It may not have seemed like it, but Quinn Fabray wasn't just some traditional girl you found on the street. She was so much more than what people made her out to be. Hell, she was more tortuous and extraordinary than she even perceived. Sure, she acted like the ice queen, ordering her peers to do anything her heart desired. But it was all a mask; a mask that hid her true feelings for those around her, that made her seem so greedy and heartless. No one would get to her, physically or, more importantly, mentally. She wouldn't allow anyone to even be remotely close to her, even if they assumed they were.
Nobody knew the real her. And they never would.
After all, she had built a barrier during her childhood and teenage years, psychologically isolating herself from her supposed friends. She didn't know how to handle herself around them. How was she supposed to act? To feel? What to say? She vowed to herself to not give into the peer pressure... and she didn't, she just found ways to blend into the crowd, so her fellow classmates wouldn't bother her. Who knew what she felt anymore? If they only knew what had happened long before.
Her parents divorced when she was eight. She was donned in her Halloween costume, even if it was April, spinning around in circles so her pink, sparkly Sleeping Beauty dress would flow around her. It was in the during the middle of The Little Mermaid when she heard glass shatter in their kitchen. Her parents were fighting again, this time over the fact that her father had cheated on her mom with his secretary Judy... on her thirty-fifth birthday a few weeks ago. Quinn had already known that he did, she walked in on them while they were in the moment. Of course, she didn't realize what they were doing at the time, but it still hurt knowing it wasn't her mom, and to have the image still imprinted in her brain disgusted her.
It kind of shocked her when she heard her mom shout and storm out of the house, her dad following soon after, pleading her to come back. They had fought before, but nothing was as extreme as this. Curious to what was going on, she ran to the open door frame and saw her father sitting on the porch steps, crying his eyes out. She had never seen him like this before, so vulnerable and weak. Tears filled her eyes, knowing full well that her mother wasn't coming back. Weeks went by, and her father wouldn't forgive himself, she doubted he ever would. She remembered that she spoke to her mom only once after their divorce, wondering if she would ever forgive her dad. The only thing her mother said was that she'd never let her herself forget, that she could never accept his apology, that he broke his own heart. And it was barely a week later when they got a phone call from the police, telling them that there had been a big car accident.
The funeral was short, but Quinn had never felt so alone in her life. So heartbroken. So empty. Was this how love ended? She didn't want this to happen to her, which is what made her begin to shun almost everyone in her life. She swore to herself that she wouldn't love, to be lonely, so that she would not have to deal with this in her future. Forget trying to be like one of the Disney princesses, it was a big waste, one big fairytale. Who needed princes?
No one at her school had known what was going on with her personal life. They didn't even hear about the car accident, all except for one boy. The boy in the wheelchair. She barely paid attention to him until now, maybe because of the fact that he just recently got confined to the wheelchair. He was in the same accident as her mom and she felt her heart break even more. She felt like his paralysis was her fault and she locked herself in the girls' bathroom, crying for the first time since her parents divorce... since her mothers' death.
Controlling herself, she finally left the bathroom and returned to her class, sitting across from Artie again. Their eyes locked and Quinn frowned, but despite how horrible she felt, a sense peace washed over her as he sent unspoken words of understanding to her. She didn't know how he could possibly forgive anyone after what had happened to him, but over the years, she learned that he found the good in everyone and found it easy to forgive people if they weren't lying to him. It was just the way he worked, and she admired him for that. She was surprised at how easily they had become friends over their elementary school years, and how he, of all people, would be the one that she would allow herself to get close to.
He helped her through everything. The willingness to comfort her while she accepted her mothers' death, getting her through her fathers' remarriage to Judy.
At one point, she considered breaking her rule of love for him, but then they moved on to middle school and they drew apart. Besides, it was ridiculous for a girl like her to be with a guy like him.
Then she met Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman.
She got accepted into the popular crowd while he got stuck with the freaks and geeks, and it was instantly expected that she should go out with either of the two. Finn seemed like the nicer guy, so she decided that he would be a better choice for a boyfriend. But she'd never fall in love with him though, or even like him, it went completely against her rules. And thus, the mask began to form, that is, up until she reached her sophomore year in high school.
Her and Finn were no more, right when she started feeling something for him. Pregnant with Puck's baby, she couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself; she had lied to her somewhat close friends in Glee club and Finn. But she couldn't believe that Puck would have to go so far as this just so he could be with her. She knew he liked her since he laid eyes on her the first time they met in seventh grade, but getting her pregnant? She guessed she was partly to blame though, she allowed him to do this to her. But she had been having one of those moments back when she was eight and she immediately wished Artie was there to comfort her instead of Puck.
What had happened to him anyway?
She missed him more than she thought she would.
And that scared her.
But the heartache she felt overpowered her fear and she wondered what she had gotten herself into. What would have happened if she hadn't gotten accepted into the popular crowd? Would she still have been close to Artie? Even after they both joined Glee, they still didn't cross paths as much. Sure, they spoke a little more than they have in the past four years, but it wasn't anything special. Or at least, to her it wasn't, she thought. But it was a step, right? Then she heard that he gave Tina another chance, and the two were together, flaunting their new found relationship. Her heart clenched each time she saw the two together but it also made her think about giving Puck a chance.
If Artie did, then why couldn't she? Trying something new wouldn't hurt, right?
To say the least, that was the worst decision she made in her entire life. Puck made her feel terrible about herself. Constantly degrading and blaming her for everything, it made her wonder why she even bothered trying. She wished she could just make everything disappear, or maybe just return to how things were back when she was in elementary school. Things were much better back then. So she began to distance herself from him, sitting far away from him during Glee, finding another ride back to his place, anything that avoided contact with him.
She continued this until her baby was born, and she knew it was the end to whatever they had when he didn't show up at the hospital to coax her through the birth. In fact, the only people that showed up were Tina and Artie, which only proved how many actually cared for her. She appreciated that Artie came along, since he had always been there for her during her troubling times, but she didn't really want Tina around. Something about being around her made her feel uncomfortable.
Artie seemed to sense this and he easily told Tina to go home, that he would call her later, that he would make up their four month anniversary the next day. Quinn felt bad. She had ruined a special day for them, as much as she despised Tina, she didn't want to be a home-wrecker. But all through the night, Artie seemed content, like nothing bothered him. And he wheeled himself next to her hospital bed, giving her a light smile. She gratefully returned the smile and he held her hand, asking if she was alright. She didn't know why, but having her hand in his... it felt right, and that scared her even more. She immediately shook the thought away and instead asked, faintly, if he was happy.
He stared at her for a long time and eventually answered with a simple 'I don't know'.
Quinn gave up her baby, and she thought that life would get better, but it pretty much stayed the same over the next two years. She moved back in with her dad and Judy, remained in Glee club, and basically got kicked out of the popular crowd. The zest of her high school life was officially over and she decided it was about time to face reality. Maybe being lonely was a good idea; no more pain and heartbreak, it was a waste of time.
Graduation passed and the summer was almost over. All relationships held in the Glee club had all fallen apart, including Tina and Artie, Finn and Rachel, and etcetera. After years of observing them, she knew for sure that love didn't exist. If it didn't work out for others, herself, and her parents, it wasn't even worth the risk of even trying.
The doorbell rang and she curiously, hesitantly, answered the door. It was Artie, dressed in jeans and a casual shirt. He had changed so much over the past few years, gradually ditching the sweaters and pleated pants for something more "his age". She honestly didn't want him to change, but she had to accept that he could do whatever he wanted and not to argue with him about it, he always won anyway.
He was there to say goodbye.
To everyone in the club.
And she was his last stop.
Her heart tore in two. She had no idea he was leaving so soon, or even at all. And it was very quiet, but she asked him to stay the night, which he kindly accepted, and they talked for hours on end. She realized how easy it was for her to communicate with him, despite the fact that they hadn't an everlasting conversation like this in years. He deliberately fell asleep on her couch and she watched him, amazed at how peaceful he looked before reaching out and touching his hair, brushing it to the side. Exhausted from an eventful day, she laid herself down next to him and relaxed. It felt right.
As she lay next to Artie, she couldn't help but feel the butterflies build up in her stomach, the electricity she felt when his fingertips touched her skin when he hesitantly wrapped an arm around her middle, his soft breath that gently moved her hair, tickling her skin. Why hadn't she felt this with anyone before? The emotion was overwhelming and she felt tears spring to her eyes. She let out a quiet sob, trying not to shake him too much to wake him. Biting her lip, she delicately placed a hand on his forearm and wiped her eyes with the other. Never, in her entire eighteen years, had she ever felt so at ease, so comfortable, so...
...at home.
She liked this feeling and she longed to feel more of this remarkable sensation, she could see herself getting used to this. But he was leaving in the morning, leaving for California. Her heart tightened in her chest as she was engulfed with sadness. Why did he have to choose to go to a college so far away from her? Loneliness wasn't much of an option anymore, at least, not after today.
That's when she realized, she had always loved him, whether it was just as a friend or more, she had loved him. So this is what love felt like? Tears welled in her eyes again and she buried her face deeper into the pillow. Ironic, wasn't it? Once she realized that she had somebody good, the said person was leaving the next day. She took in a deep breath and decided: No. She wasn't going to let this go. She'd allow herself to love him, not because she felt the need to, but because she wanted to. Anything to make it work, anything to keep him near her, anything to keep this feeling close at home.
She quickly blinked back her tears and moved closer to him, shutting her eyes and embracing the last few minutes she had with him.
With him.
The only boy she ever loved.
Since he was the only exception to her rules.
Review? This is my most favorite thing I wrote so far. It was inspired by The Only Exception by Paramore. I highly recommend that you listen to the song and I hoped you liked it. :)