Spoiler: Dead Things
Pairing: hmmm... B/S?
Keywords: Angst, angst and ... angst.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS? Not mine. If they were, I'd give them a happy ending because they really deserve to have one.
A/N: Watching Dead Things left me hurting all over for our beloved heroes. And very depressed. This is what came out of it. Perhaps I really should limit my television diet to comedy series and happy Disney movies ...
Three Words
by Eve
She felt guilty.
Guilty for being with him.
Guilty for hurting him with her words.
Guilty for letting him to these things he did to her, for letting her do these things she did to him.
Guilty for having left him there in that alley after she had beaten his face into a bloody pulp making him look like when Glory tortured him.
Guilty for wanting him, for ...
'Stop it!'
She desperately tried to shake the feeling off, to stop her thoughts from returning over and over again to him.
Her eyes began to burn, tears threatened to spill over once again.
'Funny,' she thought. 'Didn't think there were any tears left in me.'
She took a deep breath to calm herself down. She couldn't allow herself to fall apart like this. Especially not now.
Feeling her cheeks for any dampness that might have caused her eyes to redden and finding none, she turned the faucet on and splashed a handful of cold water into her face. Drying it with a towel she avoided her reflection in the mirror on purpose, afraid of what she might find there.
She straightened up and a smile that didn't quite reached her eyes took it's established place.
'Time to face the music.'
She took the doorknob into her hand, turned the lock around and opened the door.
~~*~~
"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Buffy, happy birthday to you!"
Xander, Anya and Willow sat around the table and started singing cheerfully when Buffy entered the dining room. Dawn picked up the big pink birthday cake and carried it towards her sister. The candles on it were the only light in the room and Buffy stared at them mesmerised.
When the singing stopped and the clapping began, she shook her head to get out of her trance and tried to remind herself what they expected her to do next.
"Blow out the candles!" Dawn said over the cheering noise and when the cake was placed on the table in front of her Buffy took a deep breath, closed her eyes and blew the candles out. She opened her eyes only to find the room plunged in complete darkness before someone switched on the lights. She squinted, feeling her eyes water again.
"Did you make your wish? 'Cause I happen to know that it is very important to make a wish whilst blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. It's tradition." Anya beamed proudly and Xander added: "Yeah, what did our wish for, Buffster? A raise? A new car?"
"She isn't supposed to tell, honey or it won't come true."
Xander patted his finance's hand. "I know, dear."
"Then why did you ask her? Don't you want her wish to come true?"
"Ahn, you do realise that this whole wishing thing isn't ..."
Buffy easily let their voices fade into the background, once again lost in her own thoughts.
'Make a wish.'
And she did make a wish.
She wished for it all to go away, for everything to be different, to be right again. She wished her confused feelings away, the lump in her throat that seemed to manifest itself every time she thought about him. She wished for the clarity she had when she was in heaven, wished to be able to leave it all behind, to let go, to feel free again like she only did now when they made ...
"You have to cut the cake, Buffy." Willow smiled at her and handed her the knife.
"Don't we wait 'till the others are here?" Dawn asked.
Xander stopped talking to Anya. "Who?"
"Tara and Spike."
Buffy flinched at her words and Willow looked up, a smile filled with hope brighted her face.
"Tara's coming?"
"You didn't invite Deadboy Jr. to your birthday, did you Buffy?" Xander asked indignantly.
Before Buffy could utter a word, Dawn stepped forward and said: "No, I did. I invited them both. Tara's family and she should be here."
"I didn't say anything against Tara, but Sp..."
"And Spike belongs here too."
"You can't be serious!"
"Why not? He helped us while Buffy ... Buffy was gone and saved our lives - yours too, Xander - more than once. He belongs here with us." Dawn glared at Xander, daring him to contradict her.
He looked at Buffy for support.
"Buffy, can't you talk some sense into her? Inviting Spike to your birthday, that's insane!"
But instead of telling him that he was right like he expected her to she just looked at him and something in her eyes made him shiver involuntarily.
"I don't think he'll show," she finally said, feeling the fatigue once again settle deep within her bones. She felt completely exhausted only by being around her friends for ten minutes and just wanted to crawl into her bed and curl up around Mr. Gordo.
"What do you mean, Buffy? Why wouldn't he want to come to your birthday? When I asked him the day before yesterday he was all eager to and told me that not even Xander's presence here could stop him from coming."
All eyes were fixed on Buffy but she just stared town at the tablecloth and didn't know what to tell her sister.
She already said too much.
"What did you do?"
The anger and accusation in her sister's voice brought Buffy again a step closer to the edge and she felt the whole situation slowly slipping out of her grasping hands.
"I ..." she managed to get out before her voice failed her.
Hearing the defeated tone in her voice Dawn looked, really looked at her sister and noticed for the first time how utterly tired she looked. She took a step towards Buffy, her anger melted away only to be replaced by concern and asked gently:
"Hey, is something wrong?"
Buffy felt a fit of laughter bubble up in her throat and it was all she could do to push it down.
She wouldn't break down.
A second later the sound of the doorbell rang disrupted the uneasy silence.
"Perhaps that's Spike! I knew he'd come like he promised." Dawn smiled and ran towards the door.
Buffy didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved when she saw Tara walking into the house. But every trace of relief that might have been there disappeared when she saw the look in Tara's eyes.
"Hi, Tara!" Willow took a cautious step into her direction but Tara's concerned gaze didn't waver away from Buffy.
"Did you happen to see Spike on your way over here?" Dawn asked her and Tara shook slightly her head.
"Buffy, there is something I-I need to ... perhaps we could talk about this first a-alone."
"Why? What happened that we shouldn't hear about?" Anya questioned curiously.
"Buffy?"
Buffy felt waves of dread rolling through her body as she approached her friend. The only person who knew besides herself and him.
"What is it, Tara?"
She could see the sympathy, compassion and sadness in Tara's eyes and suddenly the Slayer knew for sure what Tara was going to say before the actual words left her mouth.
The three words she feared most of all.
The one thing she didn't seem to be able to do anything about. The one thing she seemed to be cursed to relive time and again. The one thing she was absolutely guilty of for causing it, for they always did it because of her.
But this time she didn't have to hear the words or speak them out herself because the darkness engulfed her before they could reach her consciousness and for once she welcomed the oblivion it brought with open arms.
"He is gone."
Pairing: hmmm... B/S?
Keywords: Angst, angst and ... angst.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS? Not mine. If they were, I'd give them a happy ending because they really deserve to have one.
A/N: Watching Dead Things left me hurting all over for our beloved heroes. And very depressed. This is what came out of it. Perhaps I really should limit my television diet to comedy series and happy Disney movies ...
Three Words
by Eve
She felt guilty.
Guilty for being with him.
Guilty for hurting him with her words.
Guilty for letting him to these things he did to her, for letting her do these things she did to him.
Guilty for having left him there in that alley after she had beaten his face into a bloody pulp making him look like when Glory tortured him.
Guilty for wanting him, for ...
'Stop it!'
She desperately tried to shake the feeling off, to stop her thoughts from returning over and over again to him.
Her eyes began to burn, tears threatened to spill over once again.
'Funny,' she thought. 'Didn't think there were any tears left in me.'
She took a deep breath to calm herself down. She couldn't allow herself to fall apart like this. Especially not now.
Feeling her cheeks for any dampness that might have caused her eyes to redden and finding none, she turned the faucet on and splashed a handful of cold water into her face. Drying it with a towel she avoided her reflection in the mirror on purpose, afraid of what she might find there.
She straightened up and a smile that didn't quite reached her eyes took it's established place.
'Time to face the music.'
She took the doorknob into her hand, turned the lock around and opened the door.
~~*~~
"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Buffy, happy birthday to you!"
Xander, Anya and Willow sat around the table and started singing cheerfully when Buffy entered the dining room. Dawn picked up the big pink birthday cake and carried it towards her sister. The candles on it were the only light in the room and Buffy stared at them mesmerised.
When the singing stopped and the clapping began, she shook her head to get out of her trance and tried to remind herself what they expected her to do next.
"Blow out the candles!" Dawn said over the cheering noise and when the cake was placed on the table in front of her Buffy took a deep breath, closed her eyes and blew the candles out. She opened her eyes only to find the room plunged in complete darkness before someone switched on the lights. She squinted, feeling her eyes water again.
"Did you make your wish? 'Cause I happen to know that it is very important to make a wish whilst blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. It's tradition." Anya beamed proudly and Xander added: "Yeah, what did our wish for, Buffster? A raise? A new car?"
"She isn't supposed to tell, honey or it won't come true."
Xander patted his finance's hand. "I know, dear."
"Then why did you ask her? Don't you want her wish to come true?"
"Ahn, you do realise that this whole wishing thing isn't ..."
Buffy easily let their voices fade into the background, once again lost in her own thoughts.
'Make a wish.'
And she did make a wish.
She wished for it all to go away, for everything to be different, to be right again. She wished her confused feelings away, the lump in her throat that seemed to manifest itself every time she thought about him. She wished for the clarity she had when she was in heaven, wished to be able to leave it all behind, to let go, to feel free again like she only did now when they made ...
"You have to cut the cake, Buffy." Willow smiled at her and handed her the knife.
"Don't we wait 'till the others are here?" Dawn asked.
Xander stopped talking to Anya. "Who?"
"Tara and Spike."
Buffy flinched at her words and Willow looked up, a smile filled with hope brighted her face.
"Tara's coming?"
"You didn't invite Deadboy Jr. to your birthday, did you Buffy?" Xander asked indignantly.
Before Buffy could utter a word, Dawn stepped forward and said: "No, I did. I invited them both. Tara's family and she should be here."
"I didn't say anything against Tara, but Sp..."
"And Spike belongs here too."
"You can't be serious!"
"Why not? He helped us while Buffy ... Buffy was gone and saved our lives - yours too, Xander - more than once. He belongs here with us." Dawn glared at Xander, daring him to contradict her.
He looked at Buffy for support.
"Buffy, can't you talk some sense into her? Inviting Spike to your birthday, that's insane!"
But instead of telling him that he was right like he expected her to she just looked at him and something in her eyes made him shiver involuntarily.
"I don't think he'll show," she finally said, feeling the fatigue once again settle deep within her bones. She felt completely exhausted only by being around her friends for ten minutes and just wanted to crawl into her bed and curl up around Mr. Gordo.
"What do you mean, Buffy? Why wouldn't he want to come to your birthday? When I asked him the day before yesterday he was all eager to and told me that not even Xander's presence here could stop him from coming."
All eyes were fixed on Buffy but she just stared town at the tablecloth and didn't know what to tell her sister.
She already said too much.
"What did you do?"
The anger and accusation in her sister's voice brought Buffy again a step closer to the edge and she felt the whole situation slowly slipping out of her grasping hands.
"I ..." she managed to get out before her voice failed her.
Hearing the defeated tone in her voice Dawn looked, really looked at her sister and noticed for the first time how utterly tired she looked. She took a step towards Buffy, her anger melted away only to be replaced by concern and asked gently:
"Hey, is something wrong?"
Buffy felt a fit of laughter bubble up in her throat and it was all she could do to push it down.
She wouldn't break down.
A second later the sound of the doorbell rang disrupted the uneasy silence.
"Perhaps that's Spike! I knew he'd come like he promised." Dawn smiled and ran towards the door.
Buffy didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved when she saw Tara walking into the house. But every trace of relief that might have been there disappeared when she saw the look in Tara's eyes.
"Hi, Tara!" Willow took a cautious step into her direction but Tara's concerned gaze didn't waver away from Buffy.
"Did you happen to see Spike on your way over here?" Dawn asked her and Tara shook slightly her head.
"Buffy, there is something I-I need to ... perhaps we could talk about this first a-alone."
"Why? What happened that we shouldn't hear about?" Anya questioned curiously.
"Buffy?"
Buffy felt waves of dread rolling through her body as she approached her friend. The only person who knew besides herself and him.
"What is it, Tara?"
She could see the sympathy, compassion and sadness in Tara's eyes and suddenly the Slayer knew for sure what Tara was going to say before the actual words left her mouth.
The three words she feared most of all.
The one thing she didn't seem to be able to do anything about. The one thing she seemed to be cursed to relive time and again. The one thing she was absolutely guilty of for causing it, for they always did it because of her.
But this time she didn't have to hear the words or speak them out herself because the darkness engulfed her before they could reach her consciousness and for once she welcomed the oblivion it brought with open arms.
"He is gone."