metallic and cold, and oddly wet. She felt her hooves lift off the cracked and dying ground, levitated by some mystical force. She knew what it was, but she refused to open her eyes, afraid to see it.
It became harder and harder to breathe the longer she stayed up there. She began counting the seconds; though it felt like an eternity, she had only been up there about 20 seconds. It felt as though she was floating, as if the ground had been taken out from beneath her. She couldn't feel any pain, but she did feel a creeping warmth spreading down her chest towards her face; she only just realized she was bent over her spine, curving in an arc with her head level with her hooves under her extended chest. Soon, the heavy, warm liquid oozed down under her black hoodie and onto her face. Against her better judgment, her tongue swept out and tasted it, being met by the metallic taste of blood.
Her blood.
It took all of her strength to open her crusted eyes, though he was terrified to see what would await her. She was greeted by the site of 7 steel spires drenched in dark crimson, extending from the ground and meeting into a single point through her chest.
She let out a scream just moments before the chariot slammed into the ground hard. She fell through the air and hit the lip of the chariot, pushing into her hips. The chariot skidded across the ground, leaving trails of upturned dirt in its wake, until it pulled to a stop, the pegasus guards doing everything in their power to control the crash.
Once they were stopped, it took a second for CJ to become oriented. The world stood still for half a minute, no one daring to move for fear doing so might reveal they had died in the crash. She was bruised even more than the last time, and she made a mental note to never sleep in a flying vehicle ever again. Despite that and the disgusting taste of iron in her mouth (she had bitten her tongue, spitting out a small piece of it), she was in one whole piece, letting out a sigh of relief, both because she had survived the crash and because she could breathe without forcing the air past steel poles. Then a thought crossed her mind.
"Arcana, you alright?" She turned to face the brown pegasus, who was sitting down, facing away from her. Her fur was sticking up down her spine and she looked a little battered, but there was nothing to indicate serious injury; however, something was off. Arcana was shuddering as if cold or afraid, sporadically spiking her back into the air and relaxing it again.
"Arcana?"
Edging a bit closer, CJ realized what was wrong; Arcana was crying.
"How could—" she muttered under her breathe, her voice breaking. Her face grimaced, a mixture of anger and sadness. Her brown fur, once silky smooth and even, was now sticky and oddly textured from the tears and mucus streaming down her face.
"What's wrong?"
"How could you…?" Her voice was low and steady, but shook, a volcano about to blow its lid and pour molten heat out over everything.
"I—I'm sorry?"
"We're sitting here just having a normal discussion and you just fall down. What was I supposed to think? I'm sent here to protect you and you pass out in front of me, I get worried, and all that happened was you fell asleep? You were shaking and mumbling and bleeding out of your mouth and all that fucking happened was you wanted to take a nap?!"
"Arcana, I—"
The mare turned to face her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and the anger in her face had turned to pure, simple anguish.
"Do you even THINK about what anypony else might feel when you do shit like that?! Huh?!" Her voice was high and harsh, squeaking occasionally like a door needing oil. "I was worried about you, I even screamed to get the chariot to stop, but you just needed your fucking beauty rest! What, is there a pea under your bed back at the castle, is that why you're so fucking tired all the time?! You're such a brat!"
"Arcana!"
"Shut up, Swift!" She snapped her head behind her, glaring angrily at the white pegasus, who simply glared at her back, his stern face like a father's scolding a disobedient child. She breathed. "I already know…" Sniffing one last time to keep the mucus off her face as much as she could, Arcana picked up her saddle bags emblazoned with a purple and gold 37 and began walking away, crying all the way.
Knocked speechless by the outburst, it took a few seconds for CJ to realize what was happening. Though it strained her to, she had to yell for Arcana to hear her.
"Where are you going, Arcana?" She didn't say anything in response. "Arcana!" She paused, hoping she'd say something or stop trotting off. "You're not allowed to walk away from me, courier."
This stopped her in her tracks, though she still refused to turn around.
"With all due respect, your majesty," the pegasus known as Swift interjected, "she's no longer a courier on this job. She's been fired due to unruly beha—"
"Last I checked, I'm the client here. My aunt may have hired you guys, but it's for my benefit and I can choose who stays. She's only fired when I say she is."
"Then say it already!" the pegasus called back. "What, do you want the satisfaction of saying it yourself?!"
She laughed, feeling power rushing past her head and into her horn, concealed under her hood. The magic air she'd learned to control from her mother flowed out of her mouth, carrying her voice with her.
"You may be an asshole… but you're a loving asshole. Plus, you're the first friend I've ever made."
They stood in silence for a while, no one moving. Then, CJ smiled. "Thank you for your work, guards. I can walk from here." She reached into the pockets of her hoodie and took out 6 bits, giving 3 to both pegasi. Then she hopped over the edge and walked up next to the mare. "So, mind taking me to my new home?"
Arcana nodded, and they began to walk off slowly together.
They walked for what felt like hours; a feeling that was justified as the once low sun began to blaze overhead through the canopy of the thick forest. It was breezy in the forest, cooling the seemingly oppressive heat to a calm spring day. Luckily, the forest was a lush green, a bit brighter than her fur, and the ground was alive and soft. Still, she found herself scouting the surroundings, dreading the sight of a swing set and wishing Arcana would just say something. Instead, she trotted along with the same stern frown set into her stone face like some sculptor chiseled it there. She looked like she was deep in thought, lost in her mind. CJ could only hope that was the only place she was lost in.
They continued to walk until the sun had once again set the sky on fire, igniting it purple and orange and yellow as it set for the night. Her sense of scale had been thrown off by being high up for so long; the town was much further away than she anticipated. Thankfully, though, it wasn't long before Arcana finally stopped.
"We're here," she said, her voice monotone, with no emotion. She wouldn't meet CJ's eye.
She walked in front of the mare to see her new house. It was surrounded on two sides by the forest, with a very open area in front of it and a path leading to the front door that snaked over a small stream. They stood at the top of a hill at the edge of the field, which went on for about two acres. Even from that distance, however, she could see just how dilapidated the house was. Its roof was made of hay; at least, she assumed, from the few strands of it that still remained on the wooden beams that made up the structure. Planks of wood hung low off the sides of the building, knocked off by winds or animals or maybe they just lost the will to live and jumped. Holes gaped open in the sides of the building, resembling Swiss cheese, though the moldy-green exterior and smell of rot that dominated the entire field would scare away even the most determined of starving rats.
Her mouth open in awe, she began slow-walking towards the abandoned house, over a small brick bridge that spanned over the tiny creek. The front door was painted red and made of a sturdy mahogany, one of the few parts of the house that had fully survived, though the door frame was bitten through and covered in mildew. She swung the door open slowly and was greeted by the overwhelming smell of death, the sour flavor burning at her nostrils and hanging off every object in the building. To her left lay a living room, dark and empty, with a few pieces of broken furniture and a couch that she assumed was once egg-shell white, though it was now stained a brown yellow that resembled bodily fluids. A family room was on the right, a chandelier broken from the ceiling and lying on the floor, lucky to have not burned down the entire structure, the candles most likely burnt out or blown out by winds blowing through the giant hole in the wall.
And in front of her were the stairs. She began walking up them, undaunted by the creaking and cracking that suggested the steps could collapse under a butterfly's wing. At the top, a small hallway led to the left and right, a closed door blocking off the left and the mossy crust sealing the door. To the right was a small bedroom, consisting of a single twin bed and a small bookcase, both clearly new and the only in-tact furniture in the building. Two holes revealed the outside world, one in the side of the roof that made the long wall of the room to the left and one on the opposite wall from where she stood, right next to a small alcove that was either a closet or a bathroom (or both).
A creak sounded from behind her and she turned to face Arcana, who had dropped the stone face for what could only be described as the look of a depressed puppy.
"I… I'm sorry about the house… We tried to find a better house, we really did, but this is the only place in all of Ponyville that's vacant right now…"
"It's so… broken..."
"I know… I swear, we tried, we really, really did, but this is the best we could find. We even tried to fix it up, me and Temp, but it was just so far gone we couldn't do anything so he had to keep the clouds away and I couldn't do anything but stand there and try to clean a bit and…"
"So old…"
"… Look, if you want somewhere else to live, you could come live with me. I'm sure me and Star could find a room, please, just…"
"I love it."
"I… Uh… Wh—What?"
"I love it! This is pretty much exactly like the house I grew up with!" Arcana met CJ's eyes, which now sparkled with memories and lit up her already brilliant smile. "The holes in the building, the smell, the isolated surroundings, the bedroom… Hell, even the locked door on the other side is just like my parents' room…" She trailed off a bit at the end, her smile wavering, but then returning back to its full shine.
"Y—You're really alright with this?" Her sorry expression lightened a bit, but still stayed, as if she expected CJ to say "Nah, I was just kidding; you suck at this."
"More than alright." She stepped forward and through her front legs around Arcana's neck. "Thank you so much."
Arcana's cheeks tinted red as she returned the hug. They held it for a few seconds, then CJ broke off and jumped onto the bed, full of energy.
"Well, um… I'm assuming you want to get settled in, and it is getting pretty late, so…"
"What, not going to sleep over or something?"
Her cheeks became a brighter scarlet. "I wish I could, but I do have paperwork to do. Need to make sure that your aunt knows you made it safely."
"Fine, but you're not getting off that easy. Where do you live in town; maybe I can stop by and visit?"
"Just look for the giant tree in the center of town. It's impossible to miss it."
"Don't be a stranger!"
"Said the shady, hoodie-wearing emigrant." CJ stuck her tongue out through her grin, and Arcana could've sworn the room was brighter every time she smiled.
Arcana left and CJ found herself alone. With her company gone, she quickly realized just how quiet the area was, the air as dead as the wood the house was made out of. Her breath came out heavy and steady, the loudest thing in the area, stronger than the breeze rustling the trees of the forest. She felt completely alone and isolated; not the way she was used to, where she was surrounded by others but still felt like she was in her own world, but truly, fully alone, an absence that weighed even more than before now that she had a friend.
She looked at the bookcase to the left of the bed. On one of the top shelves lay a small picture frame, ornate wooden design resting comfortably against the smooth grain of the balsa case. Using her magic, she pulled it to her, her horn glowing green under her black hood. It felt nice against her hooves, the rough design of the frame corkscrewing over the rounded edges. She reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled out a small picture; it was smaller than the frame, but she figured it'd be better either way to have it in there rather than risk crumpling it in her pocket.
She rubbed her hoof lightly over the picture, which displayed a young version of her, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (literally), leaning over the gray-haired head of a black-furred stallion with a gray-lined muzzle bent in a smile and looking up at the child throwing her arms around the neck of a brilliant cyan mare with green hair who shared the child's smile, their cheeks squishing against each other and the mare's hoof pulling the stallion into the hug as well. She looked at the picture for a few minutes before finally slipping it loosely into the picture frame.
The bed was comfy, at least, if not a little hard on her back. She was used to the toughness of a bad mattress, though, and she didn't expect she'd be sleeping much anyway. She stared out of her "window" in the slanted roof to see out into the world, seeing the world change from a brilliant canvas of rainbow colors to a navy blue slate dotted with lights. There was no light pollution this far excluded from the town, and she took advantage of the stillness to gaze upon the sky. She wondered if there was anyone else out there who looked up at the night sky and was looking for the lucky star she could thank for amazing opportunity she'd been given.
Back at the castle, there had been no one she could talk to. The guards only thought of her as a princess, the tutors only thought of her as a pupil, the civilians only thought of her as royalty, and her aunt was just a crazy bitch. It was a weird feeling for her, knowing that, as she watched the stars shift through the sky until they started being chased away by the sun, she'd end this long day and begin the next one with someone new, some place new, some life new that she could live her own way as whoever she wanted to be, making new mistakes, new experiences, and new friends. It all felt like a dream, some fantasy she created to escape her old life, a fairy tale that swept her away like a knight in shining armor.
And she hoped she'd never wake up from this dream.