Disclaimer: I don't own the Blacklist or any of it's characters. I just like to play in their playground from time to time.
This was a scenario he never envisioned in his wildest dreams. Him sitting here rocking his daughter to sleep was too wild even for him.
It all started with one night of feelings getting to both Lizzie and himself in his shipping container out at sea. Being on the ocean always made him happier than anything. It was only because of Jennifer that he gave up his dream of being the captain of a naval vessel. He didn't want to miss out on all of her milestones. That was the biggest mistake of his life. He ended up not only on land most of the time, he ended up missing the majority of her life.
Red had shared his long abandoned dream with Lizzie that night. He'd also admitted to her how he felt about her, but being Red he couched his feelings in a way that could be explained away if his feelings weren't shared. If only for that night she made it clear that she had feelings for him too. Whether it was love yet they didn't say. Their night together had been too short for him. He wanted nothing more than to stay in her arms forever. When his satellite phone rang early that morning telling him about the Verdiant break in, he almost didn't answer. Knowing now how necessary it was to follow up that lead to force the Director's hand, he was glad he answered.
Agnes had finally fallen asleep. She hadn't been fussy. It seemed like she wanted to lay there in his arms feeling the security that her father's arms provided. He hoped it was that feeling of security that ultimately lead to her falling asleep. This wasn't the first time he'd held Agnes, but it was the first time he did knowing that she was his daughter. He knew how she felt, not wanting this time with her to end.
This isn't an end, he told himself as he laid her down in her crib. Her crib in his hotel suite. He was going to find a permanent place for Lizzie and Agnes to live and this time she was going to accept it. It was no longer a place for just her, but a place for their daughter too.
As he turned away from the crib he saw Lizzie standing in the doorway with a wide smile on her face. Red had sent her off to shower after all the events that transpired in the past few days, not showering was not an option for any of them.
"I see you managed to charm her to sleep without my help," Lizzie told him. She knew they were both happy that Agnes was now safe with her again.
"I'm sure she was so tired she would have fallen asleep no matter who was rocking her. I have a confession though. I think I'm madly in love with your daughter," Red said with a little chuckle at the end.
"Don't sell yourself short. From what my father told me she gave her sitters fits by not being able to get her to sleep. Even then I think she knew you would come and rescue her. What grandfather would hold their own granddaughter as a hostage to get what he wanted? If he'd simply asked me to submit to the blood and bone marrow tests I probably would have done them willingly. But, when he only asked after holding her hostage I refused," Lizzie told him while gazing down into the crib at her sleeping baby.
Red motioned for Lizzie to leave and he followed her out of the bedroom. Once they were back in the suite's living room he headed towards the table that had a bottle and glasses set out.
"Would you like a drink? They only set out bourbon. I can call down for a bottle of wine if you'd prefer," he told her as he poured himself a glass with a hefty amount inside.
"I think I'd better stick to water. If I drank anything stronger I'd be knocked out. It's been months since I've had anything alcoholic. But, thanks to the circumstances I don't have to worry about staying alcohol free. I'm not able to breast feed anymore."
This was the closest to bringing up the events around Agnes's birth as they'd come. This conversation couldn't be put off any longer.
"I guess my first question should be, did you think Agnes was mine when you faked your death?," he asked taking a healthy swig from his glass.
It seems that she's not the only one who wanted to deal with everything that had up until now remained unspoken.
"No, I honestly didn't know who the father was and when I told you I was pregnant you made it clear that you didn't want to be the father," she answered him quietly.
Red was confused. Not that it was unusual for him to be that way when dealing with Lizzie. He didn't remember doing anything to give her that impression. Unless, unless it was when he said he assumed Tom was the father. Was that it?
"I don't remember doing anything other than saying I assumed Tom was the father. If you had told me that you thought I was the father I would have been the happiest man in the world," he answered tensely.
Now it was Lizzie's turn to be confused. Could this whole thing been avoided if only she'd admitted her feeling that Red was the father?
"We really need to work on our communication skills Red. When you said that about Tom I admit I took that to mean that you didn't want to be the father. I mean you started off by saying a baby would complicate matters. Hell, that was why I started considering adoption," she said just as angry now as she was then. "By the way, when I was with Tom we used protection, I didn't with you. Idiot Tom was so proud that his semen was so strong the condom couldn't stop them."
Red sat there with a surprised look. He gave a little twitch before taking another sip from his glass. If he had been in Tom's position his first thought would have been to find out who else she may have slept with, that was how he learned about her night with Tom before all hell broke loose when she shot Tom Connolly.
"I have to agree that Tom is an idiot, but not as much as the rest of us. It wasn't until the Major contacted me to see if I knew where Tom was that I learned an interesting fact about the pupils the Major's little school produced. All of them were sterilized as a part of the school's protocol. This measure was taken to make sure none of them ever had a child that would take their loyalty away from him," Red said watching her reactions.
To say she was shocked to hear this was an understatement. No wonder Tom supported the idea of her wanting to adopt instead of having their own biological child. Red could tell that she'd never known this about Tom either. The expressions flitting across her face made these thoughts obvious to him.
"You knew before you saw the results of the paternity test that Solomon ran that you were Agnes's father?"
"Yes, I knew. What I don't know is why Tom went along with the fiction that he was the father? Speaking as a man, a vasectomy is not something we would forget. I suspect he knew that if he pretended to be her father that would protect him from me. It did too. Right up to the moment I learned the truth from the Major. If Solomon and his men hadn't shown up when they did . . . I don't know what I would have done to him," he said with a distant look in his eyes.
It was obvious to Lizzie that Red was back at what was supposed to be her wedding day. At the time she had never been as angry with him as she was that day. It had seemed then that Red was determined to stop whatever chance at happiness that she had with what she thought could have been the father of her child. Now she was so grateful that her life was on the right track and not permanently linked with Tom. She had her beautiful little girl back in her arms and the father here with them both. It may not be the family she first envisioned, but fate sometimes pulls tricks like this on the road to your dreams.
"Do you remember what I started to say to you before Nick knocked me out?", she asked him as she moved closer to him on the sofa.
"Of course I do. For a very long time I thought those were the last words I would ever hear you say. You certainly got my attention when you called me Raymond. You'd never done that before, not even on the night Agnes was conceived," he answered in a lower rumble that normal. She could hear the emotions he was fighting to control in his voice.
"I want to finish my statement now so you'll know what I was trying to say to you," she paused briefly before reaching out to lay her hand over his hand that was resting on the couch at his side. "Raymond, I really do love you."
Lizzie squeezed his hand and without another word moved closer until she could rest her head on his shoulder. Just as she had in the van with him at the start of the adventure to clear her name.
Red had watched silently as she took up the same position as she had moments after they fled the murder of Tom Connolly. He would never want her to go through something like those weeks, but if the result was Lizzie here with him happily and their baby girl peacefully sleeping in the next room, he couldn't find it within himself to regret them.
Red moved the arm that she was leaning against and reached around her to pull her closer into his side. They still had a lot to discuss, but for the night he would sit and enjoy the night with what he hoped would become his family in every sense of the word. That was a conversation for another night.